Growing up, we didn’t talk much about money. My parents talked about the importance of saving and of the importance of tithing, but we didn’t really talk about my parents’ financial situation, or talk much about what other people made. Talking about money — sharing the numbers — was taboo.
It’s still fairly taboo to talk about money. Not too long ago, a survey came out that indicated that most Americans would rather talk about their weight than talk about their finances, and parents aren’t overly keen to address financial topics with their children.
A recent study from Fidelity, addressing women and money, discovered that many women are “uncomfortable” talking about money. Indeed, many women are more comfortable discussing intimate details with their doctors than they are with the idea that they might have to talk about money with a financial planner.
It’s Not Just Women, But It Seems Harder for Women to Talk About Money
Of course, it’s not just women that have a hard time talking about money. Talking finances is a taboo in our society in general. Some of the reasons that we might be reluctant to talk about money include:
- Worried that others will learn that we are doing something “wrong” with money.
- The idea that we should all be “equal” makes some people feel uncomfortable if their financial situation puts them in an “elite” financial category relative to their peers.
- For women, the idea that they might make more than their husbands can seem daunting — and embarrassing — because society still says it’s the “man’s job” to provide. (This can also be embarrassing for men.)
- Fidelity suggests that there is a confidence gap that makes men more likely to feel comfortable about their financial choices, and women’s lack of confidence might contribute to their reluctance to talk about money, even though many women already do a lot of things right when it comes to saving and investing.
Another thought I had about why it’s more difficult to talk about money than to talk about medical issues is that we already have an instinctive trust for doctors. We know that they are professionals, and we are in a private, safe setting with a health care professional. Meeting with a financial planner seems different. We don’t view them as professionals in the same way, and there isn’t that same level of trust that we feel with doctors.
I’d be interested to see whether or not men also feel that same level of discomfort talking about money. We know that many men don’t want to talk about money, either, but are they uncomfortable to the same degree? My guess is probably not, just because of the socialization differences between men and women, but I could be wrong.
Why You Should Talk About Money
As uncomfortable as it is to talk about money — whether you are male or female — it’s actually a good idea to talk about money.
If you are in a relationship, honesty about money, and making decisions together, are important parts of building a strong foundation. You can’t work toward the same goals if you aren’t on the same page. Additionally, if one partner knows all about the money, but the other doesn’t have a clue, that can be problematic down the road if something happens.
Talking with your children about money is also important. When you talk to your kids about money, you can help them learn valuable lessons, and get into the habit of examining their own money practices.
It also helps to talk to financial professionals about your situation — even when you’ve done something wrong. Actually, it can be an especially good idea to talk to a financial professional if you are in a tough spot. A financial professional can provide an outside view of your money situation, and help you come up with a plan for overcoming your financial mistakes. Talking with a professional outsider can provide you with tools that you wouldn’t have on your own.
While you don’t have to talk about the minutiae of your situation with strangers, or tell your kids all your deep, dark money secrets, it still makes sense to talk about money to some degree. Avoiding the subject altogether is likely to do more harm than good, and it could keep you in deep financial trouble for years to come.
Miranda
Miranda is freelance journalist. She specializes in topics related to money, especially personal finance, small business, and investing. You can read more of my writing at Planting Money Seeds.
FAQs
"It could be awkward" Uncomfortable, embarrassing, difficult, shameful, hard-to-navigate. Take a pick of which adjective would best describe how awkward the conversation about money might feel. Culturally, we don't tend to speak openly about money, so we're typically out of practice with it.
Why are we afraid to talk about money? ›
Our relationship with money often is shaped by personal experience and beliefs that were ingrained in us from a young age. Many of us were taught that money is a private matter that should not be discussed openly. Some may even consider it disrespectful to ask about someone's financial situation.
Why does talking about money make me uncomfortable? ›
Talking About Money is Taboo
The biggest reason why it's uncomfortable to talk about money is because doing so is a taboo, at least in American culture. What is a taboo? Basically a taboo is a social, cultural no-no. It's unacceptable to talk openly about money, which makes the topic a “taboo.”
Why don t people like to talk about how much money they make? ›
Money is one of the most taboo topics. There is so much emotion and self worth tied up in how much we make. And all of that plays into keeping us from talking about our salaries, sometimes even with those closest to us.
Why is it taboo to talk about money? ›
Many people were raised with the belief that discussing personal finances is a private matter and should be kept within the confines of one's household. Even in a close family setting, money can cause tension. The lack of financial education and literacy is another reason why money remains a taboo subject.
Why do I not like talking about money? ›
One of the primary reasons people are scared to talk about finances is because they don't want to be judged based on the "Jones" family! Discussing money matters can lead to comparisons in terms of income, savings, and spending habits, which can make some folks feel embarrassed or inadequate.
Why shouldn't we talk about money? ›
"It could offend someone" We get it, the last thing you want is to start chatting to someone about their finances and upset them in the process. They may be under huge amounts of financial pressure, causing them to feel stressed or low.
Why are people reluctant to talk about money? ›
Privacy, not wanting others to know how much or how little they have and feeling judged were top reasons people cited holding them back from talking about their money.
Why is it rude to talk about money? ›
Klontz went on to explain that fear of being judged is also one hangup holding people back from talking about money. “Either I'm worried you're not going to like me because I have too little, or you're going to judge me because I have more than you,” Klontz told Northwestern Mutual.
What is money dysmorphia? ›
Money dysmorphia is a negative or unrealistic perception of one's financial wellness. A financial therapist says millennials and Gen Zers are more prone to experiencing money dysmorphia. She said life transitions, self-comparison, and outdated ideas about money can fuel this perception.
Money is close to the heart, and for some, it is a trigger to their anger because it takes a lot of time and effort to get it. Maybe you're angry with yourself for going on a shopping binge or not saving enough money. Perhaps you get mad at yourself for being irresponsible.
Why are some people so secretive about money? ›
People keep money secrets for a variety of reasons. Some are nefarious, like hiding a gambling addiction or a spending problem. Others are more altruistic: surprising a spouse with an unexpected gift, for example, or ensuring the family has money for emergencies.
Why does nobody talk about money? ›
It's taboo: It's considered socially unacceptable to talk about money. If you're well-off, you'll be perceived as boastful. If you're broke, people will think you're begging. Nobody wants to hear either.
Why am I afraid to talk about money? ›
A fear of money can be caused by many things, including a lack of financial education, past financial trauma, and negative money messages you learned as a child.
Why is talking about money so hard? ›
To this day, attitudes and behaviour toward money still differ depending on race and class, combining to make the topic deeply personal. Money can represent uncomfortable emotions such as fear guilt, shame, and envy and these factors can contribute to why individuals avoid all sorts of communication about it.
Why do couples avoid talking about money? ›
Unfortunately, most couples by default tend to view their financial problems as perpetual, and therefore avoid talking about financial issues, Garbinsky said. Communication avoidance may also contribute to financial infidelity, where a partner will withhold or hide financial information from their partner.
Why is money so hard to talk about? ›
People often feel bad about how much money they have. So, not talking about it makes that feeling of badness go away. That's at the upper end. Meanwhile, among middle-class Americans, the piece says, the ban on talking about money is instead often brought on by financial precarity.
Why do I get anxious when I think about money? ›
Money can symbolize security, freedom, and the ability to meet our needs and desires. Anxiety about money frequently stems from the fear of not having enough to provide for these needs, the uncertainty of the future, or past experiences of financial instability, such as debt, job loss, or poverty.
