When someone is feeling down or going through a tough time it is important to take them seriously. Give the person space to explain what they are going through. Let them tell you how they feel.
Avoid rejecting the person's experiences and feelings. Try not to lessen how they feel. Do not try to change how they feel or their point of view.
Do not tell the person they're wrong
If someone is talking about their experiences and emotions, there are no wrongs. You may not experience the same situation in the same way.
Try to hold back from offering too much advice or your own experiences. Try and listen to their understanding and experience. Do not try to change their mind. The first step is to listen.
Do not try to solve their problem
It can be more important to know that someone else has heard you than to have someone suggest solutions.
Ask them if they know what they want to do next. It may help them to think about how they can help themselves.
Examples of what not to say:
"It's not that bad"
"Things will get better"
"How could you be so selfish?"
These reactions can result in the person feeling misunderstood and more isolated than ever.
Instead, listen to what they are going through.
Helpful things to say
Encourage them to talk by saying:
"Can you tell me more about what's going on?"
"If you want to tell me more, I'm here to listen"
"I've noticed you haven't been yourself, is there anything on your mind?"
"I can see this is hard for you to open up about. It's ok to take your time. I'm not in any rush"
Show them you sympathise by saying:
"It sounds like you're dealing with a lot at the moment"
"I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling like this right now"
"I'm really glad you're sharing this with me"
Focus on their feelings
Encourage the person to share how they felt emotionally about what is upsetting them. Asking the person will not upset them more but may allow the emotions they've been holding in to be released. Voicing painful feelings can help to reduce emotional distress.
Active listening
Use your body language to show the other person your attention is fully on them. Try to face them and not get distracted by other things such as your mobile phone or the TV.
- "I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Please know that I'm here for you, and you can talk to me whenever you need to." - "I can't imagine how tough this must be for you, but I want you to know that I care about you, and I'm here to support you."
- "I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Please know that I'm here for you, and you can talk to me whenever you need to." - "I can't imagine how tough this must be for you, but I want you to know that I care about you, and I'm here to support you."
Encourage the person to share how they felt emotionally about what is upsetting them. Asking the person will not upset them more but may allow the emotions they've been holding in to be released. Voicing painful feelings can help to reduce emotional distress.
“I know what you're going through is hard, but I'm rooting for you every minute of every day.” “Even when you might not feel it, you've got the strength to get through.” “I can't imagine how you feel. But I can listen when you need to talk.”
“Thinking of you and wishing you moments of peace and comfort.” “I hope you know I'm here for you during this time of sorrow.” “Please accept my warmest condolences. I'm truly sorry for your loss.”
It's okay to be disappointed in yourself right now. ...
I know how hard you worked, and it's disappointing not to get the results you hoped for this time around, but I believe in your strength and resilience to keep pushing forward.
Or you could say “I'm so sorry for your loss, thinking of you during this time and sending you a big hug.Here for you, always”. "I'm thinking of you during this difficult time." Or "I'm thinking of you during this difficult time, please know I'm here for you.
“We are thinking of you during these difficult times.” “May my condolences bring you comfort and may my prayers ease the pain of this loss.” “We pray the love for the lost is forever carried in your memory.” “Words can't express how saddened we are to hear of your loss.”
The first step to being okay is talking about how you feel, and your friend is going to need someone to listen when they're ready to open up. You don't need to try to fix their problems, just let them know that you care and that their feelings are important, heard and valid.
Introduction: My name is Dean Jakubowski Ret, I am a enthusiastic, friendly, homely, handsome, zealous, brainy, elegant person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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