It doesn’t matter how long or briefly a relationship may have lasted—meeting a person and learning about their likes, dislikes, and annoying little quirks often makes it hard to let go completely. So, the idea of getting back with an ex is a pretty normal thought for most people. Knowing when and how to get back with your ex isn't always so easy.
You might need to start by considering how the relationship ended in the first place. You might have been the one who decided to bring an end to your relationship. Or may it was your partner's "we need to talk" text got the ball rolling for a breakup. In some cases, a breakup may have only been temporary.
At a Glance
If the reasons for getting back with an ex often appear to outweigh whatever grounds led to a separation in the first place, it might be worth revisiting a new relationship with an old flame. Keep reading to know when it might be a good idea to get back together and learn more about how to get back with your ex.
When to Get Back With an Ex
Beyond the fluttering butterflies in your stomach, how strongly you miss them after returning from a long day at work, or how amazing the sex was—there are stronger motivations to consider before deciding to pursue a former flame.
Before considering how to get back with your ex, you must be 100% certain that you’re doing so for all the right reasons.
Healthy Reasons for Wanting to Get an Ex Back
You may want to consider getting an ex back if:
- The relationship is fixable
- All parties have changed for the better
- You can rebuild trust
- You're willing to work to get back together
The Relationship Is Fixable
Sometimes, there’s nothing like time apart to allow for a fresh look into a relationship. Taking a break and getting away from your partner can offer a chance to look at things more objectively. You might be asking yourself questions like:
- Were we too hasty to call things off?
- Would things have turned out differently if we had honest conversations?
- Why did we throw things away when there was still so much love left in the relationship?
Realizing that patience, hard work, and some hard-to-let-go feelings can restore your relationship is often a good sign to try again with a former partner.
Both of You Have Changed for the Better
Despite the hurt left over from ending things with a partner, the fact remains that breakups tend to happen for well-founded reasons.
While infidelity and a loss of interest are commonly to blame for ending things—sometimes, a clash of personalities could be responsible for the end of a relationship.
Being with a partner that is always unwilling to compromise, or one who has trouble opening up or showing affection may, among many other things, cause considerable friction within the relationship and could lead to a breakup.
In situations like this, there is sometimes a chance for love to remain regardless. After enough time has passed and multiple signs are available to show positive growth within the partners, giving the relationship another shot may be wise.
- Maybe your former flame is more comfortable being upfront about their emotions
- Maybe they're more responsible
- Maybe they finally understand your needs and are willing and able to meet them
- Maybe you've done internal healing, and certain factors, or even childhood wounds, are no longer holding you back
If you feel you and your partner have grown and made positive changes, you might consider revisiting the relationship.
Trust Can Be Rebuilt in the Relationship
Because trust is the foundation of most healthy relationships, having it broken by cheating, or persistent lies. It can be hard to continue with a partner that has hurt you deeply.
However, in cases where there is genuine remorse for the breach of trust and openings are available with your partner to have honest conversations about why the breach happened, there may be a chance to rekindle the relationship. This is, of course, following an agreement to be open and honest in the future.
Rebuilding trust can be incredibly difficult, but it is possible if you're willing to do the work. Couples therapy might help you and your partner achieve a sense of newfound trust.
The Positive Impact of Couples Therapy Is Nearly Universal, Verywell Mind Survey Finds
You’re Both Willing to Work to Get Back Together
A relationship requires more than one person's participation. This is why even though you may be willing and excited at the chance to continue a relationship with an ex, they must be on the same page.
Once you and your former partner are OK with giving life together another shot, you can follow the necessary steps to get the relationship back on track.
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Tips for How to Get Back With Your Ex
When you've decided to get back with an ex, the last thing you want to do is make the same mistakes that led to the end of the relationship the first time around.
To avoid this, a deliberate effort must be made to rekindle the love and feelings once shared. Here are some careful steps to get back with your ex.
Steps for Getting Back With an Ex
If you're ready to try and get your ex back, here are some tips on doing so:
- Take your time before reaching out
- Think about what could have happened differently
- Reach out to your ex
- Discuss getting back together
- Have a trial period
- Ease back into the relationship
Take Your Time Before Reaching Out
When you're itching to resume life with an ex, one of the last things you'll want to hear is any advice suggesting a little space before taking the plunge to reach out.
What you should know, however, is that anyone that gives you this guidance is looking out for your best interest. Taking some time can help you look deep within for what you want from the relationship and can help with examining what love languages you can speak better with your partner.
It'll also give you the distance necessary to consider any changes required to get back into healthy form with your ex.
Why This Is Helpful
Giving your partner a little space might also allow them to miss you, allowing them to recognize how preferable it is for you to be in their life.
Think About What Could Have Happened Differently
While taking time apart from your ex, you should dedicate some time to review the relationship, especially noting things that could have been handled better or differently.
Use this time to have honest conversations about where you may have contributed to the end of your relationship. It's also a good time to look deeply into what worked and what didn't with your partner.
Why This Is Helpful
Taking the time to think about what went wrong in the relationship can help you determine whether the relationship is salvageable.
Try writing down a list of all of the things that went right and what went wrong in your relationship. By laying out all of the positives and negatives of your past relationship, you'll get a clearer picture of how to move forward.
If a second go remains appealing after considering things carefully, you can proceed with your efforts to reach out.
Reach Out to Your Ex to Talk About the Relationship
After taking a closer look and accepting responsibility for the role you may have had in ending your relationship—it's time to take the step of reaching out!
This is the time when you'll want to use the newfound clarity to speak honestly to your former partner.
Call them and ask if they'd be open to speaking honestly about your relationship. If they're open to it, share your new insights about what caused the breakup and get their feedback to see if they share the same sentiments.
Listen to any alternate suggestions they might have, but always make sure you're on the same page, or at least at a reasonable compromise when it comes to serious matters that caused difficulties in the relationship.
Now is not the time to consider who was right or wrong, but rather, it's a time to review what could have been done differently for a happier outcome. You can also lighten the mood and discuss happier times in your relationship.
Why This Is Helpful
From your conversation, you should get a sense of where they stand when it comes to getting back together. If they seem interested in reconnecting, you'll get the green light to move things along.
If they don't seem interested or have already moved and are with someone new, you'll know that it's not possible to rekindle a relationship with them at this time. It's better to know this information sooner rather than later so that you don't waste your time.
Bring Up the Possibility of Getting Back Together
After discussing the past with your former partner, you can then bring up the possibility of a future with them.
How you go about this can be entirely up to you and how you interpret their response. However, it may be advisable to have a few conversations where you catch up and speak only as friends before bringing up any discussions that may lead to giving your relationship another chance.
Why This Is Helpful
Your ex must know why you've decided to reconnect with them. So you should make your intentions clear at this stage and see if they want to get back together with you too.
Have a Trial Period
When it comes to getting back with your ex, taking things slow is usually the name of the game. You can use a trial period to understand what it feels like to be together again. You can make your trial period last as long as you'd like. When you both feel ready to take the next step, then you can discuss your next move together.
Why This Is Helpful
A trial period will give you and your ex time to get back into the routine of things. During this time, you'll start to see how each of you has changed since you were last together.
Things to keep an eye on include:
- Watch how little arguments are resolved in this new phase
- Examine how easily the changes you agreed on are implemented
- Take the time to confirm that this isn’t merely a hasty, passionate decision
- Consider what emotional and physical intimacy feel like this time around
- Make sure that you're not bringing up the past and if you do, think about how you navigate these conversations
During this trial period, it may be best to keep the status of your relationship private. This means taking things slowly by telling your friends and family you’re back together or posting about it on social media.
Ease Back Into the Relationship
After introspection, joint discussions, and a trial run, it may be time to ease back into the full, public swing of things. At this point, you might be ready to officially define your relationship to whatever feels accurate!
Remaining respectful of your partner's feelings, agreeing to handle disagreements with love, and reaching healthy compromises to maintain the relationship should feature prominently in the second chapter of your relationship.
Why This Is Helpful
Taking your time and moving slowly is likely to work in your favor. There's no reason to rush reaching big milestones like an engagement. Now is the time to relax and continue getting to know your partner again in a new light. You'll also have the time to appreciate each other and reflect on how far you've come.
Takeaways
The end of a relationship can be very painful, especially when there's still a lot of love and mutual appreciation between former partners. The good news is, when the door of a relationship is shut, the right set of circ*mstances can pry it open for another chance with your former partner. Taking the time to evaluate, speaking honestly with your ex, and piecing apart what didn't work can help get your relationship back on track.
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