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Regardless of how you ended your relationship, there are some questions you secretly wish you could ask your ex. If you feel this way, you will find closure in this article.
Relationships end all the time, so it’s no big deal. However, many emotionally conscious people are beginning to do some thorough self-reflection. While some consider it closure, others regard it as a post-breakup reawakening. Sometimes, you may seek questions to ask an ex who wants you back.
Psychologist Mert Şeker suggests,
Post-breakup curiosity and the search for closure often lead individuals to ask their ex “why” questions. This desire stems from wanting to understand the reasons behind the relationship’s end, to gain self-insight, or to contemplate reconciliation. Such inquiries can offer a chance to reflect on past actions and inform better choices in future relationships.
You are in the right place if you feel like gaining some clarity about your last relationship or why it ended. To help you out, we’ve curated a list of 35 questions you secretly wish to ask your ex or good questions to ask your ex for closure. Keep reading to learn more.
35 questions you secretly wish you could ask your ex
Going through a breakup can be challenging for many people. In some cases, it leaves you with many unanswered questions. Although it’s unhealthy and not advisable to reach out to your ex for closure, sometimes you can’t help but think about them.
For example, you may wonder what they’re thinking and feeling. Also, you may ask why things ended the way they did. Fortunately, you don’t have to do any of those things. Below are some questions you secretly wish to ask your ex to start a conversation.
Good questions to ask your ex
Asking the right questions can help provide you with the answers that you are looking for and that will give you some closure.
- Why did you break up with me, or why did I break up with you?
- When did things start turning south between us?
- What is the one thing that we could’ve done differently?
- Did you, at any point, ever really love me?
- Did you cheat on me at any point in our relationship? If so, why?
- Did you leave me for someone else?
- Do you miss me at all?
- What if we had been patient with each other before we ended the relationship?
- Do you regret ending things?
- Was our breakup just lousy timing?
Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Ignoring Your Ex Is PowerfulQuestions to ask an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for closure
The questions that you ask your ex can provide you with the closure that you may have been seeking since the end of your relationship.
- Did you think we were going to last forever?
- Do you still have feelings for me?
- Did I ever do anything to hurt your feelings?
- Did you feel like I was holding you back?
- Did you ever consider that we could get back together?
- What did your friends and family think of our relationship?
- Could we have worked through our issues?
- Did you feel like I wasn’t supportive enough?
- Was there something specific that made you fall out of love with me?
- Did you ever lie to me?
Deep questions to ask your ex
Asking questions is a good way of getting clarity about things that may have happened in the past.
- Did we have different goals for our future?
- Frankly, why did you fall out of love with me?
- Why did you think I stopped loving you?
- Did you ever feel like you settled for me?
- Was I too clingy?
- Did you ever feel like you were settling for me?
- Was there someone else you were interested in when we were together?
- Did you feel like we were too different?
- Did you ever see a long-term future with me?
- Did you feel like I didn’t give you enough space?
Related Reading: 20 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Waiting for YouQuestions to ask your ex to start a conversation
Sometimes questions are a way to start talking to someone again, with whom you may have parted on a sour note.
Psychologist Şeker emphasizes the importance of a respectful approach when contacting an ex-lover, noting that
Asking appropriate questions is crucial. The right questions can guide the conversation positively, aid in understanding the past relationship, and respect both parties’ feelings and boundaries. This approach facilitates a healthy dialogue, helping both individuals reconcile with their past.
- Did you ever feel like you couldn’t be yourself around me?
- What’s your plan for the future?
- Was there something I did that made you lose respect for me?
- Did you feel like I was too controlling?
- Do you think we could ever be friends again?
Sometimes, having a list of questions to ask your ex can help you move on from the relationship.
However, it’s important to remember that not all ex-spouses can answer these questions honestly. That means getting the answers to things to ask your ex you’re looking for may not necessarily bring you the peace you hope for.
If you decide to reach out to your ex, be willing to accept their answers, even if they don’t appear honest and open-minded. In addition, it’s crucial to consider whether reaching out will be healthy for you and your mental well-being.
Psychologist Şeker notes that,
Contacting an ex-lover may stir complex emotions and revive past memories, potentially reopening emotional wounds. However, with proper boundaries and effective communication, such interactions can facilitate emotional healing and closure. It’s crucial to seek support to safeguard one’s well-being and uphold personal boundaries.
In conclusion, these questions to ask an ex can help you heal from the hurt in your relationship. Nonetheless, it’s best to approach the situation with a clear head and an understanding.
What to avoid when speaking to your ex
While you are writing a list of things to ask your ex, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with caution and avoid certain things that can hinder your ability to move on or infuriate your ex. Here are some things to avoid when speaking to an ex to find closure:
1. Avoid blaming your ex
When you meet your ex, It’s easy to blame them for everything that went wrong in the relationship while failing to take responsibility for yourself.
However, this method will not get you anywhere near closure. Instead, have a reflecting and rational conversation and avoid accusing your ex. Nothing you do now will change the fact that you are no longer together.
2. Don’t bring up past arguments
Rehashing your past issues has little effect on your present situation. Instead, focus on the present and the future. Find a middle ground, forgive each other, and discuss how you can move on and let go of the past.
Can exes be friends? Learn more in this short video:
3. Avoid talking about a new partner
If your ex or you have moved on and started dating someone else, discussing your new partner with your ex is not wise. This will create nothing but jealousy and resentment toward each other.
How should I reach out to an ex?
Reaching out to your ex after a breakup is one of the most challenging decisions for anyone. Nevertheless, you can do it. You can start by sending your ex a text message, telling them you must talk to them.
In your message, mention that you don’t mean to cause any inconvenience or make them feel comfortable. Then, consider your motive for seeing them and choose the right place. Be respectful in your approach and keep it short. Finally, respect their response and final decision.
Final thoughts
Undoubtedly, a breakup hurts. While many people find closure as soon as possible and move on, others find it challenging. Therefore, they often seek a way out. One way to find resolutions is to ask yourself some questions.
In this article, we have listed 35 questions you secretly wish to ask your ex. Besides these questions to ask your ex for closure, you should consider going for couples counseling. Whichever decision you take, it’s best not to set your hopes high to avoid disappointment.
