- Sharing your location with a partner is a personal choice. Every relationship has different needs.
- One psychologist says it's helpful to look at location sharing as part of a "solution to a problem."
- Keep your own mental health, attachment, experiences with trauma and relationship historyin mind.
Sharing your location with your partner may seem like a no-brainer decision. But it's important to give it some thought.
Some feel safer sharing their location with their partners. Others avoid the practice because it can feel controlling. Experts say every choice is valid, andstress it's important to keep your own mental healthas well as your attachment and experiences with traumain mind when making the best decision for you.
Sharingyour location like we do today – whether it'sviaBitmojis on Snap Map or using your iPhone's growing number of tracking features– is a relatively new phenomenon.
Licensed clinical psychologist Yasmine Saadstresses thatyoung people are especiallyaffectedin ourincreasingly digital world – estimating that the issue of location sharing in relationships comes up for about 80% to90% of people in their teens, 20s and 30s at her practice, for example.
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USA TODAY spoke with Saad,founder and CEO of Madison Park Psychological Services in New York,about why couples turn to (or avoid) location sharing today, common miscommunications and what to consider when making the best decision for you.
Sharing your location should be solution-focused
It's helpful to think of sharing your location with your partner "as a solution to a problem,"Saad says. This mindset allows you to best identify what the purpose of location sharing is foryour relationship – and whether it's working downthe line.
The first step is asking, "What is the problem?" The answer can be found in how you, your partner and/or your relationship functions.
Many couples have experienced cheating, for example. And for some, location sharing is one step used to rebuild a relationship's trust.
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But location sharing can be harmful in other situations. Someone who already experiences a lot of anxiety may decide that constantly checking their partner's location contributesto their fears in an unhealthy way. Others may prefer not to share their location with a partner out of wanting to protect their sense of freedom.
If you and your partner choose to location share, it's important that the practice "be part of a 'package solution,' it should not be the only solution," Saad says.
Look inward first and communicate
Sharing your location with someone should always be your choice.
Ifa partner asks you to location share, it's important to "start with you," Saad says. Lookinward and decidewhetherthe practice aligns with your own values and needs. You should then identify your partner's needs – and what sacrifices, if any, you are willing to make as part of a solution to the problem.
"It's a bigger question because this taps into a dynamic of control – this taps into a dynamic of having someone know a lot about you," Saad says."For some people, it's really no big deal ... There's no control, and it's actually transparency and clarity. For others, it would feel like somebody's asking for control,and (that)will be interpreted based on who you are."
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Acknowledging where you stand first will help you and your partner in these conversations – whether youdecideto share your locationor searchfor other solutions. This communication is also key in understandingboundaries that must be respected for a relationship's survival.
"The violation of our boundaries can also be a deal breaker,"Sara Kuburic, a therapist and relationship columnist for USA TODAY, writes. "If we have not clearly set our boundaries, getting angry at someone for crossing them is unfair. But, if we have set clear relationship boundaries, their violation can be perceived as an act of disrespect and disregard for who we are and the relationship itself."
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Miscommunications and trust
Even though location sharing can successfully be used as part of a solution to a problem, Saad notes that she also sees many miscommunications.
"Alot of people decide to share location more as a way of silencing some of their partner's anxiety (or) their partner's complaints," Saad says, adding that many can later regret these kinds of decisions or feel resentment if they didn't take their own needs and values into account.
The reality of location sharingmay alsonot bewhat they signed up for – especially when couples don't fully discuss the problem it's aimed at solving and conditions beforehand.
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A partner may say, "I agreed for us to know each other's location, but I didn't agree for you ... to just constantly monitor me. I didn't say yes to that," Saad says. "Somebody will say, 'I did it for other reasons (such as emergencies), but you're using it for reasons that I didn't agree to.'"
What to consider: Mental health, trauma and more
When looking at location sharing as a solution, it's criticalto identify the "root cause" of the problem to avoid surface-level (and usually ineffective), quickfixes. Saad saysthere are several main areasto recognize: Personal mental health, attachment style, previous experiences of trauma and the relationship's history.
Personal mental health.Consider both your and/or your partner's mental health. In some cases, for example, a partner may have "an anxiety disorder, and they're anxious about not knowing. And so knowing your location canhelp a little bit,but usually, people who have that kind of mindset will start worrying about another thing they don't know," Saad says.
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Trauma.Acknowledge any previous trauma. A partnermay have been cheated on in a priorrelationship, for example, and may want to share locations in order to feel more secure now, Saad adds.
Relationship history.Prior trauma can include your current relationship's history. For those looking to "regain trust," asking for what you need and following through with action are among the key steps,Kuburic writes. Location sharing might not always be part of the solution, especially for couples who have had controlling dynamics in the past.
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Attachment style.Recognize both your and your partner's attachment styles. If you and your partner have differentones, "you're going to have to figure out a way to compromise" and find a solution that works for both of you, Saad says.
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