The first step in deciding whether or not to text your ex after the no-contact window has expired is to remember why you decided to shut down all communication in the first place. “Not everyone has the foresight to do this, but a no-contact period is a great idea because it keeps former partners from slipping back into a quasi-relationship, which only makes things confusing and hurting both parties further,” Erika Martinez, a clinical psychologist in Miami, tells Elite Daily. “It can be an important agreement, especially in cases when either partner isn't 100 percent sure whether they want to end the relationship but need some space from the relationship to process.”
If that sounds familiar, the key here is to make sure that you have, in fact, given yourself the time you need to heal and find that clarity about your feelings. If that hasn’t happened yet, you’re more likely to confuse yourself further by reaching out to an ex prematurely.
There is another common reason why you may have built a communication blockade, and that was for self-preservation. “Impose a no-contact anytime you feel as though your former partner is taking the relationship split the wrong way. You don't need or deserve the drama of their constant prodding and inquiry. [Or because] you feel like you are in danger of any harassment or stalking from you ex,” Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, tells Elite Daily. Then, you should have very strong second thoughts about reaching out to them again.
“I would never recommend putting time parameters on when to re-engage contact. Instead, re-engage contact when you feel safe from potential regress that may occur because you have not fully healed. Or when you feel safe from harassment that your ex may engage in because they are not fully healed,” he advises.
FAQs
In most cases, it's best to text your ex only after you have healed and you are no longer needy or desperate to get your ex back.
How to respond when ex reaches out after no contact? ›
How to Respond when an Ex Reaches Out
- 1 Pause before you respond.
- 2 Figure out how you feel.
- 3 Be casual and polite to keep things friendly.
- 4 Ask them why they reached out if you're confused.
- 5 Hear them out if they want closure.
- 6 Try not to lead them on if you're not interested.
But if you're hoping for an apology or acknowledgement of past hurts, reaching out may do more harm than good—and a simple check in could throw off both your and your ex's healing timelines. "Sometimes, we have lingering questions or things we left unsaid with an ex.
Is it best to never speak to an ex again? ›
If you experienced a respectful, mutual parting, talking to your ex may be a healthy choice. If it was a separation due to abuse, unhealthy patterns, or painful emotions, it might not be the best idea to text your ex or contact them in any way.
How long after no contact will he reach out? ›
1 For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. 2 For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days. 3 If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.
Who should break no contact first? ›
Emotional Equity: A relationship is a dance of give and take, of emotional transactions that ensure both partners feel valued. By being the one to break the silence, the initiator can bridge the emotional divide that the breakup might have caused, showing that they too bear the emotional aftermath of their decision.
How to reconnect with an ex after no contact? ›
If you're sure you want your ex back, go ahead and say so!
- “I miss you and want to get back together. Do you feel the same way?”
- “Breaking up with you was a big mistake. Can we try again?”
- “Hope you don't mind me getting right to the point: I want to date you again. How about Friday night?”
Once the no-contact period is over, reflect on your feelings towards your ex. If you feel confident in yourself and also feel like it's worth giving that relationship another shot, reach out to them and let them know. For example, you might say, "Hey, I was just thinking about you. It's been a while.
What should you never text your ex? ›
Texting when emotions are high is never a good idea.
You might feel like you want closure (or a reunion) from your ex-girlfriend, but if you text her when you're angry, upset, or overly sentimental about the relationship, you might say something you don't mean.
Why should you never reach out to an ex? ›
Breakups are notoriously challenging, but the “no contact” rule can help you process the difficult mix of emotions. Try to resist the temptation of re-establishing contact, which will likely create emotional confusion and prolong pain for both you and your ex.
There is always that little voice telling you to press that send button on a text to your ex. My advice, put down your phone, turn off your computer, and just step away. Take a moment to breathe, remind yourself what went wrong in the relationship and ask yourself if you really need/want to talk to your ex right now.
Will my ex ever want to talk to me again? ›
Things You Should Know
An ex will likely come back if they're in a rebound relationship, if the breakup was an impulsive decision, or if the breakup was mutual. Your ex might return if they unblock your number and keep an eye on you with social media. They may also try to contact you again.
How do you tell if your ex secretly wants you back? ›
How to Tell If Your Ex Is Waiting for You & What to Do about It
- 1 Your ex reaches out and contact you.
- 2 They share details about their life.
- 3 They want to be friends again.
- 4 Your ex follows you on social media.
- 5 Your ex asks you for advice.
- 6 They make plans to meet up with you.
- 7 They remember important dates.
The Break-Up Is Fresh
But texting too soon can create a sense of pressure for the other person, which can actually repel them, he says. (Probably not your goal.) Meanwhile, taking time away can allow the dust to settle and ease some emotional elements of a break-up, he explains.
Is it OK to reply to your ex during no contact? ›
Doing No Contact Correctly Doesn't Mean Ignoring Your Ex
If your ex texts you during no contact, you should text back politely and casually. If your ex calls during no contact, it's somewhat different from a text because you won't have as much time to carefully think about and craft your response.
What does it mean when your ex texts you after no contact? ›
Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their unfinished business.
