Not all relationships are healthy.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
Some relationships are toxic, which involves an unhealthy cycle of communication that’s not always deliberate, Leader says.
According to DomesticShelters.org, a site from the nonprofit Theresa’s Fund that spreads awareness on domestic violence, a toxic relationship is one that leans unhealthy for some reason, such as if boundaries aren’t being respected or there’s a lack of respect in general. It doesn’t mean that abuse is present, but it can escalate into an abusive relationship.
Sometimes people exhibit toxic behaviors when they’re going through a tough time, Aasmundsen-Fry says. They can also be more common among those who had unhealthy relationships in early life, according to the NIH.
In toxic relationships, one might start lying or picking fights with their partner even though they do not intend to have power or control over them, Aasmundsen-Fry says.
What Is an Abusive Relationship?
Abusive relationships, on the other hand, do involve one person trying to remain in control and with power in the relationship, according toPlanned Parenthood. These relationships feature abuse in some capacity: physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional. When a romantic partner is involved, the abuse is called domestic or intimate partner violence, which involves a partner exhibiting behaviors where they try to control or have power over the other person.
Typically, the person being abused will be forced by the abuser to withdraw from friends and family.“This is usually done to keep the abused person isolated and easier to manipulate,” Aasmundsen-Fry says.
Other Ways a Relationship Can Be Unhealthy
Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s not necessarily toxic or abusive, but you’re not benefiting from it. “I would consider these relationships as one-directional or uneven,” Aasmundsen-Fry says, adding that’s more of a way of characterizing the relationship than a clinical term. “Often these occur when both people have misaligned goals or one person is more committed to the relationship or emotionally available. It usually leaves one or both people feeling disappointed as their needs are not met.”
Wondering if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Foundry BC, an organization from the British Columbia government focused on wellness, suggests asking yourself these questions to determine if it’s healthy or not. These questions were written to assess a romantic relationship, but many apply to other relationships as well:
- Do I feel safe with my partner?
- Can I be myself around this person?
- Can I tell them how I really feel?
- Do we listen to one another’s concerns?
- Do I trust them?
- Is the power balance equal?
- Does my partner support me?
- Do they try things I like?
- Do I feel good about myself when I’m with them?
- Am I happy in the relationship?
