Many people have relationships that have dissolved due to past differences. Perhaps you had a misunderstanding with your sister or feuded with your parents. Maybe you simply let a friendship slip away. Sometimes a bitter dispute from the past can keep loved ones from reconciling.
However, with some effort, you can begin to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings with friends or family.
These are the five key steps you can take to restore any relationship.
Know yourself
Before you attempt to contact a lost friend or relative, you should first assess your motive. Why is it is important to make this contact? Here are motives that may apply to your situation:
- You realize life is too short to hold grudges.
- You are willing to offer forgiveness.
- You seek forgiveness.
- You concede that you have not made an outreach attempt before.
- You want to understand their perspective.
- You want to communicate your feelings before it is too late.
- You desire to regain the relationship that was lost and you are willing to compromise.
- You acknowledge that there is no perfect time to reach out to the other person, and there is no time like the present.
Humble yourself
After you clarify your motive for reaching out to a former friend or disconnected relative, you are more prepared to humble yourself and accept the risk of being vulnerable.
You must also accept that there are no guarantees for reconciliation. The outcome of your efforts is uncertain. Do not let fear paralyze your life. Having the desire to reconcile without taking action makes you more vulnerable. By putting yourself on the line, you have a chance to get what you want. Learn to admit when you are wrong. The quicker we humble ourselves and admit wrongdoing, the faster we will be able to make peace.
Listen for understanding
There is no value in communication if shared listening is not the foundation. Take time to hear and understand the viewpoint of the other person. Withhold your opinions and truly seek to appreciate the pain or despair they may have also endured. Get rid of guilt trips. Defending your position while inducing a guilt trip on the other person will only reignite the flame that burned the relationship in the first place.
Offer forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful gift in any relationship. You must be willing to offer forgiveness if you truly want to move beyond the past.
Offering forgiveness does not mean you agree with the other person. By offering forgiveness, you do not allow your differences to rule your heart, mind and future. Remember, while you may be ready to reunite with your friend or family member, the other person may need time to think through your proposal and their response. Don’t rush the reunion, or the relationship may not have time to fully reconcile.
Have realistic expectations
Without realistic expectations, your hope for renewal will only lead to dejection. It may be unrealistic that your friend or family member will immediately proclaim their faults and beg your forgiveness. You cannot control their response or lack thereof. You can prepare yourself to deal with their reaction. You are responsible for your actions and the way you live your life.
Reconciliation and restoration are powerful if they are base on authentic healing. No matter how the situation unfolds it is important to maintain dignity and respect for yourself as well as the other person. Move forward with your life and love the people you are with every day.
FAQs
Relationships are messy and re-connection is always the goal during a relational repair and during conflict resolution.
- Step 1: Allow Guilt, Reject Shame. ...
- Step 2: Listen. ...
- Step 3: Apologize. ...
- Step 4: Make Amends. ...
- Step 5: Continually Foster Reparative Experiences.
How to repair a very broken relationship? ›
Ways to Fix a Broken Relationship
- Start “dating” again. ...
- Make your relationship a priority. ...
- Let go of expectations. ...
- Plan a weekly meeting. ...
- Say thank you. ...
- Try to hold hands and hug more. ...
- Ditch the routine and have fun together. ...
- See a therapist.
How do I reset a relationship? ›
Here are some helpful tips for restarting a relationship and making it work:
- 1) Process negative feelings. ...
- 2) Set realistic expectations. ...
- 3) Create shared goals. ...
- 4) Close the door to unwanted experiences. ...
- 5) Engage in your own personal growth work. ...
- 6) Try couples counseling. ...
- 7) Create rituals of connection.
How long does it take to fix a broken relationship? ›
Most people will tell you to expect at LEAST nine months of therapy before seeing big changes in your relationship. But we know from experience that you can completely transform a relationship in as little as ten weeks.
What is the 5 5 5 rule in relationships? ›
The 5-5-5 method is simple, according to Clarke. When a disagreement comes up, each partner will take 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens, and then they use the final five minutes to talk it through.
What are the 5 R's of relationships? ›
Over time the quality of the relationship will become strained if resentment is not handled. This snowball effect will eventually lead to destructive emotions in the relationship. The 5 R's, reflect, role, revival, rebuild, and rehearsal is five ways that can help relieve resentment in your relationship.
Can I fix a relationship I ruined? ›
You may be able to save a dying relationship if you and your partner commit to rebuilding it. Some strategies to try include active listening, compromise, honesty, and communication. More specific advice can depend on the reasons your relationship is damaged.
How to bring the spark back in a relationship? ›
How do you bring the spark back into a relationship? 7 tips
- Reminiscing. Revisiting your relationship roots can help rekindle the romance. ...
- Focusing on communication. ...
- Bringing back the romantic gestures. ...
- Practicing gratitude. ...
- Scheduling date nights. ...
- Try new things together. ...
- Kissing more often.
How to reconnect in a relationship? ›
Rekindle the spark: 8 powerful ways to reconnect with your partner when feeling disconnected
- 8 ways to reignite the connection with your partner.
- Schedule a date night. ...
- Practice active listening. ...
- Write love letters. ...
- Try a new activity together. ...
- Practice gratitude. ...
- Hold hands. ...
- Take a weekend getaway.
How do you restore a dying relationship? ›
How to revive a dying relationship
- 1/7. Problems in your relationship? ...
- 2/7. Open communication. ...
- 3/7. Identify underlying problems in your relationship and work to fix them. ...
- 4/7. Rediscover shared interests. ...
- 5/7. Express your gratitude and appreciation for your partner. ...
- 6/7. Forgive and let go. ...
- 7/7. Seek professional help.
Signs your relationship may be ending or over
- Communication breakdown. ...
- Lack of physical intimacy. ...
- Aggressive or confrontational communication style. ...
- You or your partner are spending extended periods of time with other people, like family and friends, at the expense of time you might usually spend together.
What to say to save a relationship? ›
“I love you, and I'm here for us.” Reaffirming your love and commitment can be a powerful reminder of why you're together. It's a fundamental phrase that encapsulates the essence of phrases to save your relationship, reinforcing your dedication to each other and the relationship.
How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair? ›
What does real trouble look like?
- There's no emotional connection. ...
- Communication breakdown. ...
- Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
- There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
- You don't trust them. ...
- Fantasising about others. ...
- You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
- You can't imagine a future together.
How to get the chemistry back in your relationship? ›
Here are 10 tips to bring back the passion in your marriage:
- Change your pattern of initiating sex. ...
- Hold hands more often. ...
- Allow tension to build. ...
- Separate sexual intimacy from routine. ...
- Carve out time to spend with your partner. ...
- Focus on affectionate touch. ...
- Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex.
What to say when trying to fix a relationship? ›
Talk about your feelings using 'I' statements and then express a positive need. Let go of grudges and resentments and give your partner the opportunity to try to 'fix it' without putting them on the defensive. Move from blame to stating a positive need rather than a negative one.
What are the 5 stages of getting over a relationship? ›
Even ifyou were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages ofgrief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.
What is the 5 1 relationship rule? ›
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the magic ratio is 5 to 1. What does this mean? This means that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. Stable and happy couples share more positive feelings and actions than negative ones.
What are the 5 keys to a lasting relationship? ›
5 essentials for a healthy relationship
- Communication. One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability for partners to communicate openly with each other about how they're feeling. ...
- Listening. Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. ...
- Disagreements. ...
- Intimacy. ...
- Trust.
Which are the 5 steps to developing the best relationships? ›
Recognising a healthy relationship
- respect.
- communication.
- boundaries.
- honesty.
- trust.