Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help (2024)

FAQs

Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help? ›

Some people won't ask for help because they don't want to be beholden to anyone. They may have trust issues and dislike putting themselves in the hands of other people. The power shift that a help request might generate makes them uneasy. Consequently, they would rather carry the burden of their problems alone.

There are all kinds of reasons why we may struggle to reach out for assistance. To start, there can often be fears around asking for help: a fear of appearing weak or incompetent, of being rejected, or of burdening others, says Dr. Zhao. (Mostly all of these fears are unfounded, she adds.)

Asking for help is hard, but others want to help more than we often give them credit for, says Stanford social psychologist Xuan Zhao. We shy away from asking for help because we don't want to bother other people, assuming that our request will feel like an inconvenience to them.

However, fear of asking for help isn't just fear of not being capable, it's also fear of being a burden, fear of imposing, and fear of being too needy. But the weakness in asking for help is in not asking for it. Asking for help shows signs of strength, confidence, and resourcefulness.

There are several common reasons why people struggle to ask for help. Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior – recent research from Stanford doctoral student Kayla Good finds that children as young as seven can hold this belief.

Are you fiercely independent, or do you push people away because of a fear of being hurt? This might be a trauma response. If you find yourself refusing help — even when receiving help would make things much simpler for you — you could be operating from a place of trauma through a response known as hyper-independence.

You may even be scared to admit that you need help. It can be challenging to admit you need help, especially when mental health stigma is still prominent. You may worry about having to set boundaries and let your needs be known at work. You may fear what your friends and family will think.

Many people who dislike requesting information or assistance don't want to appear dumb or incompetent. Or they don't feel the question is important enough, and they're afraid to bother someone else. In some companies or some situations, questions might not be welcome.

Why am I so reluctant to get help? ›

You might worry about coming across as incompetent. You might have concerns about losing control of, or responsibility for, whatever it is you're asking for help with. Once someone starts to help, perhaps they'll take over, or get credit for your earlier efforts.

Most people are too afraid to ask for help from others because they don't want to be judged or looked at a certain way, for example, weak or struggling. I also found out that most people think they should be able to cope without help or no one will want to help or understand what they are going through.

Some people won't ask for help because they don't want to be beholden to anyone. They may have trust issues and dislike putting themselves in the hands of other people. The power shift that a help request might generate makes them uneasy. Consequently, they would rather carry the burden of their problems alone.

Feeling the Fear: The Difficulty of Admitting Need

We may assume or worry that by seeking assistance, we are admitting our own shortcomings or deficiencies. Our desire to portray ourselves as capable and self-reliant can sometimes override our rational thinking, hindering our ability to reach out for support.

We all may have different reasons, but you are not the only one having a hard time asking for help. Asking for help exposes you in a way that not many things do. You may feel like you're opening up too much. That you're too vulnerable; and you may fear the consequences of that exposure.