This question keeps me going.
I teach leaders how to become exceptional at coaching and leading their teams. And coaching skill is a power tool that every leader needs to develop. But... it-is-hard-to-do. Here are a few thoughts on why.
Coaching is a muscle. All of us have the ability to become exceptional coaches, but we have to work on developing the skill and strength that supports our intuitive coaching response.
When we coach, we have to change the way we’ve learned how to listen. Most of our lives, we’ve learned that listening is a means of gathering information in order to know what to SAY next. It’s the natural process for a conversation. I say something, you listen and then… you SAY something.
When we coach, we are listening for a different reason. Instead of listening in order to SAY something, we are listening to ASK something. When we listen to SAY, we are thinking about ourselves. When we listen to ASK, we are thinking about THEM. This-is-key.
Coaching is not about our thoughts, coaching is about the thoughts of our client/employee. In order to better understand what they are thinking we have to ask questions, not assume we know what they mean. We also need them to hear themselves thinking and acknowledging their own thoughts.
Coaching is like a tuning fork. Your client/employee plays a note for you both to hear. As the coach you have to help them find the right tone or key in order to fine tune the note. It isn’t up to us (as the tuning fork) to ‘like’ the note they settle on. It’s up to us to help them hear their own note and fine tune it until they find a note or key that suits them.
Coaching is always about the client/employee and never about the manager or coach.One of the primary reasons many people struggle with developing their coaching skill is it’s hard to unlearn this fundamental part of our human communication experience. We are naturally attached to the conversations we have with others. We see ourselves in our conversations. We offer up our own experience as we communicate with others.We think about what we 'should' say. We want to say the right thing. These are basic mechanics of communicating. When we coach, WE are not a subject in the conversation. The client/employee’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are the subject. Knowing this, requires us to remove ourselves from the conversation. Our job is to continue to help the client/employee do their own discovery of themselves, rather than offer our own insights about our experience or thoughts about who they are or what they do / don’t do.
There are other considerations that also impact managers' ability to develop keen coaching skills and insight. But practicing what I've outlined above would be a huge start for many who want to strengthen their coaching muscle. Managers are too prone to 'fix', which assumes they know best and they want employees to just do what they tell them, rather than allowing employees to go through the process of designing their own, best solutions.
In my coaching program, The Core for Leaders, I outline in one of our Coaching Modules, the key steps to follow to develop and then practice meaningful coaching skill. If you'd like to learn more about The Core, you can do so here: https://www.leadershipcoachlearning.com/course/the-core-for-leaders/
Enrollment is currently open, but only through COB, Wednesday, August 23rd.
Kris Plachy is an Executive Coach. She coaches leaders through the most challenging decisions, conversations and experiences required of them as leaders. Leading people is hard, but it doesn't have to be. To connect with Kris, find her on LinkedIn or check out her website: www.leadershipcoachllc.com.
