Are you someone who gets annoyed by questions?
It feels like someone is prying when they dig into your past.
Well, you’re not alone.
There are folks who love to be asked questions.
These are the people who love to shed more insight into themselves.
Other people are more private.
They don’t like it when there is too much spotlight on them.
When there is a lot of spotlight, they get uneasy.
It’s like if you hate to dance and someone pushes you into the center of the dance floor.
Other people don’t hate being asked questions per se.
They just hate being asked questions regarding SPECIFIC subjects.
How to Spot Private People
Since I’m a private person, I know how to spot other private people.
I throw out a personal question, and if they are vague, then my private radar goes off.
I’ll throw out another personal question, if they are vague again, then I’ll switch topics to something less personal.
Personal questions are subjective.
The way that I spot a personal question is when I’m having a conversation with someone, and in the back of my mind, I’m thinking:
‘Should I really ask that?’
Then I ask it.
If I have the thought of “Should I really ask that?” and I ask it, then I asked a personal question.
Recently, one of my close friends who has been working in the same company for 8 years finally got a promotion.
He told me he was now making 6 figures.
I congratulated him, then asked him how much he thought his paychecks were going to come out to when taxes and everything were deducted.
That was a personal question.
I felt uneasy asking him that.
I could see the typing bubbles on Instagram.
The bubbles were showing up and disappearing.
It felt so long.
He was bound to yell at me for asking such a personal question.
After 5 long minutes, he writes a paragraph with a bunch of calculations.
‘2700ish is how much I believe each paycheck will be.’
He handled the question like a winner.
If I asked that question and he responded:
‘Not sure.’
Then I know he’s more private about the matter.
See how someone responds to personal questions to assess how private they are.
- Detailed response – Open person.
- Vague response – Private person.
Your Line of Questioning is Insinuating Something to Them
A long time ago, I was on a phone call with a girl who I matched with on a dating app.
I used that phone call to ask a few basic questions.
- Where are you from?
- How do you like your career?
- What are you looking for on the app?
I thought these questions were harmless.
After answering these questions, she sarcastically asks:
‘Did I pass your job interview?’
I was like, huh?
I was just asking these questions because I was curious.
But she thought I was giving her a job interview to see if she was wifey material or not.
A reason that someone is offended by our questions is because they think our questions hold a hidden theme. They are sensing a pattern.
We may be oblivious to this “pattern.”
We will probably be blindsided when they get mad.
Another time that happened was when Bitcoin was plummeting in value.
I asked one of my buddies who knew a lot about Bitcoin some questions about the plummet.
He answered, then angrily asked:
‘What’s up with this line of questioning, Armani?? If you think Bitcoin is a scam, just let me know!’
I’m like, what the hell?
I was just curious.
These were situations where curiosity killed the cat.
How to Ask Questions, How to Respond to Questions
Asking questions is an art form.
There are different types of questions.
Start off general.
Ask the basics.
Over time, see what the person is like.
If they are an open book, then ask about other elements of their life that you are curious about.
If they are private, know which parts to leave alone with practice.
Eventually, you’ll build a radar for when you are overstepping your boundaries.
Often, your questions offend someone because of their psyche.
It’s more about them and less about you.
If you’re someone who gets angry with questions, then you need to sit through them.
The knee-jerk response will be to change topics or yell at them for bringing it up.
If you have no clue why you hate being asked the question, then use their line of questioning to explore this topic.
Fight through the uncomfortable feelings.
You may learn a thing or 2 about yourself.
You May Change in The Future
One thing I don’t ever do is tell people who I voted for.
Whenever someone asks me, I get annoyed.
Maybe that will change.
I’ve changed in the past.
One thing I hated talking about in the past was money.
Nowadays, I don’t mind.
It’s easy to burn a bridge when someone asks us the wrong question.
We feel like they are attacking our character.
It’s not always like that.
They are just ignorant of how that question makes us feel.
The ability to tackle different types of questions is a muscle.
As society becomes more civilized, words become more important.
Once we get our survival needs set up, communication skills become prominent.
We evaluate strength in others based on the WIDE range of questions they are capable of tackling.
Imagine a president who says:
‘You can ask me questions on this, this, and this, but definitely not this.’
Versus the president who says:
‘Ask me whatever.’
Who seems more powerful?
‘The latter.’
Why?
‘Because they fear nothing.’
Exactly.
Despite questions making you feel uncomfortable, learn to gradually tackle more questions.
If you don’t want to answer it, think of tactful ways to change the subject or explain why that question is personal.
Do whatever besides reacting like an unhinged man.
