Last updated on May 6, 2024
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- Soft Skills
- Interpersonal Communication
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Fear of conflict
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Lack of skills
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Low self-esteem
4
Cultural or social norms
5
Emotional triggers
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Resistance from others
Assertiveness skills are essential for effective communication in interpersonal relationships, whether at work, at home, or in social settings. Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful and confident way, without being passive, aggressive, or manipulative. In this article, we will explore some common barriers to assertive communication and how you can overcome them with some practical tips and examples.
Key takeaways from this article
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Practice active listening:
This technique involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and then remembering what is being said. It helps you engage and address issues without escalating conflict.
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Build self-affirmation:
By adopting positive self-statements like "I am capable, I am deserving, I am worthy," you reinforce your self-esteem. This inner strength translates into more confident and assertive communication.
This summary is powered by AI and these experts
- Eric Cadle, BA, MHA Community Engagement Specialist |…
- Peggy Hudock DNP, RN, CCM Quality Improvement, Population Health,…
1 Fear of conflict
One of the main barriers to assertive communication is the fear of conflict or negative consequences. You may worry that being assertive will cause anger, rejection, or retaliation from others, or that you will lose their respect or approval. However, avoiding conflict can also have negative consequences, such as resentment, frustration, or loss of self-esteem. To overcome this fear, you need to recognize that assertiveness is not the same as aggression, and that you have the right to express your opinions and needs in a constructive way. You also need to prepare yourself for possible reactions from others, and practice how to handle them calmly and respectfully.
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- Eric Cadle, BA, MHA Community Engagement Specialist | Expert in Project Management, Communications, and Strategic Initiatives | Enhancing Stakeholder Engagement and Operational Efficiency
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Many people are afraid of conflict and try to avoid it at all costs. This can lead to passive communication or aggressive communication styles. Practice active listening, this involves listening to others and responding in a respectful and empathetic manner. It can help reduce conflict and improve communication.
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Assertive communication can definitely sound aggressive and can prevent honest and open communication. Listening can deflect aggression and wait for an appropriate moment to assert your thoughts on a particular subject. Continual interruption will create a more aggressive tone in the conversation. There are situations where one person will not allow you to speak and voice your opinions. I think it's best to walk away from one sided conversations because there will not be a back and forth in the conversation. Those aren't really conversations. Staying calm and not using an aggressive tone lead to constructive conversations.
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I agree certain childhood traumas can contribute to reinforced mindset that a variance of belief or different opinion is a threat and becomes the instigator for rage. Over time this fear can trigger a fear of conflict expressing differing beliefs. Equipping your self with tools and techniques to improve your own emotional intelligence will equip you with the skills to care for your emotions and fully understand that each person has the responsibility to care for their own emotional well being.
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Attitude and Values।
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2 Lack of skills
Another barrier to assertive communication is the lack of skills or knowledge on how to communicate assertively. You may not know how to use the appropriate body language, tone of voice, or words to convey your message clearly and confidently. You may also struggle with identifying your own feelings and needs, or with listening and responding to others effectively. To overcome this barrier, you need to learn and practice some basic assertiveness skills, such as using "I" statements, making assertive requests, saying "no" politely, giving and receiving feedback, and dealing with criticism.
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- Michael Foglietta Technician, Disability advocate, consultant, coach
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I have found that people with lack of communication skills are simply not knowledgeable in a particular subject matter and haven't had the opportunity to learn communication skills. Talking to people, active listening, body language, tone, are all factors in the skill of communication. Traveling around the world and talking to people in different cultures and occupations gives a broader knowledge of communication skills.
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I have found to practice saying No without feeling or giving in to the urge to explain has helped to improve my assertiveness. Also checking in with my self to ensure the mood and tone of conversation is emanating from a space of love and care not frustration or disgust. It doesn’t matter how sweet you fix your voice or professional you adjust your words. It’s actually your thoughts and feelings toward a person is the energy that will be transferred.
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Mainly Retaliation. And as a result, people stay silent. Websites that teach you to be assertive leave out or do not hammer home the most important point: The whole point of being Assertive is to not be invisible. You have feelings. You have a view. Your goal is to make your view known. If Assertiveness is done correctly, they will fight back. Don't worry. Let them win. Your hate and unhappiness almost always come from not speaking up. As long as you spoke up, even if they swear at you, or push down on you harder, you have already won. You have already achieved what you could not. And you did NOT avoid what you were afraid of. Be prepared to let them win, practice letting them win. You don't need to win. You need to express; not control.
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3 Low self-esteem
A third barrier to assertive communication is the low self-esteem or self-confidence. You may doubt your own worth or abilities, or feel guilty or ashamed of your feelings and needs. You may also worry about what others think of you, or try to please them at the expense of your own happiness. To overcome this barrier, you need to develop a positive self-image and self-respect, and to value your own opinions and needs as much as those of others. You also need to challenge any negative or irrational beliefs that may hold you back from being assertive, such as "I don't deserve to be heard" or "I have to be perfect to be accepted".
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- Peggy Hudock DNP, RN, CCM Quality Improvement, Population Health, Special Projects at Coastal Community Health Center
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From “The Help”- “I am kind, I am pretty, I am important”. ( I think those were the ones)… start young. Much in life happens to impact our beliefs in ourselves…. ‘Don’t let the bad thoughts in’… to steal the late Toby Keith’s song of elders…”Don’t let the Old Man in”.
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Low self-esteem can translate to timid and afraid to have conversations with strangers. Being comfortable can overcome self-esteem when talking to family or friends. But this comfort does not translate into communication with strangers. Some people have trouble talking to individuals who have a commanding voice or are superior in title. I found that having a sales job boosted my confidence in talking with people. Most people are generally pleasant to be around and are good communicators. Listening to the way people talk can help cure low self-esteem.
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Develop self-confidence: Building self-confidence through self-care, positive self-talk, and practicing assertive behaviors can help individuals feel more comfortable asserting themselves.
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I am always amazed to see how many phenomenal people suffer with low self esteem. This can both be intermittent or a prevailing undertone. I have seen the power of Affirmations we often speak and empower others and easily forget our duty to empower and speak life and support into our lives.
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4 Cultural or social norms
A fourth barrier to assertive communication is the cultural or social norms that may influence your behavior and expectations. You may have grown up in a family, community, or society that discourages assertiveness, or that values different styles of communication. You may also face different expectations or pressures based on your gender, age, role, or status. To overcome this barrier, you need to be aware of the cultural or social factors that may affect your communication style, and to respect the diversity and differences of others. You also need to adapt your assertiveness skills to different situations and contexts, and to seek feedback and guidance from others when in doubt.
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- Eric Cadle, BA, MHA Community Engagement Specialist | Expert in Project Management, Communications, and Strategic Initiatives | Enhancing Stakeholder Engagement and Operational Efficiency
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Challenge cultural or gender norms: It may be necessary to challenge cultural or gender norms that discourage assertive communication. This can involve seeking out supportive individuals or groups and working to change societal attitudes towards assertive communication.
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Yes some cultures a respectful look me in my eyes while you speak to me is extremely aggressive and offensive. I still hold to the fact the thoughts and feelings you cultivate in your mind toward people Carrie’s the most weight. When I worked with the Chinese community my ignorance broke many of their faux pas but they could sense my love and deep respect for them so my blunders became learning opportunities instead of barriers.
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5 Emotional triggers
A fifth barrier to assertive communication is the emotional triggers that may interfere with your ability to communicate rationally and respectfully. You may have some unresolved issues, traumas, or conflicts that trigger strong emotions, such as anger, fear, or sadness, when you communicate with certain people or topics. You may also have some habitual patterns of reacting, such as being defensive, passive, or aggressive, that prevent you from being assertive. To overcome this barrier, you need to identify and manage your emotional triggers, and to learn how to cope with your emotions in a healthy and constructive way. You also need to practice mindfulness and self-awareness, and to pause and reflect before you respond to others.
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- Michael Foglietta Technician, Disability advocate, consultant, coach
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Everyone is different. We tend to associate with people that are closer to our own values, perspectives, and the same or similar views on different topics. This is very true with politics and religion so we tend to associate with individuals that are similar to ourselves. I have found it best to hear from all sides and form my own opinions. Staying away from conversations that have emotional triggers around people we are unfamiliar with can help with this barrier. Revealing personal details can help in some situations when there is a rational and trusting person on the other side.
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If we have difficulty identifying our own emotional triggers and cues it will then become difficult to identify it in others. As a emotional coach I think it is fascinating when we can identify not only the emotion but the auras surrounding the emotion so we can understand how to navigate through it and satisfy the information being communicated through each emotion. It’s the body’s way of communicating internal truths and usually it is in response to a stimulus that we may subconsciously be ignoring.
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6 Resistance from others
A sixth barrier to assertive communication is the resistance from others who may not be used to or appreciate your assertiveness. You may encounter some people who are passive, aggressive, or manipulative, and who may try to undermine, ignore, or attack your assertiveness. You may also face some challenges or conflicts that require negotiation, compromise, or collaboration. To overcome this barrier, you need to maintain your assertiveness and respect for yourself and others, and to avoid falling into their traps or games. You also need to use your assertiveness skills to resolve conflicts and to reach win-win solutions with others.
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Some people are aggressive in nature. Other people that are passive will listen to what you are saying while thinking 'how do I get out of this conversation' without seeming rude. Some people are followers and others are leaders naturally. It's pretty easy to figure out who these people are by talking to them. Resistance is a trigger that signifies someone who is not open to other ideas and thoughts. Having too many assertive speakers leads to confusion because they are usually talking over each other. If a person is not open to other perspectives and resists yours, there is no point in continuing the conversation.
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It is important to understand that you have the right to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful manner. Reflect on what you want to communicate and why it is important. Consider what might be holding you back from being assertive. Use assertive body language, such as standing up straight, making eye contact, and speaking clearly and confidently. Set clear boundaries and communicate them in a respectful manner. This will help you to maintain your personal space and assert your needs.
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