Maintaining ahealthy marriage is consistent work, especially when children are involved. Itis an intimate, frustrating, fulfilling, and often overwhelming undertaking allat the same time. Yet, for the service men and women of the US military, it isoften a breaking point.
It’s no secretthat military personal experience some of the highest rates of divorce andseparation in the country. A result of the incredible toll active militaryservice can have on the private lives of its servicemen and women.
Yet, thisphenomenon is not without its understanding. Today we’ll be exploring thecommon causes of military divorce, as well as the effects military divorce canhave on your family. To provide you with the knowledge and support you need tonavigate this difficult time.
The Common Causes of Military Divorce
It’s important toquantify that there is nothing inherently different about a military marriageand any other marriage. They can fall apart in all the same ways as each other,with nothing to do with the military at all.
We, however, willbe unpacking many of the studied reasons that specifically military divorcesoccur. Causing them to be some of the highest divorce rates in the country.
Long Deployments
Perhaps the mostobvious culprit is the deployments. Soldiers can be stationed for months, evenyears, at a time before returning home. This puts unimaginable strain on a marriage,with long bouts of loneliness.
In addition tothat loneliness, studies have shown that couples often struggle to readjust afterdeployment. Creating an environment that fosters conflict, discomfort, andeventual emotional isolation.
Domestic Violence
Whether we like toadmit it or not, statistics don’t lie. Service members of the US military havea higher-than-average rate of domestic violence, a trend that matches otherhigh-stress occupations. This plays a large role in the high rate of divorceswithin the armed services.
A study conductedby the University of Florida showed that domestic violence was particularlyprevalent within couples where a service member recently left the service.
Untreated Mental HealthProblems
Tragically, mentalhealth whilst being much more understood and treatable these days gostaggeringly undertreated in the armed services. This is despite an honesteffort by the US military to offer robust mental health treatment for theirservicemen and women.
Service memberscan suffer from PTSD, violent outbursts, depression, anxiety, and much more.These issues, if left untreated, can often drive a wedge between couples.
Adultery
Whilst cheating onyour partner is never acceptable, it is somewhat understandable for its commonpresence in military couples. With long bouts of loneliness, uncertainty, anddoubt, a perfect recipe for adultery is made.
Studies have shownthat any couple who spends a significant amount of time away from each otherrepeatedly, in the case of months to years, has a higher rate of adultery. Thisfact holds for military couples.
Exploring The Effects of Military Divorce on Children
A military divorce can have a wide range of lasting effects on yourchildren. Many of these are typical for any divorce but often made worse by anabsent deployed serviceman or woman. Let’s break down some of the most commoneffects, in a broad-stroke sense.
If you would like to read about these effects in more detail, you canread our detailed write-up, or check our blog for a variety of topics related to this complexsubject.
Higher Rate of MentalIllness
Studies have shownthat children of divorced parents exhibit higher rates of mental illness laterin life. These mental illnesses can range from depression, anxiety, suicidalthoughts, and eating disorders, as well as a wide range of other conditions.
Within the contextof a military divorce, your child will be feeling even further isolated fromone of their parents. This loneliness, mixed with the confusion all childrenhave about divorce, and the infrequent nature of one parent’s presence in thechild’s life, is often identified as starting point for these issues.
Sudden Behavioral Shift
In the short term,your child will likely experience a foundational shift in their behavior. It is one of the most common effects of militarydivorce and can have lasting negative impacts on a child’s social skills,mental health, and more.
These effectsinclude, but are not limited to:
- Suddendestructive behavior,
- Arguing,
- Shouting,temper problems, or tantrums,
- Lashingout physically,
- Beingquiet, not wanting to be around others,
- Crying.
Housing Instability
One of the moreunique effects that face children of military divorce is housing instability.Whilst one parent may be consistently home, a military partner will likely beaway for months to years at a time. Servicemen and women are also highly likelyto be deployed overseas, sometimes for a large portion of their militarycareer.
For children, thiswill often feel like losing a parent completely. Unlike most other divorces,where both parents will be present in the child’s life, military divorces canforce one parent to be absent from their child’s life for longer than ishealthy.
Children willexperience feelings of rejection, loneliness, and even resentment toward theirmore present parent.
Insomnia
For decadesstudies into insomnia have underlined the connection between children ofdivorce and insomnia later in life. Over half of insomnia patients express thattheir difficulty sleeping began when they were young. Brought on by intensestress, depression, anxiety, and overall, deep emotional turmoil.
Complimentarystudies have also reflected that these emotional effects on children ofmilitary divorce are seen in much higher frequency, due to a range of lifestylefactors present in children of military servicemen and women.
In Conclusion
Anyone who suffersthrough a divorce or separation will indeed, to some degree, be going through aunique situation. However, that doesn’t mean that nothing can be learned fromthe countless examples that come before.
With theinformation outlined here today, covering the causes and effects of militarydivorce or separation, we hope you have a greater understanding of thestruggles military marriages face and their children in the event of a divorce.
Never forget thatthere is support out there for you and your family. Don’t hesitate to reach outto those you trust.
