Passive-Aggressive Behavior at Work (2024)

A couple of weeks ago, I shared with you about workplace trauma and what some of those causes were. Although I talked a bit about toxic work environments, which can be rather in your face, as being one of those causes contributing to trauma, I didn’t touch upon being passive-aggressive.

The other day, I stumbled upon an article about passive-aggressive emails that got me thinking about passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace. You can find this article at CNBC (and I’ll put the link in the show notes). It talks about phrases that may sound passive-aggressive and how successful people communicate instead.

I thought the article was interesting, although I didn’t fully agree with it all. One such phrase that stood out to me was “bumping this to the top of your inbox”, which could have passive-aggressive undertones, but as with anything, context matters. I’d say all of these mentioned in the article are all about context.

Today, I want to go through the nuanced topic of passive-aggressive behaviour at work, what it’s defined as, the traps you can fall into as a leader, how it can be linked to various causes, and what to look out for in yourself, and what you can do about it.

Let’s start by defining what exactly we mean by passive-aggressive behaviours, especially in the workplace. It’s those moments when we say one thing but mean another, often pointing out something we know the other person is aware of, hoping they’ll take the hint. It’s a communication style that’s subtle but holds a lot of impact.

It’s a communication style deliberately indirect where specific tactics are used, making it hard for management to spot a lack of initiative. It may appear that compliance is being adhered to but there’s very little follow-through when a team member is being passively aggressive. There’s indirectness of thoughts and feelings, and intentions are not clear.

Passive aggressive behaviour destroys the work environment and workers who participate in it are toxic to the workplace, as they may seem to be productive, however, they’re much more concerned about more self-centered activities rather than the needs of the organization.

Some of the most common examples of passive aggressiveness in the workplace include team members who always forget deadlines or misplace important documents, procrastinate or are inefficient at their workload, undermine authority by spreading rumours, gossiping, or complaining, and withholding opinions when feedback is requested, only to criticize it later.

As leaders, we can often find ourselves in traps that lead to passive-aggressive behaviour. Frustration at a lack of progress, feeling under-appreciated, criticizing others, and intentionally delaying work, these pitfalls can sneak up on us. For leaders, some passive-aggressive characteristics can look like micromanaging teams and workloads, giving backhanded compliments and sarcasm, then gaslighting when the sarcasm is negatively received, not providing support to team members to help them be successful, and creating an environment of unhealthy competition, making teamwork difficult.

Leaders also seem to feel the need to please others to avoid conflict. The problem with this is that if you become frustrated with a team member’s performance, then there’s that risk of taking that frustration out in other ways. Instead of having a conversation with that employee and explaining your frustrations, to “keep the peace”, you may be tempted to do something like taking tasks away or give confusing feedback to that team member.

Your leadership style affects the entire workplace, so if you find yourself showing passive-aggressive tendencies, your attitude and reluctance to communicate effectively can be detrimental to employee morale, and trust, and can breed a toxic environment. It can also lead to miscommunication, decreased productivity, workplace bullying, burnout, and stress.

Passive-aggressive behaviour can be linked to various causes. While stress is a common trigger, researchers also connect it to anxiety disorders, ADHD, depression, substance abuse, personality disorders, and even scapegoating, where you avoid accepting accountability for your mistakes and pass the blame onto someone else.

Sometimes leaders don’t realize they’re acting this way, and it is unintentional, but feelings of insecurity or fear in your role can also exacerbate the need to be passive-aggressive and you may find that you blame others for mistakes or avoid building relationships.

Another common cause is the inability to act, especially if it is uncomfortable or inconvenient, where you may feel you need to hyper-conform to “the way it’s always been”, even if workplace rules and policies aren’t as strict as you may interpret them to be.

Additionally, passive aggressiveness could stem from your childhood that maybe taught you to suppress your negative emotions, where instead of having healthy communication, you may have been exposed to sarcasm to express anger, frustration, and fear. Similarly, if your work environment discourages expressing emotion and if you don’t have the greatest communication skills, then it would be easy and tempting to resort to passive aggression.

Understanding these links can provide insights into addressing the root causes. So, what should you be watching out for in yourself if you suspect that you may have passive-aggressive tendencies? You should look out for signs of frustration, if you start to micromanage a team’s workload due to a lack of trust, avoiding responsibility, and relying on sarcasm. You may be at risk of engaging in passive-aggressive behaviour if you’re unable to share your emotions or if you feel ashamed or conflicted about your emotions.

Recognizing these signs is critical to self-awareness and personal growth. So, what can you do about it? I teach my clients about strategies they can add to their executive presence toolkit. One of those tools is something that I’ve developed called the “notice, pause, and reframe” framework.

When you have an emotional, particularly a negative reaction, you may want to resort to passive-aggressive behaviour. However, to be self-aware and grow out of this behaviour, you want to make sure you calm yourself down at the moment. Easier said than done.

This is where we want to notice, pause, and reframe. That's the three words you need to remember on repeat: notice, pause, reframe.

The first thing you do is notice in the moment. Now, sometimes we don't figure this out in the moment. Sometimes we can reflect later in the day and recall that negative emotion, whether you were upset, emotional, or regret how you behaved in the moment.

The more you ask yourself this, the more you're going to start tuning into how you feel, because the next thing to do is to ask yourself, well, what symptoms did I have when that was happening?

Once you've built this awareness, the second step is to pause. So, if you notice in the moment that you’re experiencing the physical symptom that you’ve identified in step one, I want you to pause in that moment. So, by taking that simple pause, you allow yourself to notice what is going on.

The third and most important step is reframing. I want you to choose to think about this differently. For example, if you are having an emotional reaction to the person in front of you, they are making you upset in some way or angry, thank your brain for pointing it out to you that this is happening. Your brain is trying to keep you in a safe place, but you must choose to not let this affect you.

When we have these emotional reactions, it's because we're getting a flight or fight response. Our brains want to keep us safe. Back in the good old days, when we lived in caves, we needed to avoid tigers and other scary things. So, we have this fight-or-flight response. We need to fight to get out of the situation and then run away.

This fight-or-flight response is very unhelpful in the corporate setting. That is why it is imperative for you to convince your brain by having a quick conversation with yourself and you be surprised how effective this is, that you are safe, and that you are going to choose to continue to engage.

Noticing, pausing, and reframing are powerful tools. You could also avoid passing the buck, as well as training your brain to steer clear of sarcasm.

Our mindset moment today is that sarcasmisn’t serving you. For many of us, sarcasm has been a reflex that has helped us deal with everyday life. The problem is that sarcasm always has someone at the sharp end of it. However great (or not so great) people’s sense of humor is no one deserves to be at the sharp end of anything at work. Believe me, your sarcasm isn’t achieving what you want it to achieve - you might get a short-term result, but the resentment is going to build and build and the situation you were trying to deal with will come back 10-fold. Sarcasm has no place at work - it builds resentment and ambiguity (I for one-half the time don’t notice sarcasm, which has held me back professionally - it just is who I am, and I’m still good at my job). So, don’t assume everyone will realize what you are saying is sarcastic. Let it go. Leave it out of the workplace and you’ll find you’ll resolve problems easier as a result.

Navigating through the complexities of workplace dynamics, and understanding, andaddressing passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace is crucial for fostering a healthy and productive environment. Recognizing the signs, understanding potential causes, and implementing strategies such as the "notice, pause, and reframe" framework are essential steps toward personal growth and effective leadership. Leaders must be mindful of their communication style, avoiding pitfalls that contribute to toxicity. Additionally, eliminating sarcasm and promoting open, direct communication can contribute to a more positive workplace culture, minimizing the detrimental effects of passive aggression on morale, trust, and overall productivity.