What is acceptance?
Acceptance is about being flexible, tolerant and open-minded. It’s also about knowing how to compromise, understanding that we all make mistakes, and learning to forgive.
Acceptance doesn’t mean always agreeing with your partner – it’s OK to agree to disagree. If you and your partner disagree or have different expectations, beliefs or needs, acceptance is about understanding and valuing your differences and finding a healthy compromise.
Acceptance also includes believing that your partner is trying to do the right thing.
Acceptance isn’t about tolerating harmful behaviour. If you’re in a relationship that involves family violence, call the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).
Why acceptance is important in your relationship with your partner
Acceptance helps to keep your relationship healthy.
That’s because acceptance makes it easier to appreciate the good things about your partner and your relationship, leading you towards greater intimacy and care for each other.
When you and your partner feel accepted, you’re more willing to listen to and understand each other’s perspectives and suggestions. This can strengthen your relationship, and it can also make it easier for you and your partner towork as a parenting team.
And when your child sees you accepting each other, they learn how to accept others and themselves too.
All of this means acceptance creates a healthier, happier and more positive environment for the whole family.
Tips for strengthening acceptance
Spend time on your relationship
- Spend time together on shared interests.
- Ask about your partner’s interests and activities and join in when you can.
- Do things to show your partner your love and appreciation. It could be as simple as letting your partner have a sleep-in while you look after the children.
- Think of activities you did together when you first met. Consider what you liked and how you might do those activities together again.
- Talk with your partner about good times you’ve had together.
Read more abouthealthy relationships for parents and partners.
Focus on solving problems
- If you have a problem, think about what you want to change.
- Invite your partner to help solve the problem, without blaming or talking about what your partner should or shouldn’t have done.
- Clarify why you want to solve the problem. You and your partner might have similar goals, even if you have different ideas about how to achieve them.
- Identify positive ways you can solve the problem, even if your partner doesn’t participate.
- Get help from others if you need to.
Read more aboutproblem-solving with your partner.
Be generous with your understanding
- When you’re talking and listening with your partner, remember that it can sometimes be difficult to explain to someone else what you want and how you feel.
- Encourage your partner to open up by askingopen-ended questions and not interrupting.
- Ask your partner to explain or give more information if you don’t understand what they’re saying.
- Listen, without defending your own position or behaviour.
- Acknowledge your partner’s point of view even if you don’t agree. For example, ‘I can understand why you’re angry that I asked my parents to stay for the weekend without talking to you first’.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions, blaming or criticising your partner.
Read more abouttalking with your partner andlistening to your partner.
Forgive when you’re ready
- Acknowledge and understand how you feel about a situation. Looking at your emotions honestly can help you move on from them when you’re ready.
- Manage strong emotions like anger in healthy ways. For example, taking a few deep, slow breaths to calm down.
- Imagine yourself in your partner’s position, and think about how your partner might be thinking or feeling. Being empathetic makes it easier to forgive.
- Wait until you feel ready to forgive. This helps you heal and move on.
- Once you've decided to forgive someone’s actions, avoid bringing up those actions in the future.
- Assume the best of your partner. For example, ‘I know that you’re working long hours because you want to take care of us’.
When you feel well and healthy, you’re likely to have more energy for other people, including your partner. That’s whylooking after yourself is important in a healthy relationship. It’s good to make time for enough rest, exercise and things you enjoy, as an individual and a couple.
Getting help
If you and your partner are finding it hard to accept each other’s differences or you’re concerned about your behaviour or your partner’s behaviour, it’s important to get help.
Relationship counsellors can help you and your partner identify your issues and what to do about them. You could try the following options:
- CallRelationships Australia in your state or territory on1300 364 277.
- Call Family Relationships Online on1800 050 321.
- See your GP to talk things through and get a referral to a psychologist or relationship or family counselling service.
- Find a psychologist or counselling service through the Australian Psychology Society, Australian Counselling Association or Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia.
It’s good for you and your partner to get help as a couple. But if your partner isn’t interested, it’s still worth seeking support by yourself.
