Money Saving | Money & relationships: What to do if your friend keeps asking for money (2024)

As with any other relationship, money can easily cause a rift among friends. One of the reasons is borrowing money on one pretext or the other, putting off even the best of friends. So what do you do with someone who appears to be in perennial need of money and asks you for it?

Do you keep providing it because you can’t say no? Should you break off with such a friend or continue giving money without questioning? Or is there another solution which can allow you to retain your friendship without the constant strain and resentment of giving money? Here are some pointers that may allow you to do the latter.

• Find out the reason

An important first step to do away with the toxic relationship is to find out how often and why your friend is in need of money. If it is a one-off thing or an occasional mutual give and take between you both, you can safely ignore it. If, however, the frequency of borrowing is very high, especially towards the end of every month, you should find out why.

It is possible that your friend has poor money management skills, or is big spendthrift, or is dealing with emotional problems and uses spending as an outlet, or is simply addicted to spending. If you are close to the person, are keen on retaining your friendship, and feel you can help with his personal issues, plan a course of action depending on the reason for his spending behaviour.

• Offer advice, manage friend’s finances

If the reason for your friend’s frequent borrowing is financial mismanagement and you have the skills to provide help, talk to him about it. If he is willing to take your advice, offer it. Analyse his finances, find out the way he is dealing with money and where he is going wrong. Find out about his financial goals and how much he is saving for these, as well as the amount he needs for monthly household spends. Automate his savings, investing, and bill payments. When his essential spends are taken care of, he may not feel the need to borrow.

If, on the other hand, he is spending beyond his means because of an addiction, spurred by personal or emotional reasons, he may need behavioural therapy or counselling, which you can facilitate for him. If, however, the friend is in the habit of spending or is used to an extravagant lifestyle, and refuses to be helped, there will be very little you can do about it.

• Learn to refuse

If the friend does not want your help or refuses to change, and borrows money simply because you have been giving it readily, you will need to change your attitude. You must learn to say ‘no’ and protect your own finances. By upsetting your budget, you may affect your own goals. Besides, if you are married, it may lead to conflict with your spouse over the frequent borrowings. So, even if it means breaking off with your friend, learn to refuse when he asks for money next.

• When to break it off

If your friend refuses to change and does not respect your financial boundaries, it may be time to let go of the relationship. Snapping friendship may turn out to be a wiser move in the long term, especially where your own finances are concerned. Moreover, ask yourself that if you need money, would he help you? If the answer is ‘no’, do not hesitate in breaking the ties.

If you have a wealth whine, write to us...
All of us have been in a financial dilemma when it comes to relationships. How do you say no to a friend who wants you to invest in his new business venture? Should you take a loan from your married brother? Are you concerned about your wife’s impulse buying? If you have any such concerns that are hard to resolve, write in to us at [email protected] with ‘Wealth Whines’ as the subject.

Disclaimer: The advice in this column is not from a licensed healthcare professional and should not be construed as psychological counselling, therapy or medical advice. ET Wealth and the writer will not be responsible for the outcome of the suggestions made in the column.

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