Kratos VS Deadpool (2024)

Marvel vs God of War! Which slayer will slay the other?

Interlude[]

Wiz: Slayers. Characters with the skill to kill. Characters that kill to get want they need. Like Kratos, the god of war.

"Boomstick":And Deadp-

Deadpool: And me! The merc with a mouth! Oh hey Death battle, we meet again.

"Boomstick": Well at least this guarantees a bloody battle. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. And he's Deadpool.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Deadpool: YAAAAY!

Deadpool[]

Wiz: Wade Wilson was a mercenary, who eventually got a fiance named Vanessa. But Wade was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so he left Vanessa so she couldn't watch him die.

"Boomstick":Ajax found Wade, and managed to get rid of his cancer by injecting him with mutant genes. Ajax tries to trigger the mutant sh*t he has, but fails. So when Wade makes fun of Ajax for his real name, he leaves Wade in a hyperbaric chamber to die. This triggers a healing factor. Wade attacks Ajax, Ajax escapes, and Wade becomes Deadpool to find and kill him for the cure. Damn! This can't compare to my origin story. With my f*cking dad.

Deadpool: As me, I gained other abilities. Such as better fighting skills, teleportation, and 4th wall breaking. Also my weapons. Ok, where the f*ck do we start? I have Katanas, sais, hammers, pistols, submachine guns, shotguns, flashbang grenades, frag grenades, bear traps, landmines, and insect swarm grenades. Yep, I am gifted.

Wiz: Deadpool also has the skill to annoy others by spitting utter nonsense. Such as looking at the 4th wall and talking to it

Deadpool: NONSENSE?! I like to talk to my fans. Such as the writer. Hello writer! Keep writing our lines!

"Boomstick": Well. I guess Deadpool isn't someone to be f*cked with.

Deadpool: Indeed I am not. Anyway, Ill be in the waiting room watching Conan. Buh bye.

Wiz: Why do we invite him again?

Kratos[]

Wiz: Kratos, the ghost of sparta. A powerful demigod that slaughters enemy's.

"Boomstick": But god ol Kratos didn't start as a badass. He was actually a normal guy. But after his people were threatened to be overrun. So he struck a deal with Ares to give him the strength to protect his people.

Wiz: But Kratos was corrupted by the power. So corrupted that Ares tricked him into murdering his own family. Kratos then decided to kill Olympians until it caught Ares's attention.

"Boomstick": Due to being a badass demigod, Kratos has superhuman abilities. Such as strength, speed, and endurance. His weapons include the blades of exile, which are attached to chains. He can whirl them around and even light people on fire. Holy sh*t!

Wiz: He also wields the blade of Olympus, which is the most powerful blade the greek gods can offer. After killing more Olympians, he gains more tools. Such as the claws of Hades, which rip your soul out, the bow of Apollo, which shoot fire arrows, the boots of Hermes, which enable him to have superhuman speed, the Nemean cestus, big gauntlets that are incredibly strong, and the golden fleece, which can absorb powerful blows.

"Boomstick": Too bad his rage usually gets the best of him, which makes him lose his focus. He isn't immortal, but very hard to kill, like Wiz's nerd talk. Very hard to kill.

Wiz: Your an asshole Boomstick.

"Boomstick": Haha. I know.

(Kratos: You will not see the end of this death.)

Death Battle[]

Wiz: Alright the combatants are set. Lets end this debate once and for all.

"Boomstick": IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!

______________________________________________________Meanwhile in a museum...

Deadpool is seen running in. He is in a hurry, so he goes to the receptionist.

Deadpool: Hey lady. Im here for the 4:00pm Death Battle.

Receptionist: Head to the weapons room.

Deadpool: Uh, Ok.

Deadpool arrives in the weapons room.

Deadpool: So now what? Oh god, did I mess up? I CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF!!

Deadpool then shoots himself. But he eventually geta up.

Deadpool: Crap. Hey what's that?

Deadpool walks to the blades of exile. He tries to grab them, but cuts himself.

Deadpool: f*ckf*ckf*ck!! Ok kids, Uncle Deadpool here. Don't touch ouchie things. Unless you have a healing factor. Then you can play with your pet toaster in the bath tub, run with scissors, touch penises with the neighbor boy. Well, maybe not that last one. But..

Suddenly, the ground started rumbling and cracking, as fire erupted from the cracks. Deadpool and the innocent bystanders hid behind debris. When Deadpool looked, he saw a hulking white man. It was Kratos.

Deadpool: OH MY GOD. IT'S BALD SHEAMUS!! SIGN MY ASS!

Kratis: I thank you for releasing me. By blades have not tasted blood for ages. Now step aside, or I will spill your blood.

Deadpool: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Those are fighting words fella!

Deadpool takes out his 2 handguns.

Kratos: So be it. When I kill you, I will use your skin to keep me warm in the winter.

Deadpool: And when I kill you, Ill use your blades to carve turkey!

FIGHT!!!

Deadpool satarts shooting his pistols repetitively.

Deadpool: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BA-

Kratos knocks the guns out of Deadpools hand before uppercutting Deadpool to the ceiling. Kratos then jumps to Deadpool, punches him 3 times and goes to punch him again, but Deadpool parrys it.

Deadpool: Try this!

Deadpool shoryukens Kratos, before jumping to the air and bicycle kicking him, before headbutting him. Kratos lands on his feet.

Kratos: Hmph. You have lasted longer in battle with me than most.

Deadpool: Well it's all in the ass. Speaking of, your a real asshole. So that's why I'm going to-

SHINK! Deadpool got stabbed in the head by one of Kratos's fire arrows. Kratos then stabs Deadpool in both his kneecaps, abd in the heart with an arrow. He tgen punches Deadpool through the wall.

Deadpool: Aw crap.

As Deadpool yanks the arrows out, Kratos grabs Deadpool.

Kratos: How have you not perished yet?!

Deadpool: Ok first of all, say it don't spray it. Seriously, you breath smells like olive oil and ASS! Second-

Kratos throws Deadpool into a building, then uses his nemean cestus to punch Deadpool through 3 buildings. As Deadpool hits the floor, he sees Kratos above him in the air, raising his blades of exile. Deadpool looks at the audience.

Deadpool: I can't just sit there and take it!

As soon as Kratos hits the floor, Deadpool teleports away. He reappears behind Kratos. Deadpool take out his katanas and slashes Kratos several times, before backflip kicking Kratos. In mid air, Deadpool chucks a landmine under Kratos, so he lands on the mine and gets exploded into the air. Deadpool then teleports up to Kratos and takes out a grenade.

Deadpool: Hope you like pineapple!

Deadpool hits Kratos with his grenade. Kratos hits the floor.

Deadpool: Ya know, I was thinking, we beat the sh*t out of each other enough, so lets say we get a chimichanga, and put this behind us. Who knows? Maybe we'll be friends. Soon we'll be exchanging phone numbers and going on romantic dinner dates.

Kratos: Do you ever shut up?

Deadpool: No.

Kratos: Then I will. I will gutt you like a fish, and sell your organs.

Deadpool: Hey Hey! There are kids reading this!

Kratos stabs Deadpool with his blades of exile. He leaves them in his stomach. Kratos punches Deadpool over and over again with his nemean cestus. He uses his bow to shoot Deadpool several times before taking out his blades and hitting Deadpool with them.

Deadpool: U - uncle!

Kratos takes out his blade of Olympus.

Kratos: This sword has killed gods. It will cut through you like butter.

Deadpool is stabbed by the blade several times. But Deadpool is still alive.Kratos is fueled with rage.

Kratos: IMPOSSIBLE! I HAVE KILLED GODS! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

Deadpool: Well, ya see. I can't die. Not from you, or anyone. Because now, I'M MAD.

(Cue: Deadpool Theme - Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3)

Deadpool kicks Kratos and stabs him in the beck with a sai. Deadpool starts punching a kicking Kratos repeatedly. Deadpool stabs Kratos with 1 of his Katanas and blows up the bug swarm grenade, covering Kratos in stinging bugs.

Kratos: AUUUUGHHHH!

Deadpool shoryureppas Kratos and Deadpool whacks Kratos in the skull with a hammer. Kratos falls to his knees. Deadpool takes out his katana.

Deadpool: Well, well, well. It seems the hunter has become the hunted. Any final requests?

Kratos: Make it quick weakling!

Deadpool: Whatever you say pal!

Deadpool decapitates Kratos. Deadpool picks up his head.

Deadpool: Awwww. He's kinda cute as a head. I know just where to put you.

Meanwhile in Mcdonalds. Deadpool is in the bathroom, viciously shoving Kratos's head down the potty.

Deadpool: Damnit! Why won't you go down?

KO!!!!

Results[]

Deadpool: YEAAAAAH! THE WINNING STREAK CONTINUES!

Wiz: Indeed. While Kratos bested Deadpool in many categories, it was Deadpool's unpredictability that led to Kratos's downfall.

"Boomstick": Plus, Kratos can die. While Deadpool is almost immortal. Deadpool was able to heal through Kratos's attacks. Kratos has slayed GODS, but he had never fought anyone like Deadpool.

Deadpool: Plus, I was able to murder everyone in the Marvel universe! With feats like that, Kratos never stood a chance.

"Boomstick": Looks like Kratos couldn't stop the trouble that was "ahead".

Wiz: The winner is Deadpool.

Deadpool: DAMN RIGHT!!!!