How to watch the 2024 Olympics like a Canadian couch potato (2024)

Some television viewers might feel overwhelmed when they see the CBC proclaiming in a press release that “more than 3,000 hours of live content” will be made available from the Paris Olympics. Pay no attention to those viewers. They are weak; uncommitted; afraid of spending Canada’s brief, glorious summer indoors. That is not us. We are devoted fans of the Summer Games and of the comfortable grooves that form around us after days on the couch. With that in mind, Postmedia is pleased to provide this viewing guide for our fellow unrepentant Canadian Olympic Couch Potatoes. All times Eastern. The full CBC schedule is here.

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WEDNESDAY JULY 24

9:30 a.m. You know what sport isn’t about to sit around and wait for the Olympic flame to light before it starts playing? Rugby. And are you going to stop it? Us, neither. Settle in for preliminary matches in men’s Rugby Sevens. The Canadian men didn’t qualify this year, but the women — who won bronze at the 2016 Rio Games — will be in Paris.

THURSDAY JULY 25

8:15 a.m. Do you think Robin Hood would have waited for the Opening Ceremony before shooting his arrows? Exactly. So don’t be surprised to see the men’s individual ranking round get underway in archery, with Canadian Eric Peters (who is from Kitchener, Ont., and not Nottingham) on our screens.

11 a.m. Christine Sinclair might be retired from international play, but her legacy remains strong in women’s soccer, with her defending Olympic champions kicking off against New Zealand to open the group stage.

FRIDAY JULY 26

1:30 p.m. Spare a moment for the unassuming tourists who booked a summer getaway to Paris only to have their crêpes ruined by the Opening Ceremony of the XXXIII Olympiad. In an unprecedented move, organizers will stage the pageantry outside the stadium – and open to regular folks outside.

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SATURDAY JULY 27

5 a.m. Olympians have spent their entire lives training to get to this moment, and they are not alone. We’re ready for swimming heats: Summer McIntosh and Maggie Mac Neil will be in the spotlight. Canadians are expected to be strong in the water again this year, so be strong with your coffee.

5 a.m. Canada qualified a full men’s artistic gymnastics team for the Olympic Games for the first time since Beijing 2008. How long has it been? Felix Dolci, a member of this year’s team, was only six years old during those Beijing Games. Sigh.

8 a.m. This is legitimately cool: Preliminary matches for men’s and women’s beach volleyball get underway at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. (Canada is sending two women’s teams and a men’s team: Melissa Humana-Paredes and Brandie Wilkerson are currently ranked third in the world.)

9:30 a.m. Wyatt Sanford was born in Nova Scotia but moved to Montreal in 2017 to join the Canadian boxing high-performance group. He is the reigning Pan Am Games champion in the 63.5kg division. Are YOU going to tell him you didn’t wake up early enough to watch him fight? We didn’t think so.

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2:55 p.m. Sound the Canadian Superstar klaxon: Summer McIntosh is expected in the women’s 400m freestyle final.

3 p.m. It has been a tidy 88 years since the Canadian men landed on the podium for men’s basketball. (That was in 1936, only 45 years after James Naismith – the noted Canadian – invented the sport.) As our schedule opens against Greece, are we due? Yes, we are due.

3:37 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: Our men’s and women’s teams could be contenders in the 4×100-metre freestyle relay final. The women’s race goes first, followed by the men.

SUNDAY JULY 28

3:30 a.m. We cannot, in good faith, recommend that instead of going to bed on Saturday night, you just stay up to watch the Olympics. On the other hand, this is when qualification rounds begin in women’s artistic gymnastics, which is one of the marquee events in any Games. We can get all the sleep we need at work on Monday. (Hi boss!)

5 a.m. Summer McIntosh should be back in the pool, this time swimming in the 200-metre freestyle heats.

2:45 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: The women’s 100-metre butterfly final. Maggie Mac Neil is expected to be on the starting blocks.

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3 p.m. Remember that time, at London 2012, when Christine Sinclair scored three times against the U.S. in a semifinal and was so intense she was basically shooting lasers out of her eyes? Good times. The Canadian women’s soccer team is back on the field to face the host French.

MONDAY JULY 29

4 a.m. For many Canadians, this is where we might reacquaint ourselves with a sport after four years away. Canadian Christa Deguchi among the medal threats as the round of 64 for the women’s 57-kilogram judo division kicks off.

5 a.m. You want more swimming? Here is more swimming! Heats for the women’s 400-metre individual medley and women’s 100-metre backstroke kick off the day.

6 a.m. Canadian powerhouse klaxon: Canada will begin defence of its Olympic gold medal as heats get underway for women’s eight rowing.

11:15 a.m. How many Canadian stars might end up in Toronto when Canada’s first WNBA franchise opens play in 2026? Some might be on the floor here, as the Canadian women’s basketball team opens group play against France.

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2:30 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: Summer McIntosh is expected on the starting blocks for the women’s 400-metre individual medley final.

3:41 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon … again! Summer McIntosh could be back in the pool for the women’s 200-metre freestyle final.

TUESDAY JULY 30

4 a.m. Pull yourself out of bed by the collar for the elimination round of 64 for the women’s 63-kilogram judo. Montrealer Catherine Beauchemin-Pinard hopes to upgrade her bronze medal from Tokyo.

5 a.m. After this much coverage from the pool, you might start to hear the CBC swimming announcer’s voice in your sleep – and that might literally happen as you doze on the couch after these early mornings. But not today! Toronto’s Josh Liendo will be in the men’s 100-metre freestyle heats. (The semifinals are at 2:30 p.m.)

6 a.m. Fun fact: An Olympic archer trained Jennifer Lawrence for her role in “The Hunger Games,” reportedly shooting 100 arrows a day. How many will Canada’s Eric Peters fire this week? Tune in as elimination rounds for men’s and women’s individual archery get underway.

7:30 a.m. Australia enters the Olympics as the fifth-ranked men’s basketball team on the planet. Who is No. 6? Well, Latvia. But Canada is No. 7! And that team plays the Aussies today!

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11:30 a.m. If you like international basketball, today might be a good day to call in sick. (Hi again, boss!) Pool play gets underway in women’s 3×3 basketball.

2:56 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: The women’s 100-metre backstroke final, with Kylie Masse hoping to be in the mix.

WEDNESDAY JULY 31

5 a.m. Is Canada having another Olympiad to remember at the pool? Tune in with Summer McIntosh expected to dive into the heats in the women’s 200-metre butterfly. (The semis take place at 2:42 p.m.)

5 a.m. Punch your way into another workday with boxing prelims. Tammara Thibeault (women’s 75kg) of Shawinigan, Que., is the reigning Pan American champion.

3 p.m. Canada plays Colombia in the final group stage game in women’s soccer: We can be tense together in the daylight, as opposed to the pre-dawn darkness.

4:15 p.m. Keep-an-eye-open-for-a-Canadian klaxon: Josh Liendo hopes to be in the men’s 100-metre freestyle final.

THURSDAY AUGUST 1

1:30 a.m. Athletics kick off with the men’s 20-kilometre race walk. Evan Dunfee raced to bronze in the 50-kilometre at Tokyo, and then he ran – not walked – for a city council seat in Richmond, B.C. (He fell short of a winning there, but not by much.)

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3 a.m. If you love golf, prove it: Round one of men’s golf begins, with Nick Taylor and Corey Conners teeing off at a deeply unfriendly time for fans back in Canada.

4 a.m. This is the Super Bowl for large people throwing each other around. (Which is a bit like the actual Super Bowl, now that you mention it.) Men’s 100-kilogram judo is today, with Toronto’s Shady Elnahas looking to improve on his fourth-place finish from Tokyo.

5 a.m. Let’s jump into the pool: Josh Liendo has men’s 50-metre freestyle heats.

7:30 a.m. Does Canada have beef with Australia? We might after today, with the countries meeting again on the hardcourt, this time in women’s basketball.

2:30 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: Summer McIntosh is expected to contend in the 200-metre butterfly final.

FRIDAY AUGUST 2

4:05 a.m. After two steamy days in Tokyo, Damian Warner emerged with gold in decathlon at the 2020 Games. He is back to defend that title, and if he can drag himself through 10 events, we can find a way to get through on nearly as many snacks.

4:10 a.m. You know who throws a good hammer? Ethan Katzberg, of Nanaimo, B.C. is the reigning world champion heading into men’s hammer throw qualifications.

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5 a.m. Canadian viewers will be spending more time at the pool than youth hockey players at a weekend tournament out of town. Josh Liendo has men’s 100-metre butterfly heats and Summer McIntosh has the women’s 200-metre individual medley heats.

11:15 a.m. Another marquee event for fans of men’s basketball: Canada v. Spain to close out the group stage.

3:20 p.m. Is there anything you can do 10,000 times in a day? Mo Ahmed of St. Catharines, Ont., will be in the men’s 10,000-metre final.

SATURDAY AUGUST 3

4:05 p.m. Final day of decathlon. Can you name all 10 events without Google? While you’re thinking about it, keep an eye Warner fighting for space on the podium.

4:35 a.m. Andre De Grasse, an Olympian you might know, has preliminary rounds for the men’s 100-metre.

5 a.m. At the pool, the Canadian women begin their quest to upgrade their bronze medal from Tokyo as they compete in the heats of the 4×100-metre medley relay.

2:30 p.m. Have we mentioned Josh Liendo or Summer McIntosh yet? Because they might both factor into another massive day in swimming. There are four swimming finals today, including the men’s 100-metre butterfly (Liendo) and the women’s 200-metre individual medley (McIntosh).

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SUNDAY AUGUST 4

4:20 a.m. It’s hammer time! Women’s hammer throw qualifications begin, and Canada has a defending world champion (Camryn Rogers, Richmond, B.C.) in the event.

7:30 a.m. The Canadian women’s basketball team plays Nigeria in its final group match.

1:26 p.m. We have spent so much time with the CBC’s announcers at the pool, it almost feels like their voices narrate our wedding video. And yet here we are: The last day of action in the water. The Canadian women are medal hopefuls in the 4×100-metre medley relay.

2 p.m. Don’t blink: The men’s 100-metre semifinals on the track.

2:30 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: Ethan Katzberg should be in the mix for the men’s hammer throw finals.

3:50 p.m. The men’s 100-metre final closes out the day of athletics. Is this a big event? It feels like a big event.

MONDAY AUGUST 5

4 a.m. If you are unafraid of both heights and waking up before dawn, you will want to watch Canadian Caeli McKay in the preliminary round for 10-metre platform.

6 a.m. Welcome to the second day of the kite competition in Paris. It is somehow even cooler than it sounds: Kiteboarding, which is making its Olympic debut, combines parts of surfing with flying a kite – a big, scary-looking kite.

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8:20 a.m. Sound the Simone Biles klaxon: Artistic gymnastics, the floor exercise final.

1:55 p.m. Canadians Andre De Grasse and Aaron Brown might flash across your TV screen as part of the men’s 200-metre prelims.

4:00 p.m. Women’s gold medal game in 3×3 basketball, followed by the men. Does that back-to-back make it 3x3x3x3? If our math is correct – which is never a given – all those threes multiplied together make 81, which is the total number of points that Kobe Bryant dropped on the Raptors one game in 2006.

TUESDAY AUGUST 6

4 a.m. It is time for Olympic sport climbing, featuring women’s boulder & lead. For the rest of us, after 10 straight days of Olympic-watching, sport climbing will mostly just mean trying to get up off the couch.

5 a.m. Katie Vincent and Laurence Vincent Lapointe won bronze in the women’s C-2 500m in Tokyo. Vincent is back with a new partner, Sloan MacKenzie, which makes this sentence sound like the opening scene of a police procedural drama.

5 a.m. Happy holidays to you, if you are a fan of international men’s basketball. This is Quarterfinals Tuesday, with games at 5:00 a.m., 8:30 a.m., 12:00 p.m., and 3:30 p.m.

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12 p.m. How much does Canadian soccer miss Christine Sinclair? We will have a decent idea before the women’s soccer semifinals, with the second starting at 3 p.m.

1:55 p.m. It’s hammer time! Again! Camryn Rogers, of Richmond, B.C., is expected to be in the hunt for a medal in the women’s hammer throw final.

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 7

1:30 a.m. For the Olympic night owls: Evan Dunfee and Olivia Lundman will represent all of us as the marathon racewalking mixed relay makes its debut.

3 a.m. Is it worth getting up in the middle of the night to watch sports? You bet it is! Brooke Henderson and Alena Sharp tee off in the first round of the women’s golf tournament.

5 a.m. What’s better than Quarterfinal Tuesday? Easy answer: Quarterfinal Wednesday! Settle in front of the TV for women’s basketball elimination games at 5 a.m., 8:30 a.m., 12 p.m., and 3:30 p.m.

5:10 a.m. Watch for Canadian Mo Ahmed in the first round of the men’s 5,000-metre competition. The real drama for us would be trying to convince us to run 5,000-metres more than once.

5:55 a.m. Marco Arop, who did not start running track seriously until he was 17 years old, will be a serious Canadian medal hope as the men’s 800-metre gets going.

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2:02 p.m. Canadian sprinters Andre De Grasse and Aaron Brown are expected to flash across your screen again in the men’s 200-metre semis.

4:34 p.m. If you enjoy Olympic boxing, this could be your last hurrah, with news the International Olympic Committee is considering removing the sport from the roster for the 2028 Los Angeles Games. Tune in for the men’s 63.5kg final, with the 80kg final to go at 4:51 p.m.

THURSDAY AUGUST 8

3 a.m. Sleep is for the weak. Get up and watch Brooke Henderson and Alena Sharp in the second round of the women’s golf tournament.

4:25 a.m. Sarah Mitton nearly left shot put behind after a challenging experience at Tokyo 2020 – COVID, shockingly, did not help that experience – but she returned. And she is one of Canada’s top medal hopefuls this year as the qualification round gets underway.

4:30 a.m. Canadian Katie Vincent should be a medal threat as the C-1 200m heats get underway. Fun piece of trivia to entertain anyone else who’s awake with you at this ungodly hour? Her nickname is Kitkat.

5:35 a.m. Canada reached the medal podium for the men’s 4x100m relay in two of the last three Olympic Games. What happened in the third? We try not to talk about that. (Canada finished third at London 2012 but was disqualified for a lane violation.)

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9 a.m. Tune in to watch Olympic weightlifting champion Maude Charron of Rimouski, Que. make lifting look easy.

11 a.m. Track cycling has fun names, like the men’s omnium. Go ahead and say it out loud. Omnium. Fun. Anyway, the actual competition looks like torture.

2:30 p.m. Marquee medal klaxon: Andre De Grasse and Aaron Brown in the men’s 200-metre final.

FRIDAY AUGUST 9

3 a.m. Celebrate the end of another work week by getting up before the dairy farmers – and most roosters – to watch Brooke Henderson and Alena Sharp in the third round of the women’s golf tournament.

4:30 a.m. Another big morning on the water: Katie Vincent and Sloan MacKenzie will be aiming for the C-2 500m semifinal round. The finals begin after the sun finally rises across the Eastern time zone (6:50 a.m.)

5:30 a.m. Marco Arop will hunt for a spot in the men’s 800-metre semifinals, which makes it worth watching.

10 a.m. Welcome to the first day of breaking, which will be making its debut in Paris. Send your crusty uncle a YouTube clip of elite competitive breaking. It is much, much more than just The Worm.

11:30 a.m. It has been 40 years since the Canadian women posted a top-four finish in the Olympic basketball tournament. (You might remember a few teams were absent that year in Los Angeles, but that’s not important.) Will Canada be there when the semifinals open this year? The second semi is at 3 p.m.

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1:40 p.m. Canadian medal klaxon: Sarah Mitton, who finished 28th in Tokyo three years ago, will be aiming for the top of the podium in the women’s shotput final.

1:45 p.m. Sound another Canadian medal klaxon! Or, fittingly, pass that first klaxon to the next person on the couch, because this is the men’s 4x100m relay final.

SATURDAY AUGUST 10

2 a.m. Cameron Levins logs more miles than a long-haul trucker. His training regimen is famously punishing. Levins, of Campbell River, B.C., will be one to follow through the streets of Paris in the men’s marathon.

3 a.m. You have come this far, haven’t you? You can’t sleep in now: Brooke Henderson and Alena Sharp will be in the final round of the golf tournament, trying to nab Canada’s first medal since the sport returned to the Olympic calendar in 2016.

5 a.m. Bronze medal game in men’s basketball. Will Canada be there? Possibly!

5:40 a.m. Another day, another medal opportunity for Katie Vincent, who is expected to be in the C-1 200m semifinals. (The finals begin at 7:40 a.m.)

11 a.m. Remember Stephanie Labbe, the Canadian goalkeeper who became destroyer of Swedish dreams? Or Julia Grosso, who delivered the dagger in penalties? Welcome to a gold medal day in women’s soccer, and even if Canada doesn’t make it back, we’ll always have Tokyo.

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1:25 p.m. Canadian medal hopeful klaxon: Marco Arop will be aiming for a spot in the 800m final.

2 p.m. Canadian medal hopeful klaxon: Mo Ahmed will be aiming for a spot somewhere in the men’s 5000m final. By the final weekend of Olympic-watching, the refrigerator will also begin to feel like it is 5,000m away from the couch.

3:30 p.m. Gold medal game for men’s basketball. Will Canada be there? Possibly!

SUNDAY AUGUST 11

2 a.m. Welcome to the final day of Paris 2024. Soon, it will become more difficult to justify watching television for 12 hours a day. But that is not today. Wake up to see how Canadian Malindi Elmore fares in the women’s marathon.

5:30 a.m. Bronze medal game for women’s basketball. Will Canada be there? Maybe! The team heads to Paris ranked No. 5 in the world, which suggests there is also a chance the Canadians could also be fighting for a spot in the big game – the gold medal game tips off at 9:30 a.m.

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