How to Rekindle a Friendship That's Gone Stale | MV Psych (2024)

Flipping through photos and seeing familiar faces of old friends is a part of life. People grow and move on to new chapters. As people live life and move forward, they may try to stay in touch with old friends while meeting new people. This life event is normal, and many people come to accept that reality. If you’re looking at photos and find yourself missing a friend from high school, you can consider rekindling the friendship. It’s OK to want to reconnect with someone from your past and be both excited and nervous. Whether it’s been one year or 10 years, there are tips and resources to help you reach out to an old friend.

The Value of Friendships

It’s essential to understand the importance of friendship. Friendships and relationships affect our lives in more ways than we think. Studies suggest that lacking a social circle and close friendships is a considerable health risk. It’s not good for mental health when people feel lonely. Establishing meaningful friendships and maintaining them is a crucial part of your life. Friends are a great source of support when you need it most. Whether they make you laugh so hard your belly hurts or hug you to make you feel safe, friendships offer people a stable support outlet. Although we form strong connections with people, sometimes friendships fall apart. In most cases, people move on to different chapters of their lives and friendships wither. Sometimes friendships don’t end as harmlessly, such as when people hurt each other’s feelings, causing the friendship to end more problematically. As people grow older, they may realize life can get in the way of maintaining friendships. People go to college, start working, get married, have kids and the list goes on. It takes a conscious effort to rekindle a lost friendship.

Consider Why You Want to Rekindle the Friendship

For the most part, when people think about the memories they have with their friends, it can make them happy or spark different types of emotions. If you find yourself thinking about reviving a friendship, consider if the friendship is worth your emotions and effort. Did you and your friend have a healthy relationship? If you know the relationship you had with your friend was supportive and healthy, it might be worth pursuing. It’s also important to recognize when it might be best to avoid reconnecting with a friend. Sometimes you outgrow friendships. Keep in mind the circ*mstances of how the friendship ended. If you and the friend naturally grew apart, they might be more welcoming to your efforts. But perhaps the friendship ended because of a hurtful falling out. Revisiting unhealthy or abusive relationships is not beneficial to you, and if this is the case, it may be best to continue your life with the friendship as a memory. Another factor to keep in mind is the changes in your life since the friendship ended. If you’ve been keeping in touch about significant life events, there is more of a foundation for you and your friend to build upon. People change over time. If a significant amount of time passed and you and your friend don’t keep in touch, it might feel similar to meeting a stranger. Regardless of the time separating you and your friend since you last saw each other, if you think the friendship is worthy of revisiting, there are tips to help you rekindle the friendship.

5 Tips for Rekindling a Friendship

Once you’ve established that a friendship is worth rekindling, follow these tips for growing the friendship:

1. Take Your Time

It can be best to take time to rebuild your friendship slowly. You can gradually get to know your friend again, reintroduce yourself and tell them how you’ve been since you last connected. You might be excited to reconnect with your friend and want to catch them up on everything in your life, but this can be overwhelming all at once. This encounter may be the first time they’ve interacted with you in a long time. Start the conversation off easy, and try to understand how they’re receiving your efforts. Think about it this way, you wouldn’t ask someone to be your bridesmaid the first time you meet them. Take the time to get to know your friend again. Slowly rebuilding the friendship will allow you and your friend to learn about the people you’ve grown into.

2. Reach Out to Old Friends via Their Preferred Medium

A great way to reach out to your friend is through a message on social media or a text message. This first contact can give you and your friend time to think of what to say and respond. Reaching out to friends this way can be a comfortable and simple way of first reconnecting. If you and an old friend would rather meet up in person or talk on the phone, that’s a meaningful way to reach out as well. Whichever approach works best for you and your friend is the one you should use.

It’s important to be upfront with your friend about why you’re reaching out. This action shows that your efforts are meaningful and not just a random message. If you’ve been thinking about your friend and you miss them, tell them. It helps your friend know how you feel about your friendship. Perhaps you saw that your friend is going through the same big life event as you. After you reach out to your friend, share your experience with them and any stories or advice about the life event. This may help revive your friendship by relating to the same life event and building a conversation on the topic.

4. Tame Your Expectations

Reaching out to an old friend may be a big step for you, and it can be exciting to see if you both click right away. It’s OK to be hopeful, but protect your emotions by taming your expectations and recognizing the various outcomes. Your friend could be very receptive to your invitation to reconnect, and they may be just as excited about it as you are. But, it’s also all right if they don’t share your excitement for reconnecting. People grow and change as life goes on. If your friend isn’t prepared to revisit the friendship you had, that doesn’t mean your friendship wasn’t great. There are a variety of outcomes that can happen once you reach out to a friend.

5. Prepare for Anything

Similarly to taming your expectations, expect anything to happen. Your friend could be ready to meet up with you right away or want to revisit the idea of talking again in the future. Friendship is a two-way street, and friends who put forth the effort to maintain a friendship can help each other grow.

Consider Speaking With a Counselor to Better Yourself

Feeling comfortable with yourself can influence your connections to those around you. Research shows that having high self-esteem can boost positive relationships, and those positive relationships can help boost self-esteem. Speaking with a counselor can help you better yourself. And as you work on yourself, you can see improvements in your relationships. If you want to work with a counselor, contact the clinicians at Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates today. We work with people to improve relationships in their lives, and we can help with big life decisions that may feel overwhelming.

Give Us a Call at (978) 482–7351

Reviewed By

Dr. David Rainen, PsyD.

I am a licensed clinical psychologist with an extensive background treating a variety of different ages, situations, emotional and mental health disorders in individuals and their families. As part of my 10 year professional and training career in psychology, I have developed and refined my skills and approaches through my work in a variety of diverse settings including: hospitals, community outpatient facilities, college counseling centers, secure and unsecure inpatient/residential treatment programs, and therapeutic day schools.