How to Make Yourself Enough (2024)

I write this while I listen to “I Want to Break Free” by Queen. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about freedom. Freedom in the sense — living on my own terms. Guess, it comes with its fair share of challenges though.

One of the challenges I face is not feeling content with myself. You know that feeling when you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin? I wonder where it comes from? Perhaps from the overwhelming fact that you’re all on your own yet aren’t free.

I was scrolling through my Goodreads feed when I came across this quote:

“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”
― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

This had me thinking about my predicament with contentedness. For the last few years, I’ve been moving places constantly, from one city to another, from co-living spaces to apartments, and from outside to home. All in the hope that the next place I settle at will be better. A vague hope that I cling to for satisfaction. But what I’ve found is that this type of thinking always goes in vain.

To take another example, let’s consider the notion of love, OR dating, doubly so. You keep waiting for that one person who’ll make you feel alive again. That one soul that’ll make you complete?

It doesn’t work like that. Even if you do find the perfect partner, it doesn’t guarantee your happiness. You must make yourself enough first. Relying on another person to feel enough is not the way to go.

What Can You Do?

I’m no self-help expert and I’m still on my own journey to figure things out. However, I’d like to share my experience in trying to become a better version of myself.

I’ve seen a pattern of growth and confidence in doing the following things, and I believe it can work for others (who feel the same) as well:

Cultivate Curiosity: Being genuinely curious about things make you interesting. Explore new interests, read widely, and ask questions. The more you learn about the world, the more you have to share with others.

Cultivate Hobbies: Engage in activities that you enjoy and are passionate about. This can make you more interesting to others who share similar interests or are curious about your hobbies.

Travel and Explore: If possible, travel to new places or explore new cultures, even if it’s just a new area in your hometown. Try solo-traveling if you haven’t already. New experiences provide interesting stories and perspectives to share.

Embrace Vulnerability: Sharing your experiences, especially challenges and how you’ve overcome them, can make you more relatable and interesting to others. But how does it make you feel enough? Well, sometimes you don’t have to. Part of being human is to accept that we’re flawed and being vulnerable is natural.

Be Open to New Experiences: Say yes to new opportunities and experiences. They can lead to interesting stories and personal growth.

Listen Actively: Be genuinely interested in people you find interesting. Listen to what people have to say, ask engaging questions, and share relevant experiences. You never know how interesting people’s stories could be.

Be Authentic: Embrace your uniqueness and be true to yourself. Authenticity is compelling and attracts others who appreciate you for who you are.

Reflect Regularly: Spend time reflecting on your experiences, what you’ve learned, and how you’ve grown. This can help you understand what makes you feel fulfilled and interesting. Think about it, tinker with it, write about it and keep reflecting on things regularly.

In the end, feeling “enough” is not about reaching a destination where you no longer have room to grow; it’s about embracing the journey of self-discovery and personal development.

Even if you do follow all the tried and tested advice, some days you might still get back to the feeling of uncertainty. But remember, it always passes. And once it does, you’ll see the pattern.

Key Message: Being interesting and feeling content comes naturally when you are engaged with the world, passionate about your interests, and open to sharing yourself with others.