How to Get Through a Rough Patch in Your Relationship (2024)

No marriage is perfect, and at some point, you and your spouse are going to hit a rough patch you'll need to overcome. Then, once you get through it, you’re likely going to hit another one. It’s a normal part of any relationship, and it’s part of the reason why people emphasize that relationships take work.

"I’ve studied the life course of marriage and where the difficult moments are,” shares Daphne de Marneffe, a psychotherapist, marriage expert, and author. “In my work as a therapist, I see people who say, ‘I’ve chosen my life partner, I have a job, and the structure of my life is built. But I feel lost or empty.’”

While trying to move past these moments isn't always easy, there are ways to help alleviate the difficulty of getting through a rough patch in any relationship. For de Marneffe, that includes being emotionally vulnerable with your significant other. “We are taught that being an adult means we need to suck it up and hide our emotions," she says, "But in reality, our emotions are the most important thing about us when it comes to how we connect with a partner. People aspire to these long, loving relationships—and that is going to require dealing with the mess and the inconvenience, and, sometimes, the pain of sharing emotions."

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How to Get Through a Relationship Rough Patch

For those currently going through a rough patch, it’s time to look inward and be honest with yourself first. "The first step is to say 'Okay, what am I dealing with, what am I feeling?' Look at yourself, then try to express your emotions in a skillful way so that you can be heard,” shares de Marneffe.

Keep Your Lines of Communication Open

Though communication might come more naturally for some than others, the best way to get through a rough patch in your relationship is by being open about your problems, being willing to share what’s going on, and continuing to connect with your partner.

Make it a priority to communicate until you and your partner are moving in a positive direction. This may take days, weeks, or even months, but if you keep talking and sharing your feelings, things will eventually start to get better (consistency is key!).

Be Generous With Your Apologies

“Be generous with your apologies,” de Marneffe explains. “The two wonder drugs of marriage are self-awareness and self-responsibility. It helps a lot if you can say, 'I see what I am doing that's difficult, and I am trying to change it.'”

Make Time for Intimacy

As you better understand your emotional intelligence, you should also evaluate your intimacy level with your spouse.Intimacy—in both emotional, spiritual, and physical forms—should play a very important part in your relationship, and should be worked on a daily basis when trying to get through a rough patch.

Consider and Commit to Counseling

If things get completely overwhelming for you and your spouse, or if your relationship is severely struggling, seeing a counselor may be a beneficial route to take. If your spouse is averse to the idea, consider starting therapy on your own, and then asking them to join in on a session at a later date.

Discuss Your Feelings in Real Time

Even though it may feel a bit alien at first, if you commit to communicating your emotions as they come up, it will keep them from spilling out in other ways. “So many people suppress their emotions until they explode. They don’t know what they’re feeling, or they can’t communicate it—and then they blow up,” de Marneffe explains. “Their partner is going to get defensive, counter-blame, or shut down. Both partners need to learn how to clue into their emotions early in the game, and then be willing and brave enough to express vulnerable emotions in a skillful way.”

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