31 Jan 2022 By: Diane Gottsman
Texting is one of the easiest forms of communication and also the most charged when it comes to expectations around receiving a quick response. It’s an efficient and widely acceptable venue for most people under the right circ*mstances. The problem lies when a text is delivered and the sender—who is hoping for a seemingly immediate response—does not receive it in what they consider a timely fashion. The reality is we often send a text and then watch for “bubbles” to see how quickly we will get an answer. But what is the etiquette for answering a text? Keep reading for my thoughts about the question, “How much time do you have to respond to a text?”
Google Research conducted a study around messaging etiquette; in a Fortune article summarizing their findings, Kevin Kelleher writes, “The anxieties and stresses caused by some phone interactions appear to be universal.” Kelleher goes on to say, “Messaging was one area of acute tension, particularly with the new expectations texts place on how friends and families communicate.”
How Much Time Do You Have To Respond to a Text?
Consider the Urgency
If you are texting your partner about a sick child, of course, you want to hear back quickly. Bear in mind that the other person may not have their phone or may not be able to pick up immediately to answer your text. Have a code word you can use (not abuse) that means “this is urgent.” Everyone, including your boss, will understand if it is an emergency. If your communication needs an immediate response, you can also pick up the phone and call, as you are more likely to get through.
A General Rule of Thumb
A text should be answered within a couple of hours when there is not a time restraint. Keep in mind that if someone is working or exercising or basically out in the field, it may take longer for them to respond. The business email rule allows one business day to respond, but a text is more casual, less formal and most people expect a much quicker turnaround. Fifteen to twenty minutes is a loose average for a friend or mate (the Google Research study found 20 minutes was the magic number). Of course, there are often other life factors at play—everything from a demanding season in their career to the birth of a new baby will impact response times, and understandably.
Lower Your Expectations
People are busy. If it’s that important, follow the rule above and reach out in person. When someone does not respond right away, it could mean several things, but don’t read into the message. They are not mad, not acting passive-aggressively or punishing you for not making the coffee this morning. Keep in mind that your text may need some thought in order for them to respond. If you need more time to respond thoughtfully, aim to send a short message to let the other party know.
For a Quicker Response, Keep It Brief
A text is meant to be short and sweet. In other words, do not send a letter via text. It puts pressure on the reader and generally annoys people. If you must write a long text, break it up into short soundbites. Stick to the topic, and get to the point quickly.
Avoid Group Texts Unless Absolutely Necessary
Few things are more annoying than receiving a group text and getting responses back throughout the day from people you do not know on a topic that you find insignificant. While the original text may have been informative and helpful, the responses such as “thank you,” “great,” and “good job” become annoying and redundant. Respond privately to the original sender. All of the follow-up comments and questions distract someone trying to work or focus on something tedious throughout the day. Feel free to leave the group without fear of hurting anyone’s feelings.
Ghosting
If you have been texting someone regularly for the past few days and they suddenly stop all communication, they may be giving you a sign. If someone “ghosts” you, take the hint and walk away. You do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully, and this is an indicator of how this person would deal with other situations. Consider yourself fortunate the red flag surfaced now. Don’t continue to reach out to someone who will not respond back, and think carefully about the excuses they give once they pop back in your life several months later.
The Bottom Line
When you receive a text, answer it as quickly and politely as possible but don’t put pressure on yourself if you cannot get to it immediately. If you are the one sending out the text, be patient and understand that not everyone has your timeline, the freedom you may have or a similar schedule. If you don’t hear from someone within a reasonable period of time, feel free to follow up in a kind manner. They may have missed the original text – this does happen.
The Freedom to Block
Feel free to block spam and those trying to sell you something without permission to reach out. If you haven’t given someone your number, you are not obligated to respond back to the pet groomer, the political spam or someone trying to sell you the newest and greatest hair growth serum.
Would you like to read more on the topic How Much Time Do You Have To Respond to a Text? I recently shared my thoughts with USA Today.
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