How can I afford to live on my own after divorce? (2024)

Back in October, with the help of a few of my closest friends, I threw myself a divorce party. And while you might not be ready to celebrate your pending divorce, you can (and should) start planning for your future, ASAP. Unfortunately, divorce itself comes with so many emotional and financial curve balls. If you're wondering “How can I afford to live on my own after divorce?” Keep reading. I'll share my story as well as some tips for how to financially survive.

According to Business Insider, “In 2020, the St. Louis Fed found that the typical millennial family was 34% poorer than expected when compared to the wealth of “earlier generations at the same age.”

This means that divorce can lead to serious financial difficulties. Between rising housing costs, the high cost of childcare, and lower wages for women, navigating the aftermath of divorce can be overwhelming.But there is hope. Let’s dive into some ways you can build a solid foundation for your new single life.

How can I afford to live on my own after divorce?

Affording to live on your own post-divorce comes down to three key considerations:

Whether or not you can afford your current lifestyle (most people can't because they're living on two incomes vs. one.)
How much income you're bringing in (this includes child/spousal support)
If you're willing to do the hard (and often, humbling) work of making your lifestyle fit your new post-divorce budget.

Like any financial choice, if you want to live on your own after divorce, you'll need to figure out how much it will cost (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.) and how you'll pay for it.

Living on My Own After Divorce – How I Afforded It

After selling my website in 2019, I was primarily a stay-at-home mom. My ex was the breadwinner, and I earned a small income (around $60k annually, pre-tax) from freelance writing as a side hustle and my house-flipping business.

When it came time to separate, I knew there was no way I could afford the mortgage on our million-dollar home. My ex agreed to cover it in its entirety if I paid for my own separate living expenses. In Atlanta, where I live, $60k was not going to cut it, so I decided to find full-time work.

But between living expenses, childcare, and legal fees, I was living paycheck-to-paycheck until my divorce was finalized nearly a year later. It was a tough time, and I had to give myself lots and lots of grace.

Need help navigating finances post-divorce? Here are some of my favorite single-mom budget template examples.

Practical First Steps After Divorce

Build your Support System

Don't hesitate to ask for support (emotional, or maybe financial, depending on the type of relationship) from family and friends. You will need a support system as you navigate your new situation. There are also organizations and programs that can provide assistance to individuals who are starting over after a divorce with limited financial means.

Reach out to local social services agencies, non-profit organizations, or community centers to inquire about any available resources or financial aid programs.

Additionally, consider joining support groups or seeking advice from others who have gone through similar situations. Their insights and experiences can be invaluable as you navigate this challenging time.

Find out if you're Eligible for Alimony or Child Support

Depending on the circ*mstances of your divorce, you may qualify for spousal support or child support. Spousal support, also known as alimony, is financial assistance provided by one spouse to the other after a divorce. Child support is a payment made by one parent to the other to assist with the financial costs of raising a child. It is important to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and determine if you are eligible for either.

Determining Eligibility for Alimony

When determining eligibility for alimony, courts consider several factors. These factors may vary depending on the jurisdiction, but some common considerations include:

Duration of the marriage: Generally, longer marriages are more likely to result in alimony awards.
Financial need: The court will evaluate each spouse's financial situation, including income, assets, and debts, to determine if one spouse requires financial support.
Ability to pay: The court will assess the other spouse's ability to provide financial support based on their income, assets, and earning capacity.
Standard of living during the marriage: The court will consider the lifestyle enjoyed by both spouses during the marriage and strive to maintain it as much as possible.
Age and health: The court may take into account the age and health of both spouses when determining the need for alimony.
Contributions to the marriage: The court will consider the contributions of each spouse to the marriage, both financial and non-financial, such as homemaking or supporting the other spouse's career.

Determining Eligibility for Child Support

In general, eligibility for child support is based on the presence of a child and the custodial arrangement. The custodial parent, who has primary physical custody of the child, is typically the one who receives child support payments from the non-custodial parent.

To determine if you are eligible for child support, you will need to consider the following:

Custodial arrangement: If your child will primarily reside with you, then you may be eligible for support. If you have joint physical custody with the other parent, child support may still be applicable, but the amount could be adjusted based on the custodial arrangement.
Age of the child: Child support is typically applicable until the child reaches the age of majority, which varies by jurisdiction but is usually 18 years old. However, in some cases, child support may continue beyond the age of majority, such as if the child is still in high school or pursuing higher education.
Special needs: Some jurisdictions may also consider child support for children with special needs, regardless of their age. It's essential to check your local laws and regulations to understand the specific age-related rules for child support eligibility in your area.
Income of the parents: The income of both parents plays a significant role in determining child support eligibility and the amount of support to be paid.

It's important to note that child support is intended to cover the basic needs of the child, such as food, clothing, and shelter. It may also include additional expenses, such as healthcare and education.

Receiving alimony or child support can provide much-needed financial assistance when starting over after a divorce with no money. It can help cover essential expenses for your child and alleviate some of the financial burdens you may be facing. Remember to consult with legal professionals to ensure you understand your rights and obligations regarding child support.

But all of this is for when your divorce is settled. If you end up in a contested divorce case, it could take months to a year to finalize a financial plan, leaving many women (particularly former/current stay-at-home moms with no safety net.)

Explore Your Housing Options

Housing is one of the biggest expenses that you’ll need to consider after a divorce. However, there are several affordable housing options that you can explore.

Stay with Family or Friends

If your circ*mstances allow, consider staying with family or friends temporarily while you regain financial stability. This option can significantly reduce your housing costs in the short term, giving you some breathing room to save money and plan your next steps. Be sure to communicate openly with your hosts about your plans and how long you expect to stay.

Rent a Room in Shared Housing

Another affordable housing option is renting a room in shared housing. With this arrangement, you share common spaces like the kitchen and living room with other tenants, which significantly reduces rental costs. Plus, shared utilities can further lower your expenses. Websites like Roommates.com can be excellent resources for finding shared housing opportunities.

Downsize

After a divorce, you may find it difficult to afford the mortgage, property taxes, and other expenses associated with a larger home. By downsizing to a smaller, more affordable home, you can free up some of your income for other expenses or savings.

And this is hard. Not only do you feel like you are losing a family, but you feel like you're losing your home too. And it can be humbling to go from a beautiful, shared, home to something utilitarian, temporary, and affordable. I remember the first weekend I was kid-free after we separated and I sat down and cried on the floor of my apartment. Grief is the biggest part of divorce, but the financial impacts can leave you feeling like even more of a loser. You're not. You're just in a period of restructuring.

The good news is that downsizing can also provide you with a lump sum of money if you are able to sell your current home.

This money can be used to pay off any remaining debts from the divorce, buy a smaller home, or invest in your education.

Aside from the financial benefits, downsizing your home after a divorce can also have practical advantages. A smaller home requires less maintenance and upkeep, which can be a relief if you are now solely responsible for taking care of your home. It can also be more manageable if you have children and need to juggle their needs along with your own. Owning an expensive home is also the financial “kiss of death” as it will prevent you from really saving and getting ahead. Now that you're on your own, it's more important than ever to have a right-sized mortgage or rent payment.

Important Financial Considerations

To make ends meet, it may be necessary to cut back on non-essential expenses, evaluate your discretionary spending, and identify areas where you can make adjustments.I know this is particularly hard when your kids are used to having things, or when you feel like you're the parent who can't afford to give them the cool gifts, fancy outings, and daily treats, but it must be done.

Set up Bank Accounts in your Own Name

If you don't already have them, set up bank accounts in your own name. This includes a checking account for everyday transactions, a savings account for emergencies and future goals, and possibly a retirement account. Having these accounts gives you full control over your money and helps build your financial independence.

Create a Post-Divorce Budget

The first step towards financial recovery is creating a budget and financial plan. This will give you a clear picture of your current financial situation and guide your spending and saving habits.

Begin by tracking all your income sources and expenses. Write down everything, including rent, groceries, transportation, utility bills, personal care, child support, and any other costs.

Then, compare your total monthly income to your total expenses. If your expenses exceed your income, identify non-essential items that you can cut back on or eliminate completely.

Next, prioritize your expenses. Essential needs such as housing, food, utilities, and healthcare should come first. Once these are covered, you can allocate funds for debt payment, savings, and discretionary spending.

Lastly, review your budget regularly and adjust it as needed. Your financial situation may change over time, and so should your budget.

Increase Your Income

If your current income is not sufficient to cover your expenses, consider exploring opportunities for additional income. Look for ways to leverage your skills and interests to generate extra income. Be proactive and resourceful in seeking out opportunities that align with your capabilities and interests.

Find a Higher Paying Job

If you were previously employed but are now starting over, consider exploring new job opportunities that offer better pay or more stability. Take advantage of online job boards, networking events, and career counseling services to improve your chances of finding employment.

Start a Side Hustle

If you have a skill or hobby that you're passionate about, consider turning it into a freelance business or side hustle. This could be anything from writing, graphic design, tutoring, consulting, crafting, or even dog walking. Not only can this bring in extra income, but it also allows you to work on your own terms.

Sell Things You Don't Need

When going through a divorce, it's common to find yourself with belongings that are no longer necessary or hold sentimental value you no long wish to remember. These items may include furniture, appliances, electronics, clothing, jewelry, or even vehicles. By selling these unused possessions, you not only declutter your living space but also generate some much-needed cash.

Rebuild Savings and Retirement Funds

Building an emergency fund should be a top priority when starting over after a divorce with no money. An emergency fund acts as a safety net, protecting you from unexpected expenses or financial emergencies. Aim to save at least three to six months' worth of living expenses in your emergency fund.

If you have access to a retirement plan, such as a 401(k) or an IRA, take advantage of it. Contribute as much as you can towards your retirement accounts, especially if your employer offers a matching contribution. Maximize these contributions to accelerate the growth of your retirement savings.

Consolidate Credit Cards with Lower Interest Rates

Consolidating your credit card debt involves combining multiple credit card balances into one loan or credit card with a lower interest rate. This can be a great way to regain control of your finances after divorce.

There are several options available for consolidating credit card debt. Here are a few common methods:

Balance Transfer Credit Card: Many credit card companies offer balance transfer promotions that allow you to transfer your existing credit card balances to a new card with a low or 0% introductory interest rate. This can help you save money on interest payments while you work towards paying off your debt.
Personal Loan: Another option is to take out a personal loan to pay off your credit card debt. Personal loans typically come with a fixed interest rate, which can be lower than the variable interest rates on credit cards. By using the loan to pay off your credit card balances, you'll have one monthly payment to manage and potentially save money on interest.
Home Equity Loan or Line of Credit: If you own a home, you may consider using a home equity loan or line of credit to consolidate your credit card debt. These loans use your home as collateral and often have more favorable interest rates compared to credit cards. However, it's important to carefully consider the risks involved with using your home as collateral before pursuing this option.

Before deciding on the best method for consolidating your credit card debt, it's essential to assess your financial situation and consult with a financial advisor if needed.

Learn New Skills

One of the most effective ways to save money is by learning skills that can help you flex your new independence. Just because your former spouse always mowed the lawn, doesn’t mean you can’t learn to do it. Learning new skills can boost your confidence and self-esteem. It can be a transformative experience that helps you discover your strengths and capabilities.

Here’s how to acquire these skills even if you are starting over with limited financial resources:

Make a list of potential skills you would like to develop, such as cooking or baking, home repair, lawn care, or car maintenance.
Research free or low-cost learning opportunities. There are numerous online platforms that offer free or affordable courses. Additionally, check if there are any local community centers or organizations that offer workshops or classes at a reduced cost.
Utilize online tutorials and resources such as online tutorials, blogs, and YouTube videos. Take advantage of these free resources to gain knowledge and practical experience.
Once you have acquired new skills, it is important to practice and apply them in real-world scenarios. Don’t be afraid to dive in and try out the skills you’ve learned!

Remember, learning new skills after divorce is not just about saving money. It is also about personal growth and finding fulfillment in this new chapter. Embrace the process and be open to new opportunities that come your way.

Tips to Surviving Financially After Divorce

Divorce can be a challenging and traumatic experience. It not only ends a once-loving relationship, but it can also leave you financially unstable, especially if you are not the primary earner in your family.Below are the biggest tips I leaned on when it came to starting over after divorce.

I got a full-time job in marketing and negotiated my salary so that I would have what I needed to pay for all my expenses. I'm actually really proud of myself that during that year between separation and finalized divorce, I didn't have to borrow money from anyone.
I ramped up my old side hustle and continued to freelance write for clients in addition to working a full-time job. I even invested in this site and bought it back from Motley. (You can read about that, here.)
I got my own accounts right away.
I gave myself huge amounts of grace. I told myself that it was okay that I wasn't paying off my credit card in full each month or saving a certain percentage. Life flows in seasons and the season I was in wasn't a great one for me financially, and I knew that. And I made it okay for myself to exist in that space.
I spent what I needed to (guilt-free) on therapy and emotional support for myself whether it was a night out, a babysitter, or something that made me feel at home in my temporary apartment.

And somehow, we survived.

Closing Thoughts

Starting over after divorce with no money might seem daunting, but it's possible with careful planning and smart financial decisions.

Start with building your support system, finding an affordable place to live, and seeking alimony or child support. Then evaluate your income and expenses and adjust where necessary. After that, build your emergency fund and retirement accounts. Finally, learn some new skills that will help you thrive in your new circ*mstances.Remember, everyone's situation is unique, so what works for one person might not work for you.

The most important thing is to be patient and persistent. With time and effort, you can overcome the challenges of starting over and build a new, happy life for yourself. Trust me, I'm proof.