Hermitcraft Livestream Recaps - ETraytin (2024)

Chapter 1: Skizzleman, 06-07-2024

Chapter Text

Skizzleman Livestream, 6-7-2024

06:05 Skizz opens the stream with a birthday you-yo for himself. He gives shout-outs to donos, they are coming thick and fast because this is a birthday stream.

10:50 Skizz attempts to login to Hermitcraft, gets the invalid session message that pops up whenever you’ve had the Minecraft window open more than 24 hours. Skizz does not seem to have ever seen this error before and attempts to get back into the game without restarting the launcher. It fails again, someone suggests that the Hermits have permabanned Skizz for his birthday. Skizz restarts the launcher.

14:20 Skizz successfully joins the server, appearing inside Level 1 of his pyramid. He jokes about the permaban and is immediately derailed by a $1000 dono. While he is stuttering over the donation, Joe Hills crashes into the pyramid and sings him Happy Birthday in Spanish. He’s followed immediately by Doc, who sings Happy Birthday in mixed English and German, and then by Scar, who sings Happy Birthday in English but makes up about half the words. Doc teases Skizz about not making his hours quota on the server and suggests that if Skizz does not file his reports, Impulse will be mad at him at the next Hermitcraft corporate meeting.

19:00 Doc encourages the birthday donos to continue rolling in and tells Scar to leave because he is ruining the hype vibes. (Scar is standing on top of the dark maze, almost invisible and not saying anything, so the vibe ruination is not immediately apparent.) Skizz insists that Scar is not ruining the vibes, whereupon Scar flies down off the maze with an enormous and unmuted burp. Skizz and Doc react to this with the delighted disgust of third graders at the lunch table. Doc brings up yesterday’s Twitter story of Scar getting his off-road wheelchair stuck in a field. Skizz has not seen this story, but Joe says they should get Scar a riding lawnmower.

20:20 Skizz shows off the shutter shades he got from Mission Possible. Doc is skeptical, but Joe is all about the green glasses, for obvious reasons. He calls Skizz a percussionist, but Skizz says he is only a drummer. Scar asks what the difference is, and Skizz explains that percussionists should be able to play marimba, xylophone, bells, and similar instruments while drummers don’t. Scar chimes in “So it’s all about banging stuff!” with the sort of glee that suggests he knows exactly what he is saying. Skizz happily affirms that it is, indeed, all about the banging and says that’s right up Scar’s alley. Joe, who is also streaming, giggles nervously and Doc mutters a “Jesus Christ” that may or may not be prayerful. Joe says that this is why he doesn’t want VODs of his streams.

22:00 Skizz shows off a bit of his dark/snow/drowning/lava maze and declares with certainty that nobody could survive it in its current state. Scar says he definitely could and jumps into the snow portion through the side wall. Doc says that Skizz should not be giving people test runs because you don’t get test runs in real life. Scar escapes out the top of the snow portion somehow (he is not onscreen) and greets Cleo, who has just arrived.

23:00 Cleo appears in her MCC Pride skin and gives Skizz a cake for his birthday. Skizz places it and eats several pieces while relating a story about the time Impulse’s son, who was very young at the time, made him a Minecraft cake for his birthday and presented it to him in-server. Skizz, not knowing how to eat a cake, left clicked on it and broke it to bits in front of the child instead of eating it. The assembled Hermits agree that this has probably scarred the kid for life. Doc, who is the parent of a young child, sounds like he is in real physical pain from the story.

24:15 Skizz asks what everyone is up to today. Doc tells him that strange things are happening on the server and questions him suspiciously about whether he stole one block of diamond ore from one of Doc’s machines. Skizz claims innocence, as do Scar and Joe, though Joe confesses he thought about replacing all the diamond ore with lapis ore and claiming that if you leave diamond ore exposed to the elements, it will rot. He asks if someone swapped them with lapis and Doc says no, just deepslate. Joe, clearly extremely disappointed, says “Oh. That’s not funny. Lapis is way funnier.” Doc agrees and says he knows it wasn’t Joe because Joe would’ve done something much more bizarre. Skizz compliments Joe about how he really has his moments and Cleo, with the incredibly longsuffering air of a survivor of most of Joe’s “moments,” agrees.

25:30 Doc mentions that a pig died because of the diamond theft, which really gets Cleo’s attention. She accuses Doc of using the passive voice to soften the fact that he killed her special pig. Doc and Joe and Cleo are all discussing this loudly but we cannot hear much of it because Skizz breaks away briefly to address chat. Donos are still rolling in at a fast pace and Skizz promises that he’s going to go back and catch all of them in just a couple of minutes. Doc, who is clearly stream sniping, thanks one of Skizz’s donors for a large gift sub while Cleo attacks him with a sword. Doc admits to killing her pig but claims he was in emotional distress because someone broke his redstone. Cleo reiterates that this pig was special because it was the one she sent to hell and it survived. Doc contends that the pig had no name and was just randomly sitting there, like many pigs he has killed over the years. Joe interrupts to say that if a pig went to hell he thinks it probably would’ve gotten a name because even the most minor characters in Dante’s Inferno seem to have names somehow. Cleo is ignoring him and spelling out exactly where the pig was (in a boat? At a dock?) but she is sitting low in the mix on Skizz’s audio and it’s hard to hear exactly what she’s saying. She is very emphatic about it though.

26:30 Skizz tries to pull together the threads of the narrative with limited success as Doc reiterates his claim of emotional distress leading to pig slaughter. Cleo asks Skizz to be her lawyer. Skizz is enthusiastic about the idea, as Scar suggests they need Bdubs for “short claims court.” Doc tries to explain that Cleo was dismissive of the emotional pain Doc felt when someone touched his redstone, and so he killed the pig so she would understand what it felt like to lose someone. (In the background, Cleo points out that the redstone wasn’t even broken, because the block that was replaced was being used as a building block and was not essential to machine function.)

27:10 Skizz asks Doc about his state of mind during the slaughter and Doc, suddenly realizing that he is talking to opposing counsel, decides it is time to clam up and demand a lawyer. Cleo mocks him for making a full and open confession in front of witnesses before demanding a lawyer, while Skizz makes a motion in limine to a nonexistent judge to have the defendant declared mentally unstable. Doc says he has watched many videos on YouTube and knows he is entitled to an attorney. (It’s hard to say if this is true since there is no indication of whether a criminal or civil proceeding is being contemplated, or indeed whether any of the hermits involved understand the difference.) Doc accuses Skizz of walking like a lawyer, and Joe offers the advice that if someone tells you they are the opposition’s lawyer that means they are not your lawyer and you should stop talking to them. Doc displays a very confused understanding of his Miranda rights and the other Hermits continue to mock him for claiming them after the confession and not before. Doc claims to be appalled that all of this criminal behavior is being discussed on Skizz’s birthday stream, then declares himself to be “The Teflon GOAT.”

28:30 Skizz reiterates his willingness to be a lawyer in the case, and Cleo reiterates the fact that they have hired Skizz and Doc cannot have him. Doc retaliates by saying he will hire Joe and then they can talk to a sock puppet in court. Joe accepts the job but insists on being paid in sand. Doc agrees. Skizz laughs evilly with Cleo and says they will have the Doc/Joe team for lunch. Joe responds by saying it’s too bad Skizz already filled up on CAKE. Cleo claims she has witnesses, and Doc claims that Ren cannot be compelled to testify due to spousal privilege. (Apparently Ren is now Doc’s husband.) Scar says he didn’t know Doc got married and says that’s nice. Skizz tells Cleo they need to confer and stop talking outside of court, then tells the others that there will be no more questions or interrogations until they meet in open court. Cleo tries to say something and Skizz shushes them, being a man of either extreme bravery or extraordinary foolishness. Cleo doesn’t stop talking and Skizz goes full Muppet-style trying to shut her up, which works in the sense that it makes her laugh. Skizz assures her that this is the kind of lawyer he intends on being, and Cleo laughs until she starts coughing and has to mute. Doc laments the fact that he is stuck with the public defender, with Joe immediately punning about Pupplet Defender. Doc tells Joe that if Joe were a lawyer he would absolutely be a public defender because Joe is weird and would love to do it. Joe does not know how to take that. Cleo suggests that it not a compliment, though Doc insists it is.

30:45 Skizz makes a movie reference to Liar, Liar and then tells everyone that he’s had fun but he really, really needs to talk to his chat and catch up on his donos. Scar says that Skizz hates collaboration and walks disconsolately out of the pyramid to begin slapping a salmon head sitting on a jukebox. Skizz joins him and they invite Doc to join in as well. (Technically this consists of Skizz screaming “GET OVER HERE AND SLAP IT!”) Doc demurs, citing lingering trauma from salmon-related food poisoning. Skizz says this is all he wants for his birthday, but Doc insists he cannot. Skizz says if Doc loves him, he will slap the fish. Doc approaches, but begins making gagging noises and backs away again. The salmon-slapping noises are quite loud. Cleo suggests that the best way to have a private meeting with no Doc eavesdropping is to make this noise. Doc says he would rather bathe in a tub of poisonous spiders than slap the fish. He flies away.

32:40 Skizz turns to Scar and tells him that all he wants for his birthday is a death message in chat saying that Scar killed Doc. Scar immediately flies away. Joe and Cleo express great appreciation for Skizz’s plan, with Cleo claiming that all she ever wanted was for Doc to die horribly. Doc logs out at the exact right time for it to be clear that he was stream sniping and has finally caught up to stream delay. Everyone is disappointed. Cleo starts to talk to Skizz about killing Doc, then realizes they shouldn’t talk to their lawyer about extrajudicial murder. Skizz assures her they have attorney client privilege, but Joe correctly realizes that his presence could destroy the presumption of privilege and heads out. He gives Skizz a number of Joe Hills specialty fireworks for his birthday, insists that they are flight duration 3, and then flies away using one with predictably painful results. Skizz attempts the same thing and Cleo cheers that he farts rainbows. Cleo leaves.

34:45 Skizz returns to the pyramid and begins to address chat, only to be interrupted by Scar singing “check your mail, check your mail, check your mail.” Skizz promises that he will, then spends several minutes catching up with donos. He receives the link for Rusty_Courage and Persefida’s GIGGS Phasmo collab animation and assures a viewer that nobody ever needs to apologize for not being able to sub or donate.

39:38 Skizz goes to check his mail, accidentally using another one of Joe’s fireworks to fly. He receives a Ruber Sea Pickle, presumably from Tango, which is specifically labeled as a gift so he will have to put it up on the wall in his base. Cleo falls from a high place but says they are fine. Scar, also clearly stream sniping, drops off a gift of item frames when Skizz can’t find any.

43:00 Skizz leaves the maibox and sleeps, waking to find Scar haunting his mailbox to indicate that he has additional mail. Skizz finds mail from Scar, a coupon for the sand and gravel store along with a jukebox and a disc that plays the advertisement Scar made for his Star Wars themed shop. Skizz is clearly charmed and impressed. He wants Scar to teach him how to do that.

45:15 Skizz stops by Bop ‘n Go to repair his elytra, then heads for the sand and gravel shop. He leaves while the Bop song is still playing, disappointing his chat. Although the Death Scar initially appears to be its normal self, closer inspection reveals that it has been turned into a giant emoji sphere (thanks to Jevin.) Skizz, not fully understanding the cache function of the Bobby mod, is very confused. He visits the gravel shop, admires it, kills the inevitable mobs that spawn in any Scar build, and buys some gravel. Scar tells him in chat that the price for gravel is 12 diamonds per shulker rather than the posted 20. Skizz uses his coupon to buy a box of gravel.

52:30 Skizz leaves the gravel shop for the sand shop and catches up with donos again. A donor asks how he juggles streaming and a full time job. He suggests “A lot of cocaine,” then immediately insists multiple times that he is joking. He says it is very difficult and not necessarily very healthy, but suggests that as long as a streamer has a thick skin and an understanding that it’s very hard work, and that they listen to their body, they can get by. Another donor asks why he calls Tango ‘Top.’ Skizz says it’s from Rocket League, but that he also thinks very highly of Tango, so Top is an appropriate name.

55:00 Skizz actually enters the sand shop. Scar tells him via chat that shulkers of sand are 15 diamonds, and Skizz buys one. Chat complains that they cannot see in-game chat because of Twitch chat overlay. Skizz moves the chat box around on the screen to solicit chat opinions on the best place and size for it. Chat has a hard time achieving consensus. Skizz puts it back in the same place but slightly smaller.

58:30 Skizz addresses a viewer asking how to grow his drumming channel. He says you must be at peace with the fact that there is no magic formula. Collaborate as much as possible with other YouTubers in similar genres.

59:30 Return to the pyramid, inventory organization time. More dono shout-outs, and Skizz spends approximately 90 seconds walking aimlessly up and down his stairs.

1:02:30 Skizz fails to find ink in his chest monster. He sees that Tango has signed on and goes to visit the factory. Cleo raids into the stream. Not finding Tango, Skizz returns to the pyramid, gets chased by Tango, chases Tango, and engages in a sky battle that ends in an inglorious crash landing at the factory. Tango plays a custom music disc of Happy Birthday to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus while slapping Skizz on the beat. Scar drops by and attempts to HotGuy Tango, but does not achieve Velocitay. Tango calls him a tryhard.

1:06:00 Scar and Skizz begin rummaging through Tango’s storage system. Tango only objects when Scar gets into the redstone guts of the factory and begins singing in a suspiciously innocent fashion. Tango shows off his piglin extermination system, complete with pressure-plate activated scream.

1:08:50 Scar remembers something he wanted to talk to Tango about, then remembers he either doesn’t want to talk in front of Skizz or in front of several thousand chatters. Skizz plays dejected and says he will leave. He flies away, then returns and successfully HotGuys Scar. Scar, who does not have a bed, is dumped off at Spawn. Skizz and Tango collect the bits and gloat over the kill. Skizz gathers up Scar’s elytra and rockets and goes to find Scar, only to realize he is not sure where Spawn is. Scar gets killed by a Vindicator at spawn.

1:11:10 Skizz finds Scar and returns the elytra while Scar claims that his failed Hotguy was more impressive because it was a blind shot over the rafters and into the factory. Tango arrives as well, wearing Scar’s hat. Scar calls him a Rancher. Tango agrees. Scar trolls Skizz over Mission Possible (Impossible) (Kimpossible), then shouts that he still needs to talk to Tango about record players while flying off. His departure angle is a bit low, causing him to slam nonfatally into the side of a hill. He corrects himself and flies away while Tango and Skizz laugh and make George of the Jungle jokes.

1:13:00 Skizz claims that he needs to go to work, Tango says that he shouldn’t really have to because it is his birthday you-yo. Tango says he went to the gym that morning, but admits it was just a preliminary meeting. He and and Skizz start talking about hockey, til Scar reappears and demands his arrows and ender chest. Scar asks Tango a technical question about custom heads as music players and Skizz flies back to the pyramid.

1:15:30. Back to work… except Skizz needs food and rockets. Skizz flies back to the shopping district while catching up on donos. He admires Joel’s new honey shop, then heads for the rocket shop and gets Hotguyed by Scar, who then logs out. Skizz collects Breadstick to return to the shopping district while lamenting the bad etiquette of not returning someone’s wingies to them after Hotguying them.

1:19:45 Skizz arrives back at the shopping district and collects his bits. Tango had been looking for them as well, but was misled by Skizz’s claim that he was “at the rocket shop” and had looked at Cuboom instead of the flight rocket shop. Skizz jokingly regrets being so polite about returning Scar’s elytra. He says Scar is “in barney” and vows revenge.

1:21:00 Tango makes fun of Skizz for still riding a horse, and Skizz decides it’s time to buy an elytra. They don’t know where they elytra shop is, but chat points the way. Tango steals the elytra from the barrel before Skizz can buy one, Skizz retaliates with vociferous movie quotation. Tango suggests that maybe there should be police on the server to keep order. Skizz buys an elytra and some golden carrots. He is running out of money. Tango mocks him for not selling more wood. Skizz says he has lowered the price of mangrove to 8, but people have stopped buying. Tango and Skizz both have a lot of permits unshopped. They realize they each have a wool permit they can use at the wool shop and Skizz rides home to get it.

1:27:15 Breadstick is returned safely to the corral. Skizz puts his new spare elytra in his shulker box and finds his permit for green wool. Tango has light blue. Neither of them understand the Wolves of Wool Street concept, but they assume they can put their permits on the wall of the shop and collect their profits. They return to the shopping district.

1:28:55 Skizz finds Wool Street and puts up his permit. He has already accumulated four blocks of diamonds in profit from the shop. Skizz and Tango open every trap door in the Terracotta shop facade. Skizz suggests that instead of just opening all the doors, they place many more trapdoors around the facade. They admire the cuteness of the Fresh Animations dogs.

1:33:00 Skizz lays out his plan for trapdoors, insisting that he wants to go juuuuust to the edge of not funny and stopping before that. Skizz cannot differentiate between spruce and dark oak, but Tango and the chat help. They go to the wood shop and decide to make a chat group, but both of them create and neither of them join. Tango eventually joins Skizz’s group after some frantic moon landing. Skizz experiences a serious and fundamental misunderstanding about the prices of logs in Doc’s shop, insisting briefly that a shulker of logs is three sand rather than three shulkers of sand. Tango is longsuffering.
1:37:00 Skizz resorts to using cherry wood from his own backstock, but is embarrassed when he can only make 33 trapdoors and they are all pink. Tango offers for a second time to go get wood. Skizz reluctantly agrees, then gets lost in the nether trying to follow Tango home. He shows off his own portal, then returns to the shopping district.

1:40:00 Decoration of the Terracotta Shop begins. Tango expresses sudden reservations and Skizz mocks him for having cold feet. They place a dozen trapdoors, mostly randomly.

1:41:05 A creeper blows up directly behind Skizz, narrowly missing taking out the entire Terracotta Shop. It makes a sizeable creeper hole just in front of the shop. Skizz says he’s starting to feel bad. Tango asks if he needs a hug. Skizz clarifies that he feels bad about what they’re doing. Tango says he feels bad, but not bad enough to stop. He is worried that it’s not funny enough. Skizz places a single froglight in the bottom of the creeper hole. He sees what Tango has done while he was in the hole (place another 15-20 trapdoors) declares that it is terrible and that he’s going to tell Bdubs what Tango did. Tango tears down what he made, while Skizz begins placing more trapdoors. The trapdoor situation is entirely random at this point.

1:43:15 Skizz exclaims that he knows what to do and flees the scene, cackling. He returns after a minute, and he and Tango try to figure out which trapdoors they actually placed. Chat reminds Tango (Skizz is not reading chat) that there are trapdoors on the floor. He begins picking them up while Skizz places down additional trapdoors. Tango slaps him right through the front door and out of the shop, then finishes picking up the doors. They leave the shop only minimally pranked.

1:46:00 Skizz and Tango leave through the wool shop. Skizz relays a question from chat about why Tango is not streaming today. Tango pauses for a moment, declares “Explosive diarrhea,” and immediately flies away. He is still in the group, however, and admits he actually should be working on a video but was distracted by birthday shenanigans. He leaves the group and Skizz returns once more to the pyramid. He catches up on donos again.

1:48:30 Back at the pyramid, time to work! Skizz notices the froglights that Joe used for climbing inside the pyramid earlier and thinks they are an obscure prank. He declares no pranking in the pyramid, and earns a cheevo by taking them down.

1:50:25 Time for the Bop Song… or for slapping a fish. Skizz slaps the fish, then looks at some fanart by JustHydra. He talks about an exciting dragon fight on the Skizzlecraft server. He reads a birthday poem from a fan and tears up a little. He decides it’s time for a Ted Lasso rewatch soon and catches up on donos.

1:58:14 Actually time for Bop Song. Skizz kills squid in the river to get dye, then uses his new sand and gravel to make black concrete. He talks about Cobra Kai and catches up on chat and donos.

2:06:30 Skizz begins placing black concrete around the lava portion of the maze.

2:09:20 Skizz forgets he is in freecam and has a brief out-of-body experience.

2:14:00 Catching up with chat. Skizz talks about how he is unqualified to talk about social anxiety issues at pride events, but suggests that chatter should go along with somebody who they are very comfortable with to provide support if the crowds get to be too much.
2:16:15 Another freecam jumpscare, right into the lava pit. Chat suggests a poll on how long before Skizz dies to his own maze again.

2:20:30 Skizz backs up into lava. He catches fire but does not die.

2:22:00 Poll suggests 77% of chat believes Skizz will die in his own lava.

2:23:00 Skizz fights a spider in the pyramid, then tries to figure out where it came from and mob-proof it.

2:29:30 Skizz decides to put black banners on the wall of the maze and leaves to go buy banners. He gets outside the pyramid before chat reminds him that he is the holder of the banner permit. He goes into his base and looks at the banner permit, then does a classic facepalm. He makes a loom but must sleep and kill more squid before he can make any banners.

2:36:00 Having decided that the best way to proceed is black banners with red downward-pointing arrows, Skizz pauses the game to look up how to make them. He “borrows” some poppies from Gem for dye and kills more squid.

2:40:10 Skizz attempts his first banner. He forgets how to do it. After some trial and error, he gets the colors he wants and begins working on patterns.

2:45:40 Skizz runs out of black ink, goes to kill more squid. He catches up with chat and advises a chatter to introduce a new person to gaming by first understanding what sort of person you are working with and what sort of learning process they vibe with.

2:49:00 First banner is completed. The banner copying function makes the second banner considerably faster.

2:52:00 Banners are placed in the maze, declared “not great, but not bad.” Skizz catches on fire again but does not die. Test run time is declared.

2:53:30 Skizz turns off the texture pack, strips naked and does a test run of the maze. He’s forgotten to turn off jump boost, invalidating the magma block jump. He drops to a half-heart at the berry bushes but survives to eat. It is time for the Skizzleman Fart Song.

2:59:20 Motion sickness warning as Skizz leaves his cubito bobbing in the top of a water stream while he sends a text message. He leaves the stream to go let his brother in the house.

3:00:50 Skizz returns to wrap up the stream. He was not able to finish the snow maze, so he skips to the lava drop to test that part. He successfully makes the jump and does not die in the lava. Chat experiences mixed feelings. Skizz realizes that he cannot get out of the hole at the bottom of the lava and will eventually have to starve to death, but that is a problem for Future (Hungry) Skizz. Skizz raids into Ginger_Crush and signs off.

Chapter 2: DocM77, 06-08-2024

Chapter Text

9:20 Doc opens the stream by claiming that some crimes are so heinous that they require immediate retaliation. Someone has touched Doc’s redstone, and he is Not Amused. He tells chat that he was emotionally distressed to the point that he killed Cleo’s pig, but insists that the pig is really the victim of whoever touched the redstone. He offers a plea in the alternative that the pig was looking at him funny and it was really a case of self defense. Chat is divided on whether this is a compelling argument, but most of them are still busy saying hello.

10:38 Doc switches camera to Hermitcraft. He is in his base. He tells chat they will investigate swine crime later. He recaps last week’s stream where he broke 5k subscribers and says that his wife does not believe him about his number of subs. Today’s sub count is 4788 as a result of some gift subs lapsing. He needs to make it to 10k subs so he doesn’t notice as much if he loses a few. He thanks some subs and donos. Someone in chat mentions TCG and Doc is happy to be able to talk about it at last. He also admits that he has finally solved his considerable lag problem but is embarrassed about it.

14:50 Doc tells his TCG story. Beef has been working on TCG behind the scenes, and Joe Hills has been cultivating an IRL TCG community to play the game. The group decides an expansion is in order and artists are hired for the new work. All the artists are placed under NDA, on pain of goat-slapping. Several of the DCP artists are part of the project. Doc was barraged with questions from his team on what sort of art he wanted, and insisted he wanted the artists to make the decisions. He was forced to join a Discord and actually talk to the artists, which is clearly terribly painful to him (in a clearly joking way.) He thanks more subs, which are nearing 5k again.

17:55 Doc shows off his lack of lag and admits that for weeks he was whining and complaining about lag, but the solution was simple: a vacuum cleaner. When he finally cleaned the dust and yuck out of his computer, his overheating and lag problems were magically solved. He is embarrassed but pleased. He still has not unboxed his new PC.

20:45 A chatter asks how Doc’s day is going. He says it is brilliant, that he set up a tomato house and needs to end the stream on time because he has a delivery of garden equipment coming in. Home growing of cannabis is legal now in Germany and now it is quite difficult to find home gardening equipment at the shops. At the moment his plants are growing very well. He has 30-40 plants for sure this season. He is very excited about his tomatoes.

22:45 Time for work! The beacon is broken again. He thought he fixed it, but has a suspicion something else is broken. He needs to be on the server tomorrow at 6:55am to see what happens at that time. He talks about some redstone stuff involving the beacon that is beyond the ken of this livestreamer, but the upshot appears to be that the beacon is getting loaded and unloaded during server reset and that breaks it. There is supposed to be a workaround involving a hopper clock but it is not working. He wants to be online and watching what happens at the next reset. Doc thanks more donos and gets attacked by phantoms who shriek “Time to Shreep!” in Bdubs’ voice. He sleeps.

26:05 Doc’s job for today is to fill the machine he built last week to make armor trims. He will also investigate the heinous crime of redstone-touching. He gets a shulker box from his dispenser and begins filling it with the materials that can be used to decorate armor. Chat helps by reminding him of which materials he needs.

29:00 Doc makes the (possibly hubristic) claim that he is going to work today and no one will be able to stop him. He talks about the insanity of last week’s stream and how it was a once in a lifetime experience with the chat determined to get him to 5k subs. He is still not over it. He finishes gathering his materials then pauses to think. Chainmail armor cannot be used in the machine, but leather armor is possible. Doc asks how to farm leather. Chat suggests murdering horses and he calls them murderers. He raises the possibility of finding a hoglin farm or possibly bartering. He goes to the nether.

31:50 A chatter asks what is the weirdest fan-made thing that Doc has seen about himself. He says not to get him started. He begins to AFK the hoglin farm and demands chat do the math to determine how much leather will be needed. Chat doesn’t know, but is pretty sure it is more than 3. Doc settles on 96. He says a lot of fanart is pretty weird, especially the shipping fanart of him and Ren, though he has always said he doesn’t mind. He is not going to address the fanfiction but describes it as really far-out weird. Chat immediately calls him out (good-naturedly) for calling Ren his husband and then saying that ship art is weird. A chatter asks if Doc is using his new PC, he repeats his embarrassing vacuum-cleaner story. We get more details about the lengths Doc went to while chasing down his lag, including streaming to Cortex, maker of the Sodium-rendering mod Nvidium. Cortex apparently did suggest overheating might be the problem but Doc insisted with great fervor that his computer couldn’t possibly be overheating.

38:20 After recalling all of these computer misadventures, Doc decides that the story is too embarrassing to keep retelling. From this point onward in the stream, anyone who comments on the lack of lag will be told that Doc is actually using the new PC. Chat is not allowed to snitch.

40:00 Doc says that the new video got a small amount of static in the comments over the “wokeness” of putting up a rainbow beacon to celebrate his friends during Pride Month. Doc relates the arguments he has had there and on Twitter. LGBTQ issues are not a major issue in Doc’s life, as a cishet man, unless someone is going after his friends. (He makes a quick reference to the time he got in a fight at Disney because some people were hassling Bdubs, a story he has told before.) He very much disagrees with the argument that Pride is being shoved into people’s faces. He says people are just weird. He speculates that it may be a cultural thing as well, that in Germany nobody is really arguing about Pride month.

43:30 Doc arrives back at the shopping district. He says it is time to stop focusing on the complainers and get back to the really important issue, which is his redstone. A chatter points out that his mic is hot and he says he wants it that way, so that everyone can hear. He yells to the empty shopping district “YOU HEAR ME, HERMITS? A CRIME! HAS! HAPPENED!” He says he’s going to put up speakers all over the server to remind people. Someone asks if the crime was pig murder. He is not amused. He does not believe Scar or False were the culprit. At the suggestion of chat he does a quick check for snails in the machinery, saying that if he sees any, he will be getting out the strong pesticide. No snails are found. Doc says he wants to fix it very badly, but that would be tampering with evidence. He does some more shouting into the shopping district, then admits he doesn’t believe Xisuma or False, the only hermits online, had anything to do with it. False apparently is an angel, with no criminal energy inside her.

46:30 Time for work. Doc does not believe it was Cleo either, because when he killed her pig she got mad instead of confessing. He realizes that he forgot to bring the shulker box with him and it is back in the swamp. He blames chat.

47:30 Doc begins walking home, discussing potential suspects. The only Hermit he remembers tweaking lately is Scar, by laughing at the Death Scar prank and telling him he’s on Jevin’s side. He is sure it isn’t Scar, though, because Scar is a very bad liar and also would not have lied but would’ve doubled down and demanded to know what Doc was gonna do about it. He also doesn’t think it was Grian because he and Grian are cool right now and Grian hasn’t been around. He wonders if Joel might have done it just to be pesky. Chat suggests XB or Wels, and insists Joel would not mess with a build. Doc says XB is too nice. It definitely wasn’t Joe because Joe is Doc’s lawyer. He thinks Iskall is a possibility and decides to check his shop purchases. If Dark Oak has been purchased, the trail of evidence leads to Iskall. Doc declares that this is the biggest scandal on Hermitcraft since the tunnel bore incident. By now he has arrived home and collects up his shulker box and crafting table.

50:50 Back to the shopping district, as Chat continues naming basically ever Hermit as possible suspects. Doc thanks his “sugar mama” donos and does a little dance for them, then gets down into the guts of his redstone. He says that this is going to involve some brainwork. He swears incidentally, surprising some chatters, and explains that he does swear during stream. A chatter mentions that he is hotmiccing his swears into the shopping district, but Doc does not appear to notice.

55:15 A chatter says he is a fan of what Doc and the Hivemind are doing and encourages him to keep it up. Doc says his plans are to invent email on the server and maybe also do some drilling. He begins creating armor for the Tide armor trim, remembers that Tide is the name of a laundry detergent, then remembers the eating Tide Pods fad. He briefly despairs for humanity, then moves on to discussing how the armor pieces should be decorated. Chat helps Doc make various fashion choices.

59:45 A dono comes in labeled “from the ladies in the chat.” Doc says he knows 90% of his audience is ladies and that he is catering to the female audience, with his looks. Chat has many reactions to this information. Doc reiterates that he is the humble GOAT. He cannot say it with a straight face.

1:01:20 Another dono comes in claiming that a large percentage of his audience is nonbinary and should also be catered to. Doc assures them that he is also catering to the nonbinary audience, again with his looks. He cannot remember the phrase “gender goals,” but says he has been told that he is a gender role model for several fans who are transitioning. Chat assures Doc that he is indeed very gender. Doc says that he is catering to everyone with his looks. He does admit that it is hard to keep track of the often-complex array of identities and banners within the community, especially as someone who is outside of it, but reiterates that he loves all of Chat. He declares that the Jolly Roger is the flag usable by everyone, because being a pirate is the best thing you can be.

1:04:15 A chatter activates the auto text-to-speech function and makes it chant lyrics to “All The Single Ladies.” Doc is surprised, but does another little dance. He goes back to the topic and says that the most sexualization surrounding Pride comes from the people who are too preoccupied with disliking it. Back to the armor fashion discussion.

1:08:00 Doc responds to a hello message from an arriving chatter and advises the rest of the chat that if they want to be noticed by the streamer, they should use the color that this particular chatter has used, because it is very attention getting. (The chatter has chosen magenta as their username color.) A chatter asks if Doc is going to build one of every combination of armor and trim. Doc says no, that would be crazy. He is going to build a nice mix to showcase some possibilities. He replaces more armor pieces in the droppers and decides to use pink leather in place of chainmail, which does not work in the machine.

1:10:50 Doc heads for the dye shop to find pink dye. He examines Pearl’s Wordle build but finds that the dye is still in her truck shop. He accidentally visits the Purr-Purr shop before finding his way to the dye truck. Doc gets out his ender chest and realizes that he has no diamonds because he put all of them in the materials shulker box, which is back at the armor machine. He scolds chat for not reminding him to bring diamonds to the dye shop and bemoans their laziness in relying on their GOAT to remember everything. After a quick trip across the shopping district, he pays for his dye and dyes his leather armor pieces.

1:13:45 More armor fashion choices, this time for Coast trim. Doc is pleased that with the lag gone, he is getting so much done today. His anvil immediately breaks, but he has a spare.

1:15:55 Doc shows off the completed set of Coast trim armor, mostly in shades of pink and blue. He is pleased with it and wishes that he were allowed to dye his netherite armor different colors. He agrees with chat that the armor set gives a maid sort of vibe. He continues with more trims and more armor and trim color combinations, with occasional commentary. Vex trim looks a bit like a suit and tie outfit and a bit like a color-swapped version of Scar’s default skin.

1:23:14 A chatter asks if Doc would complain about sand less if it were easily renewable. Doc says of course, and that it _is_ easily renewable, you just have to make a sand duper. He begins working on the Sentry trim set, which confuses some chatters who think he is saying Sandtree. A chatter gifts a large number of subs. Doc threatens to name all the remaining armor pieces after the chatter. He is close to 5k subs again and encourages all viewers with Twitch Prime to sub now. A different chatter gifts a large number of subs. Doc insists that this gifting of subs cannot go on forever, but is clearly grateful for the generosity.

1:28:00 A chatter asks if the subscription price increase in July means a raise for the streamers. Doc says he does not know. He got an email from Twitch but hasn’t read it yet because most Twitch email is junk. He guesses that the split is usually based on percentage, so a higher sub price ought to mean more money for the streamer. He continues building armor pieces. He corrects a chatter’s misconception that partners get a 70/30 split, saying that 50/50 is the usual split.

1:31:50 A chatter says that Doc has no reading comprehension (Doc misread an earlier comment about bananas.) He says that he knows what the comment meant, but what he said was funnier. He deliberately bananifies a chatter’s name when thanking them for a dono. He talks some about how the grind on YouTube and Twitch is relentless, and that on Twitch, missing even one or two streams can cause a catastrophic drop in sub numbers. He puts together an armor set in the Silence trim, which most chatters seem to agree is the best. Doc agrees in part, but says the chestplate is too much. He does like the way the armor turned out, calling it “serious drip.” Chat suggests it looks like Optimus Prime.

1:36:50 A donor makes a donation and activates the auto text-to-speech. Doc comments that the “single ladies” (a holdover joke from last week) are generous today and says sometimes he feels like a stripper. Chat thinks this is very funny and he acknowledges that he says the weirdest things. Chat assures him that he can leave his hat on. They also attempt to summon Cub for horn acquisition. A chatter says they love Doc’s content but he should keep his clothes on because he’s got no curves. Doc takes great affront to this and assures chat that he has serious booty that he gets complimented on on a daily basis. He is favorably compared to many women’s husbands on the playground. He tells stories about this while chat loses their collective mind. Doc goes back to assembling armor pieces. He tells chat his current weight is 88kg, and that he used to weigh more when he played basketball but it’s been the same for about fifteen years.

((Liveblogger fast-forwarded through some conversation about weight loss and dieting at this point due to personal mental health concerns. Doc continues working on armor trims during this time.))

1:48:30 Doc says that he is almost done with the first half of stocking the machine. He has finished the trims up as far as the Rib trim. He begins working on the Ward trim. He says he may give Bdubs the chainmail he is taking out of the factory and that giving some gifts to the judge might come in handy. He clarifies to chat that he has all the respect in the world for single moms, having grown up as one. Chat queries him intensely on this, and he clarifies he grew up _with_ a single mom. Chat threatens Doc with more fanart.

1:51:55 Chat suggests conducting a poll on how many single ladies love Doc. Doc says they should definitely not do that, because Karin will not like knowing how many single ladies there are out there. (He is clearly joking.) He tells the single ladies to stay in the shadows, and that he knows they are there. He gives them a flirtatious waves and shushes them. He’s beginning the single ladies song again when suddenly interrupts himself with “I put it in the wrong hole again, goddammit.” Chat has the expected reaction to this turn of phrase. It takes Doc about thirty seconds to realize what he has said. He facepalms so hard he nearly falls out of range of the camera. Looking extremely pained, he tells Chat they have their mind in the gutter all day long. Chat has never been so desperately eager for Cub to make an appearance. Doc approves of the Ward armor trim samples and makes a noise similar enough to “uwu” to catch Chat’s attention again. He does not know what Uwu means, and Chat is only marginally helpful. Doc laments that life is hard for Boomers like him. Chat suggests that he should ask Gem but he refuses, saying she will just make fun of him.

1:55:00 With one side of the build completed, it is time for a short break. He wonders aloud if someone has been sneaking around inside his redstone. Chat suggests that maybe Doc is 77. Doc says that streaming is definitely not easy work, due to the CONSTANT INSULTS. Despite saying it is time for a break, Doc does not appear to be taking a break. He throws away some excess chainmail with the comment that Bdubs will not be happy about it. Almost instantly a zombie appears in full chainmail armor and tries to kill Doc, followed by another zombie with a chainmail helmet. Chat suspects this is revenge.

2:00:00 Dune trim construction. Doc sings a song about choosing armor trims. The trim comes out looking like tie dye and is declared a Renbob shirt. Doc says he is beginning to reach the unhinged portion of the stream. He sings a little more about what he is doing. Chat is unconvinced that the unhinged portion of the stream is only starting now.

2:03:10 A chatter called “Mistress of Torture” subscribes, Doc takes notice and jokes that this is one of the single moms, but a scary one. That chatter then goes on to make a large gift of subs Doc says “Thank you, Mistress” and laughs for awhile over that. Sub total is back over 5k. Doc thanks Chat as a whole for their great generosity in the last two streams. Someone in chat says they are all simps for Doc. Doc responds that just as there are Ethogirls, there are DocMILFs, which causes a substantial reaction in the chat.

2:06:40 A chatter subscribes and asks what they are signing themselves up for. Doc says they don’t want to know. A chatter suggests that now Chat knows what the M in DocM77 stands for. Doc says that his name came from his basketball friends. He could jump very high, so they said he could jump like Doctor J, but called him Doctor M because it is his last initial. He was also called Doc, he explains, because of his great understanding of and charisma with “the ladies,” who would often come to him with their problems. Doc assures Chat that he was never into chasing women, that his first long-term relationship was when he was 14, and that relationship lasted seven years. A short period of madness followed, and then he met Karin. Chat asks how he met Karin, and he says it was at a carnival party that he attended. It was a last-minute invite so he didn’t have a costume. He put a trash bag on and went as garbage. He saw Karin at the party and told his buddy that he just spotted his future wife. Despite the fact he was wearing a trash bag, he went up to her and they hit it off. Before the end of the party, he tore a heart-shaped piece of trashbag off his costume and wrote his phone number on it. She called him back. “Doctor Love strikes again, suckers,” he concludes. Karin still has the trash bag fragment.

2:11:00 Doc talks more about meeting Karin. He had been having fun as a basketball player, lots of cheerleaders, parties, etc, but he knew right away that she was different. Their friends didn’t initially believe it, but he always knew. He flies to the nether to gather more levels for trimming armor at his gold farm. Chat is disappointed that Doc did not visit Bop N Go. Chat asks for more tips about relationships, but he says there are no good general dating tips because everyone is so different. He says people enjoy the company of people who like themselves. Not narcissism, but knowing yourself and having self-confidence. Putting yourself out there to meet a potential new partner is scary, but the worst they can do is say no.

2:19:00 Doc has almost 30 levels but wants to gather a few more. Chat offers its own dating tips, including good hygiene, not being a dick, and talking to women like human beings. Doc tells chat that if you talk to women like a pickup artist or Andrew Tate, you’re not likely to get far. He offers more bits of relationship advice. A chatter asks how old Doc is, he tells them he is 19. Chat thinks that is very funny.

02:23:00 Doc leaves the gold farm. He is planning on rebuilding it bigger and better at some point, but not until after the next update. He is still being hounded by the forces that would suppress shadow poppy technology but he will never stop. He arrives back at the armor trim shop and tries to remember what trim is next. He talks with chat about the sub count and how many subs have been donated in the last two weeks. He still cannot get over last week’s stream.

02:27:10 A chatter asks if Cleo and Doc will be the first in the new courthouse. Doc says maybe, but what he is really interested in is catching the person who touched his redstone. He claims he would _never_ touch anyone else’s redstone. He believes capital punishment is the only acceptable consequence for such a crime. Doc says that stocking the armor shop machine is not the sort of chores he likes to do, but he is happier doing it on stream with chat to keep him company. He talks about a lumberjack-related television show from Canada that he he watches (Big Timber) and says he enjoys Canadian accents.

2:30:55 Doc sings again. He trims some more armor. A chatter compliments the Goatfather voice from Season 7 and Doc does a brief reprise. He shows off the pants with the Snout trim and declares the size of the belt buckle “sus.” Chat agrees that the pants belong to Texas. Doc has not been to Texas but he would like to go there and eat a gigantic T-Bone steak, drink Bud Light and talk about guns. Doc is not a gun advocate himself, he just wants to talk about them. A chatter says that Doc has Tweeted some strange stuff over the years, Doc scoffs at the possibilty of him saying anything weird.

2:34:00 Doc has been to New York before and has many basketball friends from there. He loves Brooklyn. He accidentally presses a button on the machine, which causes it to dispense an armor. He says that was not good, but the machine is not broken. He talks more about New York. He also talks about going up in the Sears Tower in Chicago and the Space Needle in Seattle. He likes anything you can climb. It has been about 10 years since Doc’s last trip to New York City, he’d like to go back and see how it has changed. He does more armor trims.

2:38 Doc talks more about changes in New York. He says the homeless situation was surprising to him when he visited, but it also happens in Germany and European cities. A chatter says it is unsafe to go to any major cities in the US, Doc scoffs at this idea and says the danger is very exaggerated. A chatter asks Doc to never say their name again because the first mention gave them a mini heart attack, Doc says it again and adds the headline “Twitch Streamer Kills Viewer.” He falls off his scaffolding several times and becomes frustrated. Doc talks about differences between Europe and the US regarding perceptions of race and interracial couples.

2:43:30 Doc thanks a new Twitch Prime subscribers, reminds other viewers with Prime subscriptions that they can subscribe for free. He pulls more armor out of the machine to trim. A chatter asks about Twitch Nitro, which reminds Doc that he wants to try running an ad. He has zero income from ads right now and wants to see what happens if he runs an ad. Chat points out that after the past two weeks, everyone in chat is subbed and will not see an ad. Doc says he needs a bathroom break but will hold it in because Chat demands it. (Chat is being fairly encouraging about running an ad.) Doc says if he pees his pants he will blame Chat.

2:47:30 A chatter asks what Doc will sell trim for. He says 6-7 shulkers of sand, to make the other Hermits regret their life choices. Chat says Scar is about to make bank, Doc agrees. ((Scar is selling sand for 15 diamonds per shulker as of Skizz’s latest stream, making the cost of a trim approximately 90 diamonds)). Doc admires his statue and its prominent booty. He says he debated with Jerome over the size of the statue’s booty, but Jerome assured him that the audience will love it. Chat generally agrees.

2:51:40 A chatter suggests using more iron armor instead of the gold and leather, Doc says iron does not show armor trims as well as other materials. Doc says he can’t pick a bad armor trim because it turns out that he likes them all. He notes a “battle of the MILFs” in the chat as two chatters make gifts of subs. Doc’s lead moderator claims victory as Chief MILF.

2:53:55 Ren signs onto the server, Doc calls him his husband. He explains that the community’s will is that he and Ren are some old married couple. Doc reaches the last set of armor trims. He asks Ren if he is streaming. Ren is not streaming, which is disappointing to Doc.

2:56:15 Doc shows off Shaper trim, the last set of trim, and reevaluates his stance that no trims are bad. He does not like Shaper because it is too generic. He accidentally hits another button. He replaces all the armor in the machine and the job is done. Returning to the surface, Doc hits some note blocks on purpose to run the machine. It produces a set of armor. Doc approves and says it looks like a superhero costume. He says the dispenser will probably need to be encased in glass because Hermits will definitely mess things up. He dismisses the armor. He talks about how to make a payment box, explaining he was deeply disappointed in Bdubs for not seeing the payment box in the wood shop. He expects Hermits to be breaking this machine for the rest of the season. The machine is taking a long time to reset.

3:00:00 Doc goes back into the redstone of the machine to troubleshoot. He figures out what happened and fishes out a chestplate that is lodged in a dropper. He’s not sure what went wrong and wishes he could replicate the error.

3:02:00 Doc returns to the surface and starts wrapping up. He is pleased with today’s progress. He tucks away his diamonds and says he is running low on loose diamonds. Returning to the studio view, he thanks the chat and the mods and looks for someone to raid to. He raids into FalseSymmetry and ends his stream.

Chapter 3: GoodTimesWithScar, 06-08-2024

Chapter Text

Scar Stream 6/8

8:50 Scar opens the stream. He is muted and out of focus. One cup of his headphones is dangling loose away from his ear, clearly broken. He says something inaudible and holds up a roll of black electrical tape. The video comes into focus but the sound stays off. Chat makes a concerted effort to let Scar know he is muted, but he appears to be telling the story of how he tried unsuccessfully to fix his headphones with the tape. Eventually he notices everyone yelling at him.

9:30 The sound kicks in, very loudly. Scar greets the chat. His audio interface is broken, as are his headphones, and OBS is not behaving either. He has a new audio interface but hasn’t installed it yet. He ruminates on whether he should be waving scissors around for emphasis and sets them aside. The headphones are very uncomfortable but eventually he gets used to it. He thanks subs and donos. He adjusts his headphones, then asks why the music is not playing. Why is everything broken? He takes the headphones off and tells the chat that yesterday he thought he fixed the headphones, but today it’s all broken again and he just looks like a lunatic. He begins repairing the headphones on camera, using a long length of electrical tape and the sheer power of his will. Jevin raids into the stream but Scar is very busy. Chat reports that the music is, in fact, playing properly.

12:30 Scar finishes taping the ear cup back onto his headset and puts it on. He is very pleased for a moment before the fix visibly gives way and the cup loosens again. He gives up and says at least it’s better than it was. Chat mocks him affectionately. Scar holds forth on the virtues of the television show MacGuyver, which was very formative to him in his younger years. By the time he is finished, the ear cup is dangling freely, well behind his ear.

13:50 Scar logs onto the Hermitcraft server. He is in the engine of his zoo train, looking out over the pasture where he’s keeping his horse. He talks to the chat some more and greets “Mr Whimsical,” Ollie Orionsound. Scar is happy that he finished his episode with the villain car. Chat is using the autotext function to talk to Scar, but he can’t hear them very well, for obvious reasons. He turns his volume up.

16:00 As he tours the train, Scar explains the change in design. His previous caboose idea wasn’t working, so he came up with the “villains” (hostile mobs) car. We get a look at Frank, who is having about as good a time as the hanging blue bird in the garden car. Scar says that the new design for the caboose will be with the caboose tethered to the train but floating in on balloons.

18:00 Scar finds Tango’s copper farm and “helps” with the redstone. He then goes to visit Tango at his factory. Tango admires the on/off light Scar has added, and they discuss The Emperor’s New Groove and the fact that Scar’s headphones are very broken.

22:00 Tango shows Scar how the drowned farm works, Scar is unable to escape the water current and dies in the farm while Tango watches in bemused disbelief from two blocks away. He respawns at his chest monster and returns to the farm. Chat asks whether he produced copper. Scar asks if that was on purpose and Tango said he assumed a human would simply walk out of the farm. Cub shows up and presents Scar with a water breathing potion. Tango retrieves and returns Scar’s things. Tango makes a joke about Scar’s ability to escape the water, Scar jokes that he must be losing the ability to walk in Minecraft as well. Tango has no response to that and Scar, triumphant, returns to his train.

26:30 Scar catches up with donos, a chatter makes a donation to “wheelchair fund” and Scar says he has so many wheelchair rants stored up that he is dangerously close to a mega-rant. He takes Chat to the villain car to get critique about whether the dragon actually looks like a dragon. Chat is generally encouraging. Tango (in game chat) says it looks like a dragon who went through a blender.

29:45 Scar wants to put a ravager in the villain car, but eventually turn the car into a mob farm. He says he has been relying on guilt-tripping the Maple Prince (Etho) into giving him gunpowder by sending him requests in the mail, but he can’t do that forever.

30:00 A chatter encourages Scar to leave Ore Mountain in place as a monument to Scar’s dedication. Scar still has not decided whether to keep it. He begins hunting for witches in the dark part of the train tunnel. A chatter suggests asking Doc to catch a dragon for the zoo, Scar is worried about the level of maintenance a captive dragon requires.

32:00 Scar discusses “noise” in builds while hunting for witches. It is important to reduce too many extra details so the eye travels where you want it to. Tango asks for no sleep.

35:00 Return to the train engine for the evening before nighttime witch hunting. Scar talks about The Acolyte. He is happy there are aliens, but thinks the second episode was “a bit wonk-wonk” and “hokety dokety.” He doesn’t like that the point of the show is to make the Jedi look bad.

36:45 Scar finds a witch and gets it in a boat. He returns to the train for a nametag and tries to sleep, but is too poisoned. After a little yelling, he manages to sleep through the night, then remembers he was not supposed to sleep.

38:00 Scar finds another witch, but it poisons him and runs away. He decides he probably deserved that. He tries to make a nametag but has no levels. He goes and finds the boated witch, but Tango is there. Tango menaces the witch. Scar asks him to please make the nametag for him so his witch doesn’t despawn. Tango names the witch and it accidentally poisons itself. They watch the witch and hope it doesn’t die. Tango asks for food and Scar says he’s all out, then provides some carrots when Tango starts slapping him. Scar offers further help with Tango’s redstone, and Tango seems resigned to the possibility. He leaves.

43:00 With the witch secured, Scar flies away into a tree to lecture the chat about how the Jedi are not bad and do not steal children, were corrupted by Palpatine but were still generally good, etc. He is very concerned about chat’s misconceptions about this. He does not like the directors bringing in “their own take” on the universe ignores what the universe actually is. They need to make their own universes. Chat’s opinion is mixed.

45:45 Scar wants to know when Jedi became the FBI of the galaxy, and what is even up with those belt buckles. Where did they get all those handcuffs?

48:30 Scar attempts to sleep again, but manages to remember and get out of bed before he actually kills the night. He resumes his rant, this time focuses on remakes of older stories.

49:40 Scar comes up with a plan to move the witch. He shames two creepers for excessive PDA and begins creating a witch-movement track.

50:30 Someone asks if Scar has found Big Rons. He says he has not, and begins to say something else, then breaks off and says it’s a spoiler. He responds to a commenter saying that he should give Frank the Strider some lava by saying it’s a good idea, then gets blown up by a creeper. He actually has a totem in hand so he does not die, but it does seem to have taken a year off his life. Tango says sleeping is now fine.

52:00 A chatter suggests that the Jedi have significant moral blind spots. Scar resumes making the witch track and says he is worried the new directors will have the Jedi committing war crimes or something. He is worried that maybe Star Wars is a dead horse that has been beaten too hard. There’s just so much content that has been squeezed out of it, maybe it needs a rest. He rants about Disney exploiting its IP. A chatter comments that the Jedi committed actual war crimes in the Clone Wars. Scar says he has to rewatch, but he is somewhat skeptical. He says that some Jedi were corrupted and have done bad things, but it has never been canon that the Jedi in general steal children and are bad.

56:00 A chatter says they are remaking Twister, Scar is dismayed. A chatter claims to be a TV writer for Star Trek and agrees with Scar’s contention that the writers and directors of franchises are caretakers. Scar agrees with the agreement and doubles down that people who want to pursue their own vision are great but should make their own universes.

58:00 Scar laughs about the idea of remaking Twister, a goofy 90s movie that is one of the few movies his grandmother kept on VHS. He throws some shade on George RR Martin for not finishing the Game of Thrones books, says he deserves shade after the comments he made about Star Wars. He rants some more about Disney’s love of sequels.

1:01:00 Scar begins trying to get the witch on the track It poisons him again. He suggests that it’s a weird time for media and maybe people can just like Hermitcraft instead. He hypes up Cub and Tango a little.

1:03:45 Scar extolls Walt Disney for wanting to make money for the sake of making more great things. He says Disney now makes money just to make money. The witch poisons him severely again. Scar says that he always wanted to be an Imagineer, but he couldn’t be happier than doing what he is now with Hermitcraft. He loves having the ability to make what he wants to make. Hermitcraft is great because he and his friends can do anything they want within the very loose guidelines. He talks up Bdubs and Short Claims Court, disregarding chat’s attempts to correct him to Tall Claims Court. He talks about the history of Hermitcraft and how it’s been going along mostly smoothly without chasing trends or big gimmicks, just gradual growth and improvement over time.

1:08:00 A chatter donates a thousand dollars with the hopes that it will help with medical expenses. Scar is a bit verklempt and thanks them. Chat is very excited. Scar tells the chat that, speaking of medical expenses, he may be disappearing for a bit around the end of June. He gets derailed back onto The Acolyte, then gets poisoned again by the witch. He gets the witch into the minecart.

1:10:30 Scar says he’s dealing with residual issues from his surgery in 2022 and has another surgery coming. He could be home the day after the surgery, or could wind up in the hospital for some time, especially given his general bad reactions to general anesthetic. There could be a gap of videos going into July, but he hopes not. As for the wheelchair, it is rant time again. A Medicare rule from 2018 says Medicare won’t fund chairs made of “experimental or exotic materal,” which means “anything that isn’t aluminum.” Other insurers followed suit, so now insurers will only pay for aluminum chairs. Scar needs a lighter chair for his and his parents’ sake. He is not allowed to pay the difference between an aluminum chair and a lighter chair, and insurance will not pay for any of the parts put on a lighter frame. A new chair would be about 9,000 dollars out of pocket. It is very frustrating, but he really needs a new wheelchair.

1:15:00 The witch is in place. It continues poisoning Scar. Scar polls the chat about taking it out of the minecraft, but reaches no consensus.

1:16:50 A wild Zedaph appears (signs on)! Scar comments he is almost never online with Zed because their timezones are so different. Same with Joel. Scar begins to compliment the Imagineers at Toyko Disney Springs. He likes very many things about Tokyo Disney. While he talks, he disassembles the witch track. He also likes the themed Disney food, and Disney food in general.

1:23:30 Scar attempts to remove the witch from the minecart. It poisons him again. He accidentally hits it with a shovel. A chatter suggests invisibility potion, but Scar is skeptical. The witch kills him. He respawns in the train engine.

1:25:20 Scar returns to the villain car and collects his bits. He drops a bow, which concerns the chat, but it is not the HotGuy bow. Scar teases the coming TCG set and says the art is going to be very cool. He checks to see if a shield blocks potions. The witch poisons him again.

1:27:40 Scar successfully frees the with from the minecart. It poisons him again. He flies away and scolds the witch from a safe distance for throwing potions on Frank.

1:29:30 Chat demands lava for Frank. Scar says Frank will get lava. Scar takes the chat to his creative world and warns of spoilers ahead. He shows chat several potential designs for villain cars, but the one he wants isn’t there. He is confused. Chat suggests that maybe the other tower was the friends we made along the way. Scar shows off some of the train designs he used while preparing to build the zoo train, including trains he build in Scarland, Empires, Season 7, etc. The original engine design for the circus train was much more compact and cartoony. There are at least 20 trains and partial trains floating in this area.

1:33:45 Scar says that this test world is extremely old. He flies over to an area where he learned how to make beds and pieces of furniture back in 2011 or 2012. He shows us what he believes may be the first-ever Minecraft toilet. He gives chat a tour of some kitchen and living room designs from 2012 and the introduction of terracotta. He shows chat the first “realistic” house he tried to build. It is perfectly fine, but he does not like it now. He counsels chat that everything takes time, practice and commitment. He flies past a boat he hates and commands chat not to look at it. He shows mockups of the courthouse from Season 4, planes from Season 7, and HotGuy HQ from Season 9. Many recognizable builds from various seasons are visible. Scar tells chat that you need to fail and fail and fail before you ever get where you want to go.

1:38:45 Scar tries to find a particular build and cannot, detours to show his experiments with ghostly glass from Season 6. He shows a mockup of his Season 5 roads from Scar City. He shows the prototype of a never-enacted prank on False involving “Jelliefish.” He shows some redstone experiments from back in the day, including a scrapped enchanter from the first Scarland survival world.

1:42:00 A chatter suggests Scar make the creative world available as a world download. Scar says he wishes there was more in it, that he often uses a HC world download these days. He shows off a Kingdomcraft build he designed while he was in the hospital but could not complete because the series ended.

1:45:20 Scar shows off many prototype Swaggons and describes trying to figure out the scale of the very large wagons. He encourages the chat to persevere through times when everything seems ugly and wrong, because things will eventually start to click.

1:47:10 Scar shows off a half-built structure he liked and never built. He shows off two building prototypes for the Pirate Cove. A chatter asks about world edit, and Scar shows how he uses World Edit to copy and paste in process builds so he can make alterations to builds he likes without risking ruining the structure in the process. He talks about how working with Bdubs has made him more willing to take extreme design risks and see what happens, and World Edit helps him do that.

1:51:45 Scar says most World Edit tools don’t make sense to his creative brain so he doesn’t use brush tools or things like that. Being in creative, chilling, building and having fun are one of his favorite things to do. He shows off gradient tests from when tuff and dripstone were new. He says he practices shapes and color patterns in creative so he can do them quicker and better in his survival worlds.

1:55:00 Scar shows off a set of color and gradient tests from the beginning of the nether update. He interrupts a trio of villagers talking, one of whom is wearing a dragon head. He finds a redstone device but cannot figure out what it was supposed to do. He gets very excited when he finds “something very interesting,” the original color layout for his magical crystals. Red crystals were supposed to be health before he turned it into a rage crystal for Tango. He says the saddest thing about Season 7 was that he wanted to take the crystal thing way further, but is happy that he was able to use the idea again in Last Life. He shows off the prototypes of his bell prank on Grian from Season 8. He finds several more ambiguous redstone pieces.

1:59:40 Scar shows off several more prototypes from early season builds. He is charmed by finding an alligator he does not remember building. He pop quizzes chat on one prototype, chat correctly guesses “haunted mansion.” He finds his mockup of the “modern fishing cabin” from 2014 and is very excited about it. He shows off mockups of ‘digital trees’ from Mumbo’s Season 6 landscaping.

2:04:00 Scar returns to Hermitcraft. He asks chat if they liked the visit to the test world, chat is enthusiastic. Scar says that sometime he will do a tour of Scarland, the survival world he built before joining any SMPs. He returns to contemplating the villain car and wants to get an evoker and/or a ravager. He is also going to build some farms under the train. He says he’s still going to build a roller-coaster in Magic Mountain even though now it’s destined for volcano-hood, and also that he’s going to add some villagers. He envisions a train barn design that houses either a super smelter or a villager trading hall.

2:08:00 Scar explains that he wants all his cars to have functions, but he is not sure of a function for the aquarium car. He solicits ideas from the chat. A chatter asks about the recording studio and Scar tells them to go watch the most recent video. A chatter suggests putting a dolphin in the aquarium car. Scar says that’s probably a bad idea. He says he may flood a portion of the land near the train to remove unused land, then terraform a new shoreline.

2:11:40 Scar returns to studio view and draws the stream to a close. He says his next step is to trigger a raid to get the ravager and evoker, and contemplates getting help from Doc, so long as Doc has his mini pizzas first this time. He admits that he’s going to need to go get new headphones and is sad about it. One headphone cup appears to be actively trying to escape his head. Scar raids into Ren and ends his stream.

Chapter 4: ZombieCleo, 06-09-2024

Chapter Text

0:00 Cleo goes live. She is on the Hermitcraft server, in the front yard of her base. She says hello to everyone, especially the weirdos in chat. She realizes the chat has been left in emote-only mode and turns them back on. She tells Chat she has just gone through her mail and there is a lot of it. She got two horn-of-the-month club deliveries at once, and she needs to meet with Joel about armor stand work. She has a sand and gravel coupon and a Mission Possible mission, so much to do!

1:40 Cleo goes into the house, warning Chat as she goes that she has “lored” in here. There are eight books she has written just for this room, all for the lore. She goes back outside and spots Cakebot on the roof, then laughs about how she always sees the bot and, thanks to the long distance and long nametag, thinks it’s Scar sneaking up on her.

2:40 Time to get started! Cleo shows off the Tower, which needs to be dug out into a tower base. They say they are actually working today which doesn’t happen often, especially this past week or two. Cleo has been too sick to reasonably work and so has been taking a sensible rest. A chatter asks if Cleo is going to die today. Cleo says they are feeling better, somewhat, and not going to die. The cats are fighting in the background.

4:20 A chatter asks why their message was deleted. Cleo tells them to read the rules. She greets Cam the mod.

5:30 A chatter engages Cleowo mode. Cleowo interacts with the chat and thanks subs. Today is the first day Cleo has been feeling well enough to go outside in awhile. She quotes The Little Mermaid as a prose poem. The Little Mermaid was the first movie Cleo got to watch in the cinema, and that’s how old she is. A chatter plays a spicy jelly bean. Cleo says they also moved into the new office, which is mostly clean and painted and pretty.

7:45 Cleo leaves to get tissues and wishes everyone a happy Pride. She needs birch wood for the build and goes to find it in the basement. Cleowo mode ends. She thanks subs and donos as she navigates through her base.

9:20 Back at the tower build, Cleo needs to figure out something to do with the roof. They contemplate maybe blocking it off entirely. Chat is trying to remember their first Disney movies. Cleo assures them that this is not a quiz and they don’t need to remember or share that information. ((For the record: the animated The Little Mermaid released in the UK in October 1990. This probably makes Cleo slightly younger than the livestreamer, whose first Disney theater experience was Who Framed Roger Rabbit.))

10:30 A chatter asks if this will be on the test next week. Cleo adopts an extremely ominous voice to reply that nothing will be on the test next week because “NEXT WEEK DOESN’T EXIST!… because it’s an abstract concept.” A chatter plays a cheerful musical sting that makes the whole thing sound like the last punchline in a sitcom.

10:40 A chatter says they will not disclose their first movie because they are too old. Cleo says they are not going to force anyone to disclose anything in chat, movie telling is not mandatory. Everyone is cool here, no narcs allowed in the chat. The mod reminds Chat not to get specific about ages. Cleo agrees and promises that one of these days she will remember to support the mods on that issue, but possibly not soon. Cleo lines up a zinger on herself, delivers it, says that was mean and blames chat for it.

12:00 Back to design talk. Chat continues talking about movies and theatrical productions. Cleo removes most of the mangrove from inside the tower in order to replace it with sandstone. She agrees that the Lion King musical is great and reminds Chat that she is very tired. Being sarcastic all the time can be a problem for her because people don’t always understand it and can become offended very quickly. Chat likes that Cleo is sarcastic. Cleo points out that the people who do get offended tend to leave and then badmouth her on the internet. Her first inclination is to ask them to come back, but then she realizes they would not do well in her chat anyway and so she doesn’t care very much.

15:00 Cleo tells a story of someone who didn’t understand their sarcasm, who got very offended when they said Cleo was wonderful and she replied “I know.” Chat is definitely on Cleo’s side for this one. A chatter says content creators don’t owe the attention of sub thanks to their audience, but Cleo believes that it is important to thank donos and subs, though sometimes she does miss things. She says she is known for being a screwup, even as she misjudges the blocks she is placing for her new wall. She sighs.

17:00 A chatter asks if Cleo is doing anything for Pride. They answer that they do not like in-person events because they are not good with large groups of people, but does participate in Pride things online. Being a member of the community, they feel, gives them a pass on having to do too much stuff. Cleo did enjoy MCC Pride. The tower area is clean now, but needs shaping and a couple of floors.

19:00 Cleo organizes her inventory for building. She has a lot of stuff she doesn’t want or need. She finds sixteen anvils and wonders sarcastically where those could have come from. She needs spruce but doesn’t think she has any. A chatter asks why she doesn’t use background music. Cleo explains that she has an Epidemic Music license for her main channel but not one for the VODs channel where this will be uploaded, and YouTube Music has neither sufficient music nor a good player. Other solutions for royalty-free music has gotten streams muted in the past because of YouTube’s overenthusiastic AI. They tell chat that if Chat has any good suggestions, they are listening. A chatter suggests using the Hotdogs on Your Face song exclusively, but Cleo jokingly claims not to have enough cards for that. Cleo has forgotten what they are doing.

23:50 Cleo thanks the subs. She remembers that she was putting in floors. A chatter plays the Hotdogs On Your Face song. Cleo is now hyperaware of the lack of background music. She says that she is not going to upload this VOD, so she will see about doing some Epidemic music. She asks chat for what genre they want. Suggestions include “Silence,” “Lofi,” “Elevator Muzak,” and “Jazzercise.” She chooses “beach destination chill.” A chatter plays “Hug a Creeper.” Cleo says they’ll get there. A chatter asks Cleo to give some building techniques. Cleo suggests making a build more interesting by starting with a basic structure and then adding purpose-based additions. That is the easiest advice they can give, they are all tapped out for building advice. The chatter admits they were hoping to get some building skill through osmosis. Cleo sadly informs them that she has tried the same thing many times by sitting next to other hermits, but it does not work.

26:30 Cleo goes back to assembling supplies. Pixlriffs raids into the stream. Cleo welcomes the raiders and tells them that in this stream they are being obnoxious and facetious and other ous words. A chatter comments “So a normal Cleo stream?” and they respond “No, this one’s got music in.” They try to build a staircase in the tower and decide a ladder is a much better choice for the space involved. Pix’s chat tell Cleo that Pix was playing Elden Ring, a game Cleo knows nothing about. She hopes they had a fun time.

28:00 Etho is mentioned in chat (due to the “Ladders” nickname and his love of ladders). Cleo tells the chat she didn’t know about the ladders thing for a long time after meeting Etho. She didn’t know Etho before Hermitcraft and thus is much less in awe of him than folks who literally grew up watching his videos. She is aggressively _not_ an Etho fangirl. A chatter says they heard he was washed up. Cleo laughs and jokes that he washes up for supper sometimes. Chat is very enthusiastic about Etho, trying to counter Cleo’s amused dismissiveness with a list of Etho accomplishments. This is difficult because Cleo is not an Etho viewer and does not do redstone and is thus unimpressed by the Etho Hopper Clock.

30:00 Cleo decides to create a secret room to avoid having to deal with the unusually-shaped space at the edge of her base, while simultaneously trying to convince Chat that Etho is Just Some Dude. Chat is having none of it. Chat is also very in favor of Etho and Cleo as a Life Series comedic duo. A chatter mentions that Impulse also has a common redstone device named after him, the sorting system. Cleo declares this fact “cool” and reiterates that the things they know about the Hermits could fill a very small book, or maybe a pamphlet.

32:00 Cleo thanks the donos and subs, and makes a few more Etho jokes. They work on coming up with a design for the entrance to the secret room. Chat is still in Etho-mode and suggests maybe Cleo is secretly obssessed with Etho. Cleo points out that they didn’t even bring Etho up, only responded to Chat bringing him up in the first place. She assures Chat her days of not taking Chat seriously are coming to a middle. She blames Chat fully for this.

35:00 Cleo mentions new TCG cards are coming. Two of Cleo’s cards are already done and they are very good! A chatter activates Hydration time and everyone has a drink. Another chatter asks why Etho fans are here and not on Etho’s stream. Cleo laughs and asks why Etho fans are so obsessed with her. A chatter activates Posture Check Time. Cleo’s TCG cards are always good because they choose amazing artists, but they will not say too much so as not to give anything away.

37:30 A chatter asks how Cleo is feeling after Doc’s pigicide. Cleo answers “Litigious.” The tower elevator is coming together and needs signage. A chatter asks what her favorite minigame is, besides Decked Out. Cleo points out that they do not play very many minigames so don’t really have a favorite. They put signs in the elevator shaft to hold back the water.

40:00 A chatter asks what kinds of builds and genres Cleo would like to try in the future. Cleo says she mostly just builds what she is feeling at the time and doesn’t care too much about overarching themes or what other people think about it. She begins filling the elevator with water source blocks. A chatter says the build reminds them of the Owl House. Cleo does not know what the Owl House is.

42:00 Xisuma joins the server, says hello via in-game chat, and asks what Cleo is up to. Cleo tells Xisuma she is finishing her builds before Thursday, then explains to Chat that Things are happening on Thursday. Xisuma asks Cleo if Thursday is a secret. Cleo is not sure but says the details are probably a secret. Chat suspects that it is either a court case or base tours. Xisuma asks if Cleo needs anything, but they reply they are nearly ready and just have to finish building.

44:20 A chatter say that it is not difficult to guess what is happening, Cleo invites them to actually guess, if it is so easy. She says no special guests and no court case is happening, just Hermits doing Hermit stuff. A chatter says Joe mentioned base tours after the Hermitcraft meeting. Another chatter guesses update day, but Cleo explains that only Xisuma cares about update day. Xisuma messages again to offer wood and Cleo asks for spruce for the floors.

46:30 Cleo finishes the elevator and jumps down for more supplies. A chatter plays the Feral Ghoul sound from Fallout and startles her. Cub logs onto the server and exchanges greetings.

47:30 Cleo says there are a lot of things that need to be figured out right now, like whether a particle effect from ender chests goes through slabs. They currently have a floor that seems to consist of dark gray wool, carpets, and ender chests. Cleo takes up some of the wool and carpet and begins placing slabs over the chests. The answer appears to be “kind of.” A few particles are making their way through the wood slabs. A chatter who is the maker of the Armor Poser mod proudly announces that the mod is ready for 1.21 and hopes Cleo is excited. Cleo congratulates them and endorses the mod to Chat but says she has no input on when the Hermitcraft server will actually update. Chat notices that Cleo has not confirmed or denied base tours as a possibility. Cleo says they can see why chat might think that and continues not to confirm or deny. Xisuma drops off some spruce and flies away like the Lumber Fairy. Cleo declares that X is the best and has forgotten again what she is doing. A chatter plays Sour Jellybean.

50:40 Cleo remembers it is time to Hug a Creeper. They set spawn and fly into the air, falling from a high place. They collect up their bits while gloating about being able to legally claim sour jellybeans as a business expense. Pearl signs on to the server

51:50 Cleo responds to a chat suggestion that trapdoors might let in more particles than slabs do. They make a bunch of spruce trapdoors from some of Xisuma’s logs and place some of them down, but it’s hard to see the particles in the current testing area. Cleo begins picking up the floor to move elsewhere and mentions receiving a troubling message from Pearl in the mail. She flies down to her mailbox and shows the large quantity of mail parcels she talked about at the beginning of the stream, including one that contains a single block of purpur and requests that Hermits buy more purpur from Pearl. Cleo confesses that she doesn’t like purpur at all but feels like she should maybe buy some from Pearl anyway as she clearly seems to be suffering. Chat somerwhat incoherently tries to inform Cleo that the parcel is from Joel, who lost a bet with Pearl and was forced to advertise the Purr-Purr shop and raise sales for Pearl. Cleo eventually parses what Chat is trying to say and is no longer concerned about Pearl’s message.

55:00 Cleo goes back to picking up the trial floor from the wizard tower. Pearl writes in the in-game chat that Chat has been losing her sales since 2024. Cleo tells her that purpur is gross, but because it is Pearl selling it, they will buy some. Cleo likes the look of spruce trapdoors over ender chests and decides to buy purpur in celebration. Chat asks what time it is for Pearl. Cleo believes it’s around 6am, Pearl-time. Pearl says she has a minigame to build. Cleo tries to convince her she does not have to build minigames at 6am.

57:10 Cleo arrives at the purr-purr bus and admires the new dumpster, saying it’s a good addition. She doesn’t really understand how Iskall can hate diorite so much when purpur exists and is a much better target. They shake their head over the prices in the shop but buy a bunch of chorus fruit to make end rods, plus some end stone. According to Cleo, buying purpur-adjacent things definitely counts as supporting the shop. Pearl is grateful. Cleo says that Pearl is undercharging and pays extra for all the chorus fruit. As Cleo flies away she notes that between herself and Cub, they have most of the server’s money right now.

59:30 A chatter asks what the bottom half of the vTuber looks like. Cleo adjusts their stream position to make the entire vTuber figure visible. Chat is impressed that Cleo has legs. FalseSymmetry, in stream chat, comments “omg legs (in caps)” to circumvent the stream rule against all-caps. Cleo shows off the limited set of movements available to the full-body figure, then puts the figure back in the usual place.

1:01:00 A chatter mentions that the vtuber figure can walk and can be used to replace the default character in certain games such as Valheim. Cleo confirms that it can be used for some games, like Valorant, and she could stomp around in there as Cleo if she wanted to. She cannot use the model on VR games because it is above the poly count. It’s primarily intended for vtubing. Using it for VR would be pretty rough on game performance.

1:02:15 Someone plays the Poe Poe Siren (Skizz singing the Poe Poe song) outside Cleo’s base. It is definitely Scar, who just signed onto the server. Cleo fetches their own horns and plays Skizz’s “Dang it, Scar!” horn, then yells for Scar to come back with a warrant. They go back inside just in time for Scar to play Xisuma’s “This is Illegal!” horn.

1:03:00 Cleo realizes that this is a war. She plays Etho’s “There was some kidnapping involved” horn.
Scar retaliates with his own “Trader Scar’s not going to eat you” horn.
Cleo plays Grian’s “I’m eating a curly-whirly right now” horn.
Scar plays Impulse’s “Say it and we’ll bleep it out” horn.
Cleo plays her own “Oh no-woh, not Joe-wo” horn.
Scar plays Ren’s “I’d like to see your butt, please” horn.

1:04:10 Cleo yells to Scar that she has run out of horns and demands to know where he is. Scar flies overhead and repeats the Ren horn, followed immediately by the Michael Scott “I declare Bankruptcy” horn. Cleo giggles and declares she needs to buy more horns, then remembers she has an ace in the hole. She heads for her mailbox, finds and plays the “I see you” horn from the Horn of the Month Club.

1:05:15 False logs into the server just long enough to play her own “OMG hiiiiii” horn, then logs out. Cleo play’s Gem’s “That’s Amazing!” horn. Th3Pooka raids into the stream.

1:05:45 Cleo thanks the raiders and welcomes subs. They have once again forgotten what they are doing. Chat reminds them that they are working on flooring.

1:07:00 Someone plays a horn from The Office outside. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn, explaining that even if she doesn’t see him, she has to play the horn. She returns to working on her floors. A chatter asks what program the vTuber model was made in. Cleo does not know but points the chatter to the link for the designer, MotherLyra. Zedaph suffocates in a wall.

1:08:20 Someone plays the MGM Lion horn, startling Cleo. They follow it up with a horn (maybe Etho or xB?) saying “I chop, I dig, your mom is really big.” Cleo plays the “Dang it, Scar” horn again. Someone plays Scar’s “Take a look at how big my booty is” horn. Cleo plays Tango’s “I see you” horn again and yells to Scar that she only has limited horns . Scar, who is stream-sniping, disclaims responsibility in in-game chat, even as someone plays Iskall’s “What are you doing?” horn. Cleo guesses it must be Cub. Cleo decides it’s either Scar or Cub, or both, or Pearl, or Tango, or Xisuma. Scar asks Cub in chat where the alien horn is.

1:09:50 Cleo attempts to go back to work, while admitting that they are not trying very hard to work. A chatter asks why Cleo has so many ender chests. Cleo says it is for the particle effects, then jokes it is because they have an addiction but most people don’t comment on it. In game chat, Cub tells Scar that the alien horn should be at the shop unless someone already bought it. Cleo wants to know more about the alien horn. Outside the window, Pearl plays Scar’s booty horn again and flies away. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn again. Zedaph suffocates in a wall again.

1:11:10 Cleo bemoans her own lack of horns, while Scar suggests that the alien horn has probably been sold. A chatter plays a scary noise, but Cleo is currently immune thanks to all the horn shenanigans. They go back to work, declaring loudly that they are feeling bullied, and it is because the hermits are bullying them. It’s not just one of those feelings, it is definitely bullying. Pearl assures Cleo in chat that it is only love. Cleo replies that one can bully with love, and invites Chat to “Ask me how I know.”

1:12:10 Cleo asks Cub if he’s done the Xisuma legs horn yet. Cub says not yet, but maybe for next batch. Cleo is pleased about that possibility. They want to hear the legs horn, because it is weird. False rejoins the server. Xisuma, who has been silent for a long while, asks what about his legs in game chat.
Cleo tells him they’re very pretty. Cub explains that Xisuma made a remark that tickled Cleo. X says thanks and that he never skips leg day. Cleo chuckles and mutters “nerd”

1:13:30 Cleo confesses proudly in game chat that they always skip leg day. Scar thinks someone got the alien horn from the shop and appears uncertain about what to do. A chatter plays Xisuma’s “Legs Legs Legs LEGS!” sound, which Cleo had forgotten was an available bits-reward sound on their channel. Scar plays the “Darth Vader Breathing” horn but Cleo is distracted. A chatter asks where the Legs soundbyte is from, and Cleo tells them it’s from MCC Pride where they were on a team together. Scar plays the Michael Scott “Inside Joke” horn. Cleo greets Scar and/or Pearl, possibly both or neither, whoever is out to get her, specifically.

1:15:15 Cleo talks about MCC Pride and hopes no one was expecting them to win. Scott has not officially told Cleo that they are being added to teams as a nerf, but that it’s just generally known. Cleo’s role in MCC is “ballast.” Scar asks Pearl if she bought the Alien horn, Pearl does not know what he is talking about. Someone plays the “Hello there!” horn. Cleo runs outside yelling “Oh my god, hiiii!” but no one is there. Cleo is disappointed, and asks that whoever is blowing horns at least say who they are. Chat believes it’s definitely Scar. Cleo plays the “Dang it Scar!” horn again.

1:16:45 Zedaph falls out of the world. Xisuma describes this as Zed doing Zed things. Cleo agrees and says that’s pretty much his job. A chatter asks Cleo what is their favorite “Cleo thing” to do. They say sleeping, mostly. A chatter asks if Cleo has any information on books or info about lgbtq+ issues. Cleo says not really, they don’t read up on it much, just experience it from their own perspective. They refer the chatter back to the chat for recommendations.

1:19:00 A chatter asks why the floor only has a certain number of ender chests under it. Cleo explains that it’s going to be a summoning circle, and the ender chests are in a circle under the floor to provide particles in that exact spot. A chatter asks about using a spore blossom for more effect, but Cleo explains the range is too wide. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Another chatter plays a door noise. Cleo turns the music back on. A chatter notes that Cleo now has a convenient crawlspace under the floor. Cleo agrees, but says they did not plan it that way, because planning is for losers. She parenthetically adds that she is a loser. Zedaph blames Tango for his untimely death in in-game chat. Cleo agrees that most things are Tango’s fault.

1:21:30 A chatter asks how people are playing noises and jellybeans, Cleo explains the Streamloots program. Another chatter admits that they have read a great deal of fiction and anecdotes about the lgbtq+ experience, but not much nonfiction and nothing to really recommend. Cleo agrees that this seems pretty common, and talks about how if mainstream sources won’t provide gayness, the community will make it for themselves. A chatter plays Favorite Things, and Cleo says mostly intangible things, like the way you feel in the morning when the sun is rising and you know people you hate are suffering. She says she doesn’t understand why people think she’s so sinister all the time. She also likes petrichor.

1:23:45 Cleo begins texturing the new floor with slightly lower trapdoors in places. They talk with Chat about queerness in history and how it is difficult to know exactly what it was like in the past because so many things were different. They reorganize their inventory again and go into the mines to find a box of crystals for decoration. Cleo is too tired for in-depth discussion on these serious topics and just needs to get some crystals. A chatter puts the chat into emote-only mode, Cleo refers to that as the “Cleo says stop” button.

1:28:00 Cleo finds the geode and begins harvesting crystals. They love amethyst noises, and wants to put amethyst under carpet someplace in the build. There are not as many crystals as Cleo was hoping for, and they take some time to free up more faces on the crystal-producing blocks. “Crystals are going to become important!” she teases. She agrees with chat that amethyst needs more block variations, since it is a far nicer color than purpur. The crystal noises are very soothing.

1:31:20 Cleo says that the most annoying thing you can call a geologist is a “crystal girlie.” Chat does not understand the term. A chatter says their geologist friend doesn’t like being called a rock-licker. Cleo says rock-licker is fine and if they don’t want to be called a rock-licker they should stop licking rocks. Cleo explains that a crystal girlie is someone who believes in crystals for healing and energy alignment, rather than studying them scientifically. Chat has a discussion about eating rocks. Cleo advises that many rocks are inert and can be licked, but that one should not lick rocks instead of taking medicine. Some rocks should not be licked at all. Cleo specially advises Chat not to eat uranium and suggests (then immediately unsuggests) that they look up radium girls. ((A sad story from history of some workers who became the reason for later regulations.))

1:36:00 Cleo transforms her crystals into “charged crystals” by renaming them on an anvil, then puts them in a similarly-transformed “Lead-lined Storage Crate.” The box goes into the new tower room for decoration. A chatter plays Teeny-tiny Zombie Cleo, Cleo sings the song. Cleo looks for one of the lore books in the library room that has information about crystals. They do not find it, but find a note about crystals in a cupboard. Pearl asks in chat for verdant froglights. Joe has been buying all Etho’s stock, but Cleo has some in storage. She invites Pearl over to get some. A chatter plays spicy jellybean.

1:41:10 Pearl arrives and yells hello. Cleo provides her with several stacks of verdant froglights, even though Pearl only truly needed four. Pearl is happy for the extra froglights because she likes the green tinged light. Cleo says green-tinge is the best tinge. Pearl says that pearlescent froglights are also pretty great. Cleo says they’re not her favorite. Pearl says she’ll let that slide because Cleo has been so generous and flies away. Cleo blesses Pearl’s little cotton socks and calls her adorable.

1:42:30 A chatter says that Pearl was their first introduction to Hermitcraft. Cleo says that is valid but also unusual, Pearl is not one of the more common vectors into Hermitcraft. A chatter plays Giant. The first chatter explains that they started watching in S8 with Pearl and Gem and their friends. Cleo is happy about how the community has grown. They also can’t wait for the new paintings. Cleo creates a painting to cover the secret door, but does not particularly like the only design that covers the space.

1:45:00 Cleo declares it’s time to clean up the roof, because it looks like arse. Pretty arse, but arse. They are not worried about structural integrity because magic, but some crossbeams would look nice. Cleo says that sometimes it is hard to explain their thought process while building because sometimes there is no thought, just building. They begin adding crossbeams to the interior roof and talking about building process or the lack thereof.

1:49:40 A chatter asks if Cleo has a favorite fan song. Cleo says no, they have not heard many and generally try to keep their research in a bubble. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Cleo says she will watch most Hermit stuff, but the fan stuff can be biting. She wants to keep just a little sliver of joy in her life. She goes on to clarify that “I’ve got two diamonds” and other songs written just for her are exceptions, but fan stuff can be mean in general and she avoids it. A chatter mentions that Doc talks about fanfiction on stream all the time. Cleo says Doc is insane. They don’t need to worry about what Doc is doing, because it is always THE WRONG THING. Chat is not happy about the idea of anyone being mean to Cleo. Cleo clarifies that in fan spaces, fans tend to assume she will not be there, and they tend to speak their minds bluntly. When they’re talking about the character, it’s just opinion, but when they talk about her as a person, it’s hard to deal with. Cleo does not fault the fans, it is a difference of perception between Cleo as the person and Cleo as the character. What they are doing is not harmful in itself, but Cleo seeing it is harmful because it makes her feel bad and she has learned to avoid it. At the same time, 99.9% of the fandom is lovely.

1:55:20 A chatter says their partner is trying to watch every hermit, but doing so during Decked out in S9 got pretty tiring. Cleo does not recommend trying to watch every Hermit because that is too much and too difficult. They realize that many people like other hermits more than they like them, and they’re okay with that. They will never be everyone’s favorite and that is fine. Pearl, in in-game chat, agrees that Hermitcraft is fantastic because of its wide variety of creator styles. Cleo has a hard time finding her saplings and wonders if they might be in the orphan-crushing machine. Chat is confused about the orphan-crushing machine, which appears to be a bonemeal farm. A chatter plays Hydration Time.

1:58:00 Cleo reiterates that they avoid fan spaces and explains that fans sometimes just say rude things on the internet. She can know that a take is bad (“Cleo doesn’t deserve to be on Hermitcraft’) but that doesn’t mean it won’t sting. Pearl chimes in with a story about a Tiktok she saw where all the comments were kind except the ones about her. Cleo is instantly sympathetic and assures Pearl she is wonderful while threatening the lives of the haters. Tango alerts the server to potential lag incoming. Cleo says she doesn’t mind living and letting live with people who are mean to her, but nobody can say bad things about Pearl. Pearl says that most of the community is wonderful and she’s just getting used to living with the bad part. Cleo asks for advice about how to do that, because she has been on Hermitcraft for nine seasons and it is still hard. Cleo talks about the fine line between not feeding the trolls and not clapping back when it would be better to do so. A chatter plays Favorite Things. Cleo says it’s the mail system, because they had nine messages today and it was cool.

2:03:00 Pearl messages that when she starts feeling bad about fan negativity, she reminds herself that she shouldn’t care about the opinion of anybody she wouldn’t be willing to take advice from. It is silly to let the words of the haters have any impact. Cleo agrees that this is valid. They would not listen to those people’s advice, and would also probably say something very nasty to them. A chatter plays gross jellybean, much to Cleo’s chagrin. A chatter plays Giant Zombie. The jellybean is bubblegum, but Cleo would’ve actually preferred the mouthwash alternative. Bubble gum is a bad flavor.

2:05:50 Cleo wonders sometimes if she goes a bit too far, and mentions she might have been a bit too enthusiastic in verbal sparring with Doc. They reiterate the information about their TCG cards and the new expansion. The crossbeams are almost finished, and Cleo adds some above the windows. A chatter says they would not want to make Cleo mad, and Cleo confesses their bark is much worse than their bite. She also does fake anger a lot, because it is funny. When Doc killed the pig, she did get a bit too into the bit, but it was okay in the end. Doc shouldn’t have killed the pig! It’s okay, Cleo says, because he’ll suffer. A chatter asks what an HHH stream is. Cleo explains it is Hermits Helping Hermits and they haven’t done one for awhile because they and Joe are both busy. Cleo thinks she may have frightened Doc just a little bit and laughs about it.

2:10:10 A chatter plays Cleowo. Cleo says she doesn’t think Doc’s scared of her, more that he felt sort of guilty when the pig thing turned out bigger than he intended it to be. A chatter suggests that Doc didn’t realize Cleo was serious when they said they were attached to the pig. Cleo agrees that’s exactly what happened. Cleo has finished one building and has another one started, but they need to decide what is going to go inside on each floor. She takes a tour through the building. A chat plays emote only mode.

2:13:20 Cleo says it’s about time to call it a stream. They switch to big Vtuber mode and thank the chat for subs and donos. They insist that nobody sends them anymore firstborn children because they already have too many of them. Cleo raids into a non-hermit friend and ends the stream.

Chapter 5: TangoTek, 06-10-2024

Chapter Text

8:30 Tango opens the stream hot, calling Chat jerks and telling them his shirt is red. Chat is skeptical. Tango wishes everyone a happy Monday and pushes out a video. He was waiting to put his video out until Pearl pushed hers out, and she pushed hers out just a few minutes ago. Tango tells everyone they can leave now and watch the video, which is “only” 51 minutes long. It’s a double video, stuff with him and Pearl, the copper farm, and hilarity with Tango and Zed. Today’s job is finishing the aquarium. He thanks the chat for subs and donos.

11:00 Tango makes some funny noises, explains that every time he messes up a take in the video, he just makes the cartoon noise and cuts it off. About 40% of his clips end with complete brain-farting. A chatter asks if he’s seen the League of Legends show. Tango doesn’t know much about it. Chat says it’s called Arcane, Tango says it sounds awesome.

12:00 Pearl appears and boops him, surprising him. He demands to know why he is being booped, Pearl tells him that she’s been standing around up above him but he didn’t notice her. He blames his powers of observation. Pearl offers him some apology redstone for the terrible timing of her video push. It seems like she was waiting for software that took a long time, but she dissolves into wailing before the full explanation is rendered. Tango assures her that it’s fine and tells her it’s a good video. He asks if she finished all the detailing and she tells him yes, it’s all done. Tango asks if he can take the chat over and play Wordle, and they make tentative plans for later. Pearl leaves.

13:40 A chatter asks Tango if he had fun in Zedaph’s hole, Tango says of course he did. Tango explains the water kitten aquarium he and Zed started. He is having a hard time making words happen today. Chat is alternately sympathetic and laughing at him. He goes to find more copper to put on the top of the aquarium. He says he has a new copper farm and it is working. A chatter asks about Wordle, Tango encourages them to go watch Pearl’s video, because Wordle is amazing. A chatter teases Tango about stream and video at the same time. Tango jokes that it’s always feast or famine with the Hermits. A chatter writes Tango a poem. Impulse is still sick after his vacation, but he had a great time.

17:20 Chat is still trying to figure out what color Tango’s shirt is. Suggestions include maroon and rust. Tango begins placing copper. Today’s challenge will be finding axolotls in the lush caves underground. Chat says Joel has some that can be bred, Tango says maybe, but an adventure might be more fun. He looks at the wheat farm and says he has 10 stacks of hay bales now. He consults with chat about details to add to the aquarium before putting axolotls in. Chat has lots of decorative ideas. A chatter suggests warped logs for the animation effect, Tango likes that idea. A chatter asks about Tango’s megabase this season, he says it is the steampunk factory. He also tells Chat that the copper farm will eventually have a steampunk airship built around it, something that the video audience doesn’t know yet.

21:50 Tango wants decorative and functional copper pipes in Minecraft. Chat suggests using lightning rods as pipes, but they are too thin. The Skizz scream noise goes off a a piglin dies to the extermination machine, Tango jokes that nobody even notices it anymore. He goes to get buckets. Chat reminds him to be very very careful not to waterlog the floor, which has farmers beneath it. He promises to be careful.

23:40 A chatter asks how he doesn’t take fall damage in his drop shaft, Tango explains the powdered-snow-under-carpet trick. In chat, Xisuma asks everyone to not go to the End Dimension. Tango begins placing water in the aquarium. Doc signs onto the server and X asks him specifically not to go to The End. Doc tells X he is already there, announces he is joking, and then asks why he needs to steer clear. Tango notices the exchange and says he doesn’t go to The End anyway, then suddenly realizes he kind of needs to get more shulkers and gear. X explains that he is currently moving mobs and Doc agrees to stay away.

26:30 Tango continues placing water and considers where to put the warped logs. Cub signs in, X asks him to not go to the end. Cub immediately makes the same joke about already being there. Xisuma yells “twice!” Doc laughs.

27:30 Tango places a patch of warped wood. He likes it. He heads on a quick nether adventure to get more. He asks chat about water kitten husbandry. Chat advises him that they can drown on land if given a place to get stuck. Tango finds a pillar someone made of warped logs all the way to the ceiling and decides to steal it. It’s a little terrifying. Someone mocks him for “being that guy” and leaving a single floating log. He says that nobody cares what the nether looks like anyway. He solicits fun ideas for a shroom shop from chat. Chat thinks it should be a mushroom or a warped tree. Someone suggests a shroom monster. Tango likes that, something like Treeza from S8. Pearl whispers that she would be willing to help, Tango says that would be great but he would just be watching slackjawed while she builds. She says if he teaches her redstone, she will teach him to build a monster. Tango thinks the monster needs to have a lot of puns involved, a pun name and a pun dispenser. Its name can be Fun Guy.

34:00 Chat suggests some more punny names, including Fun Gus and Mike the Myconid. Tango gets a bit lost on the way home, but makes it back to the nether hub. A chatter jokes about the monster having a warped sense of humor. Tango returns to the aquarium to place more warped logs while chat puns at him. He is now excited about building the shop. Next episode might not even take 16 days!

36:30 Tango checks the wheat farm, no flooding yet. He returns to placing water. Chat is upset that one piece of warped wood is out of alignment. Tango does not care. He finds a deep hole and wonders what is down there. He jumps down the hole and declares spoilers for the video that just came out. There is a hole in the bedrock going into the void. He leaves it open in case Zed comes over to visit.

40:00 More water placement. A chatter suggests hanging a fox with a torch in the void as a dynamic light source. . Tango likes that idea. The aquarium is starting to get very dark. A chatter asks what water kittens are. Tango explains they are axolotls, but calling them water kittens is more fun.

42:50 Tango needs sea pickles. He makes a graceless exit from the tank and looks for his sea pickles. He remembers he was going to add a few oxidized grates for steampunk style. Grates can be waterlogged without looking stupid. He puts away some water buckets. Mrs. T appears and asks what he’s doing. He says he is making a tank, she asks if it will have a pineapple in it. He says Gem makes the pineapples, not him. He begins placing sea pickles. She asks if there are other colors of sea pickles. He says no, but he could place coral. She wants pink coral. He is not shocked about this. He offers to put in a pink axolotl for her. She asks if that’s even a question. He shows her the copper grates and says it’s a grate idea.

45:15 Tango starts to tell Mrs. T about the shroomlight farm idea, but her lunch is ready and she leaves to get it. He places more grates into a sort of pipe structure and asks Chat if they like it. Mrs. T comes back and asks what the grates are for. He says for steampunk reasons. The vote goes against the grates. He tells Mrs. T about the shroomlight shop and all the puns. She is in favor of it, but in the “being supportive of my spouse” sort of way. She suggests “Shitake the Fun Guy” as a name. A chatter asks who Tango is talking to. He welcomes the chatter to the stream. Tango finishes “Watering up his hole.” Mrs. T sighs. Tango says if she wants more of that humor, watch the new video. She says ain’t nobody got time for a 51-minute video.

49:00 Tango waters the hole. He gets very close to finishing before flooding the outside of the tank. He decides not to waterlog the ceiling. Time for decorations. Mrs. T says to call her when it’s time to show off the kittens. Tango needs more pickles because the tank is still very dark. Chat suggests glow lichen. Tango goes to look for glow lichen. Chat cannot spell lichen for love or money. Tango does not have any glow lichen. He thinks about using froglights. Chat suggests robbing Skizz, but the problem with robbing Skizz is you can’t find anything.

53:00 Tango attempts to rob Skizz, going one chest at a time. He finds some moss , but the lichen may be out by the pyramid. Impulse signs onto the server. Tango finds some twisted vines, but they cannot be waterlogged. He finds a squid head and some vines. He goes to look in the pyramid chests and finds glow lichen. He steals all of it. He finds a Tango head. Chat suggests leaving one lichen behind so Skizz can bonemeal it. Tango agrees that would be considerate, but does not do so.

56:30 Tango returns to the aquarium and learns that you cannot waterlog heads. He adds lichen to the tank. Chat suggests a head on an armor stand, but Tango thinks that’s a lot of work. The lichen doesn’t seem to be adding much to the brightness. He tries a twisted vine, but it does not waterlog. He accuses the vines of hating fun. He places and bonemeals some kelp. Tango asks about who sells coral, Chat tells him Gem. He says he should buy Gem out because it will make her happy. He starts to drown. He finishes kelping and says he will snip the kelp down to size later. He also thinks about placing a wet sponge.

1:00:00 Tango’s phone rings with its boomer ringtone. He hands the phone to Mrs. T and tells her to change his ringtone. She agrees cheerfully. Tango thinks they may be done building the tank. Chat reminds him to get the coral. Mrs. T shames Tango for having two “Settings” buttons on the first page of his phone, one line apart. He says when one has his powers of observation, one must adapt to it. He heads for the coral shop.

1:02:00 Mrs T begins cycling through ringtones. Chat says each is more boomer than the last. Tango finds the coral shop. Chat suggests using the Skizzle Scream a a ringtone, Tango says that would be great in public. Tango decides he doesn’t want coral blocks, only coral fans. Chat starts making jokes about Onlyfans. He buys several colors of coral, including pink, and says since Gem doesn’t have an ender chest, he doesn’t have to pay. He pays.

1:05:00 More ringtones. Tango assures Mrs. T that chat is really enjoying this. Tango flies to Two Tek Delay and checks his stock. He doesn’t think he’s sold any pistons yet. He needs to do some restocking. He heads back to his factory, showing Mrs. T the giant firework along the way. He explains how much work it was, how many temporary blocks. Chat points out that Scar would do it too. Tango agrees, but says he wouldn’t do it. It’s almost water kitten time.

1:07:50 Tango puts pink coral in the tank to appease Mrs. T. She wants other kinds of pink coral, the kind that is not so flat. He asks how she knows more about coral than him. The tank is so full there is almost no room for more decorations. Chat says he needs yellow coral. He leaves the tank and looks in. The coral is invisible. Chat says the blue glass was a bad idea. Tango blames chat for choosing blue glass in the first place. He says they can swap it out, but for what color? Chat wants clear glass.

1:11:00 Tango puts his coral and other decorations away. He finds clear glass and says this is going to be an interesting swap. He also grabs shears for the kelp. Chat wants a sponge, he says he will go back for it later. He trims the kelp in the tank to stop it growing. Grian signs on, Chat is excited. Tango begins carefully and quickly replacing the glass piece-by-piece. He predicts that the next thing Chat will demand is the Connected Glass resource pack. Chat agrees that he definitely should get that. He steps back to look at the first few rows and admits that the unconnected glass does look pretty bad. HE says he may do that next. He says he doesn’t like using things that will make things look nice for him but bad for others who visit. Chat points out that everyone else is already using connected textures. Chat is not sure about what the best way is to get connected textures. Tango says Chat is always right and never right, and his job is to sort out the consensus. A chatter says the blue glass was better.

1:17:30 Tango continues discussing datapacks versus modpacks with chat. Tango pauses the game to go choose a datapack that will give him connected glass. Chat helps him navigate the menus. He finds Unobtrusive and selects several glass options. He downloads the pack and implements it. Chat is mildly concerned that clean borderless glass will be invisible. The world renders back in with little stripes on the glass but no borders. Chat says clean and borderless are not compatible. Tango can live with it. Chat likes it. He and chat continue discussing the possibilities of resource-pack altered glass.

1:22:50 It’s water kitten time! Chat reminds him again about the sponge. Tango finds some wet sponges in his ender chest and places two in the aquarium. He thanks the chat for donos and subs. Tango is excited about a new version of Clank coming out. He looks at the tank and is satisfied. Chat is full of suggestions for armor stand scuba divers, shipwrecks and treasure chests. Tango says he might get Cleo to do an armor stand. He asks for how to breed water kittens and tells chat that the plan is to try and find wild ones, give up after five half-hearted minutes, then go breed Joel’s.

1:28:30 The adventure begins. Tango flies around looking for azalea trees. He realizes he’s forgotten an ender chest and goes to steal one from Zed. Zed does not have one. Tango figures maybe he won’t need one. In chat, Pearl warns Tango that the lush caves nearby kinda suck. Chat is full of advice on finding lush caves. Tango admires Scar’s portal as he flies by. He finds Jevin’s head farm and is confused by it.

1:32:50 Tango realizes that the other thing he forgot is a bed. Impulse sleeps, averting a crisis. Tango finds a tall hill with cherry trees on top and calls it Magic Mountain 2.0. It is already hollow, meaning the Magic Mountain crew could’ve saved a lot of time if they started with this one. Chat says it’s time to relocate. Tango finds a pillager outpost and releases the iron golem just for chaos’ sake. More flying, more looking for azaleas, more getting lost-ish. Tango realizes that without his ender chest, running out of rockets could be a serious problem. Chat spots an azalea tree, but the stream delay makes things difficult.

1:38:20 Unable to find what Chat says they saw, Tango flies onward. He looks around in a spruce and ice biome for a little while, then decides that the rocket situation is too precarious and he should head home.

1:40:00 Tango spots an azalea, and a lush biome that starts on the surface. He notes down the coords and begins to dig, harvesting the rooted dirt. The hole opens into a lush cave canyon. Tango goes exploring.

1:43:20 Chat notes that this is not a very good lush cave. Tango agrees. He fails at some parkour and makes a joke about 39th place skills. He starts digging down further, following the rooted dirt. Tango really wishes he brought his ender chest. The hole opens into a much better cave, except it is full of hostile mobs. Tango flees. He also did not bring a bow.

1:46:30 Tango predicts that he will die down here and it will be horrible. He updates his coords. He remembers that he forgot a totem of undying. He is surprised he hasn’t seen any water kittens. Chat informs him that they have seen some. A chatter helpfully tells him they look like pink lizards. Tango begin clearing out the hostile mobs to help the mob cap and increase his chances of survival.

1:51:00 Tango catches his first water kitten, a color that is hard to pin down but is probably pink. There is great rejoicing. Pearl is stream-sniping and cheers along in game chat. He catches a second one, a brown one, and asks chat if they should go for more. Chat says he should get more colors if he can.

1:55:00 Tango searches fruitlessly for several more minutes. Chat contemplates how nice it would be to have a bow. They suggest that Tango should collect small dripleaf. Tango says he doesn’t even know what that is. Chat says it is dripleaf that is small.

1:56:40 Tango finally hits the axolotl jackpot and finds a whole family group. He is very excited because one of them is pink. He catches a pink one, gets jump scared by a spider, then catches two yellows and another pink. The last yellow baby gives him a run for his money, but eventually gets bucketed. He celebrates his 39th place skills.

1:57:30 Time to go home, but how? Tango begins working his way out of the cave with gravel, sparing use of rockets, and digging straight up.

1:59:40 Tango reaches the surface and rejoices. He is right on the edge of Joe’s build. He pokes around the build, looking for a portal. Chat directs him to one and he gets to take a shortcut home. Back at the factory, he puts away the rooted dirt and other goodies he collected. Chat wants him to name the water kittens, but confesses that they will not despawn if not named. Chat convinces him to name them for fun. Tango is disappointed that there is no way to know the color while they are in the buckets. Chat is full of name ideas. He names the water kittens Swim Shady, Pumpkin, Hockey Puck, 39th Place, Water Smitten, and Swimpulse.

2:06:30 Tango releases the water kittens into the tank. Swimpulse is pink. He asks if they will jump out, then covers the hole to prevent it. He looks at the tank and is pleased. The tank looks good. Chat is very happy.

2:08:20 Tango hears a fart noise. He checks to see if Skizzleman is on the server. He is not, but Chat confirms they heard the fart. Tango begins searching for the farter. Scar drops down the elevator and says hello. He claims he had nothing to do with any backend exhaustion. He is the burper, not the farter. Tango suggests he must’ve burped on the wrong end. Scar says again that it wasn’t him, and that he came out to compliment Tango on his ask-a-lottles. Tango proudly shows off the tank. Scar offers to thin the herd if needed, but Tango says he’s going to grow the herd instead. Scar asks if it is possible to breed axolotls, and Tango explains yes, they do it by ripping Nemo to shreds. Scar thinks that is cool.

2:10:20 Scar and Tango have a conversation about connected and clean glass textures Scar has the same pack that Tango does. They both think that the stripes are just too white. Scar says it’s better now than it used to be, when glass was really terrible. He made his own texture pack back in the day that smoothed wool and wood, cleaned glass, and made mushrooms bigger. Scar suggests that maybe the tank needs a turtle or a dolphin, and says that he could help with that. Tango likes the idea of a turtle. He asks if Scar can deliver one. Scar says he can deliver anything, with a 50% chance of it being alive on delivery.

2:12:45 Scar is distracted from the turtle conversation when he catches a glimpse of the factory’s object-moving infrastructure. He is fascinated by the way that the blocks bob up and down “Willy Wonka style”. Tango admits that it’s just lag, probably because Doc’s on. Scar asks if Doc is still on a rampage about his stolen diamonds. Tango says he doesn’t know, but they agree that it’s pretty funny Doc is mad about stolen diamonds when he literally uses diamond ore for building blocks. They both hope that whoever the diamond bandit is, they keep going and take more. Tango implies that maybe Scar was the culprit all along, but Scar insists it was not him. He has to stay on Doc’s good side now because of his many crimes against the guy in Season 9. He remembers the tunnel bore disaster, where Grian banged and then he banged and there was a whole lot of banging and in the end he had to hide in a toilet.

2:15:10 Tango asks if Scar wants to do something dangerous. Scar immediately says yes. “Like really dangerous?” Tango presses. Scar nods. Tango tells Scar to follow him. He leads Scar over to the hole. Scar asks if this is where Decked Out 3 is. Tango confirms it totally is Decked Out 3. Scar looks down the hole and asks where it goes. Tango encourages him to drop down and Scar does, using his elytra for a soft fall down the two-wide hole. Tango follows, expecting Scar to have fallen into the void, but find him two blocks away in a two-deep hole in the bedrock. Tango tells him he missed. Scar gets himself out of the hole and immediately falls into another one. He climbs out, says “Jeez, there’s holes everywhere!” and instantly falls into the void hole. Tango cackles madly.

2:16:10 Tango freecams into the void and finds Scar rocketing around under the bedrock, calling for him and looking for the hole. Tango encourages him to “follow the sheep!” Scar makes several passes by the hole before managing to find it and shoot through it. Tango cheers and pops back into his body just in time for Scar to die of experiencing kinetic energy. Tango tries to figure out where Scar’s bits went. He uses freecam to search up to farm level, where he finds Skizzleman wandering around the edge of the hole. Chat informs him that Skizz (who is also streaming) has collected Scar’s things.

2:18:20 Tango flies up the shaft and finds some of Scar’s things at the top of the hole. He also finds Scar, who bounds over yelling “THIS IS A HELL-HOLE MURDER CHAMBER!” Tango compliments Scar on doing a great job getting out of the void. Apparently falling into the void resurrected all sorts of traumatic Season 8 memories of being thrown down the Boatem Hole. Skizz is nowhere to be seen at this point. Scar asks where the rest of his stuff is. Tango says he doesn’t know, but that he suspects there is someone else around here. Scar threatens to shove an askalottle in their face. He jumps back down to the hole and asks if he flew all the way up here, even as Skizz makes an appearance. He is wearing Scar’s hat and giggling.

2:19:10 Scar greets Skizz as “Skizzie-lizzie!” then asked Tango if he really flew all the way up that hole. Skizz thanks Scar, telling him that he has been streaming for seven seconds and he already has what might be the best blooper reel moment ever. He explains that he was sneaking up on Tango and happened to turn around just in time to see Scar for a tenth of a second before he exploded. Skizz returns Scar’s things to him, telling him that he made himself into a chest to collect Scar’s stuff for him. Scar, who is digging in his ender chest, suddenly realizes that he has found “The Flatulenster” who was making the fart noise earlier. Tango laughs. Scar confronts Skizz, who tells Scar to put his ender chest back on the ground and open it, then look for the “thank you” he owes Skizz. Tango points out that Skizz was not online when the fart occurred.

2:20:30 Scar thanks Skizz for saving his things and apologizes for fart-accusing him. Skizz doesn’t even know what Scar is talking about. Scar proceeds to tell Skizz the tragic tale of his visit to Tango where he just wanted to compliment some asskalottles and was accused of a fart he did not commit. Skizz commiserates, saying that the same thing happened the last time he streamed with Tango, and that he suspects it is Tango’s fault and/or imagination. Tango insists that his chat heard the fart too. ((The fart noise is audible on VOD review.)) Scar says they need Mrs. T to confirm that Tango is a fart-denyer.

2:21:50 Skizz is still wondering why Scar exploded. Tango explains it’s because he jumped down the hole. Scar leads Skizz over to the hole and encourages him to jump down, saying it’s fun. He tells Skizz that it is cool, and the reason that he died was because he came up too fast and had an accident. Skizz leans over the edge for a better look and Scar, in the least surprising act of Betrayal-By-Scar since The Lion King, kicks him down the hole. Skizz yells and begins attempting to rocket out of the hole with limited success. Scar insists he needs to go _down_ the hole, it’s super fun! Skizz manages to escape the hole and says no, because he doesn’t want to die. Tango and Scar assure him he won’t die (if he’s competent, Tango adds parenthetically.)

2:22:40 Resigned, Skizz asks if there’s a side he needs to jump down, then flings himself into the hole. He does a perfect full-send fall, right into the void, and falls out of the world. Tango shrieks in horrified delight. Scar calls down the hole that he feels bad now. In chat, False says “oof.” Tango demands to know why Skizz didn’t deploy his wings. “He would never have survived Boatem,” Scar observes dolefully.

2:23:10 Tango sees that Skizz is not in a group for chatting and opens in-game chat. “dude. for real. wings.” he types. “YOU HAVE THEM” Scar adds. Tango does not understand why Skizz did not just press space bar. False pipes up in in-game chat: “It’s Skizz, this is on you guys. :p” Tango says he can’t even feel guilty because he just doesn’t understand. Scar highlights a comment from Skizz’s chat about “40th place skills.” Impulse says that False is right. Skizz leaves the game, to howls from Scar and Tango. They decide that they will have to assemble a care basket for Skizz to help him replace all his lost bits. Skizz rejoins the game.

2:24:15 Tango and Scar leave the hole. Scar can’t believe that Decked Out 3 is down there somewhere. The pair begin digging through their things to find stuff for Skizz. Scar says he will give Skizz a special pair of wings. Tango asks if they will auto-deploy. Skizz reappears, naked but for an elytra, and tells them to gather round and shut up. He tells them that he is going to give them a list of what they owe him, and that it’s coming back. Tango, barely able to talk from laughing, asks if he owes Skizz a space bar. Cause if that’s broken, he will definitely get Skizz a new one. Skizz stutters, then screeches “SHUT UPPP!” Tango loses it. Skizz tells them that he fell into the void and rocketed upwards “like a beast” but it wasn’t happening because he was falling AT TERMINAL VELOCITY, JERK. He demands to know why that hole is there, it makes no sense! (“That’s what she said,” mutters Scar.)

2:25:50 Scar asks why Skizz didn’t use his space bar to deploy his elytra. Skizz protests that he did, and that the first time he left the hole they gave him a bunch of static about how he was supposed to go down the hole. He thought that the little black square at the bottom of the hole was carpet. By the time he realized he was in the void, he was too deep to rocket out. Tango presents Skizz with an elytra named “Spacebar” and tells him that might help him next time. Skizz sighs. He tells Scar and Tango that the bow he had on him was a top-shelf bow, his only good bow of the season, and it was a gift from Grian. He also says his axe was amazing and it’s gone. Scar, who has been yawning through this, tells Skizz to stop complaining and they’ll work it out. Tango tells Skzz they’ll make him a care package. Skizz tells them he ALSO had a briefcase of five thousand dollars. Scar tries to give Skizz the HotGuy bow, but Skizz can’t accept that, so Scar tells him he’ll make him a “Hot-something” bow. Tango begins working up some enchanted diamond armor with the armor and books he has in his storage. Skizz claims that he’s not even complaining, he’s just stating something that happened, and it’s that his friends were JERKS. Offscreen, Scar opens a shulker box and tells Skizz to grab a pickaxe. Skizz sounds a little intimidated as he asks Scar why he has so much awesome stuff. Scar says it’s because he is awesome. Tango creates “Boots of Speed Falling.”

2:28:15 Tango gives the boots to Skizz, who gets a pair of pickaxes from Scar as well. Skizz is starting to feel like he’s making out pretty well. Scar tells the story of the time he lost his shovel in the mail system and Tango replaced it with a vastly inferior shovel. Tango disputes the veracity of the story. Skizz wants to know when he gets his bow. Scar tells him he’s going to make it, and that it will be a HotGuy bow with a different name. Skizz assumes it’s going to be Spacebar again. He demands to know why Tango didn’t tell him what was down the hole. Tango points out that if he had, Skizz wouldn’t have jumped. He just assumed that Skizz would have plenty of time to react during the eight full seconds it takes to fall into the void with wings.

2:29:20 Skizz says he’s gonna do it again. Tango tells him he won’t remiburse him this time. Skizz says he knows, he’s going to use his unenchanted wings and make Tango hold the good ones. Tango offers him rockets. Skizz waffles a little about doing it. Tango encourages him. ((Scar is mostly still and silent during this period because he is mocking Skizz on Twitter.)) Skizz approaches the elevator drop shaft and worries he’s going to lose his wings here. Tango tells him to take his boots off, at least. Skizz says he’s going to take it all off. “I bet you are,” says Tango, kicking him down the drop shaft. Skizz screams “STOP IT!” as he falls. Tango follows him. He attempts to prank the shaft and kill Scar, but is a second too slow. Scar plays the Inside Joke horn.

2:30:50 Skizz goes to unequip himself and tries to get Scar to put down an ender chest. Scar eventually puts one down. Tango tells Skizz that the real challenge is to fly to Zed’s base through the void. He tells Skizz that Zed has a big hole and he just needs to head west. There will be a pink sheep to light the way. Skizz doesn’t realize that it’s possible to survive in the void long enough to fly anywhere, drawing derision from Void Veteran Tango. Scar says he gets it, Zed and Tango are setting up a hole-to-hole network the way that there is a crack-to-crack network in Magic Mountain. Tango confirms this is exactly correct. Scar complains that the crack network is all hype and no substance, he wants to join the hole network. Skizz suggests that Tango should go with him on the trip, but Tango says he needs to go to Zed’s and make sure his hole is ready to accept. The recapper is very upset. Chat is beside themselves.

2:32:30 Tango heads for Zed’s base while giving Skizz travel advice. Skizz needs to turn on hitboxes so he will see the sheep better and fly due west. Scar doesn’t know what Due means and demands and explanation. Tango confirms that the hole is very much open. Skizz cackles, and Tango says he really needs to watch Tango’s new episode. Skizz reiterates that he can’t believe they let him die. Scar points out that Skizz kinda let himself die. Skizz disagreed, saying he got himself out of the hole and they told him to get back in there. Tango tells him to get in the hole. He and the Chat experience the radio play version of Scar leading Skizz back to the hole into the void. Skizz asks if Scar will do it too. Scar yawns and says no, he has all his stuff on him, then says fine. Skizz is pleased. Tango freecams into the void to watch while Scar and Skizz prep for the jump.

2:34:45 Skizz announces that he is going. “I’m going. I’m Going. I’M GOOIIIINNNG!” he yells. He immediately dies by falling from a high place. Tango puts his face in his hand. Skizz declares that the thing is stupid. Scar declares that he is going and yells his way down the hole, ending with a disappointed groan. He has popped his totem. He dives into the hole anyway and quickly becomes visible to Tango, who attempts to guide him in. Scar heads for Tango and the safety of Zedaph’s base while treating him and the Chat to a barrage of perhaps the most atrocious phrasing in the history of accidental dirty talk. He escapes the void and immediately dies of kinetic energy again.

2:36:00 Skizz demands another pair of wings so he can get back to the hole again. Tango demands to know how many wings Skizz could possibly need. Scar asks Tango to collect up his bits because he has suddenly realized he needs to go. Tango collects Scar’s possessions where they are scattered across the bedrock. Skizz interrupts and demands attention to say that he demands somebody do something. Scar tells him the adults are talking. He asks Tango to pack up his wings and rockets for him and Tango confirms he has them. Skizz says this base is dumb and he hates it. Scar leaves. Skizz tells Tango he needs to collect his wings from the edge of the hole before they despawn. Tango heads back to his base to get the wings, arguing with Skizz the whole time.

2:37:40 Tango jumps down the hole, successfully deploying his elytra for a soft fall. The wings are not there. Skizz tells him to look harder. Tango freecams and looks around, but there are no wings. They argue about the wings for a few minutes, and then about the deployment of Skizz’s spacebar and how he possibly could’ve died if he was flying correctly. Skizz wants his wings so he can try again. Tango asks rhetorically what Skizz wants him to do as he begins to ascend the hole. Skizz says he wants Tango to catch him and jumps in the hole. He falls past Tango and dies from a high-place fall. Tango arrives at the top of the hole and sings a bar of “Strangers in the Night.” Skizz says “Whatever” and starts talking about how he was throwing dice in the alley. Tango has no idea what’s going on and asks Skizz if he’s been drinking. Skizz says no, and Tango suggests that maybe he should. Skizz tries to explain that he was channeling the United States of Whatever. Impulse drops down the elevator shaft.

2:40:10 Tango informs Skizz they have a guest, then moon lands at Impulse until he joins the group and says hello. Tango cheers that Impulse is back from the dead, though still kind of dead. Impulse sounds pretty rough, but says he came over because he found something. He asks where Skizz is, but Tango doesn’t know. Skizz killed himself to get back to his base quicker, but is on his way back. He comes down the drop chute, and Tango doesn’t have the heart to sabotage him. Impulse presents Skizz with an enchanted elytra. It is also called Spacebar. Tango is confused and asks Impulse if he found them, and how. Impulse said he was in the void and caught them. He is clearly lying. Tango says now Skizz has two spacebars, and he is probably going to need them with the way he flies. Skizz agrees, because he is probably going to spend one now on another attempt.

2:42:00 Skizz begins quizzing Tango on what he does to successfully jump down the hole. Tango’s answers are not entirely helpful, probably because Tango is so used to elytra flying that some things are muscle memory. Skizz challenges him to jump down the hole and not deploy the wings until he is in the void. Tango tries to push Tango down the hole again and Skizz yells at him that he is naughty. Tango refuses to take the challenge. Impulse admits that the wings he gave Skizz were a pair of Scar’s wings he found one day and kept. Skizz is okay with that. Tango asks Impulse how he’s doing. Impulse is still not feeling good. Skizz tells him there’s something down this hole over here that will help with that. His attempt to fool Impulse rapidly derails into a retelling of his own story of hole-related woe, and Impulse is not convinced.

2:44:20 Tango tells Impulse he named a water kitten after him. He opens up the aquarium and lets Impulse jump in to meet Swimpulse. Impulse is charmed and admits he thought it was going to be something rude. Impulse decides he will try to get through the hole-to-hole connection. Skizz is offended that Tango cares about Impulse being set up properly, when he just kicked Skizz down the hole. Impulse points out that Skizz should’ve known he was in for something, being as how this is Hermitcraft. Skizz, mimicking Tango, asks Impulse if he wants some soup. Impulse actually would like some soup. Tango notices Scar’s tweet and dissolves into laughter. Skizz and Impulse both laugh too. Tango goes and finds Impulse a bed. Skizz continues complaining.

2:47:45 Impulse sets his spawn. Tango directs him to the hole, and then he and Skizz head for Zedaph’s base. Skizz nearly falls into Zed’s hole. Impulse falls from a high place. He loses his elytra. Tango apologizes for his defective hole. Impulse falls out of the world. It was tactical.

2:51:40 Impulse tries again. He makes it down into the void and heads for Zed’s hole. He flies cleanly up into it and survives, then immediately says “I’m going back” and dives into the void. Tango follows him and immediately gets lost. He figures out where he is and somehow smashes himself into the space one block above the void. Skizz, who is too afraid to jump into the hole, demands an ender chest so he can put his wings away. Tango invites both of them to join the hole network.

2:53:00 Tango and Impulse have a conversation about hole architectural improvements while Skizz goes on in the background about all the cool stuff he has and doesn’t want to lose by jumping into the void. He asks where they are. Tango says they are at his hole. Skizz says they can’t be at his hole, he is at Tango’s hole, then realizes he is at Zed’s hole. Impulse tells him to get his holes right. Impulse does a clean free-fall from the top of Tango’s hole into the void and catches himself with a rocket. Impulse calls it exhilarating. Skizz finds a box to put his stuff in and prepares to jump again. Chat says this is why women live longer than men. Tango agrees. Skizz jumps in the hole. He realizes he is using exploding fireworks moments before he dies of being exploded.

2:57:00 Skizz respawns at his own base. He tells Tango he owes him more wings. Tango just laughs at him. Skizz realizes he stashed his gear in Zed’s fireworks box and accidentally picked up a stack of Zed’s fireworks instead of his own rockets. He tells the others that he has a problem because now he has to keep trying until he succeeds. Tango points out that he’s going to run out of wings fairly quickly at this rate. Skizz tells him to shut up, he has to believe. Tango asks what they can do to help. Skizz asks Impulse to get his stuff from Zed’s place, because he needs wings and rockets. Tango starts laughing all over again about the exploding fireworks thing. Tango asks if this means Skizz also dumped a whole stack of Zed’s (very expensive) custom fireworks down the void too. Skizz says of course it does.

2:59:20 Skizz decides to make another attempt at the hole. Tango and chat are just listening to the drama unfold at this point. Impulse jumps down the hole and flies over to Zed’s place through the void. His casual flexing at this point cannot be overstated. A chatter posts a clip of Skizz’s firework-enabled demise from Skizz’s POV. Tango watches it with great delight, treating chat to a reprise of Skizz’s screaming. He compliments Skizz on his amazing death and they discuss the thought process that goes through one’s head when one is flying in the void with half a heart left and nothing but exploding fireworks. Impulse arrives at Zed’s and finds Skizz to help him ready up for another attempt, notably by making sure he has flight rockets. Tango’s chat is empathizing with Skizz’s chat in the clip, who clearly knew that Skizz had taken the wrong fireworks and were trying to warn him.

3:00:30 Another attempt is made. Skizz was not ready, but successfully dives into the void. Tango watches the Void from freecam and encourages him to follow the dangling sheep. Skizz and Impulse successfully make the flight from Zed’s hole to Tango’s. Tango congratulates him, then says it’s actually fairly low-risk. Skizz asks if he’s maybe considered making it a bigger hole. Tango says he thinks the hole network should be everyone’s normal means of traveling. Skizz asks about the sheep on the lead, Tango describes the process of dangling a sheep in the void. Skizz realizes he left his stuff at Zed’s house. Tango encourages him to go back to Zed’s house the cool way, but Skizz is extremely reluctant. Tango jumps into the hole and goes to Zed’s house. Skizz and Impulse go the uncool way.

3:05:15 Impulse, Skizz and Tango look at Zed’s contraptions, playing with the elevator and the enchanting table game. Skizz asks how the enchanting game works, Imp and Tango explain very badly. Skizz plays with the game for a few minutes and realizes that the only reward is the ability to enchant one’s items. Tango asks Skizz if he needs anything replaces from his adventures, but Skizz says Tango and Scar fixed him up. They agree that it was a very funny adventure and Tango leaves. Impulse says he will stay behind to fix the enchanting game, which is now mysteriously broken.

3:09:30 Tango returns to the factory. He agrees with Chat that his face hurts from laughing so much. He summarizes the accomplishments of the day and tells Chat that the VOD will be uploaded soon. He reminds Chat that his new video is also up now. He thanks Chat and raids into Skizzleman, then ends his stream.

Chapter 6: PearlescentMoon, 06-11-2024

Chapter Text

3:50 Pearl opens her stream and greets the chat in audio-only mode. She tells chat she just woke up after being up all night and sleeping late. She got plenty of sleep, just at a weird time. She apologizes for postponing the stream yesterday and said she was making the video a priority for someone who was holding their own video waiting for hers. (It was Tango.) Today’s stream will have spoilers. She wants to do a couple things on the minigame today but she can’t make too much progress on the interior because she has to film an intro first. Chat is complimentary about the new video and Pearl says she is probably going to keep the new editing tweaks for redstone-type videos. She’s also going to keep the Editor Pearl overlay. She admits that the snow transition was a happy accident.

7:20 Someone told Pearl that the new video is engaging, which is what she is trying to do with her videos. Feedback sticks in Pearl’s brain, and some people have said on Twitter where they don’t know she is seeing it that while she is a nice person, her videos are not engaging. She is trying to make that better. Chat asks if Pearl feels okay, she tells them she usually wakes up a little congested but is fine. She talks more about finer points of the new video. She knows she can’t please everyone, but feedback that she could be more engaging in her videos is legitimate critique and she wants to keep improving.

10:10 Pearl and Chat talk about what it means for a video to be engaging. They talk about the different ways streams and YouTube videos and podcasts are engaging, and Pearl mentions how she deliberately changes up camera angles when there is a lot of talking in an episode. A chatter admits that the most recent video was not their favorite because redstone goes over their head. Pearl agrees that her audience is not a redstone audience and assures Chat she will not be getting too overly intense on redstone in her videos.

14:20 Pearl switches video on. She is logged into the server and standing at the start button for her Wordle game. She tells Chat that the Wordle invention VOD is up on her second channel for people who want an eight-hour stream of Pearl doing redstone. Something she didn’t show in the video is her adding the diamond barrel. Every Wordle attempt costs one diamond. She didn’t put that part in the video because she had 40 minutes each with Bdubs and Tango and had to do some severe editing. Hermits who fail the Wordle can try again by paying another diamond, Hermits who succeed should not play again til reset. She has plans to make a leaderboard so people can track their streaks.

18:00 Pearl wants to know if an item that bubbles to the top of a bubblevator will stay or despawn. Chat is not sure, but enough people think it will stay that Pearl takes their word for it. She wants to make a randomizer for the game supplies so players don’t have to randomize them at the end of their games. She says they can test the bubblevator despawn issue and test it, but if it works, bubblevating the supplies and then dropping them into a hopper is a great randomizing solution. She digs into the wall to create a test bubblevator. Chat offers suggestions for refining the resetting system. Pearl considers options for triggering the bubblevator, using freecam to examine the redstone she already has in place. She wants to be absolutely sure that the “success” items don’t come out together and first.

23:40 Twitch is having some minor resolution problems, but the stream is generally all right. Pearl goes and gets some water. She fills the bubblevator and throws a bunch of building blocks into it, then writes some signs to explain how the system will work. She discusses the finer points of reset with chat. A chatter suggests killing the player to reset the game, which makes Pearl laugh. A chatter can’t wait for Scar to break the game. Pearl says the only way to break the game should be going into the walls and actually fiddling with the redstone. She demonstrates some ways that players cannot break the game.

28:50 Pearl describes a timing problem where the game kept trying to play the fail sound while she was filming, but she added a pulse extender to fix it. It makes her very happy that she knows enough redstone now to be able to fix things when they don’t work right. She learned so much during her eight hour stream, but now she needs to keep doing redstone so she doesn’t forget it. She also needs to memorize item sorters.

30:30 Pearl checks the bubblevator. It does not work, the building blocks have despawned. She is disappointed, but has a minecart method she wants to try next. Minecarts are good because they take items super-quick, which will help solve the problem of dropping loose items onto a hopper and walking away, leaving them to despawn. Pearl goes out to collect some logs. A chatter suggests that an item does not despawn if a dolphin is playing with it. Pearl thinks that’s a funny idea, if impractical. Chat says that a multiple minecart system is what Tango used for the Decked Out shuffler. Pearl thinks about this, as well as thepossibility of a dispenser-based randomizing system.

35:00 Pearl realizes she is talking redstone like a redstoner and wonders what the heck has happened to her since last week. Chat embraces her new redstonification. She gathers up supplies for more testing. There’s a little bit of room in the existing redstone, but it’s going to be tight. Before Pearl starts redstoning, she thanks chat for donos and subs.

41:20 Pearl is happy to live in a place that doesn’t require driving or walking everywhere. Driving in a city is so much worse than public transit, but she also doesn’t have to walk a long way. Where Pearl lives, some things are walkable and she can drive to other places, and that is perfect. Chat agrees about avoiding city driving. She tells a story about getting stuck in LA traffic, which is even worse than Melbourne. She wishes she could enjoy the observatory she visited out there more, but it was right after TwitchCon and she was feeling horrible. A chatter asks if she’s been to Singapore, but she has not. She continues talking about public transportation and tells a story about a train that never showed up and required an expensive Uber ride to not miss D&D.

49:00 Pearl continues catching up on subs and donos. She considers whether there is something she can be doing while she’s talking, but there’s not much that doesn’t require brain effort. She is jumpscared again by having subs over 50 months, which seems like such a long time.

52:00 Pearl talks with Chat about Pokemon as she heads down into the redstone. She is very against the idea of brown Cyndaquil. Chat agrees about recent downgrades in Pokemon. Pearl says Platinum is the last game she loved. She begins installing the randomizer system. She needs to be careful because if the water-stream goes out of control, it can mess up a lot of redstone. Chat contributes ideas and critique about redstone as she builds.

57:50 Pearl successfully places her system without drowning the redstone. It doesn’t look quite as nice on the display side, but she is all right with it. She adds a timer to finish it up, and makes sure both hoppers are lockable. Space in the redstone area is getting tight. Chat suggests removing one hopper entirely, which helps. Pearl figures out what needs to be done in what order for it all to work properly. She warns chat that this will be Pearlstone, and that means it will not be pretty.

1:07:00 Pearl finishes connecting up the randomizer to the system, then has sudden concerns as to whether it will actually randomize the items as they come in. As the system is set up now, the dispenser dispenses before it is full, which means it will not have time to randomize. Pearl and chat devise a system to fix this and increase the randomzation. A chatter points out a problem in the line with a pulse extender and Pearl fixes it, while quizzing chat til she understands what the problem was.

1:12:00 Pearl begins working on the hopper clock on the opposite side of the new randomizer. There is not very much space available. She goes back and redoes some of the redstone she just made to add more room. She pops out to collect some scaffolding and thanks chat for subs and donos.

1:17:00 Pearl returns to working on the redstone. She falls off the scaffolding a few times and sarcastically declares how much she loves it. She runs out of smooth stone and grabs more. Chat suggests learning to color-code redstone, Pearl says maybe next time. She and chat have a conversation about the function of a reversed signal and a pulse extender. She explains to Chat the initial problem with reset that needed the pulse extender solution.

1:23:00 Pearl prepares to test the redstone. She set a new word yesterday but Tango was too busy flinging Skizzleman into the Void to actually play it. She tells Chat to close their eyes if they don’t want to know the answer for this week, then decides to leave camera mode and hide it so Chat can’t spoil it to anyone. One she has arranged the supplies appropriately for the correct answer, she brings Chat back and presses the solve button. The win celebration happens like it’s supposed to. She tests the fail. The fail happens like it should as well. Pearl is pleased. She hides the game again to unload the letters, but some become lost in the system. They are stuck in the dropper because she pressed the reset, but everything is okay. Chat sees some of the letters. Pearl decides to change the word and asks chat to guess. They guess it correctly.

1:29 Pearl shows off some of her prize bundles and says she is going to change some of them to be more themed. Chat suggests changing the theme every month or week. She does not want to retexture the dyes into letters, it’s no longer on theme with the shop. She also likes that it’s a little more vanilla. She tests the reset again and realizes she needs to adjust the water stream. She tests it again and this time everything comes back in a random order.

1:34:30 Pearl sees a flaw in the system. She thinks there might need to be a delay on item release or the correct letters might always come back first, ruining the randomizing. Further testing is needed. She collects her redstone supplies back up while talking with Chat about the possibility of flower crowns for rare prizes. Pearl needs to buy more fireworks, but not just yet. She starts doing the redstone to add the delay.

1:43:00 Chat is attempting to help with the redstone, with varying amounts of forcefulness. Pearl reminds Chat that there are lots of different ways to do redstone and people advocating too many methods or being too pushy about their preferred way can make it uncomfortable to do redstone on camera. The redstone is expanding rapidly.

1:49:50 Pearl tests the randomizer. The signal strength is difficult to calibrate, it is either too weak to activate the randomizer or too strong and sets it off early. Pearl begins calibrating the system to get the correct signal strength for the result she needs. She releases a bit of water but fortunately it only kills one bit of redstone. An Australian streamer raids in and compliments Pearl on the new video. She chats with them a bit about ancient city raiding in a hardcore world being nerve-wracking.

1:54:15 Pearl tests the redstone again. The delay is too short. Pearl explains the problem to chat, chat suggests “more comparators.” There is not much room to add more redstone at all. Pearl contemplates moving other redstone to make more room. She digs into the wall instead. She decides to do another proper test with the actual letters. Chat tells her that her redstone is reversed. She changes it, apologizing that she is not as cool as Tango and is doing Noobstone.
2:02:00 Time for the test. Pearl throws letters in in alphabetical order to see if they get scrambled nicely. It did not work because things came back into the chest too quickly to get randomized. Pearl has a big thonky-thonk about what to do next. Another streamer raids in. Pearl starts troubleshooting again.

2:09:00 Another test, it’s looking better, it will randomize til the letter G instead of C. She needs a long enough delay to send the whole alphabet through the system. Chat suggests an Etho clock, she says she is not very familiar with it, but will lean on chat if they help her build one. She replaces a patch of Pearlstone with a hopper clock, following instructions from Chat. Chat tells her she needs at least 17.6 seconds.

2:18:00 A chatter asks if Pearl is calling the game Wordle. Pearl says no, it’s Wordle-inspired, but she won’t call it that. She shows off the signs she put up at the entrance and says she took suggestions from the chat: the game is called “Dye-duction.” You use dye to deduce what the word is. “Pearldle” was a close runner up but is hard to say and a little cheesy. She returns to the redstoning.

2:25:00 Another test. The randomizing is working, but it’s still too short. Things are still getting stuck in the system. She decides to try extending the clock and also needs to fix the locking conditions on one hopper. She tests it again. It does not work. She studies chat, hoping for answers. Chat has suggestions.

2:30:00 More troubleshooting. Pearl accuses chat of misleading her when she was in fact right all along. Most of chat just seems a little confused, but of the chatters trying to help, the votes are split between “correct” and “wrong.” Pearl says this is why people don’t do redstone on stream.

2:36:40 Pearl spots a creeper down in the guts of the redstone and is Not Happy about it. She asks it to please not blow up her redstone. She gets her bow and takes care of the creeper with no damage done. Pearl asks why it always has to be a creeper and never a zombie or skeleton. Redstoning continues

2:41:00 Pearl takes a moment to process, thanks subs and donos. She is an hour behind on her donator thank-yous and has no idea how she is 2:42 into the stream. False raids into the stream. Pearl continues to disbelieve that she has spent this much time on a randomizer. She’s fine. She’s fine. Attendance is down for the stream, but chat is fine too. Pearl chats with False’s raiders. Chat asks if Pearl needs a snack or a drink, but she is fine. She has a drink. False and her chat have been doing base design. Pearl likes how everyone has been building bases in stages this season, it’s neat! Redstone continues.

2:53:00 Pearl loses some of the letter dyes from the system when they shoot out of the water stream. She finds all of them except light gray, and enables freecam to look for it. As she swoops around, she briefly dips out of the room and into x-ray view. There is a chasm below, which contains a number of mobs, and something that looks like a green room or tunnel with a white stripe along it. Pearl finds her lost dye and pops back into her body, mentioning she saw something down there she hadn’t meant to look at and is just going to ignore. She rearranges her letters in the box and does another test. The piston is very very loud and the signal is too strong. All the items get stuck at the top of the water stream. Pearl tries to put the items away but activates the circuit again, so the items spit back out again. Test failed.

2:57:00 Pearl disables the circuit and collects up her letters again. She decides to try again with a different repeater delay and yells at the hopper clock until it behaves itself. She reloads the letters for another test. Things are much less obviously broken on this test, but the hopper that should release stays locked for longer than is ideal. At the end of the test, though, the letters are randomized and in the chest. Victory!
3:03 Pearl resets for another test, this time to make sure that the first-in-first-out problem doesn’t cause any hints. She points out that she has added something to the system that can break. She runs the test again. The chest does not randomize very well this time, despite everything going through the system. Another test has the same result. Pearl figures out what is going wrong and discusses possible solutions with chat.

3:16:00 Redstone work resumes. Pearl has a solution in mind, and she hopes to do it without flooding the room. Pearl and chat briefly forget how many letters are in the alphabet. A chatter gives her an idea that will allow her to switch the game to allow for the entire alphabet later if she wants it. She likes that idea and decides to implement it.

3:24:00 Another test. It looks good in the water stream and stops when it needs to. Pearl is excited. The chest is nicely randomized. The hopper clock is not finished yet, and she has not solved the first-in-first out issue with the correct answer letters, but it’s progress! She goes to adjust the hopper clock and runs the test again. Again random, and with better timing, but the letter K is stuck in a dropper. She tests again. Letter C gets stuck in the same place. She adjusts the timer a little bit and wonders how this became a redstone stream. Everything works!

3:32:00 Pearl prepares for a full playtest. She walks chat through the gameplay and decides doing a reset on the reset barrel is not worth it. She does a playtest and pretends she doesn’t remember the word. The moment the letters are out of the chest, it begins cycling. She discusses possible fixes with chat. Chat suggests a “do not touch” potato that stays in the chest, but Pearl is certain that it will be touched consistently by Hermits because Hermits don’t read things.

3:38:30 Pearl admits that a “do not take this block” block is the easiest solution, but she’s trying to minimize points of possible breakage. The biggest consequence of moving the block would be a loud noise, so the problem is fairly small. Pearl comes up with a solution involving sticky pistons that might be effective and might be silly. Chat thinks if it works, it’s not silly. She tries out the solution.

3:45:00 Time to test the fix. Pearl simulates a reset and giggles “It’s working” as the items begin to circulate. She asks if she actually fixes it, with a solution she came up with herself and didn’t get from chat. She is very proud. Chat is very proud of her. She reorders the letters for a full randomization test. The test runs successfully, though with a couple patches of ordered letters. Time for a playtest.

3:50 Pearl reorganizes her inventory and sets up for a playtest. She adds the correct letters. The win condition runs successfully, but she forgets to put away the winning letters before reset. She tries it again. It works successfully, there is no sign of what the original word was. Pearl is pleased. She gets a nosebleed, but not a bad one. She stuffs a bit of paper up her nose to stop it. Chat tells her she needs Etho’s Kleenex box, but she points out that every tissue removed from that box is one less layer of sound dampening.

3:56:30 With four minutes left of stream time, Pearl says they couldn’t possibly have cut that finer. She decides to do a quick fail test. She puts in “PATHS,” then changes it to “PEARL” because it has some needed letters. The fail test works. Pearl doesn’t like that she can’t do a true playtest because she always knows the word. She thinks about asking Impulse to playtest for her. She puts in “SHELF”, another good test. She plays “FIELDS” and gets the win condition. She resets again and decides to ask Impulse to play. The correct letters are in the first five slots. Pearl needs to put a timer on the letter release. She decides that she has nothing big to do tomorrow, so she’s going to go overtime on the stream.
4:04:30. Back to the redstone. Pearl does another win test and looks at the way the chests empty. The letters randomize on this go-through. She wonders if she was just unlucky. She tries the test again and asks if Impulse is streaming. Chat says no, Impulse is sick. This test has three correct letters at the top and two at the bottom. Pearl is mostly satisfied.

4:14:20 Pearl invites Impulse to play a game. Impulse says “Depends” Pearl asks if he wants to play or not. Impulse asks if it will kill him. Pearl assures him it will not. He agrees to play. She invites him to the flower shop. She resets the game, cleans the playing room, and goes to find Impulse. He’s a hard guy to find.

4:18:00 Pearl finds impulse at the flower truck. He sounds pretty rough, but says he’s okay. She asks if he’s ready to play Wordle. He says he likes Wordle, and that he is proud of her for doing redstone. She leads him to the new shop and shows him around, then welcomes him to Dye-Duction. She tells him she’s just going to watch him play and see what happens. He doesn’t have to pay today.

4:20:15 Impulse reads some of the instructions aloud. Pearl reminds him to guess words and not just letter combinations. Impulse admits he didn’t read enough of the book to know where things are. He goes back and reads the book. He plays through the game with some small guidance from Pearl on the technical aspects of the game. He plays “SPACE,”

4:26:40 Impulse tries to think of a second word. His dogs start barking at the landscaper and he leaves for a moment. He comes back and says it’s hard when the dyes are not in order. He plays “BEING” and still has no letters in the right spot.

4:31:00 Impulse tries to think of another word. Pearl assures him there’s no pressure, she’s had people watch her do redstone for the past four hours and she knows from pressure. She tells him it’s really quite simple. He says it’s _not._ She asks what Impulse says when he’s doing redstone, like how Tango and Mumbo have catchphrases. He admits he hasn’t got a line, but Chat is bopping.

4:34:15 Impulse is struggling. Pearl is amused. Impulse plays “THEIR” and has one letter in the right spot. Still no more letters. Impulse is getting squeaky with Wordle-related distress. Pearl realizes that having each letter only once makes Wordle considerably harder and that random letter combos might be okay to counteract that. She mutes herself in-game so she can laugh at Impulse.

4:40:40 Impulse wants a sign he can write on. He tries it out, then realizes he can’t see his inventory when the sign is up. A sign would at least let him save guesses. Pearl and chat discuss custom textures to make the dyes look more lettery.

4:43:00 Impulse plays “FIELD” and gets the win event. He is happy and gets the prize. He reads the book and puts the supplies back in the box. He presses reset and tells Pearl the game is impressive and enjoyable. He isn’t used to playing Wordle under pressure and is sweating about it, but in general it was fun and he’s going to cut the footage to make it look like he guessed very quickly.

4:47:00 Pearl says she isn’t going to do signs but people can use whispers or an actual piece of paper to make notes. Impulse gives back the bundle because his game was comped, but Pearl says she’s going to reset the game and open it today or tomorrow so he can play. She says she’s going to rig up a hint barrel for people who get really stuck. She asks if he wants to see behind the curtain.

4:48:20 Pearl gives Impulse the redstone tour. He jokes about how she needs documentation for all this. She tells him she used his sorters for the game. He said he saw her screenshot while he was on his cruise and was proud to see his sorters. She thanks him for helping her test. Chat suggests naming the shop Dye On The Inside. Pearl and Impulse talk about how lack of repeated letters and only five guesses can make things harder. Impulse thinks no repeated letters is not bad, just hard to learn to think about.

4:51:00 Pearl explains that she’s trying to eliminate user error from the system. Impulse agrees it needs to be spam-proofed for Grian. Pearl needs to add a few more rules to the book before the game opens. Impulse says the game is cool and leaves. Pearl is pleased with the test run and knows she needs to install a locker room and hint barrel. Chat remembers that Impulse didn’t take his stuff. Pearl sends him a message.

4:54:10 Impulse sneaks in and grabs his stuff. Pearl explains her next video will be less about the game and more about stocking the actual shop. Before she ends, Pearl wants to do a few last things, but chat wants Skizz to test the game. Pearl sends him a message, asking “Would you like to play a game?” Skizz is always up to play a game. Impulse says he heard that in the Saw voice. Pearl says that was the correct way to hear that. She discusses the possibilty of making the game a death trap. It would be pretty difficult. She sets up a new recording for Skizz’s visit.

4:57:00 Pearl and Chat decide that easier than a death trap would be a chest where if the contestant loses, they need to pay another diamond to get their stuff back. Easier, but diabolical. The reward would have to be very good to justify that. She examines her bundles again and decides which ones to switch out. Chat suggests adding coupons to the bundles, Pearl likes that idea. Skizz doesn’t know where the shop is, so Pearl gives him directions.

4:59:00 Skizz and a creeper arrive at the flower shop at the same time. Pearl warns Skizz off while she deals with the “green cucumber.” She is very impressed with Skizz’s green shutter shades from Mission Possible. Skizz asks if he’ll be playing Wordle. She says yes and asks how good he is at it. He says he doesn’t like to brag, but… She leads him downstairs, introduces him to Dyeductions, and has him read the book.

5:00:30 Skizz looks at the book and is dismayed by nine pages. He reads the book aloud. He loves the “no letters twice” thing. Pearl adds a few editorial comments for things she’s going to change or that he doesn’t get. He accidentally picks up the book, sets it down, and loses track of it. This is because he is losing his connection, because he instantly falls offline.

5:03:00 Pearl hopes that Skizz didn’t fake losing connection so he doesn’t have to play Wordle. She talks to chat about color choices and waits for him to come back, which he does. He says everything crashed. He finishes reading the book and drops his inventory into the barrel. Pearl critiques his crowded inventory. Skizz gathers his supplies and readies for his first guess. He can’t remember what starter word he wants to use. After a moment of thought, he plays “HORSE,” because eliminating an H eliminates all H blends. He gets one letter, not in the right place.

5:08:30 Skizz clears the board and sets up for his next guess. Pearl creates a sign to remind players of which letters are not included in the game. Skizz is nervous! Pearl tells him not to be stressed. She creates a sign to remind players that letters do not appear twice. Skizz plays “CLEAN,” a word that pleases Cleaning Lady Pearl. He gets a letting in the right place and a letter in the wrong place. He clears the board again. He is so impressed by Pearl’s redstone prowess. Pearl tells him she had so much fun making the game.

5:14:00 Skizz tries to figure out his next guess. Pearl is impressed by his deduction attempts. Skizz says not having letters on the textures makes it hard, but Pearl tells him she is still not sure what to do about this. She mentions that all the vowels are flowers. Skizz says I before E except after C and promises he is actually good at this. He says he’s going to edit this to be much faster. He continues muttering to himself and looking at letters while Pearl thinks about Mission Possible.

5:17:20 Skizz decides on a word. It is “FIELD.” He bops all the letters into place. Chat is so excited. He gets the win condition and is very pleased. Impulse, who was stream sniping, yells “woo!” in chat. Skizz explains that when he and Impulse play Wordle, they share their results. A word guessed in two tries is a twofer, a word guessed in three is a woo. Pearl tells Skizz he did it in faster than Impulse with one less try. He demurs, saying he may have done one less try, but he doubts he did it faster. ((He did it much faster, in about half the time it took Impulse.)) He asks to take a peep at the redstone using freecam. He asks Pearl how she is both an amazing builder and an amazing redstoner and accuses her of hogging all the cool. Pearl says she’s not really a redstoner, but Skizz scoffs at that. He tells her not only did he have fun with the game, he was very impressed.

5:20:10 Skizz puts away the supplies and resets the game. He looks at his bundle, the orange and red dyes. She tells him he can keep it and tells him about her plan for new bundle rewards. Hoffen is doing the bundle texture. Skizz tells her he has an enormous amount of pink dye if she needs it. Pearl gets most of her dyes from Keralis, but she won’t say no to dyes. She tells him the shop will be open in a week or two, but the game is opening very soon, with one word per week. Chat is still busy loving on Pearl after Skizz’s compliments.

5:23:00 Skizz thinks Pearl could charge more than a diamond for the play or the hint, because the bundles are so nice. He promises to play again as soon as the word resets, then leaves. Pearl heads downstairs and realizes she forgot to ensnare Skizz in her Mission Possible task. She says she thought about doing it before he finished the Wordle, but he was very dialed in. She still has plenty of time. She has not told Chat what the task is. She wants to come up with a better sto- a better thing anyway. Chat asks if it’s in her video and she remembers yes, she did put it in the video. She’s still not going to give it away in case of lurking Hermits, but she’s going to get something better put together before she completes the mission.

5:26:00 Pearl says the worst problem so far is hermits not noticing the droppers. She thinks about ways to fix it. Chat suggests adding a sign with the date that the game was last updated. Pearl agrees, and talks again about the leaderboard and locker room. Otherwise, the game is done!

5:28:00 Pearl says it’s time to end the stream. She asks what it is about redstone that makes these 5+ hour streams. She must be having fun if she lets it run so long! She could actually keep streaming, but she has stuff to do in the gaming district. This week is birthday week, so she has family stuff to do, plus she uploaded late and has less time to make her next video. She wants to get back to her Friday release schedule. She needs to figure out what will be in her next video before she makes it, too. Her birthday and Kahn’s birthday are both this week, but she will not take a week off. Taking a week off is so bad for the YouTube algorithm. Right now she is very happy with everything she’s doing on the server and has been having a lot of fun. She tells chat she’s streaming again tomorrow

5:31:50 Pearl realizes she has not read out her notifications for three hours. She is embarrassed and blames redstone streaming. She wails a bit, then starts thanking her subs and donos. Pearl and the chat have a mutual-appreciation party for a little while. Pearl thinks Chat is wonderful, and that things are better now than in older streams, with less backseating and more support. She liked streaming back then but even more now. There are fewer trolls (she thinks this may be because she gave up facecam) and more peaceful building. She likes how Chat offers good suggestions in kind ways. Chat is loving this and feeding compliments right back to Pearl. Pearl says she feels good after every stream these days. Some people in the community give fair critique but in painful ways that makes people feel bad instead of making them better, and that has happened with other creators she knows recently, but her chat is excellent. Pearl also says she understands a fraction of what Tango felt when he finished Decked Out.

5:44:40 Ollie Orionsound appears in chat and asks about the game, so Pearl gives him the very short tour of how the redstone works for the game itself. Ollie thinks it is “so cool.” After the tour, Pearl says she needs to end stream now. No Hermits are streaming Minecraft so she raids into Jono, who is mixing the Poe Poe song, and ends her stream.

Chapter 7: Skizzleman, 6-11-2024

Chapter Text

05:40 Skizz opens the stream. He is dancing to the music and tells everyone he’s doing StreamBeats on Spotify. He logs into Hermitcraft, inside his base. Today’s snack is blueberries, because his energy was running a little low. He thanks subs and donos. A chatter says that Jono is mixing the Poe Poe song, Skizz thinks that is awesome. Yesterday’s stream start was one of the craziest of all times. Skizz does have a plan for today! After stream, he’s going to _chill._ Yesterday was a long day, streaming and prepping today’s new video. First on today’s agenda is recording a bit about the guide for the volcano.

9:20 Skizz talks about the podcast this week. They haven’t even filmed it yet. Impulse was sick and needed extra time, so tomorrow Skizz goes to work for some intense and specific training and a long work day, then they will record the podcast and then he has to get it turned around by Friday. It’s going to be intense. Skizz thanks a dono and massacres the username. He thanks more subs.

11:45 Skizz sets up to record, adjusting his game sounds. Chat has an argument about the pronunciation of “pthalo.” Skizz confirms he will NOT be going into Tango’s hole today. Skizz is very disappointed in whoever invented the pronunciation of “phthalo,” obviously someone who hates human lips.

14:20 Skizz begins recording his bit. He says that what just happened is cool and fun (he is not telling chat what the previous bit was) but that he’s not going to stop until he gets the Mission Possible Hat. He flies to MP HQ and gets a new MP mission. It is “Do a good deed for a Hermit without them noticing and without taking credit.” Skizz says this is right up his alley, but he needs to think about it. He jokes that because he is a Hermit, he could do a good deed for himself and get the reward, right? No, he won’t do that, he’ll do it right. He ends the recording and asks chat about who he should do a nice thing for.

16:30 Skizz lands in the eye of Gem’s base and thinks about what to do. Someone suggests restocking a shop. Skizz laughs and says maybe he should put all the glowberries back (referring to his Mission Possible deed from his last episode, where he bought out Joel’s glowberry shop). Scar signs on and says he has Skizz’s new bow. Skizz is excited and goes to find Scar. He starts at his own base, which is crawling with hostile mobs, and considers spawnproofing it for Scar’s sake. He doesn’t, instead taking off again to search. When a quick aerial search is unrevealing, he goes into his base to sleep. As he arrives back at the base, the Poe Poe song plays outside, then the “Trader Scar’s definitely not going to eat you” horn. Skizz goes outside and finds Scar.

18:20 Skizz tells Scar that Jono is remixing the Poe Poe song. Scar says he is watching Jono live on his other monitor as they speak. Scar gives Skizz an enchanted bow called “FailGuy.” Skizz tells Scar he hates him so much. Scar laughs. Skizz looks at the bow and notes that it is fully enchanted. He sighs and asks what he needs to do to earn the right to rename the bow. Scar says there can be no renaming of this bow, it will be FailGuy until it breaks. He suggests that Skizz should get out there and start shooting a lot of FailGuy arrows. Skizz agrees reluctantly. Scar reminds Skizz that all he really needs to do is believe in himself and use that space bar. Skizz insists that he used spacebar and also fired 700 rockets, it’s right there in his footage. He tells Scar to look at the bloopers from his new episode, both for proof and because they were incredibly funny.

20:00 Scar says people on Twitter are accusing him of diamond ore theft, but he is an innocent bystandard. Bystander, Skizz corrects. Scar doesn’t understand, but he is innocent. He doesn’t want any trouble with the GOAT himself, but he is having a wonderful time watching Doc rage. Skizz asks what kind of ore was taken, from where. Scar says someone is taking the ore from Doc’s fashion shop and replacing it. Doc is on Twitter, making accusations and threatening vagueposts about trains. Scar, as a train owner, is feeling very threatened. Skizz asks how much diamond ore has been taken. Scar says like two pieces. Skizz is baffled that Doc is so upset about two pieces of ore. He doesn’t know what fashion shop Scar is talking about, so Scar takes him on a field trip that may involve murder with Skizz’s new bow. They decide to get in a chat group along the way.

22:00 Scar and Skizz take a quick detour to try and kill Impulse with the new bow. They go down into Impulse’s metro system and fly around the cyberpunk city but don’t find him. Scar calls Xisuma “Dipple-dee-doppers.” They say he must be hiding. Scar says they should shoot Xisuma for hoarding the End and keeping people from harvesting XP there. ((Xisuma has been moving mobs via the End Portal and asking other Hermits to stay away.)) Skizz asks whether Scar knows about the Bop N Go. Scar says he just used it, and he likes the music.

24:00 Skizz and Scar abandon the hunt for Impulse. Scar says Impulse must be afraid of the power of the HotGuy and the FailGuy. He wishes that they could get CuteGuy onto the server so they could have the full set. Skizz protests that he is a cute guy. Scar tells him very definitively that he’s not CuteGuy, that’s Grian. Skizz points out that he used to be SpyGuy, and that was cool, and then his _buddy_ _murdered_ him and named him FailGuy. Scar leads him to the armor trim shop and points out the two missing bits of diamond ore, one on the surface and one inside the guts of the redstone. Scar noticed the second bit of missing redstone during a livestream, before Doc actually noticed it, but he did not take it. ((Scar says it was Tango’s stream, but it was Ren’s livestream.)) Scar is disgusted that Doc has a diamond boring machine and still gets so upset about two ore.

25:30 Scar is distracted from Doc’s problems by how much he still wants to kill Impulse. He insists that he sees Impulse and takes off, followed by Skizz who demands to know what kind of eyes he has. Scar insists he is HotGuy! Scar races around the shopping district, followed by Skizz, but they do not find Impulse. They do hear Joel’s honey song and are baffled by it before resuming the chase. It is unclear whether Scar actually saw Impulse at all, or if it was a mirage, or if Scar is deliberately toying with Skizz. Scar looks up Impulse’s coords but he doesn’t seem to be there. Skizz begins taking potshots at Scar, who doesn’t notice. Skizz goes home to sleep.

29:40 Skizz gives up the chase and goes to Bop ‘n Go to repair his elytra. Scar makes a difficult shot to hit Skizz while he’s bopping. Scar tells Skizz that if he does something Scar deems truly admirable, he can change the name of the FailGuy bow. Skiss promises he will do so. They shoot at each other a few more times and Scar leaves.

31:00 Skizz decides his good deed will be to replace Doc’s diamond ore. Chat doesn’t like Skizz calling Doc Doccy because that is what Doc calls his child and it is confusing everyone. Skizz does not read chat and doesn’t notice. He admits this is not really a selfless act, it’s a nice thing but it’s so he can get his token. He heads back to the armor shop. He replaces the outer block and, leery of entering the machine itself, stacks up two more ore to replace the other missing blocks. Good deed done, no credit taken! Skizz goes to collect his token.

34:10 Skizz needs two tokens to spin for the MP prize he wants (the helicopter beanie cap), so he needs another task. He turns in his task and gets one token, then collects his new task. He receives the task “create a big present at another Hermit’s base, sign it, wish them happy birthday, and put something useless inside.” He instantly recognizes this as the task Stress got and performed on him months ago now. Chat is amused. Skizz is going to think of something fantastic for this task. He unpauses his chat alerts and demands Chat tell him the most useless item in Minecraft. Chat has lots of ideas, but Skizz likes the poison potato best.

36:00 Skizz starts looking through his chest monster for useless things. He gets excited when he remembers the retextured “Diamond” stick that has been in his ender chest for a long time now. It is the perfect gift, but who to give it to? Skizz starts looking for the packaging blocks Stress used for the original present. Chat points out that it’s actually Pearl’s birthday.

38:30 Skizz reads a dono from chat and takes a contemplative sip of coffee. It is from the wrong cup and is his cold nasty coffee from the morning. He is unhappy. He tells Chat he is not going to give Pearl a fake present on her real birthday. He finds the pink concrete from Stress and gathers up some cherry leaves as well. He thinks about making a Russian nesting doll style present, unwrapped in layers. He can’t find any items frames so he steals some from his Poe Poe kit. Considering how terrible his organizational system is, Skizz knows where a surprising number of items are.

42:00 Skizz decides Grian gets the present. There’s a nice flat space right in front of his base. He builds a 9x9x9 box of cherry leaves and quizzes Chat on what memory he’s evoking here. Chat guesses the Heart Foundation. He asks Chat if they notice how slow he is moving. It is because his buddies killed him in the Void and he lost his Swift Sneak pants.

45:00 Skizz responds to a request from chat for the Skizzlefarts song, in honor of a chatter’s sister who had surgery and cannot leave the hospital before passing gas. Chat is very supportive. During the song, Skizz returns to his base and collects more cherry leaves, then starts the second inner layer. Chat begins telling him to eat.

49:00 The song ends. Chat has strong feelings about Skizz not building the inner box off the ground. Skizz does not care, but he does satisfy Chat by eating. He places the item frame and the fake diamond, then goes to sleep. In the morning, finishes the box and goes to put the sign up, only to realize he put it back in the chest when he collected the cherry leaves. He returns to base for the sign, then closes the boxes and adds the ribbon. He is just complimenting himself on his Guess-the-Build boosted skills when he runs out of concrete. Chat knows he has more concrete in his base and Skizz actually looks at chat to see it. Victorious, he finishes the ribbon, then adds a bow. The bow takes awhile.

58:30 Skizz adds the sign and calls it good. He does not sign it. Chat reminds him he must sign it to complete the mission. He says he’s not going to sign it. Chat scolds him. He reads the mission again and returns to sign his name to the present.

1:01:20 Skizz explains Mission Possible to Chat while he sleeps through the night and heads for the Shopping district. He receives his tokens and spends them on a skin. He is disappointed to receive the arrow hat. He feels better when he realizes it is a hat that makes it look like there’s an arrow through his head. He decides to head back to work, but thanks subs and donos first.

1:04:50 Skizz flies from the shopping district to the top of Magic Mountain and tells chat he wants to make a quad beacon for digging, or a “queacon.” He flies immediately back to the shopping district for more iron. As he flies, he plugs his new channel, ShorterSkizz. The channel is his daughter’s summer project because she cannot work during ACL recovery. Chat is excited and begins subbing, competing for early sub numbers.

1:07:00 Skizz arrives back at the shopping district and tries to figure out how many iron blocks he needs. Sub numbers have climbed from 15 to about 400. A chatter suggests he needs to hire Jimmy for a 700 subscribers special. Skizz likes that idea and puts a velcro bag on his head to stand in for Young Jimmy’s hair from his subscriber special. He decides he needs “ a lot” of iron, and buys three and a half stacks of iron. He decides that’s not enough and tops up to six stacks.

1:13:00 Skizz heads back for the mountain, thanking subs and donos. ShorterSkizz cracks 700 subs. Skizz stops on top of the pyramid and thanks everyone with his best teenage Jimmy impression. Chat is pleased. Skizz tells Jimmy, if he sees this, that he loves him and explains the bit. He makes sure that someone clipped that so Jimmy can see it.

1:15:40 Skizz grabs his shovel and heads for the mountain for real. Chat begins reminding him to eat. He does a shoutout to his buddy MKBean who is helping with the new channel, then scouts out a spot for the beacon, digging straight down. He sees the opening into the cave and falls in anyway, but does not die.

1:19:30 Skizz pauses to read out a dono that suggests he should buy a keyboard with a working space bar. Skizz demands affirmation from chat that they saw his episode and that he really tried to get out of the void. Chat is supportive, to a point. Skizz continues digging down and notes that he didn’t even bring a weapon on this jaunt. He arrives in the largest part of the underground caverns and realizes he went off by one while digging the beacon hole. He fixes the mistake with another hole, realizes it is nighttime and that he didn’t bring a bed. He goes home.

1:24:00 Skizz jumps back down the beacon hole and goes to fix his mistake hole, then changes his mind and decides not to. He digs down deeper instead, then goes home again to get torches and a weapon. He thanks donos and subs, and seeks more affirmation from chat about his death in the void. A chatter tells him that nice things happened last night on the channel he raided into. Skizz is happy. He talks about how funny Jimmy was in the 700 subscriber video. Skizz cannot find his sword.

1:29:00 Skizz searches his chest monster for the sword and does not find it. He says he’s tried to organize his chests onstream a million times only for Chat to tell him not to do it because it’s boring, then admits that the opposite is true and chat has basically begged him to do an organizing stream. He won’t though, because it’s bad content. It’s much better to watch him search the chest monster a million times. He realizes he might have lost it in the void. He makes a new diamond sword and heads for the Shopping district for books. He remembers suddenly that he had Looting on that sword and that somehow motivates him to turn around and search harder.

1:30:50 Skizz finds his sword outside the Pyramid and then starts searching for torches. He organizes his inventory a bit and makes torches. He collects more rockets and heads back into the mountain.
Chat reminds him he forgot his bed and the beacon, but it is too late.

1:33:00 Skizz digs a bigger hole in the mountain. He digs down to about 10 and fights a creeper, then lights a little cavern he finds. He eats and provides some birthday you-yos, then decides whether to go down further. He places more torches and argues with himself. He digs down some more and lights another cave full of mobs.

1:42:00 Skizz realizes he has lost track of the hole he dug. He finds it after a couple minutes of searching and begins placing the beacon. A chatter asks if he has forgotten the ways of the skompass. He figures out what the dimensions of the beacon need to be and starts throwing down iron. He explains how one chatter has taken responsibility to be master of dad jokes and now Skizz looks forward to them. Chat provides additional dad jokes. Skizz plays the bop song and builds.

1:51:30 Skizz is very pumped about Jono remixing the Poe Poe song. The beacon is partway built now and growing fast. He realizes that he will need to buy some beacons, and that it might have made sense to do that before jumping down this hole. He finishes the beacon base, including four extra blocks where the beacons themselves should go, and heads out to get some beacons. Chat tries to explain that he needs to remove the top four blocks.

1:56:00 Skizz flies to the shopping district and visits the beacon shop. He stares at the enormous BEACONS sign and asks chat where the beacons are. Chat mocks him. He purchases four beacons and heads back to the mountain. Skizz parks himself on top of the mountain, tells Chat not to let him die, and plays the Skizzlefarts song again while he takes a bathroom break.

2:00:20 Skizz returns, miraculously unkilled. He opens the hole wide enough for a 2x2 beacon light and breaks the netherrack pole he’d used to survey the mountain. With everything prepared, he dives back down the hole and places the beacons on the iron blocks he should have removed. The beacon does not light. He removes the beacons, removes the blocks, and places the beacons in the correct place. They light successfully. Skizz goes to find some pink glass.

2:06 Skizz heads for the shopping district and visits the glass shop. He buys a stack of pink glass and goes to get some iron. Chat reminds him he has iron. He heads for the mountain and empinkens the beacon, then activates it with Haste 2, Jump Boost, Speed, Resistance and Regen. He decides he needs to make a safe drop to let him get down without dying.

2:11:00 Skizz admires the work he has done for the mountain crew. He contemplates a top-level control room that will activate different beacons under the mountain, but that’s for another day. He tries to take advantage of the new beacon to dig some dirt on the mountain, but has little success because he is trying to dig with his axe. Frustrated, he announces that his spoon SUCKS. Chat is beside themselves. He somehow misses the hundred chatters telling him he was holding an axe to zero in on the one who assures him that grass is slower to mine than dirt. Skizz flies around a little and admires the beacon, then heads back to his base for a better shovel. He finally realizes he was using the axe. He immediately flies back to Magic Mountain to test out his actual shovel. It works very well.

2:15:20 Skizz begins reorganizing the chests on Magic Mountain to facilitate digging, setting the storage chests outside the digging perimeter. Chat suggests putting an S on the ground and calling it Skizz Mountain. He flies back home to sleep, then realizes there was a bed on top of the mountain. He thanks subs and donos again. He tries to eat a rocket. After several more birthday you-yos, it’s back to the mountain for more organizing. Skizz has great sympathy for the very confused pen of sheep on top of the mountain.

2:19:45 Skizz finds a sign that says “omg, it’s a dark oak tree!” He laughs, confused, but does not remove it. He finishes moving the chests and organizing them. Chat reminds him how nice it feels to organize and suggests maybe he could do that at his base. Skizz hopes that this will make excavation a little more enjoyable for everybody.

2:24:15 Skizz leads by example with an arrow in his head, beginning the digging himself. He digs about ten dirt blocks and declares himself exhausted. He digs some more, then realizes he just wants to use TNT again. They probably will use TNT again, but this is a good way to put a teeny little dent in the amount of work yet to be done. A group TNT day would be a very fun group recording day for Magic Mountain. TNT is unpredictable but very fast!

2:27:00 Skizz digs dirt, sleeps, and interacts with chat. A chatter tells him a joke. He gathers up a lot more dirt, then stops because he does not want to ruin the glorious TNT day. He notices a chest and bed on top of the mountain and investigates, but the chest is empty. He destroys it. All his dirt goes into the storage chests. He’s way into the TNT date idea now.

2:32:00 Skizz decides to call the stream a little early today. Yesterday he was super busy and last night he didn’t sleep well. Today was long and he needs some sun before it gets dark. Chat advises Skizz to touch grass. He returns to his base and says goodbye to chat. He raids into “Coach” Jojosolos and ends his stream.

Chapter 8: ImpulseSV, 06/12/2024

Chapter Text

2:55 Impulse opens the stream on studio view. He asks if his streaming setup still works and jokes he needs to get the dust off it. He shares that he has been gone because he’s been sick, and decides he should probably just start tacking a few extra sick days onto the end of each vacation because it happens every time. (Except in Michigan, Chat points out.) Chat tells him his voice sounds better now than in the video. He says he’ll see how he feels as the stream goes on. He talks a little about PixelPulse Valley, how he named it because he likes being in the valley in Phoenix and likes valleys in general. Chat makes a joke about valley girls. Impulse has been sick almost a whole week and it is gross, especially since he’s had to travel.

6:00 Impulse shouts out to Noah in chat, who is someone he met in person on the cruise ship. Apparently there were several Impulse-in-the-wild spottings on this trip. He thanks subs and donos. He reminds chat that a Big Video came out today, one that he’s been waiting to show for awhile. He finally gets to tell the story of PixelPulse Valley and its battle with the AIs, and the basics of what the game is going to be like. Impulse doesn’t want to go too deep here because he doesn’t want to spoil the video, but he will be working on some stuff in the city. He suggests that maybe chatters might want to catch at least part of the video before joining the stream. Today he’ll be working on the secret tunnel and hopes for a normal-length stream. Chat sings the SECRET TUNNEL song.

9:50 Chat is worried about Impulse staying hydrated. He assures Chat he has been triple-fisting coffee, juice and water. Chat is unsure about the phrasing but happy that Impulse is getting enough to drink. It is impossible to bother Skizz during stream today because Skizz is at work, and when he gets home from work they are going to record the podcast.

11:00 Impulse shows off his new redstone door. He apologizes to RKF Walter, whose name he messed up while crediting him for the door design. It is a beautiful door design and opens to an exploding flight rocket. He drops down the escape hole and shows Chat the Secret Tunnel. He says he’s gotten lots of good suggestions in the video comments already for different ambiance touches. He is not sure yet what he’s going to change, if anything. He shows off how covering a pearlescent froglight with a trapdoor turns the light pure white.

14:10 Impulse highlights the wall lights. He is happy because there are not many chances for subtle design touches that are only a few pixels tall in Minecraft. He contemplates how he’s going to mute when he inevitably starts coughing. He reveals that his favorite DCI team is Impulse, of course. It’s where all his branding came from! (Blue Devils is also good). DCI is Drum Corps International, professional marching band with no woodwinds. He toured the country for a whole summer with the Impulse team back in the day. Chat is excited about this Impulse Lore. Impulse’s girlfriend back in the day (not his wife now) was a clarinet player, but she played cymbals on the drumline.

18:00 Impulse notices that all the trapdoors have completely oxidized and wonders who has been keeping it loaded. Probably Joel, he concludes as he cleans and waxes them. Chat suggests it might also be people coming by to use the XP bank. Impulse agrees that the XP bank is popular, way more popular than he and Skizz anticipated. He may have to put in some more at other Hermits’ bases, just to lighten the load on Bop n’ Go. Chat suggests putting XP banks inside the volcano once it is hollowed out. He likes that plan.

21:00 Chat asks if Impulse saw Tango’s video that had the naturally volcano-shaped Magic Mountain clone. Impulse didn’t see it. Chat asks what he plans to do about the slime chunk in the tunnel. Impulse does not know. He doesn’t want to put carpet in. He’s not too worried because big slimes are unlikely to spawn, and he doesn’t want to slab it and change the tunnel shape. He’ll wait and see how bad it is. He decides to start the next segment of tunnel with the bottom wall edges and gathers his supplies.

23:40 It was easier to record video sick than to stream sick, because he could gather energy for short bursts of talking. Chat asks for advice on visiting DCI events. Impulse says check out the vendors to find cool music supplies, and also bring lots of sunscreen. He does not have enough cyan terracotta. He considers whether anyone sells terracotta, then remembers he’s not buying from Big T. He begins laying out his pattern. Ren messages in chat that he needs Impulse’s brain. Impulse doesn’t promise his brain is working, but goes to find Ren at his base. As he flies, Impulse talks about playing Wordle at Pearl’s yesterday and how he struggled because his brain was foggy. He likes Wordle but he did not do well. ((It did take Impulse more than 20 minutes to solve the puzzle at Dyeductions on Pearl’s 6/11 stream, compared to 10 minutes for Skizz.))

26:30 He touches down at Ren’s base and asks where Ren is, Ren tells him he must come into the truck. Impulse asks if he should be recording. Ren says he can if he wants, and he probably should too. They both reveal that they are streaming. Impulse tries to find his way into the truck with little success. Ren directs him to the door on top and describes the lever. Impulse finds the lever but it doesn’t work. They are having some audio issues due to Ren’s setup. Impulse plasters himself against the front windshield and breaks into the truck, to Ren’s great consternation. Impulse replaces the broken glass and assures Ren he is a certified repair technician. Ren accepts this and moves on.

29:00 Ren tells Impulse he needs his brain, then uses the classic girlfriend tactic of telling Impulse he’s been waiting for him to notice something. Impulse is immediately on the back foot and tries to fall back on the defense of having been gone. He guesses that Ren has a new outfit, which is true. Ren demands that Impulse look at him. Ren has a new skin on, including a spacesuit and a face that Chat thinks is very similar to Beef’s (which is true.) He has a beard and everything. Impulse says the outfit reminds him of Terra Swoop Force at MCC. Ren admits that is true. He says his chat thinks the glasses are too much. Impulse’s Chat thinks they’re great. Impulse and Ren both take off their glasses. Impulse has no eyebrows without the glasses. He says he plucks his eyebrows when he gets nervous and it’s been a rough week. Ren puts the glasses and beard back on, and shows off the handsome touches of gray in his hair. They talk about getting IRL haircuts. Ren is going back to facecam streaming and told his barber he needed a good haircut for an important meeting. He wanted a side shave, but his barber told him his head is too large for a side shave. Impulse thinks Ren has a nice head and hopes the barber didn’t hurt his feelings. Ren says the barber did a good job. Big-headed folk in chat commiserate with Ren.

33:30 Ren says he listens to the advice of professionals about how he looks, because he has no understanding of fashion or how he is supposed to look. Impulse admits he hasn’t got Ren’s stream up and can’t see how he looks, Ren admits that he hasn’t dared to turn the facecam on yet. Ren compliments how nice Impulse looks every time he streams and thinks it must take him a long time to get ready, but Impulse denies that. He does his hair once a week, puts glue in it, and is careful about how he sleeps. His wife is the closest thing to a stylist he has. She cut his hair for him for a long time. Ren talks about the value in learning a single hairstyle by muscle memory and doing it exactly the same everyday forever. Impulse agrees and tells a story about his vacation, where he couldn’t take his regular hair product. His hair was a mess his whole trip. Ren is very sympathetic. Chat thinks Impulse has bougie hair.

37:30 Ren is jealous because Impulse has a nicely-shaped head and can shave his hair off. Ren’s head is weird-shaped at the back and he has a mole, so he would look terrible if he shaved his head. He asks Impulse if he’d ever wear a toupee if he started going bald. Impulse says his dad is 70 and has a full head of hair, but he doesn’t think he’d be a combover guy. He’d probably do some kind of filler. Hopefully by that time there will be a pill or cream to grow hair. Chat is telling Impulse that the baldness gene comes down on the maternal side. Impulse reassures them that his mom also has hair. Ren says his mom is a Yeti, with very thick hair. Chat reminds Impulse that Rogaine is a thing. Ren shows off his boots, Impulse is impressed. He tells Ren that his Lore dropped today, and that it’s going to tickle Ren in all the right places. Ren is eager to see it. Impulse did make a mistake by tackling the biggest, hardest game first, and it is taking forever. Ren thinks maybe that was the right way to go, since it will regulate the size and speed of the other games.

41:00 Ren suddenly detects an INTRUDER at the truck. He shows Impulse where the actual door is and shoots a rocket at Pearl, who is standing just outside. She makes an indignant noise. Ren tells her that the oxygen out there is poisonous and full of spores, so she jumps down inside and asks Ren if he stream sniped her. Impulse also wants to know how Ren spotted Pearl. Ren says he saw the nametag through the ceiling. Pearl immediately compliments Ren on his new look. Impulse is chagrined at her superior powers of perception. He says this happens in real life with his wife too. Ren sits in the cockpit with Pearl and tells Pearl the whole embarrassing story of Impulse’s visit.

43:00 Pearl points out that she is good at seeing details, that she noticed right away that Iskall had a haircut earlier in the season. “Iskall had a haircut?” Ren asks. Pearl describes Iskall’s haircut test. Ren says there’s something different about Pearl too. Impulse says she looks older. They sing Happy Birthday to her while chasing her through the truck while she flees. She is embarrassed but thanks them. She asks Impulse for a thing. He doesn’t understand for a minute, but Chat does and helps out. Impulse provides the Birthday You-Yo. Chat celebrates. Pearl tells him he sounds better today than he did yesterday. They talk about getting sick on vacation and at cons. Pearl digs around in Ren’s shulker boxes. Ren objects, not very strenuously, and she tells him it’s her job. They point out it’s not the job of the postmaster to clean up messes, and the Cleaning Lady was Season 9. Apparently once a Cleaning Lady, always a Cleaning Lady.

46:00 Impulse asks if they have the shulker mod that shows what’s in the boxes. They do not. Impulse explains his retexture woes anyway. Someone drops a cake into the truck through the door for Pearl. Pearl suspects it was False. She sets down the cake just in time for Invisible False to pearl into the truck. Impulse and False give Pearl birthday punches, or False does while Impulse fails to punch. He blames his short arms. Ren comes back and puts a single candle on the cake and they all wish Pearl a happy first birthday. She says she doesn’t feel so old now. Pearl is not hungry enough to eat, so Ren and False give her more birthday punches. Birthday punches are not very effective when someone is wearing netherite armor. “Punch harder!” Pearl yells as she removes her netherite. Ren “punches” her with an axe. “Not that hard, not that hard!” she corrects, running away. She makes a wish and knocks the candle off the cake, then eats a bit. Ren asks what she wished, but she won’t tell or it won’t come true. He realizes that’s been his mistake all along.

49:00 Pearl eats most of the cake, then offers her friends a slice. Ren sets himself on fire to be hungry enough to eat. This alarms his friends. He finishes off the cake. They discuss the awkward IRL situation of one slice of cake left on the plate. None of them will eat it unless no one is watching and the party is nearly over. Ren asks if Pearl’s had a good birthday so far, but she points out that it is 2:48 in the morning, Pearl time, so there has not been much birthday yet. Ren asks if she has had cake anyway. Pearl says she doesn’t have a cake yet. She asks if they know that heated mousepads exist. False wants one immediately, Impulse wants the exact opposite of that. He tells them that the high in Phoenix today is 43 degrees Celsius (109 F). Nobody likes that. Chat is horrified. Pearl says no wonder he got sick, with that temperature change. Apparently it was 6 degrees in Alaska. (43 F) False said it was 15 (59 F) today in the UK. Ren has been keeping his eye on the prize and is still upset that Pearl doesn’t have IRL cake. Pearl promises that she’s going to have dinner with her family and she’ll get cake then, and she also had a strawberry doughnut.

54:10 There have been lots of Hermit birthdays recently. False and Gem both had birthdays recently, and someone else that they can’t remember. Chat knows it was Skizz. Pearl remembers Skizz, and Cleo as well. Ren thinks next year they need a birthday hall for the month of June. Pearl and False think about horoscope-themed buildings, with a really big one for Gemini. Ren thinks there’s another big batch in October, but it’s really just him. Chat points out that Geminis are born entertainers. Ren claims Bdubs as an October birthday. He reminisces about turning False’s base into a cake way, way back in Season 4. Pearl points out that as of today, the minimum Hermit age is 28. They are all getting old. Ren says they need a special celebration for when the minimum age hits 30. Impulse agrees and says they can hand out walkers to everyone. Ren suggests ear trumpets as well, while False suggests giant keyboards.

59:00 Impulse doesn’t realize how they got back to this topic when he and Ren were just talking earlier about losing their hair. False said she was listening, and educates Impulse on the existence of little tubs one can put one’s hair gel into for traveling. It takes Impulse a minute, but he figures out what she’s talking about. He says that’s a lot of work. False tells Pearl she’s a bit concerned for these guys. Pearl agrees and says they need Bdubs the hairdresser. False tries to sell them on the beneifts of long hair, but Pearl reminds her that it took her an entire day to find a bottle of hairspray in Michigan. Impulse fondly remembers the days when he used to shave his head so he wouldn’t have to do anything with it. He reiterates his story about only styling his hair once a week and using glue. False and Pearl are disgusted. He admits that is a slight exaggeration. Pearl suggests Impulse has a Lego haircut. Ren thinks Impulse just sleeps in the chair in his office and has his wife wake him up to stream. Pearl says this is why not having a facecam is the best option. Ren seems like he might be reconsidering his decision to facecam.

1:02:20 False starts teasing Ren about not uploading his VODs. Ren protests that he managed to upload a VOD just today. Impulse brags that it’s easy when you have two copies of OBS. The others are skeptical of this solution. False says no wonder it’s 40 degrees there, Impulse’s computer is on fire. Ren admires the teleprompter setup in Impulse’s office. Impulse says he likes it because staring at Chat makes them uncomfortable. Chat agrees. False stares deep into Chat’s eyes on all three streamers’ channels. They talk a little more about streaming setups. Ren declares Impulse the “smorterest” of the streamers. Impulse admits he needs to run an entire tech checklist to go live.

1:05:30 With all other conversational topics exhausted, the group decides to talk about food. Pearl is baffled that Impulse and Ren don’t like jam doughnuts. Ren clarifies that he doesn’t dislike jam doughnuts. Impulse says he doesn’t like being surprised by, like, banana doughnuts. Ren agrees and adds lime as a possibility. Pearl is horrified and says they need better doughnuts. Ren really wants to try an American Cinnabon. False tries to tell him they have Cinnabon in the UK. “Not like that,” Ren tells her. Pearl asks if any of them tried the salt doughnuts in Michigan. False and Impulse say no, Pearl says it was “really interesting” and “oddly enjoyable.” She recommends them, especially with the chicken salt she brought along. Ren is confused at “chicken salt on a doughnut.” Chat is confused by “chicken salt.” False says she’s going to salt a doughnut and complain to Pearl when it tastes bad. Pearl sputters for a minute, then demands to know whether any of them thought she was actually serious about salt doughnuts. Ren says she’s Australian, and Australians eat weird stuff. It seemed plausible. Pearl tells them she’s just Mission Possible’d all of them, that her mission was to convince them all that she’d already told them a story about something and that they’d just forgotten. Ren congratulates her, Impulse feels violated. Ren and chat are still hung up on the chicken salt thing. Pearl wonders suddenly if maybe she did it wrong, because she actually convinced them they were there for the story happening, not that they’d heard it before. They agree it counts.

1:11:00 False is a little sad that she can’t have a salted doughnut. Pearl demands to know how they can hate Vegemite and want salted doughnuts. False says Vegemite is too fishy. Pearl is mortally insulted. Impulse confirms it was Marmite and not Vegemite on the wings in Michigan. Vegemite and Marmite are similar but not the same. Ren asks if he really has to go all the way to Australia to taste Vegemite. Pearl slaps him and tells him if he actually comes to an event, she will bring him Vegemite. Impulse shills TwitchCon San Diego but Ren demurs, saying he can’t afford it. San Diego is very expensive. Pearl understands, she spent 5 grand for 5 days in Michigan. False says she might be out too, then. Impulse invites them all to stay with him and they’ll make the six hour drive each day to the con. Ren asks how much it costs to get one of those Scarbots to roll around the convention. Pearl says that if any of them want to come to Australia, they can stay at her place. Ren has family in Australia. They discuss Vegemite some more. Impulse didn’t like it on first bite, but sort of got the idea of why people might like it after a few bites. More Vegemite talk. Impulse sidebars to chat that he has no idea what he is doing, and that he has a tunnel to build. Chat assures him that they are happy and he should stay.

1:18:00 Ren mentions black pudding. Impulse asks the group what’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten. Pearl says cow’s tongue. Impulse says he once went to a fancy restaurant in French Polynesia and didn’t know what he was eating. Later he looked it up and saw it was duck liver. It was really good. False admits she doesn’t know if she has a good answer for this question. Vegemite, she decides. Pearl smacks her. Ren says he likes everything he’s eaten except oysters, but the weirdest thing he’s eaten was a Mopane Worm in South Africa, a big caterpillar that gets deep fried. Pearl asks if they tasted like chicken, he says they taste like peanuts with an earthy aftertaste that is not nice. Impulse pushes False for a better answer; she says she almost ate crocodile once but the kitchen was closed. She says she once ate a weird fruit with a bad smell, she thinks it was durian. But also Vegemite. Pearl smacks her again. Chat is vouching for durian: smells bad, tastes great. Impulse says escargot is pretty good, mushroomy. Ren says escargot also has an earthy aftertaste, and the others begin teasing him about why everything tastes like dirt to him. Ren asks if none of them ate dirt as children. Pearl says she once ate a daisy. She decides to change her answer for “weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten.”

1:22:45 Pearl decides to get her Mission Possible book to make sure everyone agrees she succeeded the task. She blasts out the roof of the truck. Impulse decides to investigate the door to try and figure out why the lever didn’t work for him when he tried it. He clicks the lever and the door opens. He hits it again and the door closes, just in time for Ren to smash his head into it and visually clip through the roof. Chat is deeply amused. False and Ren are impressed on the timing of that. False realizes that if someone clicks the lever from inside, the lever outside doesn’t work. Ren is ashamed of his terrible redstone, but False says it’s good to have a door lock he can activate from inside. Impulse is just happy to know that he wasn’t the crazy one, even if he was the one who broke in through the windshield. He and False examine the decorations of the roof. Impulse is disappointed to know that they are still polluting the planet in the futuristic future.

1:25:00 Pearl returns and reads her task to the group. They agree that she completed the task in a way that is even better than was asked for, since she convinced Impulse that he was actually present for the story that never happened. They all fly to MP HQ to watch Pearl spin. False tells them that Skizz broke the machine when he spun, so she didn’t get anything on her spin. But it’s fixed now. Pearl collects her token and spins the wheel. She gets the Sword, which is a hat that looks like she’s got a diamond sword stuck in her head. The others pretend to pull it out. Impulse makes a Sword in the Stone joke. Ren says that Pearl’s brain is too dense to get the sword out. Pearl smacks him, but Impulse tries to convince her it’s a compliment. She is skeptical, but Ren is all in.

1:28:40 Grian logs in, tells everyone in chat “Just so you know, I’m off to play badminton,” then logs out. They decide that this is a clear case of FOMO. Impulse asks if that’s the game with the birdie. False scoffs and corrects “Shuttlecock.” Pearl confirms he’s thinking of the right game. They talk about Badminton for a few minutes. Impulse says that badminton is not really a thing in America; they play pickleball instead. Everyone is baffled. He tries to explain it. Pearl asks if it’s the game with the long stick and a tiny racket on the end ((possibly lacrosse?)) Impulse says no, but that’s it’s very popular. Ren says it’s a ridiculous name and needs to be changed. Impulse demands to know how they can call something a shuttlecock and think they have the high ground for naming anything. Ren says it’s just mini tennis. He has an idea. Hermitcraft table tennis Olympics, five day round-robin event. They’d sell out a stadium. False and Pearl are deeply skeptical. Impulse thinks they should play basketball. Doc and Mumbo against each other, Impulse vs. Bdubs, etc. Pearl says she wants to play against Skizz. Impulse is very into this idea now. Ren asks diffidently what the rules are. Impulse assures him it’s just regular street ball. Ren has never played basketball. He played NBA Jam on Sega. He asks if he’s allowed to SuperDunk. False and Pearl discuss Dodgeball. Ren wants to play Pool, so nobody gets hot and sweaty. False suggests Bowls. Ren and Pearl are very enthusiastic about the idea. Impulse is baffled. “Are you saying balls?” he asks. “BOWLS,” Ren corrects hastily. Chat is amused. Ren tells False she can never call him inappropriate again. She slaps him a couple times and calls him the guy who’s never played basketball instead.

1:35:40 Ren explains bowls to Impulse, taking exquisite care to pronounce “BOWLS” each time. Chat tells Impulse it’s bocce ball. Pearl also experience pronunciation problems with bowls. Ren asks if they’ve ever played croquet, everyone says they have. Ren excitedly suggests to Pearl that they could play cricket. Impulse is not sure how it’s played, Pearl and False tell him it’s like rounders and wickets, which is unhelpful. Impulse starts feeling like he’s in a fever dream. Pearl goes to get her new mission, but she’s not going to read it out loud. False gets a mission too. Ren already has a mission. Impulse steps up to get a mission, but the game is empty. It’s very disappointing. Ren thinks this might be an excellent opportunity to do his mission. Impulse asks if it was Ren’s mission to get him to say “balls,” because if so, he won. Ren asks if the missions all have to be secret. False says most of them are all “do something or say something without the person knowing.” She says Ren could never be a good secret agent.

1:40:30 Pearl’s chat is begging her to ask Ren and False to play Wordle. Impulse thinks it’s a great idea. False demands that Ren close his chat so they don’t cheat for him. Impulse asks Chat if they want to go watch. Chat very much wants to watch. Impulse played yesterday and already knows the word, but he was not streaming so Chat will only know the word if they watched Pearl’s stream (or read the exhaustive recap.) Pearl takes them all down into the basement, where she has been building the locker room to hold inventories. False asks if a locker room means they’re going to die. Pearl says she hasn’t installed that yet. She cleans up a little buit while False and Ren read the rules and empty their inventories. Impulse turns off his facecam and goes to have a bio break while Pearl, Ren and False entertain the chat.

1:43:00 Pearl explains the game to False and Ren. It’s very much like Wordle, but there are no repeated letters and all the letter tiles are named dyes and flowers. Impulse comes back and watches along with Chat. False and Ren try to decide a starter word. Ren tries to think of a five letter word that is just vowels. He decides to play “BEAUT” and Pearl agrees this is a word because she is Australian. He gets one letter, in the wrong place.

1:48:00 Time for Round 2. Ren thinks there are eight vowels. He gets straighened out and decides he needs a word with I and O. He decides on “OINKS.” Pearl says that’s okay, so long as he doesn’t mind sacrificing a choice. Ollie Orionsound raids into the stream. Ollie’s chat tells Impulse he was playing Among Us, Impulse is very excited. He misses Among Us so much and wants to play it again. Ollie says he will let Impulse know if they run it back Ren gets one letter in the right place.

1:52:00 Ren tries to think of a third word. Pearl tells False she’ll switch the word after Ren plays so False gets a good play too. False says no thank you. She suggests to Ren that he might do well with a pen and paper. Impulse tells Chat he knows this stream is a bit scuffed, but he’s been gone and he missed his friends. He will get back to building soon. Chat is not actually in any hurry to get back to building. Ren plays “FILED” and gets none correct. Pearl realizes that he should have gotten some right and asks if the game has broken for the first time. She is worried until Ren realizes that although he showed off his guess on the item frames, he did not actually feed his guess into the game. He wasted a guess by not putting in any letters. He places the letters into the hoppers and runs the word again. Three letters lock into place, the other two are correct and in the wrong place.

1:55:30 Ren realizes there is literally only one option given the board state and plays “FIELD.” He gets the win condition. Everyone cheers! Ren tells Impulse he could’ve given him a hint that he had the letters reversed. Pearl admits she laughed when Ren decided to play Filed and not Field. Ren cleans up the supplies and puts them away, then resets the game. False definitely does not want to play, but she thinks the game is great. They discuss Wordle strategy and starter words. Impulse uses TRACE or SOUND for most of his starters, Ren thinks ADEIU would be good to get the vowels out. Pearl debates options for getting the last missing letters into the game. The game can handle the whole alphabet, but she doesn’t have enough dyes for every consonant without retexturing.

2:01:50 Pearl asks if Ren got a prize. He says yes, it had flowers and dyes. She says yes, that’s what they all have. Ren was not paying attention and makes Pearl rehash the “Why not all the letters” discussion. False suggests retexturing new, fake dyes. Pearl is ambivalent. Everyone is very impressed by Pearl’s work making the game. Impulse says she’s definitely a redstoner now, and he likes how she left it visible under the copper grates. Pearl tells Ren about the randomizer she spent four hours building yesterday, just to make sure nobody could get any hints. Other than tiny tweaks, the game is fully done and tested. Ren says there’s one thing missing: an ender chest. If hermits are going to pay, they need a chest! Impulse takes advantage of the new chest to play some horns. Pearl is going to put up a leaderboard with books so Hermits can keep track of their own streaks. Ren says Impulse is going to dominate because he plays so much Wordle. False says they need to let the old folks win some games. Ren suggests a timed version of the game, much to Impulse and False’s horror. Impulse wants a version where he can make a guess, go build for awhile, come back and guess again, etc. Pearl will make the game harder if everybody wins all the time. Ren suggests a hard mode to the game. Pearl thinks it’s doable, except it will take a _lot_ of work. Impulse feels her redstoner pain. Ren suggests an ultra-hard-mode that is just Pearl singing a countdown song and saying random words the entire time.
A suggestion about playing “BALLS” as the guess leads to an explanation of why there cannot be double letters. Ren suggests audio recording of various useful information to appear at different times in the game, like Xisuma’s TCG setup in Season 9. They brainstorm ways this could work.

2:17:00 Pearl does a little troubleshooting of the system and plays the fail sounds so they can hear it. It’s very funny. False says she should make the losers feel worse. Pearl points out that anyone who fails can pay another diamond to try again. Ren and Pearl are ending their streams, but Impulse has only placed about seven blocks today and needs to get some work done. He realizes he never did figure out what Ren wanted his brain for. Ren admits he just wanted to show off his new skin. False examines the new skin and points out the shape on the back. There is an arrow pointing to Ren’s butt. Impulse makes a suggestion that might be more risque than he intended. Chat is very amused. Pearl and False think Ren’s new skin without the glasses look like Beef, XB and Sausage. Impulse says he’s a meat lover’s pizza, a little Beef and a little Sausage. Ren says the skin will not have a tail because while he wants to be a dog, he doesn’t want to be a furry. There is a brief conversation about whether the coccyx counts as a tail. Ren decides to flee.

2:22:20 Impulse decides to head home. He says hello again to chat. This stream was supposed to be super-productive and he wants to get at least something done today. He drops back into the tunnel and sings the Secret Tunnel song, then tells Chat about the tunnel lore. He places five blocks and gets attacked by a baby zombie. He gathers more torches to light up the nearby caves. He says they may change the name of the city to DoublePulse valley, after him and Bdubs both. Neither of them are written into the story, but the city can still be named after them.

2:26:00 Impulse notes that he got so distracted that his Spotify finished the stream-safe playlist and went on to play other music. This VOD may not be monetizable. Ren raids into the stream. Impulse places one row of blocks, then starts talking to chat. A chatter asks how he feels about ducks. He is good with ducks. A chatter tells him to Google Bulk Bronson, a wrestler who looks like Impulse. Impulse can see it a little bit. He places some more blocks and talks about his vacation. 15 days ago he went to Seattle with his whole family, spent a couple days there, then went on an Alaskan cruise.

2:30:00 Impulse talks about vacation. The first day they went to the space needle and, on Scar’s recommendation, the MoPOP Museum. Everyone was wearing Pearl Jam shirts, and he didn’t realize why until later when he learned there was a Pearl Jam concert that same night, in walking distance of the hotel. He debated paying scalper prices to go to the concert, but then didn’t. He regretted not doing it. They went on the glass floor of the Space Needle. Impulse is afraid of heights so it was a little intense. Impulse didn’t get a chance to meet up with Scar or Fwhip while he was in town. Pike’s Place Fish Market was a disappointment, they do not throw the fish anymore.

2:37:10 A skeleton attacks Impulse, he tracks down where it came from to mobproof. At the hotel bar on the first night in Seattle, one of the bartenders asked Impulse if he was a gaming YouTuber. The bartender said the front desk guy recognized him. This was funny because Impulse was talking on the podcast the other week about how he never got noticed outside of cons. The cruise left on a Friday morning, headed for Alaska. It was a nice ship, a big ship, with an overwhelming amount of food. After the first couple of nights he felt sick from too much food and they stopped doing reserved dinner. There was a lot of food.

2:40:50 It took the ship two days at sea to reach Alaska. On those days, they found activities on the ship. There was a volleyball competition with one group of very skilled players who dominated everyone. Impulse’s youngest daughter plays volleyball and was very into it, so they went to watch. A guy at the tournament recognized Impulse and asked if he was Impulse. (That was Noah from the beginning of the stream.) Later they were going around the ship and there was a thing where they hide ducks on the ship. Kids can look for the ducks. Impulse’s daughter was looking for ducks, walking every level of the ship, every nook and cranny. It was a big walk. They went into a music hall to re-hide a duck she found, and while they were in there a kid approached Impulse and asked if he was Impulse. That was Colin from Tennessee, and he was very polite. Impulse’s daughter is 12 and now she thinks her dad is famous. Chat thinks Impulse is famous too. Another day went by on the cruise. Impulse and his family were going home from the pool, waiting for the elevator. Cruise ship elevators are slow, so eventually they decided to take the stairs. They went down four flights, and Impulse heard a little commotion of girls giggling above them. A woman stuck her head over the banister and asked “Are you a YouTuber? My daughters want to know.” Impulse was like “Yup.” So he met a mom and a couple of teens in the stairwell and took a picture. Impulse’s wife did not know what to do. She heard them yell “Impulse” at the top of the stairs, but she didn’t stop. It was maybe a little weird for her. Impulse’s daughter thought it was the best, though. Impulse suspects it might be because he was wearing his Life Series hoodie. He decided to stop wearing it, but his daughter put it on instead. Getting noticed was pretty fun, overall.

2:50:00 The cruise went to Sitka, a cool small town in Alaska. They had great fish and chips. Impulse pauses to consider the next steps of building. He’s actually making pretty good progress now. In Alaska they saw some whales, though not close up. The weather was cold but otherwise great, no rain. After Sitka they went to Skagway, but Impulse doesn’t remember what they did. He thinks they took a cool train ride. He is out of smooth slabs and leaves the tunnel to cook some rocks back at his base. Skagway had some interesting food, but it was good. Impulse was eating basically one big meal a day, but it was always good. The ship went to Juneau next, where they went on a dogsledding tour. They didn’t do the helicopter glacier tour because it was wildly expensive.

2:54:20 Impulse is caught up in his story and shoves his buckets of lava into the Smithing Input barrel. Chat informs him of this fact instantly, but he doesn’t catch it right away. “Nooo!” he cries when he notices it. He dives into the redstone and falls down a hole before escaping and climbing up into the smelter. He needs to stop the smelter from smelting itself. He mostly succeeds. He shows Chat some pictures from the dogsledding tour. There was no snow when they visited, so the dogs in the photo are pulling a wheeled cart. They look like very good doggos. After the cart ride, they got to meet the puppies. There is a picture of Impulse with a large and fluffy puppy, looking about as happy as he can be. Chat is charmed. Impulse says the puppy was very heavy and so cute.

2:58:00 The ship went past Dawes glacier. Glaciers are cool, and they got very close. Impulse talks about what glaciers are made of and shows a picture of a blue glacier. He gets a large dono and a nice message from a disabled vet starting his own channel. Impulse is touched and wishes him luck. He reads some other donos and subs. He talks again about going from 8C to 43C, but admits he got sick before they even got back, so it probably wasn’t the temperature. He did his best to wash his hands and use sanitizer, but cruises are disease vectors. On the last day of the cruise, they stopped in Victoria, British Columbia. Impulse woke up feeling a little sick. Victoria is a beautiful place and the weather was really nice. Impulse’s wife found a place that was supposed to have the best poutine in Victoria. They went to a pub called Irish Times and had poutine. Chat has a brief internal argument over the pronunciation of poutine. Impulse describes poutine (fries, brown gravy, fresh cheese curds but not like from Culvers, the unbreaded squeaky kind). The poutine was amazing. As he was enjoying his poutine, though, he realized he was sick. He got back on the boat and went to bed. His youngest daughter (the older two were there too, but they did their own thing on the boat most of the time) liked the bands, so she and her mom went to watch music while Impulse stayed in the room and ran a fever. He rested through the night, but woke up still sick and had to travel that way. They rushed off the boat so as not to miss their flight, and then the flight got delayed. He did his best not to complain and not to get germs on people. Eventually the plane did leave and they went home. Impulse spent two days in bed with his wife out on the couch and away from the germs. Impulse shills briefly for Factor Wellness Shots. He took every remedy he had available. After three days he started to feel better. He did not get a COVID test, but he’s much better now. It was an awesome trip with a lousy ending, but he got lots of good memories. It’s also probably the last time he’ll have a vacation with his whole family, parents and kids, together in the configuration they are now, so he wants to remember it.

3:13:00 Impulse thanks subs and donos. A chatter tells him a joke. He needs to figure out this music situation because Spotify keeps randomly picking nonsafe music after it finishes its playlist. The same thing happened to Skizz yesterday and Impulse should’ve been prepared, but he wasn’t. A chatter asks how long he’ll be streaming and he says not long. He has a podcast to record today. He shows chat how the wall light decoration works. He is justifiably proud of this. He reads off more subs and donos. He can’t believe how little progress he made today, but he had no “regerts.” He finds a random brick while digging and realizes he has almost dug into the other water elevator for Bop ‘n Go. Disaster narrowly averted.

3:17:40 A chatter asks for the podcast topic this week. Impulse says it’s dealing with failure. Most of the podcast episodes assume people can set goals and be successful at them, but they’ve never really talked about what happens when you fail and how you come back from it. He promises to keep it light, even inspirational. It’s important to embrace failure as a good thing. He hopes it’s a relatable topic, since everybody’s been there. He teases week after next with the possibility of another guest. They have a lot of people they want to get on the show, so they might have guests more often. Chat is enthusiastic and full of guesses.

3:21:00 Impulse look back and shakes his head about not even completing one full section. A chatter asks when he will come to the Netherlands. He says he’d like to one day. A chatter thanks him for inspiration to start streaming. Impulse places a few more blocks, then decides it’s time to wrap things up. He hasn’t even set up for the podcast yet. He is a slacker and Skizz is going to mock him for it. He notices that Cleo is streaming, so at least he has someone to raid into. He talks a bit more about the podcast topic for the week. A chatter asks if he reads podcast comments on Spotify. He says he does but not often, because they’re very hard to get to.

3:26:00 Impulse wraps up the stream and thanks chat for coming. It was a good coming-back stream. He reminds Chat to please, please, please watch the new video with its Important Lore. He thanks subs and donos. He tells chat he is not going to TwitchCon Rotterdam, but he will be at TwitchCon San Diego. He will double-stream on Friday, announcement soon! He raids into Cleo and ends his stream.

Chapter 9: ZombieCleo, 06-12-2024

Chapter Text

0:00 Cleo opens the stream by calling the chat to awaken and feel her pain. Or don’t, because not doing that is cool too. She welcomes everyone to the stream and points out that she is not in her base. Whose base is she in? She asks the chat to guess; they correctly guess Joel. Joel wants to commission statue work. He wants a statue that represents his friendship with Jimmy. Cleo’s willing but not quite sure how to go about it. She asks Chat for suggestions. If Chat had to make a Jimmy and Joel statue, what would they do? Cleo’s immediate thought is Jimmy in a little cowboy hat and Joel puppeting him on strings, or possibly Jimmy and Joel as Bad Boys, doing Bad Boy things. Joel might appreciate them on motorbikes. Chat’s suggestions include Jimmy and Joel holding hands under a rainbow, Tiny Jimmy on Joel’s shoulders, and Joel with his arm around Jimmy.

3:10 Cleo points out that Joel and Jimmy’s relationship does not really seem to be one of two bros hanging out and being affectionate with one another. They are more about two bros hanging out and taking the piss. She also doesn’t want to do Tiny Jimmy because she knows them from the Life Series. She’s leaning towards Bad Boys and motorbikes. She thanks subs and donos. A chatter says “Armor stand time?” Cleo is not sure if it’s armor stand time yet, because they need to finish their own base and to come up with some kind of motorbike design. Chat suggests “Joel on a motorbike and Jimmy on a tricycle” and “Joel and Jimmy on motorbikes but Jimmy is a little bit smaller.” Cleo thinks if she can get their Bad Boy skins she can do it with no problem. Chat suggests motorbikes with TNT minecarts strapped to the back.

5:30 Cleo arrives back at her own base and shows Chat what she’s been up to. She’s blocked off the elevator temporarily because it won’t be ready by tomorrow and is hoping to finish the tower room she’s been decorating. She does not elaborate on what the Thursday thing is that she is preparing for. A chatter plays an explosion noise. She calls them rude but doesn’t mean it. A chatter asks if they can put Cleo in a Hermitcraft poem. Cleo says sure, that doesn’t affect them at all. The problem with a floor made of trap doors is that it is hard to stack up on to reach the ceiling, but Cleo manages and shows off some potential hanging shelf designs. They’ve got a lot of stuff to decorate, including smithing templates and potsherds, and want to make a demon with a moving jaw in the summoning circle. That is the plan.

10:00 There is one blank spot on a wall that Cleo doesn’t know what to do with. She asks the chat for thoughts. Chat suggests stained glass window. Cleo shows that the exterior wall is not big enough for a window. Chat suggests banners or a mural. Cleo reiterates how much they are looking forward to the new paintings. They look through their smithing templates to decide which ones to display and what sort of plinth to use. There will be fire coming up from the floor as well. A chatter shares a pride message, Cleo wishes everyone happy pride.

13:00 Cleo needs gold and doesn’t have any. She goes to find some and makes some gold pressure plates. Armor stand work begins! A chatter plays sour jellybean. A chatter asks what Cleo is making. They say “a mess.” Cleo says hello to Cub when he signs in. A chatter asks about the music or lack thereof, Cleo reminds Chat that the music was a once-off because having music affects the ability to monetize a VOD.

17:30 More armor stand work. The gold plinth is completed and locked. Cleo puts the Silence trim on it because it has an attractive dusting of skulk. She has so much stuff to put away before tomorrow! She thanks subs and donos. Impulse raids into the stream. Cleo says they are definitely not summoning demons and tells chat to be cool, okay? Pearl raids into the stream as well. Chat helps Cleo figure out how to successfully copy the smithing template. Chat thinks it is funny that Pearl streamed so long ((six hours)) that Impulse started and finished his whole stream during it.

23:00 Cleo confirms that Pearl is crazy. They are complimenting Pearl’s redstone skills when Pearl herself appears, protesting being called crazy while absolutely exuding 5am Pearl vibes. Cleo points out they were literally saying “Pearl is crazy and awesome.” Pearl admits she didn’t hear the awesome part. Cleo sings the Happy Birthday song, using the “you look like a monkey” variant. Pearl protests being called crazy and like a monkey. Cleo points out that she does have a sword in her head. ((Pearl is wearing her new Mission Possible reward: the hat that looks like a sword through the head.)) Pearl asks her to pull it out. Cleo slaps her a couple times, but it does not help. Cleo tells her she needs the true king of England to pull the sword out of her brain. Pearl asks if she pulls it out herself, is she the true queen? Cleo says sure, that seems right. Magically, the sword disappears from Pearl’s head and a diamond sword appears in her hand. Cleo says they will follow Pearl. Pearl puts the sword back in her head for safekeeping.

25:00 Today is Pearl’s birthday, technically, depending on timezones. Cleo says she is not sure if she should tell Pearl to sleep or to go out and do stuff. Pearl says it’s still dark out ((It is 5:30am Pearl time and she has just completed a six-hour streaming session)) but she will go out and run around the neighborhood like a crazy lady if Cleo wants her to. Cleo says go to sleep. Pearl asks what if she just wants to do redstone? Gem appears and smashes Pearl with a sword, setting her on fire, which does seem to be the best possible answer to that question. Gem shouts that she needs to kill Pearl for her birthday, it’s important! Pearl shrieks and flies away, still on fire. Cleo asks if birthday murder is a thing, Gem insists that it is and flies off after Pearl. Cleo sets up a respawn bed for Pearl, who is dopplering in and out of prox chat overhead. Gem lands and talks with Cleo about how crazy Pearl is because she never sleeps. The chase continues.

27:20 Pearl lands on Gem’s roof and claims it is a safe space. Gem points out that she can get up there. Pearl says she can fly away. Gem reiterates the importance of birthday murder and points out that it only took 20 days for Pearl to catch up to her in age. Cleo understands that this is some sort of thing that the Kids These Days are doing and she can safely stop trying to understand. Gem continues trying to give Pearl her birthday present, which is murder. She begins scaffolding onto the roof. Pearl says she wants a jar of pickles instead and demands to know where her pickles are. ((Gem has the sea pickle permit, and Pearl has been buying her out consistently, partly for tree decorations and partly because it makes Gem crazy.)) She begins breaking the scaffolding as Gem tries to climb up. Cleo, at a safe distance, says this is like Looney Tunes but she’s not sure which one is Wile E. Coyote.

28:30 Gem says, apparently straightfaced, that she would never do anything violent at Cleo’s base. Cleo points out the whole stabbing Pearl already thing. Gem plays Scar’s “Don’t Put That in My Mouth” horn. Pearl demands to know how that was contextual. Gem admits she just hasn’t used it in awhile. She flies up to the roof and spooks Pearl, who falls off the roof, catches herself, flies away and loops around the wizard tower before landing again. Cleo admires Gem’s ability to scare Pearl without doing anything. Gem appreciates this and begins punching Cleo ((Gem’s primary means of showing affection.)) Pearl is dismayed by this turn of events. “Oh no, Cleo,” she cries, leading to a discussion of the excellent way that Australian people pronounce “Cleo.”

29:50 The chase resumes. Cleo reminds Pearl she should sleep. Pearl refuses and asks what Cleo plans to do about it. Cleo does not plan on doing anything. Pearl suggests that maybe Cleo should stop worrying about Pearl and start worrying about stopping Gem doing what she’s doing to Cleo. Gem has disappeared over the roofline. Cleo tells Gem to stop flipping up the trapdoors, there’s a tour tomorrow! Gem does not know about any tours, she’s been gone for days and is trying to make up on her quota of being annoying. Cleo assures her that she is succeeding, then tells her that the Hermit meeting tomorrow is canceled and they are doing base tours instead. Neither Pearl nor Gem know if they’ll be able to come, since meeting time is not good for them. Pearl insists that they have to promise to play the word game. Cleo asks if she wants them to play the game now, and says they have never played Wordle. Pearl demands to know why so many people have not played Wordle. Pearl tries to explain Wordle while Gem makes halfhearted attempts to murder her, including baiting her with Cleo’s sea pickles. They decide to go play Wordle.

32:30 Pearl leads the way to the flower shop, mostly coasting because she has forgotten to restock her rockets. She shows them the rulebook, but Cleo and Gem both refuse to read today. Cleo does insist on paying a diamond to play. Chat accepts that Hermits don’t actually know how to read. Pearl explains the rules and mechanics of Dyeduction, her redstone Wordle game. It is very similar to Wordle except that four consonants are excluded from the game and repeated letters are not allowed.

36:45 Cleo and Gem need to pick a five letter starting word. Gem immediately tries “PEARL.” Gem is having some real trouble spelling Pearl today. She takes the letters off the item frames and puts them in the dropper, which causes Pearl incredible distress. Cleo presses the Confirm Guess button. They have E and L correct, but in the wrong place.

39:00 Cleo thinks about a second word. She thinks about Melon, but that has the E in the same place. Gem doesn’t know any five letter words. Pearl cheerfully tells them that hard mode will add a timer. Neither Cleo nor Gem can think of any words with E and L in them. They argue about strategy. Cleo accuses Pearl of schadenfreude and asks why she is like this. Pearl points out that they wanted to play. They decide to try “SLICE.” They get another correct letter, I, but nothing in the right place.

44:50 Pearl leaves them to ruminate and goes AFK. Gem and Cleo try to remember what their words are. Gem wants Pearl to place a sign they can use to take notes. Pearl suggests a pencil and paper. Cleo’s mod brings chat back from emote mode, having blacklisted the answer so no one can say it. They decide to try “LIKED” and begin pulling letters for the attempt. Some of them take a moment to find. Gem declares she found the D. Pearl mutters a “that’s what she said.” Gem shouts at her. Of all the people in the room, Gem thinks Pearl is least likely to have made that joke. Cleo thinks it is very funny. Chat agrees wholeheartedly. They test the word and have two in the right spot and all but one letter. They are making it harder on themselves by both grabbing letters from the chests.

50:00 Time to find another word. Pearl is yawning. Gem insists that she warned Pearl that she was dumb and Pearl insisted anyway. Pearl says she really is entertained. Cleo suggests “FIELD.” They set up for a test with Pearl egging them on. The word is correct, they get the win condition. Everyone celebrates! Pearl tells them that 20 minutes and four guesses is about average so far, though Skizz did ten minutes and three guesses. Pearl hands out prizes to both of them. She tells them that in the future she will be adding flower crowns but plans to set them as a reward for hard mode. Cleo demands to know why Pearl hates her when Cleo has shown her nothing but love. Pearl points out that everyone is succeeding, so the game needs to be harder. Gem promises that if she plays alone, she will definitely fail. Pearl shows them how to put away and reset the game.

54:10 Cleo is very impressed by all Pearl’s work on the game. Pearl shows off her randomizer. Cleo and Gem now know who to come to for all their redstoning needs. Gem cheers that she doesn’t need to bother Impulse anymore. Pearl demurs that she’s not really so good, Cleo points out that she build Wordle in eight hours. Pearl says it was more than 8 all things considered. Cleo says she needs Pearl to stick around so she’s available every time Cleo wants to play. Pearl says she can’t be around all the time, Cleo points out that Pearl basically _is_ around all the time. Gem can’t believe that Pearl made the joke about the letter D. Pearl’s really grown up now that she’s 28. Cleo says she is too mature for this and insists that she never swears. Gem mentions seeing a Tiktok where Cleo said the F word twice at MCC. Cleo admits this is true. She says if they want her to swear she can swear, but they don’t want her to swear. Gem enjoys it when Cleo swears, and chat wholeheartedly agrees. Pearl admits some Hermits swear and thinks nobody will be surprised. Cleo tells them that back in Season 2 they swore a lot more in their videos and Xisuma asked them to consider going PG. This was in the days before the Algorithm. Swearing is actually not as important to the algorithm anymore, but Cleo tries to keep it clean out of respect for the server’s PG streamers.

58:00 Pearl calls out “She’s in my noodles!” “Excuse you?” Cleo asks. Gem has climbed into Pearl’s redstone and is poking around. Pearl asks what’s wrong with her noodles. Cleo hums and says it sounds euphemistic. Pearl is outraged and demands to know how it could be possible that she would have multiple noodles that Gem would be rifling around in. Cleo clears their throat. “You’re making it worse,” Gem tells her. It wasn’t that bad, and then Pearl just kept talking. Cleo is laughing really hard by now. Chat is too. Cleo wishes everyone happy pride month. Gem is punching again. She builds a wood structure to contain Cleo and calls it a makeshift closet. Cleo chops it down and insists that Gem cannot put them back into the closet, that’s not allowed. Getting out of the closet took a long time and was very traumatic the first time! “Least it was quicker this time ‘round,” Pearl observes philosophically.

1:00:00 Everyone takes a moment to breathe. Gem observes that she and Pearl are putting Cleo through it today. Cleo says they are fine, they had to deal with Joe this morning and this is comparatively fine. Xisuma plays the “Awooooo!” horn from upstairs and then comes down to join them. Gem demands to know if Xisuma really made a horn of himself howling, then demands to know what is _wrong_ with this server. He plays Cleo’s howling horn as well, then asks if Pearl or Gem has a wool permit, because if so they can get in on the horn action. Gem figures out that it’s a Wolves of Wool Street bit.

1:01:20 Xisuma notices that Pearl has a sword in her head and slaps her trying to help get it out, just like everyone else. Cleo jokes that the sword’s probably not actually touching Pearl’s brain because there’s a lot of room in there. Pearl is fake-mortally affronted and pretends to leave. Cleo calls “Happy birthday!” after her. Pearl stomps back and says she was about to make that joke but Cleo is definitely not allowed. Cleo says they do it because they care. They demand a better Awoo from Pearl. Pearl does a few Awoos. Xisuma says she should practice before he clips it into a horn. Gem says she’s starting to understand why people question what they do for work. She plays the “Oh My God” horn. Cleo grabs out her own horn box and plays Grian’s “I’m eating a curly-whirly right now but it’s nice to see Xisuma” horn. Xisuma says playing on this server just gets more confusing. Gem plays Scar’s “Don’t put that in my mouth” horn.

1:03:10 Xisuma catches sight of the Wordle game and gets very excited. He says the game is amazing. Pearl and Cleo both play Gem’s “That’s amazing!” horn. Gem says she is definitely not that loud. Pearl suggests X should play, but X says he’s very bad at word games. Pearl says she needs someone to fail for testing purposes. X asks if she can’t just fail deliberately, but Pearl insists it is not the same. Xisuma is having some voice chat trouble. Gem is bored and punching people. Pearl suggests she could change the world and the other three can work as a team to solve it. Xisuma tries to remember the rules to Wordle, Pearl helps him.

1:06:20 Xisuma thinks about a first word, decides on “SHEAR.” Pearl has not reset the word, so apparently the others will only be providing moral support. He gets the E in the right place and no other letters right. Cleo gives him gameplay advice but no word-choice advice. Gem points out he’s already doing better than they did. Xisuma recommends texturing the letters, Pearl says she’s been thinking about it. While Xisuma thinks, Cleo thanks her subs and donos. In the background, Xisuma is asking Pearl how to spell “field.” Pearl spells it for him. Xisuma wins on the second guess. Cleo insists that the fix is in. Pearl reminds him that he said he was bad at word games. Xisuma says he didn’t play it like a word game, but a game of deduction, eliminating letters. He gets a prize bundle. Xisuma wants to look at the redstone, but Pearl makes him reset the game first. He resets without reading the sign and has to do it twice. He breaks the game a little in doing so. Pearl fixes it up while Gem messes with the trapdoors. Pearl accuses Gem and Cleo of messing with the game. Cleo claims innocence, but Gem tells them they are guilty by association. Cleo agrees it’s a fair cop. Xisuma has disappeared, presumably into the noodles.

1:13:50 Pearl explains the redstone of the game to Xisuma. They talk redstone. Cleo wanders around, eventually leaving the game and going back into the unfurnished flower shop. Gem is visible in the background, flipping trapdoors. Cleo begins to help flipping trapdoors. Xisuma compliments Pearl’s redstone prowess and assumes she must have done other projects before this. Pearl says nope. Xisuma finds that hard to believe, since she’s put together so many different logical system. Cleo and Gem suggest that maybe redstone’s just not that difficult after all. Xisuma threatens to teach them redstone. Pearl says she got a lot of help from her chat, but Cleo insists that doesn’t mean Pearl didn’t do the bulk of the work. Pearl does feel like she knows a lot more about redstone now. X tells her that her redstone is so impressive and he hopes they’ll be seeing a lot more redstone from her. This is just the beginning. It’s very wholesome except Cleo and Gem are still flipping trapdoors.

1:18:00 Cleo and Gem do not want to make redstone games or to learn redstone. Cleo hated teaching electronics when they were a teacher. They understand enough to do it but they don’t enjoy it and don’t want to do math on their day off. X and Pearl agree that’s understandable. Gem says she doesn’t like games with too much intensive problem solving, but she knows those are the ones Pearl loves. Pearl thanks X for playing the game. Chat gives Cleo the idea for a redstone game involving a random chance of dropping TNT on people. Cleo likes the idea. The group talks briefly about Zelda. Someone makes a very weird noise. X and Cleo are confused and Cleo thinks it’s a horn, but Gem correctly identifies the sounds as the noises Pearl makes when she’s stretching. Cleo says she really needs to do the stuff she needs to do before tomorrow. X confirms he will be there tomorrow and says he came over in the first place to find Cleo. Pearl complains that everyone goes crazy around her, Cleo points out that makes Pearl the common denominator. X is dismayed by Gem’s trapdoor shenanigans. Cleo tells Pearl she is wonderful and amazing, and Cleo will never tell her that when it is not her birthday. Xisuma tries to tell Cleo that it is also his birthday, but his birthday was last week. Cleo suddenly remembers that they missed False’s birthday and apologizes in chat. False is confused, and Cleo is unintentionally threatening about it. Xisuma makes it worse. False is now concerned.

1:24:15 Gem sees Jevin’s prank on the Death Scar for the first time. Taking off for a week means one misses a lot. Xisuma doesn’t know if Scar’s going to have the energy to undo that prank, especially with his surgery and recovery coming up. It could be a Death Emoji for the rest of the season. Cleo points out that Jev will take it down if Scar asks, because Jev does clean up his pranks. Cleo protests that she needs to go do her work, even as she doesn’t leave. Everyone whines about it. Someone attracts phantoms. Gem sets Cleo on fire while fighting them. Cleo complains about that too, then tells Pearl to go to bed. Gem suggests that is Cleo is sick of them, they should go bug Tango. They can make Tango guess the word! Cleo gives Pearl some rockets so she and Gem can bug Tango. They leave. Cleo sends Tango an apology in chat.

1:28:00 With the youngsters gone, Xisuma admits that he came over in the first place to raid Cleo, but that was like 30 minutes ago. It was a pleasant distraction though. He is going to wrap up his stream and send the chat to them. Cleo says it’s time for more armor stands. Tango is confused in chat. Cleo heads home for more armor stand work. Chat says Gem and Pearl are so precious. Cleo says that’s one way to put it. Chat says they were both great additions to Hermitcraft. Cleo says there are some moments when they wonder how they ever did it without them, and then are “Oh yeah, I know!” They get back to work on placing the smithing template.

1:30:00 Xisuma raids into the stream. Cleo greets the raid and gets jumpscared by a chatter playing a scary noise. Some of X’s emotes set off the automod because they are all caps. Cleo completes the first summoning stone and needs four more. They choose another template and goes to copy more. They explain to new chatters that they are summoning demons, but good demons, demons they control. Grian signs on and wants everyone to know he is back from badminton. ((Read Impulse’s 6/12 stream recap for context on that.)) He leaves again. Gem asks why he is this way, Cleo says it’s mostly having too much time on his hands.

1:34:30 A chatter asks if anyone on the server is normal. Cleo refutes that idea hastily, saying that nobody on the server wants to be normal, being normal would make everything take so much longer. Mod Cam thinks Joe is the closest to normal. “Jesus, that’s a statement,” says Cleo. A chatter says normal is boring. Cleo says yeah, but it can be nice. Also an affliction. Chat is arguing about who the most normal Hermit is. There is no consensus. Cleo places the armor stands that will mark the spots for the other summoning stones.

1:37:20 A chatter asks what mod Cleo uses for armor stands, they namedrop Armor Poser. A chatter asks if Cleo is bi, they say yes and joke “for my sins. And your sins!” Another chatter says it should’ve been obvious based on all the closet jokes earlier. Cleo says that asking is fine and polite, assuming things is not. A chatter plays Giant Zombie. Cleo continues working on the summoning stones, which are going fast now that they have the plan. A chatter asks if Cleo is going to TwitchCon, they say no.
A chatter asks if they are summoning Ren, they say no, they are summoning things that will have calibrated skulk sensors for faces.

1:43:00 A chatter plays emote-only mode. Cleo finishes the plinths and says they would love it if the Armor Poser interface was smaller on the screen. They wonder if they can change that. Xisuma makes a winky face in chat. Cleo says this is the most sinister thing. Something is about to happen and they won’t know what it is until the dust settles. A chatter asks about the zombie hands and Cleo explains all the hand emotes. They begin putting the smithing template “waystones” onto the plinths and say they’re looking forward to showing this off tomorrow. A chatter plays sour jellybean. A chatter asks if Cleo has read Discworld; Cleo says they lived off Discworld when they were younger. A chatter asks about candles, candles don’t go well with armor stand work because they are not appropriately 3D. A chatter threatens Cleo with more beans, Cleo is not interested in more beans. A chatter suggests a candle flame might be usable if combined with a cake hidden in the floor. Cleo thinks that might be possible.

1:53:00 Cleo flies to the food store and buys some expensive cake. They want to check if the idea will work before they buy out the shop. It does not work because another armor stand is in the way. Cleo cannot pick up the cake and try again, so she eats it instead. Chat has more ideas about runes and candles. The next step of the summoning circle is making the demon and that is tomorrow’s project, so Cleo turns her attention to the shelves. Chat is very interested in an eyeball in a jar. Cleo makes one for them. They talk with Chat about Etho in MCC. Etho has been getting sweaty on MCCI, apparently. A chatter plays Hydration Check. Cleo knows that Chat is thirsty. They get the eyeball into the jar. The blank wall is still blank and needs attention.

2:02:00 Cleo makes up some paintings just to have something on the wall. They talk with Chat about some of the finer points of Armor Poser. They put paintings on the wall but don’t like most of them. A chatter suggests one of the new 1.21 paintings. Cleo asks Chat if they can point out the slight problem with that. Three paintings make the wall look less blank, then Cleo puts up a desk made of trapdoors as well. Cleo makes armor stand work look very easy. They place some additional bookshelves in the corner, then a few lecterns as well. As they go, they flip back Gem’s trapdoors, acknowledging that this is probably karma for their antics at Beef’s base.

2:10:00 Cleo finishes up the décor and decides to wrap up the stream. They need to sleep and feed the cats. She raids into Tango and ends her stream.

Chapter 10: Skizzleman, 6-13-2024

Chapter Text

3:15 Skizz opens the stream, bopping to the music. He is on the server, flying over Magic Mountain. He wishes everyone happy Thursday and heads for his base as he recaps his previous stream (putting up the quad-beacon, the “queacon”). Today’s stream is sponsored. He stops in front of the Pyramid, where someone has put up a sign reading “Decked Out 3”. Skizz says he is not that, not by a long shot. He is a guy who keeps everything, but he destroys that sign, out of respect for Tango. He throws an egg straight up in the air and waits to see if it will fall on his face It does not produce a chick.

5:50 Skizz finished editing the podcast last night, after filming it in the afternoon. He feels very accomplished! He was very short on time, so it needed to be done. This week’s podcast is about… FAILURE. Failure as many things to many people, fuel, training, direction, stopping. It’s still a funny podcast though. He goes to do his Kevinbubbles sip and presses the censor button instead of voice changing. His lead mod teases him about failing. Skizz tells Chat that he had a joke on the podcast that came right up to and maybe crossed the line. Chat is somehow not shocked about this.

8:30 Skizz films a clip to follow the Grian-present-building sequence. HE talks about how Level 1 will be lined with concrete and filled with water when it’s done. He turns up the music. Chat asks if he’s going to join the server tour in progress and he says he was there for quite awhile, but he really needs to work. When he was hanging out with the Hermits he didn’t even feel the need to talk, he just went along and listened to the point where Gem thought he was muted. Skizz really enjoyed just listening and watching the tour. He does the same thing at parties, it’s a good way to learn about people.

11:20 Skizz thanks subs and donos. He collects up the concrete he needs and explains his white-outline texture pack to any stream newbies. He talks with Chat about options for his floor. The bottom level will have a huge water tank with magma blocks and soul sand, but if he uses black concrete for the bottom, it will be easy to spot the obstacles. He is thinking about doing more similar blocks so the up and down blocks are harder to see. Chat suggests mud and soul soil to disguise soul sand, but magma blocks are a bit harder. Chat suggests shroomlights and crimson stem. He has no crimson stem in his chests, so he heads for the shopping district to buy some from Beef at Big Wood. Beef does not have an ender chest and may get a visit from the Poe Poe soon. He buys soul sand as well and is dismayed by the lack of ender chests and the presence of pop-up shops, but without his mustache he has no authority to do anything.

18:00 Brief pause for technical difficulties: chat is no longer appearing on the overlay. He figures out what has happened but decides to move on without taking the time required to fix it. He returns to the pyramid and assures chat that he doesn’t get FOMO, he would have fun in the server tour with the others but he is fine getting his work done. He does have to resist the strong temptation to HotGuy a friend as they all fly by.

22:30 Skizz begins laying out a floor pattern on the pyramid floor. Chat suggests a Poe Poe horn drive-by, but he doesn’t want to wear out the horn. The server tour folks leave the game, suggesting the tour is probably over. Skizz retakes the mantle of assistant sleepmaster now that Bdubs is gone. He needs to keep an eye on his music today so it doesn’t wander off into non-stream-safe song territory again. More technical trouble, StreamElements is having trubs. Chat says Jimmy had a terrible time lately as well. Skizz gets the notifications playing again, then the chat overlay back into place. Gem raids into the stream just in time for things to be fixed (He has two overlays up, but at least they are both working.)

30:00 Skizz searches his terrible chest monster for more supplies as he describes the floor plan. He notices and fixes the double overlay. Skizz cannot find his glow lichen but it is not his fault, Tango stole it in a previous stream. Chat informs him of the theft, but Skizz does not read chat. His inventory has become extremely disorganized. He finally notices Chat and says that’s probably fair because he does steal from Tango and Impulse, like, a lot. It’s okay because he can simply bonemeal some of the lichen already in the pyramid. He attempts to pick up some lichen with shears and places a piece of soul soil from his offhand on the lichen instead, destroying it. He is embarrassed but tries again. The same thing happens. He yells. Third time is the charn and he successfully picks up a bit of lichen. He bonemeals it with only a brief distraction from a passing sheep.

37:00 Skizz gathers up the lichen and takes it into the pyramid. He tells Chat that Tango is eventually going to teach him redstone. Chat asks about Phasmophobia, Skizz promises that it’s going to happen, but he doesn’t know when. He digs out some more floor and places more soul sand, complaining about the cost. Skizz talks for a moment about the sponsor, then sees Impulse in chat and repeats the info about the new podcast. A chatter makes a joke about time and inclination, Skizz segues into a story about the engineers at work studying the inclination of towers. He realizes midstream that it’s kind of a boring story. Chat likes it anyway, but he can’t say too much, except the kid who was behind it was a real go-getter and Skizz offered to be a reference for him.

43:30 Skizz starts placing other blocks into the soul soil floor. He thanks donos and subs. He is desperate to know if the sponsor animation is working; Chat assures him it works fine. Skizz picks up soil and drops crimson stem. He complains that his spoon is too powerful for precision work, and that the crimson stem doesn’t look at all like magma blocks. Chat asks if he has considered digging with his axe again. He tells Chat to STOP IT. Chat also suggests shroomlights and glazed terracotta. Skizz goes looking for supplies and finds Impulse going through his chests.

47:30 Impulse is looking for magma blocks. This makes Skizz feel good because he steals stuff from Skizz all the time. Impulse asks if Skizz wants to see what the magma blocks are for. Skizz hasn’t seen Impulse’s new video yet, so it’s a surprise. He follows Impulse to the cyberpunk city, and HotGuys Impulse as soon as Impulse lands. It’s a beautiful shot, complete with a cut off little yell. Impulse says that was very rude, but Skizz is too busy howling with laughter to care. He feels momentarily bad when Impulse claims to have lost 789 levels, but that is a lie. Skizz stops at the Bop ‘n Go but it is out of fuel. Impulse says SOMEBODY doesn’t hang out at their base long enough for the kelp to grow.

49:40 Impulse shows Skizz the brand new secret escape door. It is beautiful, even with the lag spiking Skizz is doing. They jump down the escape hole and arrive at the escape tunnel. Impulse has changed things from his last stream, making the light dimmer and more atmospheric. That’s what the magma blocks are for. Impulse goes to place them and realizes he might not have “borrowed” enough to finish the job. As it turns out, he is a handful short. Luckily, Skizz was building with magma blocks and has some in his inventory. He places the last few blocks and claims credit for the entire tunnel. Chat is impressed. Impulse explains the lore of the tunnel, that is the route the humans of PixelPulse Valley used to escape the AI rebellion. He shows Skizz the way out, which is a hidden water column behind the honey blocks in the drop hole. Skizz has a hard time getting out, but eventually makes his way out and even helps Impulse, who gets stuck in the door.

53:20 Attention turns back to the faulty Bop ‘n Go. Skizz demands fuel, so Impulse goes and fetches some dried kelp blocks. The system has fixed itself though, because Impulse and Skizz have been near it long enough. Skizz says he hasn’t camouflaged (he means graffitied) because of analysis paralysis. Impulse points out it is not a tattoo, it can be changed if necessary. Skizz laughs at the idea he could get a large tattoo on his arm but balk at decorating a Minecraft wall. He tells Impulse about the queacon and Impulse tells him the story of a surprise super-jump he did because the beacon reaches juuuust to the end of the escape tunnel. Impulse thanks him for the magma blocks and Skizz reminds him that Zed does sell them in the shopping district.

56:00 Speaking of Zed, Skizz asks Impulse if he’s talked about tomorrow yet. Impulse says he probably should and plugs the ZITS Olympics stream tomorrow. It’s on the ISV Patreon server this time, with minigames built by his community. In the near future there will be another one over on Skizzlecraft. Impulse tells a story about one of his mods telling him a joke, then flies away to go to sleep. He finds Impulse again and admits that he ditched the server tour because he needs to work and now he’s just hanging out with Impulse. They talk briefly about the podcast and Skizz’s inappropriate joke. No details are given, except that there is bleeping involved. Skizz tells Chat to be sure to bask in the brilliance of how funny Skizz is, then to watch it again to see Impulse’s reaction. Impulse says he’s just going to be waiting for the agenda for the next Hermitcraft meeting to contain “Forming Hermitcraft HR department, for Reasons.” Skizz says if he gets taken to HR for the podcast, he knows who submitted the complaint. Impulse warns Chat that they were pretty slaphappy when they were recording, with Impulse sick and Skizz so busy. Skizz feels like he has a lot of juggling balls in the air, but they are a tennis ball, a bowling ball, an apple, a chainsaw, a machete, a bowling pin, and a stick with fire on it. Everything needs to be handled differently and he has to train his brain with each new thing to remember what he’s supposed to be doing and how. Impulse mocks him lightly. They realize it has been a long time since they watched a movie together. Chat encourages them to go watch a movie together.

1:03:30 Skizz takes off back to his base. All he wants to do is hang out with Impulse, and if he doesn’t stop he is never going to get anything done. He and Impulse need another project they can work on together. He arrives back in his pyramid and instantly realizes he needs shroomlights. Chat reveals that Tango has the shroomlight permit but no shop. Skizz shames Tango, vocally ignoring the fact that he has two permits with no shops himself. He searches the chest monster for shroomlights. He thanks subs and donos and talks a little about the sponsorship. He finally finds the shroomlights and heads back for the pyramid. He kills a skeleton and begins messing with the floor design again.

1:07:00 Skizz works on patterns in the floor using magma blocks, shroomlights, netherrack and lichen. A chatter tells him a joke. A chatter tells him no one can steal from him because nobody can find his stuff. He adds soul sand and dripstone to the pattern for more difficulty. He goes and sleeps again, cementing his position as assistant sleep master. Chat is quick to add “to the,” an Office joke that Skizz very much appreciates.

1:12:00 Skizz sketches out and builds the walls of the tank. It doesn’t have to be even, just confusing. He heads for the shopping district to collect more soul soil. He is still complaining about the cost. Eight diamonds for mangrove makes sense, four for soul soil is craziness. He admits that the Poe Poe are slacking and have a lot to do in the shopping district. It’s gonna happen, though, as will Poe Poe HQ.

1:17:00 Back at the pyramid, more tank building. Skizz likes freehanding his builds, he does not do very much in creative worlds ahead of time. It makes the build better, but he doesn’t like it. He considers the path the maze will take next, and is pleased about how big the maze has gotten already. He realizes he is basically terraforming the inside of his base, but that’s okay. He wants to confuse people inside level one, and have them come out slightly less happy than before. That’s the point of a good game, right?

1:23:00 Skizz goes and fetches his pink glass. It is lost, of course. He gets regular glass instead. A chatter tells him where the pink glass was, but it is too late. A chatter tells him a joke. He does a prolonged bit for the sponsorship stream.

1:41:00 Back to work in the tank! Skizz will be replacing much of the soil soil he is using now, this is just for contouring purposes. He makes sure everyone notices how slowly he is creeping today, because his good buddies Tango and Scar murdered him in the void and he lost his swift sneak pants. Not that he holds grudges against JERKS! (But he loves those guys.) Chat is skeptical that he is blameless on this one, with many of them chanting “spacebar” to remind them of who it was who did not deploy his elytra at all on his way down a very long hole and straight out of the world. Skizz refuses to take responsibility and says he tried to fire many rockets but does not address any of his chances to avoid disaster _before_ he was in the void. Chat still thinks it was funny.

1:45:00 Skizz begins adding more soul sand to the floor of the tank. He hopes to arrange things so that the player will be pulled down by magma block and then flung upwards by soul sand into a dripstone spike. He sleeps and tells Chat that Impulse is his assistant sleep master. He runs out of soul soil again. Chat encourages him to go to the nether and soil himself, thus avoiding the high prices.

1:49:00 Skizz preps himself for the journey to the nether. His inventory is absolutely full of tat and building blocks. He clears it and packs up some useful things, but no shulkers. He descends the ladder and some of the the stairs and looks for a nice patch of soul soil. He debates leaving the nether and stealing from Impulse. Impulse says in chat that he doesn’t have soul soil, only soul sand. Impulse heckles him in chat while he keeps searching for soil. He finds a skompass, then many skompaii, but no soul soil. Chat thinks skompaii sounds like an ocular disease.

1:55:00 Skizz is worried about getting lost, and there is an enderman nearby. He loops back near the stairs and keeps looking. He hates the nether. He manages to find a patch of sand and soil and tells chat to remind him that the way home is south. He scolds chat for not reminding him to eat and starts digging. He mocks the price of soul soil again because it is so much easier to get than mangrove. He wants to give the seller a piece of his mind. Chat reminds Skizz to not speleef himself into the lava in his zeal.

2:01:00 Skizz has accumulated seven stacks of soul soil and that is enough. He orients himself and heads hime with no problems, congratulating himself for it. A chatter asks if Skizz is going to retaliate for the death in the void. He says he’d love to, but the pair also returned nearly everything he lost to him to make up for the death alreadty. The only thing they couldn’t return was his dignity. Spacebar, spacebar, spacebar. He returns to his base with 36 diamonds worth of soul soil and a mission.

2:04:10 Back to work in the tank. He has reached almost the top of the level, so it’s time to level out. He will have succeeded if players are just a little bit miserable by the time they reach this point in the game. A chatter tells Skizz that if someone is pointing straight up and tries to fly the elytra will not deploy and the rockets won’t do jack. Skizz has to think about this for a minute. He thinks very hard. It’s science time.

2:06:00 Skizz flies to the tall scaffold above Magic Mountain for a scientific test of falling. He walks off the edge and successfully rockets up from a completely vertical posture. The chatter was not correct. He explains that he knows the reason he died, and that it was because he didn’t know what he was jumping into and assumed it was some kind of trap. He thought the black square was carpet over powdered snow and that there would be something dangerous to deal with as soon as he landed. He was not prepared to fall straight into the void. He had also not bothered to slow his fall and was at terminal velocity, so that by the time he realized where he was, he was already nearly 50 blocks down and doomed. Chat still thinks it was mostly a skill issue.

2:09:00 Back to work in the tank. Skizz needs to be judicious in his use of magma blocks in the high portions of the tank maze because it will give too many chances for oxygen. He decides to refine that later and just get the shape in now. He channels Bob Ross, painting with soul sand. Chat thinks Bdubs is the Bob Ross of Hermitcraft. Skizz agrees and talks about how much he loved watching Bob Ross as a kid. He knows he is eventually just going to wind up making a mob farm and there’s no help for it.

2:13:00 Skizz stretches and talks about his dog who loves to stretch. A chatter says Pluto Streaming has a Bob Ross channel. Skizz thinks that is cool. He worked with a guy whose name was Robert Ross, and he gave him the nickname “Happy Tree.” A chatter tells Skizz that there is a Bob Ross marathon on Twitch every weekend. A chatter also loves Mr. Rogers. Skizz agrees. He says his brothers used to tease him for loving Mr Rogers, but then he became much smarter and more better looking than them, so there. (Skizz reiterates that he loves his brothers very much.)

2:17:00 Skizz reaches the final stretch. He hopes this part is going to be very uncomfortable. He might even squeeze it… he has an epiphany. He will create a one-wide tunnel, one final maze, with his face all over and sounds of him laughing. Chat thinks it’s a good idea.

2:20:00 A chatter tells Skizz he is a lot like their dad. Skizz says he bets their dad is extremely cool and strikingly handsome, and that everyone likes him. He goes back into the pyramid and walls himself in for another sponsored stream bit.

2:30:30 Back to work, except it is nighttime. Skizz has no bed, but he must sleep. He goes to find his heads, but cannot find them. Chat thinks they’re probably all on the portal. A chatter begs to organize his chests for him. He promises that he will have an organization day soon. He uses salmon heads to stand in for his own head so he can design the final maze. It really does look disturbing. HE decides to use black concrete for the top of the maze and reminds himself to light things up so there’s no mob farm.

2:35:00 Chat informs Skizz that the heads will not work in water, they pop off and float away. The heads idea is cool but will not work. Skizz and Chat are disappointed. A chatter asks for an organization day instead of a birthday you-yo for their birthday. Skizz runs a poll. “I would love a Skizz organization stream,” “I could deal with a Skizz organization stream,” “I’d rather not have an organizational stream,” and “Do it on your own time.”

2:39:00 “I would love a Skizz Organizing Stream” absolutely crushes all other poll options. Skizz did not expect it to go that way. Chat points out that Skizz has been literally torturing them for weeks with his chest monster. He reminds Chat of what he announced two days ago, the ShorterSkizz channel on YouTube. He agrees with the comments that it’s a little hard to find, but it’s new and is getting new content every two days. The channel now has 2400 subscribers! A chatter says Jimmy reacted on stream to Skizz’s “700 Subscriber Bonus”. Skizz wants to see that very much. He shouts out another YouTuber as well, someone he’s having a hard time remembering… it’s MumboJumbo. Mumbo has a new short, the Pinky Short. Skizz told Mumbo that this short was one of the funniest things he’s ever seen. It’s exactly what Mumbo advised on the podcast, having a ridiculous idea and leaning into it 1000%, and it worked really well.

2:44:20 Skizz polls the audience again, asking if anyone really believed he was having a hard time trying to remember the streamer’s name. Chat was overwhelmingly not fooled. Back to work! He’s not ready to fill the maze with water yet. That’s a tomorrow problem. Today is more contouring to direct the path of the maze. Skizz marvels at how awful this is going to be. He almost doesn’t like himself, but then he gets over it.

2:46:30 Skizz stops working and asks chat what question he is about to ask them. Chat suggests “How to use a spacebar,” and “Why you have a birdday?” Skizz asks how it is possible to be this far into the stream and not have played the Bop Song. He plays the Bop Song.

2:49:20 Skizz points out that he also has not played the Skizzlefarts song. He plays the Skizzlefarts song. He’s getting a lot of maze-contouring done while chat is grooving. Bdubs signs back in and Impulse immediately tells him that Skizz is doing a bad job as assistant sleep-master. Bdubs agrees, noticing that it was pitch black outside when he logged in.

2:53:00 Skizz takes up the heads he was using earlier in the last stage of the maze. He is bummed that his idea for using his own severed head for decoration isn’t going to work, but he’s not giving up. If he can have a hat that puts an arrow through his head, surely there is a way to design a custom model of his terrifying face. Chat also thinks armor stands might help for appearances, but wouldn’t provide obstacles the way real blocks would. Bdubs sleeps through the night before Skizz notices it is nighttime. Impulse compliments the master’s work and asks if it’s possible to demote someone to a position lower than “assistant.” Bdubs says there is, but he cannot say it in polite company.

2:55:12 Skizz protests that he is an awesome sleeper. Impulse questions this, and Skizz tells Bdubs he cut him deep. Bdubs tells him not to let him hear any more complaints. Skizz promises it won’t happen again. He thinks about ways to make that happens and decides it might be a good idea to put a bed in his pocket so he actually has something to sleep on at bedtime. Bdubs says “I love you” in chat, and Skizz makes it very clear that Bdubs is talking to him and definitely not to Impulse.

2:57:00 A chatter recommends a redstone sorting system. Skizz doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. He has made Impulse-style sorters before and he is not very good at them. He does a little dance to demonstrate the difficulty of redstone sorting systems. A chatter recommends a system like Etho’s with less redstone, but Skizz is not paying attention. He continues enclosing his water maze with black concrete. He doesn’t want to _blame_ anyone, but if he had his swift sneak pants he’d be done by now.

2:59:50 Skizz starts wrapping up the stream. He does one more bit for the sponsor and keeps an eye on the sun to make sure he doesn’t miss sleeping. He tells chat that every bit of this black concrete was handmade, then admits that was a weird flex. He immediately runs out of concrete. Making more concrete will be a next stream (or before the next stream) thing. Skizz reminds chat about the ZITS Olympics stream tomorrow and tells them not to miss it. He raids into Gingercrush and ends his stream.

Chapter 11: DocM77, 06-15-2024

Chapter Text

9:30 Doc opens the stream in studio view, singing along with the end of his theme song. He greets chat and tells them he is a man suffering from Emotional Stress. There is new information about the ore snatching case that has upended everything he thought he knew, and also his mom has told him that 4k subscribers is “scrub numbers” and she won’t come on his stream for less than 5k. (He is joking about that second part.) His mom is at his house, though, and he hopes she’ll come on-stream later. He thanks subs and donos. He greets the Single Ladies in the house and congratulates a chatter who has become one of Ren’s mods.

12:00 Doc tells Chat that he read the comments on the YouTube video and learned something important. He thought that the Ore Snatcher had been frightened into returning the stolen ore blocks, but in fact the ores were provided by Skizz in order to fulfill a Mission Possible task. ((the mission: Do a good deed for a Hermit without being noticed or taking credit.)) The plot thickens! Whoever the ore snatcher is, they either still have the ore blocks or they are stuck in the mail system. Doc is a homeless swamp dweller, no one can send him things in the mail! He doesn’t want to be part of another prank war, but if he doesn’t nip this in the bud, he’s going to wind up with another exploded tunnel bore. He personally still believes it is Scar despite strong evidence to the contrary. He asks Chat who they think it is.

13:40 Chat is full of ideas. Grian is by far the top suspect, if one counts votes for “ore-stealing snails” as Grian votes. Jevin and Cub are also seen as likely suspects, with votes also coming in for Tango and Big Salmon. Some chatters also believe it’s Scar, though the consensus appears to be that Scar is still traumatized from Season 9 and would not start things again. ((This is the positions Scar has taken with other Hermits out of Doc’s hearing; he doesn’t want to get in another dust-up with Doc after last seasons hiding-in-the-toilet debacle, but he will gleefully watch while Doc fights with other Hermits.)) Chat also points out that Scar already has quite a lot of diamond ore, even after recent theft issues.

15:30 Today Doc wants to use Chat’s creative brain to decorate the front of his shop. He also wants to run the new tunnel borer a little bit because it’s new and he wants to show it off. He brews up some night vision potion so the video quality will be better for chat. A chatter comments on Doc’s sudden jump in subs this month, Doc says it is wonderful but not likely to be sustainable given that it’s large numbers of gift subs that got him this far. He welcomes chatters still trickling in, admitting that it’s very early for a stream, and gets upset because someone has harvested and replanted some of his netherwort. Everyone is stealing these days, for shame!

18:30 Doc is glum because people are stealing and because he is caught in a lawsuit now. Cleo deserved it, tbh. He talks about the Doccy fund and how Karin thinks they need a vacation. Doc never needs a vacation (until he gets sick). Upon reflection, maybe he does need to take vacations, but every time he takes one he gets sick or the weather is bad. Maybe he should just stay home. He is happy in his little room playing Minecraft all day long, but normal people like doing things. His IRL friends complain when he ghosts them, but he has so many internet friends to see! Chat is divided in their encouragement that Doc should get out more and stay inside more. Doc also admits he is very careful with his money because he doesn’t want to do sponsored streams or product placements.

22:30 A chatter asks if Hermitcraft is updating to 1.21. Doc says yes and he assumes relatively soon. Xisuma was talking about a temp upgrade to 1.20.6, but Doc doesn’t know why or if that is going to happen. He would rather just wait for 1.21 for a better and less buggy update experience. Doc says that every time his mom comes for a visit the weather turns bad, but it’s clearing up now and there’s a kids’ festival somewhere so they may go to that in a little while. He confides to Chat that when he empties a shulker and doesn’t know what to do with it, he just throws it into the swamp to despawn. Somewhere, a Hermit paying three diamonds per shulker box probably cries.

25:00 Tomato update: Doc has about 35 plants this year, 60 was too much last year. Things are going well so far despite a little cold and foggy weather. Cold and fog is okay for germination but not so much for growth. Doc claims that the number of plants is due to his unhinged neighbor who wants _lots_ of tomatoes. He jumps down to tunnel bore level and drinks a night vision potion. He is considering updating the tunnel bore to play a little tune as it travels along and explodes everything, but that is the sort of redstone that is too fiddly to do onstream. The new tunnel bore is much slimmer than the old version and easier to harvest from.

27:00 Doc begins running the tunnel bore, one explosion at a time to preserve maximum diamonds. He explains how much more efficient the new bore is than the old one. The old bore is still in position near the other Hermits, ready to unleash 80 wardens on the Ore Snatcher, whoever that is. Doc speaks wistfully on how if he’d known the Magic Mountaineers were going to blow up their mountain, he’d have hidden the 80 wardens in there for them. Chat likes this idea and points out that it’s not too late, since the Magic Mountaineers have yet to do any significant grinding in their new volcano.

29:40 Doc realizes that his night vision potion did not last nearly as long as usual, Chat points out that he neglected to extend them with redstone when he brewed them. Doc complains that he has to do everything in this stream because Chat is lazy and doesn’t warn him about anything. Chat is deeply indignant because they did warn him and he doesn’t pay attention. A chatter makes a $1 dono and asks about Doc’s tattoos. Doc asks if Chat really expects him to strip for a dollar. The chatter points out that Doc has a tattoo on his arm, but Doc would have to take off his pullover and roll up his sleeve. One dollar is not even enough for Doc to take his hat off. A tip of the hat, maybe. It would cost at least a thousand dollars to see Doc’s full arms

32:00 Back to tunnel boring. Chat says Doc would be an expensive date. He says absolutely, equal rights means he gets to expect his date to pay. After being with Karin so long, he doesn’t know how to date anymore and would probably chase off a potential partner by talking about Minecraft for hours.

33:00 A chatter asks who the ore thief is. Doc immediately ramps up into rehashing the details of the ore theft/return-but-not-really. Everything is a mess now, he doesn't know if he should be mad, sad, angry, forgiving, concerned because he killed the pig, etc. It’s very complicated. People ask why he killed the pig and he explains that he cut a lot of Cleo’s dialogue for spite because they were complaining about the length of the video. Much of that lost dialogue was Cleo pointing out that the stolen diamonds were not very valuable and the redstone was not damaged, etc, without acknowledging the terrible AGONY that comes from having one’s redstone touched. Doc decided to teach them a lesson about how it feels to have something you love messed with. Chat points out that trying to teach another grown adult a spiteful lesson is actually a really good way to land yourself in court. Doc admits he might not be entitled to teach Cleo life lessons.

35:10 Doc assesses his overall position regarding the court case as being not particularly great. He’s going to plead emotional distress and diminished capacity and hope he gets a jury trial. He’s not sure about having Joe as his lawyer either, but Joe jumped on the opportunity to practice some law. But the jury trial is his best bet because Hermits do irrational things all the time and that’s pretty much the only shot he has at getting a verdict in his favor. It’s also going to be hard to be respectful to the judge. Chat suggests buttering up the judge by calling him tall probably wouldn’t hurt either. Doc figures that if Trump is still running around free, there’s got to be hope for anyone ((notwithstanding the fact that this is a civil action and Trump has not been doing super-great lately on avoiding massive civil damage judgments)).

37:50 Doc wonders if he could apply some mafia pressure tactics to the jury. He and Chat discuss the merits of various Hermits as jurors. Ren could hang the jury, but he’s but he’s a witness in the case and that’s a conflict of interest. Doc supposes a court case is probably a better outcome for him than the water bucket to the redstone that Cleo was originally contemplating. Etho should definitely not be involved in the case because he is a chaos-loving troll who would probably be a terrible character witness. Chat points out he would also be a bad juror because he’s pretty scared of Cleo. That’s a pervasive problem for potential jurors, actually, lots of Hermits are scared of Cleo.

41:00 Doc faces the possibility that he might simply have to face justice for his pigslaughter. He feels this is unfair because he was terribly provoked, even if the provocation did not, technically, have anything to do with Cleo or her special pig. He tries to cite the “Stand Your Ground” defense, reinforcing the possibility that all of his knowledge of jurisprudence comes from television, but acknowledges that “eye for an eye” refers to repaying value for damage, not actually poking peoples’ eyes out.

43:00 A chatter sends Doc a message about the Jolly Roger as the best pride flag, mentioning it makes sense because many pirates were gay. Doc does not know if this is really a thing, but it seems like it would make sense. They did spend a lot of time out at sea where it was really a sausage-fest, so who knows? Chat has feelings about the term “sausage-fest.”

44:15 A chatter suggests that since Doc can’t deny the act of killing the pig (actus reus), his best defense is a lack of culpable mental state (mens rea). He claims that it was a crime of passion, not premeditated, he was in emotional distress, and anything else he can think of. Doc hears that Bdubs is a strict judge. He talks briefly with chat about the tunnel bore work that has been continuing all this time. He has collected 55 diamond ore blocks and some loose diamonds since the start of the stream. A chatter asks a redstone question about the borer and Doc explains how it works. A discussion begins of possible modifications to the new design. Chat talks trial strategy amongst themselves in the meantime, agreeing that if anyone can plausibly claim insanity, it is Doc.

51:45 Doc mentions that the big sub droppers from the past two weeks do not appear to be around today, so it is time for sub count numbers to return to reality. He’s still going to ask his mom to stop in and greet the stream later. She doesn’t speak English, but it’s all right. For now Doc is going to keep using the tunnel bore and think about new designs for later. Chat suggests that Doc can teach the chat to learn German very quickly to get ready.

54:00 Doc notes the time and realizes how much time he has spent mining and chatting already today. There may not be very much time for interior design today after all. A chatter suggests having Doc’s mom join the server and call it Momcraft. Doc laughs at MomandDadCraft, pointing out that they do have one mom (Stress) and lots of dads (Doc, Keralis, Joe, Impulse, Tango, Bdubs, Skizz). He thinks maybe it should be Dadcraft. Chat points out there is already a streamer called Dadcraft. “Hermitcraft is DILFcraft,” Doc says, sounding as though he is reading from Chat. No one from Chat actually said that, so this is Doc’s own extremely cursed invention. Chat predictably loses their mind. Doc likes DILFcraft better than Dadcraft. But Dad is also a good title.

56:50 Doc tells about taking Doccy to gymnastics yesterday and how loud and agile the small children are. Doccy managed to climb about 12 feet into the air, which gave Doc a little heart attack. Doccy is climbing a lot now. They fell a little way a few days ago and got a bit banged up but nothing major. Kids are like rubber balls, they bounce, within limits. Doccy was fine once they realized they were not bleeding, and went straight back to climbing. Doccy is three now and using a walking bike, but their friend has a real bike and Doccy is jealous. Doc may have to provide the bike sooner than he’d planned, but he worries at how much faster a pedal-bike is than the walking bike. The Doccy fund is currently the “Buy Doccy a Bike” fund.

1:00:00 A chatter asks if the DCP (the informal Doc art collective) is a family, does Doc have a favorite? He says he has favorite art styles but he will not actually say what they are. He accuses the chatter, who is a DCP member, of just wanted to be told that they are the favorite. They’re never going to hear it! Doc thanks a new sub and mentions that it has been a little while. Next week he will probably be back around 2k subs.

1:01 A chatter asks about Doccy’s wish for a bike. Doc says a good parent tries to get their kid things that they want, but kids are impulsive and what they want tends to change very quickly. Getting a kid everything they want is how you end up with a Tiktok-addicted preschooler who doesn’t understand any gratification that is not instant. Chat is distracted by the idea that Doccy wants blue hair. Doc says Doccy will get the bike on a special occasion, the only question is when. Currently nail polish is all the rage at Doccy’s school, and Doccy got Karin to paint every finger a different color. Recent events have made Doc just a little nervous about somebody accusing him of indoctrinating Doccy with rainbows, but they are just having fun. People are crazy.

1:05:00 A child at Doccy’s school also got a temporary tattoo and that became very important to Doccy, so Doc bought a pack of 180 temporary tattoos. Doccy put one on and lost interest, leaving Doc with a lot of temp tattoos. He needs to make sure that the bike is not a similar passing fancy. One of the “single ladies” makes a dono, and Doc reiterates that he is catering to all the single moms with his good looks. Single moms and big donors are the backbone of the Doc economy. Doc clarifies that all the chatters are single moms to him. Chat is still kind of confused, but after three weeks they are getting used to it.

1:06:00 Doc has now obtained more than 100 diamond ore blocks during the stream, plus loose diamonds. He flirts shamelessly with chat and reveals he has no ring on, but promises that Karin doesn’t mind his silly behavior. The single moms in Doc’s chat appear to be mostly pet parents. Doc has learned a lot about Twitch lately. There’s a lot more to Twitch than just turning on the camera and talking crap. A chatter makes a dono “for the girls and the gays.” Doc says he thought once about whether he might be gay, just as an academic point, but he decided he was not attracted at all to the idea of kissing and being romantic with a man. Chat, of course, immediately brings up the Dad-Kisser Doc photo. Doc laughs and shares the story of the photo, which is that the Dad in question was the father of one of Doc’s Minecrack servermates and the kiss was the culmination of an escalating series of jokes between the two of them and the Dad in question. There may have been a Twitter feud involved. Doc is with Karin, Karin identifies as a woman, and she makes Doc very happy.

1:12:11 A chatter makes reference to an old Tweet Doc made about his “size.” Doc plays dumb and agrees that yes, he is very tall. Chat wants Doc to know that they remember the yoga pants. Doc actually does not remember the yoga pants. He thanks subs and tells chat that he is mostly joking about the pushes for big sub gifts, but having kids is pretty expensive. Nobody pushes too hard for cash on Hermitcraft but some of them definitely do product placements and sponsored streams. They’re tastefully done and that’s fine for them, Doc’s not judging anyone. He just doesn’t want to do product placements himself unless he really has to. He agrees that Bdubs does great sponsorship ads. He talks about how tough it is to do merch because it’s hard to find products that are not trash and don’t cost the moon. The TCG releases are the exception that proves the rule, Doc loves those very much. Chat is of the opinion that they would like merch even if it is expensive.

1:20:30 Doc talks about the fan culture on Hermitcraft. The fans want to belong, they want to be entertained, they want to be fascinated by beautiful and interesting things. Art is very important for humans. Once survival needs are covered, then art is the next biggest thing. Chat points out that Earth without art is just Eh.

1:21:30 The European Football Championships have started. Germany is doing well and Doc is moderately excited. He understands that his majority-American audience has no idea what’s going on and everyone in chat is nerds who don’t like sports talk, but that’s fine. Hermitcraft’s biggest audience has always from the USA, followed by a fair-size following in the UK. Doc isn’t as into sports as he used to be when he was actually playing.

1:24:00 A chatter is watching Doc’s stream while weeding the garden. Doc thinks this is valid, he watches streams and videos the same as Chat does, sometimes watching and sometimes just listening. Chat points out that Doc has been using the tunnel borer for an hour, so listening is an extremely valid way to experience the stream. Doc always likes the comments on his videos that say people have anticipated his video and it starts the weekend right for them. The little nice comments and kind gestures makes a content creator’s day. Some CCs don’t read their comments at all because of the negative ones, but on Hermitcraft many of them read their comments.

1:26:00 Doc receives another donation from a “single lady.” He tells a story of back before Doccy, back in the day, when he considered what it would be like to date again in his forties. Would he be a sugar daddy or look for a sugar mommy? Chat can probably guess which one he would have chosen. In the post-Doccy world, he has decided it would be nearly impossible for anything to break up his family. So no sugar mama fantasies for Doc, unless Karin wins the lottery. He lives vicariously now through Chat. Chat is amused and mildly disturbed. Doc points out that while Hermitcraft videos tend to be very family friendly, streams tend to be just a bit more spicy. Doc and chat discuss whether “ass” is a curse word when used in “I have a lawsuit on my ass.”

1:33:00 More dono and sub thanks. Doc discusses his understanding of court procedures, which suggests he believes he needs to be indicted and charged by the Poe Poe before he can be served with a lawsuit. It remains unclear whether the upcoming trial is going to be a civil or criminal action, but it could well begin with Doc getting arrested and end with Cleo getting paid because that’s just how Hermits do. Doc offers relationship advice to all the lonely hearts and single mothers in the chat. Chat offers helpful critique. A chatter activates voice-to-text to make it chant the Single Ladies song. Doc uncovers a spawner and gets shot at by a number of skeletons. He says the best level for tunnel boring is -49.

1:37:30 Chat asks how the diamond ore counter works, it is just a little program that works with Fabric and the OBS overlay to count diamond ore in the inventory. The chatters who devised it were tired of having to count manually on all Doc’s streams. Doc talks about building the rainbow beacon, it’s not something he usually does because he’s not LGBTQ+ himself but he knows it means something to people in the community to be an ally. He lost 500 subscribers and got some angry comments but it was surprising to him that any people in the community are homophobic with LGBTQ+ players on the server who are an integral part of it. Doc doesn’t want to mix politics into Hermitcraft, but this is not a matter of politics to him. He appreciates all the members of the DCP and in the fan community who are LGBTQ+ community and wants them to feel included.

1:45:00 Doc discusses more of his ideas on tolerance, religion and politics. ((To catch all the nuance, it’s better to just watch the stream than to read someone else’s summary.)) During this time he reaches 200 diamond ore blocks collected during the stream.

1:52:30 Doc tells the story of the time at EuroDisney with some other Minecrafters when a bunch of drunk Dutch tourists showed up at the bar they were in and tried to stir up a bunch of trouble. They were using racial slurs on the bartender, throwing their weight around and trying to pick fights, etc. They started to pick on Bdubs, who was visiting Europe for the first time. Bdubs didn’t react to them, which made them mad, and one of them grabbed for him. Doc punched the guy, because nobody attacks his friends. Bdubs probably didn’t even need the help except that there were three very big guys there. Guude and Pyro were also there, but Guude was half-asleep at the bar and Pyro is tiny, so what to do? If you are Doc, the solution is “punch the biggest guy,” which worked in this situation partly because the guys were very drunk. Doc backs up Bdubs claim of being 5’10, but Dutch people tend to be tall and these guys were around 6’4. Chat is skeptical about the height claim but they like the story.

1:57:30 A chatter asks if there is a schematic available for the new tunnel bore yet. There is one on the Redstone Archive discord for a smaller version of the bore, but nothing for this size of a tunnel bore. A chatter wishes Doc happy Father’s Day (tomorrow in the US) but it’s on a different day in Germany. Doc says he’s a father every day. In Germany the tradition for Father’s Day is to go out and get drunk, but Doc does not really do that. It’s been a long time since he last drank. Chat mentions that if they are all single mothers, they do not have to care about Father’s Day either. Doc tells a story about growing up in a poor neighborhood in an apartment building with a drunk and angry neighbor who hurt his own family. It made him not very fond of alcohol and drinking.

2:00:00 A chatter asks why Doc doesn’t use freecam to check for diamonds faster than running back and forth down the tunnel bore. He says the freecam is very resource intensive on the PC, and also that use would be borderline cheaty. Plus he’s not in a hurry on this project. He and chat have a conversation on how growing up around alcohol affects people’s use of it. Doc doesn’t believe straight edge is the best way to be, but some people are more inclined to it. Still, alcohol is a dangerous drug that doesn’t get enough recognition.

2:02:00 Doc hits 250 diamond ore. He is enjoying today’s chatty and chill stream. He talks about his friend Methodzz’s family brewery and drinking that beer at Hivemind meetings. That is very good beer. He keeps trying to convince M to sell online, but they don’t have that kind of manpower. He jokes about starting up a business partnership for GOAT beer, only available in 5-liter kegs. He would do product placement streams for GOAT Beer. (There could be GOAT Champaign Strawberry Punch for the Chat, who are, as established, single ladies.) Chat has opinions on what they want to drink.

2:07:00 A chatter asks if Doc’s mom is going to appear onstream, he says it seems unlikely for now. She is busy with Doccy and they are going places today. Doc planned on doing interior designing today but he got stuck in the tunnel.

2:12:00 Doc gives Methodzz credit for getting witch farms buffed, because apparently he talked to Kingbdogs about it enough that it happened, and to a much greater extent than predicted. Now witch farms are insane. He assures a chatter that they can pretend to be a single mum, they don’t have to kill their husband to become one. Chat likes talking about murder. There are a lot of songs about women killing their husbands, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

2:14:00 Doc advocates for life with a tunnel bore. He’s had a tunnel bore since S7, life without one is not the same. He tells Chat he will be roasting a chicken later, but his mom has already done all the prep work. He likes the way he cooks it better, though. He shares his technique. He talks about his mom’s new weight loss diet.

2:18:10 Doc signs onto his test world to look at a schematic of the tunnel bore. Hivemind member TheWhiteEyes has ripped apart the tunnel bore and rebuilt it with a trigger on each end so he only has to run across the machine half as often. The design is not elegant, but it’s a good proof of concept. Doc says the best way to do the design and still make it compact would be one switch in the middle. He returns to Hermitcraft and resuming boring.

2:22:00 Doc takes his last night vision potion and says he’ll stop when it runs out. A chatter asks whether the borer is more efficient than caving, he says it’s hard to say because he hasn’t been grinding out, just talking and being chill. He jokes with chat about MILF hunting, chat says he is unhinged. Doc points out this is the most chill stream he’s had in ages. A chatter comes in and says hello, Doc scolds them jokingly for being two hours late. He only likes chatters who give up their whole social life to be in chat on time. Unless they are minors, minors are not allowed in his parasocial circles.

2:28:00He tells Chat to touch grass and immediately regrets it. Chat reminds him not to tell Scar to touch grass, he got stuck in tall grass just the other day. Doc laughs and agrees that Scar is the unhinged one. A chatter jokes they are not sure they are allowed to joke about that. Doc says he lost his inhibitions about that when Scar posted his Real Life video and showed himself falling out of his chair and getting picked back up, all set to silly music. Doc no longer feels any compunction about laughing at Scar’s mishaps. Chat thinks Doc must be the only hermit who watches other hermits’ videos. During the server tour, the other hermits were really surprised about what Doc was up to, and complained again about his videos being too long. Doc makes another borderline joke about size and laughs at himself.

2:30:00 Doc reaches 300 diamond ore mined during the stream. He runs out of potions and decides he is done. He assures Chat that the shulker boxes along the wall are not forgotten, he keeps extra potions in them. He returns to the surface and lands at his base. Apparently leaving a shulker box somewhere or dropping something is a great way to farm a bunch of comments from the concerned and observant viewers. Chat is mildly appalled by this revelation. Doc has very close to a full shulker of diamond ore blocks again, He is wealthy again now!

2:34:00 Doc says he has been watching Grian leave and rejoin the server for awhile now. He’d better go to the shop and see if anything is broken. It’s never wise to assume Grian is not up to something. He places down and mines up all his diamond ore miniblocks so they will stack with each other again. Chat agrees, with no evidence at all, that it was Grian. Doc assembles a decorating kit and heads for the shopping district. The buffer at the ghast farm is full so he kills a few of them before they get too squished.

2:37 Doc arrives at the Nether hub. Nobody has taken Scar up on his idea of making their portals are really deadly. Doc thinks it would be funny, but not being able to use the nether hub would actually be pretty inconvenient. The Hivemind has some ideas in reserve and they are eager to help if Doc ever gets into it, though. Doc arrives at the store and realizes he forgot white glass. He discusses his plans for decorating the shop interior. He freecams into the guts of the armor trim machine and all the headphone users suffer for it as he discovers another block of diamond ore has been replaced with deepslate. Doc threatens the “ore snatching bastard” that he will find them and eat their soul. Grian has been sneaking, he is SUSPICIOUS. Chat’s collective ears are still ringing. Doc says he should’ve released the wardens on “Buttcrack Mountain” because nobody truly innocent lives there. Still no sign of snails. Doc admits the block was unpowered but it’s the principle of the thing.

2:42:00 Doc admits he dropped his guard. He’d been planning to build an alarm system that would drop wardens on anyone who broke a block, but relaxed when he’d thought the diamond ore was returned. Turns out they were not returned, they were replaced by Skizzleman, and the ore snatcher was still at large! The ore snatcher is clearly selecting highly visible blocks just to taunt Doc, and it is working. Doc is literally spitting mad and it is not possible to understand everything he says. He needs to catch the Ore Snatcher in the act. Without catching them red handed, there is no proof. He needs a security system.

2:44:00 To Doc, the most annoying thing is having something break and not be 100% how it is supposed to be. Someone is trying to drive the friendly swamp creature INSANE, but why? Because it is funny, probably. He removes the top-level diamond blocks and replaces them with other blocks. He doesn’t bother collecting up the ore blocks that fall. He decides to go talk to Ren. Another pig might be killed today.

2:47:00 Doc flies to Ren’s base and looks for him. He sings “Chocolate Ren,” then looks for Ren’s coords. Ren is not far away but he doesn’t see Doc. Doc pursues him and asks him for help. Ren gets his mic turned on. Doc tells him the Ore Snatcher struck again and needs to be caught. He needs Ren to stay online 24/7 and leave Replay mod on, sticking close to Doc’s shop so he can cover it. Start a project in the shopping district to keep him close to the shop and just grind until the culprit is caught. Ren jokes that this sounds very reasonable, and that he’s like the clerk at the gas station who has to review all the security tapes every night to see if anybody tried anything. Ren says he’ll do it for 120 Euros per hour. Doc tells Chat that he needs subs immediately. A few chatters sub, and Doc offers to pay him 2.50 an hour.

2:52:00 Grian signs on and Doc tells Ren this is the prime suspect. It’s either him or Scar. Ren is not convinced, Grian has not been around much this week. More subs come in and Doc tells Ren the single ladies are going crazy for him. Ren sings the song. Scar was very convincing in talking about his innocence, but he might just be a much better liar than believed. Ren says maybe it was the person he least suspects. They talk about whether it might be XB or Joel. Doc doesn’t want it to be Joel. Joel is completely crazy, and if they get in a war, the server will be destroyed. Joel has no motive, though. Angry Bird or Offroad Guy are the only ones who poke the Goat with no motive.

2:55:00 Ren asks if maybe someone has a residual grudge from things that happened last season. Doc the Sand Baron says that’s ridiculous, who would be so petty as to hold a grudge past the end of the season? Ren laughs. He asks if there were any conflicts while setting up in the shopping district and Doc says no, apparently forgetting Big Salmon entirely for the moment. Usually when someone is pranking Doc, he at least knows why it is happening and whether he deserves it or not. But he’s been chilling lately and now he needs to destroy someone. Ren agrees it is a conundrum. Doc brings up the possibility of reassembling Team Star to get his revenge, but the viewers would hate it because it’s been done before. Chat is actually pretty enthusiastic about the idea.

2:56:00 Doc notices a chatter saying that Ren sounds sus. He considers this possibility. Ren says he has been very focused on his lore. Doc agrees that Ren doesn’t want to be distracted by prank wars. Ren says he and Doc have been through a lot together and he does not stray. He points out that, as promised, he not only didn’t kill False in Demise, he made sure she won. Doc agrees that his husband is loyal. Ren admits that this is starting to sound like a case of the gentleman protesting too much. Doc explains that with his mom around, he couldn’t monitor the server like he wanted to and that how the Ore Snatcher managed to strike. Ren asks to see the evidence.

2:58:00 Doc and Ren go back to the armor trim shop. Ren thinks the shop is looking very good already. Doc wants to hire Cleo to make it look like a cute boutique, but that’s a problem with the whole lawsuit thing. He shows Ren the missing block. Ren notices the loose blocks from earlier, but Doc doesn’t care about those. Doc is wondering now if there were two culprits because the first culprit took a block with powered redstone on it, which is very risky, while the most recent block removals were carefully chosen to be inactive blocks. Doc is now the most annoyed in the history of everything, and he has to admit that it would be really funny except it’s happening to him.

3:03:00 Ren advises Doc that the snatcher be snatching, the snatcher will not be replacing. He suggests that sometimes rich people get additcted to shoplifting from stores, taking things even they don’t need them. Doc asks if he’s suggesting that it actually was Cleo, and that Cleo is a kleptomaniac. He says no, but somebody has an addiction and they can’t go back. Doc says Cleo is definitely a kleptomaniac. Doc points out that people leave Ren alone,, then has to add “aside from the village people,” lest the world collapse under the weight of pranks he’d have to be ignoring from earlier in the season. Ren is too deep in the lore to desert his neighbors now. Doc has now talked himself into believing that the Glitcher is several people. Ren thinks that it feels so incredibly Cub that it probably can’t be Cub. They both pace the store.

3:05:00 Ren wants to know when Doc will get the shop open, because he has been waiting for weeks now for armor trim. Doc protests that he has been very distracted and it’s not his fault. Ren says he spent all the diamonds he had set aside for armor already. That’s fine, Doc tells him, it will only cost him sand. Doc also thinks it’s highly coincidental that once Scar opened a shop in the Shopping District, right in sight of Doc’s shop, that’s when things started disappearing. ((The timeline here is very hinky, but Doc is clearly on a roll.)) If he catches Scar at it, he’s going to chop off his arms. Ren is supportive.

3:06:00 Ren mentions the prank on the Death Scar and seems to be making some kind of point, but they are not in a group and he keeps falling out of range. Ren suggests that this may be an elaborate two-front prank by Jevin. Doc considers this, but he’s pretty sure Jev absolutely exhausted himself placing all that yellow concrete. He’s not sure he’s even seen Jev online since then. Ren says that Doc is sleeping when Jevin is online. Doc protests that there has to be a motive. There was a motive for the Death Emoji prank ((Scar put a creeper in Jevin’s house, in retaliation for Jevin killing a bunch of allays for his head shop)), but there’s no obvious motive for the Ore Snatcher but amusement. Also Jevin was very careful to leave no doubt as to who did the emoji prank, unlike the Ore Snatcher.

3:08:00 Doc muses about the time that he shot Scar out all the way to the world border without telling him he was doing it, then made him kill himself to get home. Surely Scar wouldn’t want revenge for that, would he? Ren suggests maybe Wels, who lives nearby and might have been a little torqued about the enormous goat-headed man statue appearing outside. Doc ruminates that telling him he wouldn’t rap battle with somebody living in a 2012 castle might have been a little harsh. Chat hasn’t seen Wels online lately, and they think Ren is blaming a lot of non-Ren Hermits. Ren thinks this seems especially targeted, to go after the redstone of someone who has made their name and reputation as a redstoner. It’s like going for a footballer’s ankles, he explains. “Or a porn star’s balls,” Doc agrees soberly.

3:09:50 Doc, who has possibly been down a dark hole too long, proceeds to explain his theory that 90% of his chat are single moms. Ren doesn’t even know where to begin parsing this information, especially since it takes him a minute to realize Doc is taking the piss. Now that the sub rush is over, Doc feels like the single ladies are abandoning him. Ren says that’s the story of his life. Doc says it’s difficult with the ladies, being middle-aged gamer nerds. Ren agrees, they had to spend the prime of their youths building their channels and didn’t have a chance to meet that special someone. Doc smugly tells him to speak for himself. Crushed, Ren admits he meant the royal “we.” Fs in the chat for Ren. Doc continues on in this vein, apparently not realizing that he’s being a little mean talking to a single guy about how impossible it is to date in their line of work.

3:13:00 Doc asks what Ren is cooking for dinner, then interrupts himself to point out that some of the single ladies in his chat are actually single ladies. Doc says maybe he should set up a dating service with chat. Ren says this sounds like the start of a 100-Hour Cringe Compilation that he does not want to be a part of. Doc imagines a “Dating Game” style game show where Ren says nothing but innuendos. He thinks that would go over well. Ren thinks it would be entertaining but he would never recover.

3:14:00 Doc’s mum finally appears on the stream! She speaks to him briefly in German and only glances at the stream, then leaves. Apparently she was reminding him that if he wants to cook that roast chicken today he’d better get started, because she is hungry. Doc tells Chat that he wanted to stream till he got to 5k subs again, but Chat was slow and how his mom has told him to get off the computer. He tells Ren to start streaming so he can raid in, but Ren has streamed five days in a row and needs a break. Ren sends Doc off to dinner, Doc reminds him to keep an eye on the shop and make sure nobody is stealing. If Ren catches the thief, he’ll get free armor trims all season long. Ren says if he catches the thief, he wants 500 subs. Doc is aghast. Taxes and children cost money! Ren takes off, Doc thanks the subs and donos, then says goodbye to the stream. He notices at the last minute that the overlay is not working right again, but has to leave. He raids into Martyn (which becomes its own whole thing) and ends his stream.

Chapter 12: TangoTek, 06-17-2024

Chapter Text

4:43 Tango opens the stream with a warning for “excessive burping.” He just gulped down a burger as he hit start stream with eruptive results. He thanks subs and donos, then asks Chat how they are doing. He decides to chop down a bunch of acacia trees while he talks with Chat about what everyone’s been up to. He did not play much block game last week, but this week? So much. Last week was bad, but this week is going to be better!

6:30 A chatter mentions Jimmy’s current obsession with Tango’s swag (or “Twag”). Tango is aware of it, he is amused and baffled. He says he has very little twag. But Jimmy is great and Tango loves hanging out with him. They need to find a new game to play together.

7:10 Tango starts to talk about the stream and how it’s going to be STEAMY today, gets immediately distracted by a large dono. Another chatter talks about Jimmy and how he is mad at Impulse for calling him 30. Tango thinks that’s funny too. Jimmy’s just a pup, and 30 is not an insult. Mrs. T streamed yesterday, everyone should encourage her! PearlescentMoon raids into the stream. Tango is very proud of Pearl’s new redstone endeavors! In chat, Cleo reminds Pearl that main quests should not be done all at once, it’s time to make room for side quests. They both plan on side-questing with games in the Gaming District.

10:00 Back to the title! Pearl and Impulse have done redstone all day, it’s time to get Redstone in this stream! All the grates are going to have steam coming out from them now! Chat asks about playing Wordle, Tango suspects that the game is currently being messed with and may not be playable. Chat says it’s ready. Tango explains his plan for campfire-fueled steam grates in the factory. Pearl tells Tango he can play if Chat doesn’t spoil him. Chat is sad that “Twag” is not a five-letter word.

13:00 Impulse raids into the chat, so now the Chat is doubly full of all the server’s redstone fans. Chat tells Tango that Impulse did redstone _and_ science today. Tango assembles a box of supplies for today’s job. The factory is not turned on, but it might be good to turn it on since Tango will be hanging around. He’s nervous to turn it on and that’s not good. He talks about Trial Chambers coming up and how he might not actually have needed to make a copper farm. Trial chambers are full of copper and tuff and good things. He talks with Chat about the ins and outs of trial chambers. In the background, a Skizz scream indicates the end of another zombie pigman.

18:15 Tango believes copper needs to become a more integral part of redstone, far beyond copper bulbs. Maybe even plumbing for fluids, though that would be a big step. He heads down into the guts below the factory. Chat thinks Tango is aiming for Create Mod in Vanilla, Tango shushes them and whispers “that’s the goal.” Tango has a new design for steam grates, so he’s going to rip out the one he’s got and dig out a bunch of space for new ones. Chat asks to see “The Hole” (the hole through the bedrock he and Zedaph made). It is now cleaned up and safely behind a door to avoid accidental Void entry. Tango did some off-stream ceiling building, but he needs more decoration on the walls.

20:40 Tango begins deconstructing his old redstone, then immediately stops doing that and goes upstairs to brainstorm steam grate locations with chat. Chat is full of fun and impractical ideas for decorations, and some good ideas as well. He digs some more. He is surprised and pleased to get beacon bonus to his digging.

23:50 Mrs Tango arrives. She made a salad. Chat is happy to see her! Her stream went well yesterday and her TBR (to be read) pile has doubled. Tango doesn’t know what TBR is and gets mocked for it. She force-feeds him some salad. He declares it “Ceasar-y?” It’s good. He would eat it. He will not eat it, because it is hers. Mrs. T asks if Chat wants to know what her favorite game is. Tango says it is so sad and cringe. She says it’s “How to Make My Husband Crazy.” He thought she meant the phone game she plays 50 hours a week, which is called Gossip Harbor. Chat likes both of those games too.

26:00 A little cheatycam action tells Tango that he has less room than he’d hoped without destroying his already-existing redstone. Mrs. T offers helpful commentary as he falls into an underground lake. Tango says someone should open a sponge shop (he has the sponge permit.) Mrs Tango tells him he has “Skibidi Ohio Rizz.” Tango looks like he is forcing himself into an out-of-body experience. Chat is howling. Tango says Mrs. T is highly resistant to the Twag. A chatter asks what Twag means, and Tango says if you know, you know (and if you don’t know, you’re not missing much.) Chat is happy to explain Twag.

29:00 Tango continues excavating and says that anyone who truly wants to understand Twag has to watch Jimmy Jingles’ stream. He doesn’t know why they call him Timmy. Tango doesn’t call him Timmy. Tango finally finds a part of his basement that is not already stuffed with redstone. He is happy. He flexes by throwing all his mined stone right into the guts of the collection system.

31:10 Tango discovers a single lit copper bulb in the floor and can’t remember why it is there. He examines it and says he has to know. He digs up the floor around it. It is just one lit copper bulb in the floor. He is confused, but chat remembers that it was for lighting the water pool, back when this was a water pool. Tango thinks about decorating the area, but admits he will never come down here.

32:30 Time to actually start building some steam machines! Tango gathers up the bits he needs and notices there are lots of people on the server today. It makes him happy. Chat is excited because some of their Tango plushes are starting to arrive. They want to know if Tango will play Wordle. He might, later. Right now it is time to turn on the factory! He does so, while cheering about how copper bulbs are amazing. Another piglin dies with a scream. Tango complains about static electricity in his office. Chat suggests grounding his chair. He asks how to do that, Chat suggests calming words and slow breaths, either that or taking away its electronics and not letting it leave the house.

38:00 After one false start for forgotten campfires, it’s time to head back downstairs! Tango doesn’t know when HC will update to 1.21 but they will probably talk about it at the next meeting. He has a little screenshot of the design he’s working with for the steam grates. He talks with Chat about the problem he’s having with the factory needing 90 seconds to cool down from “on” to “off” without breaking it. He’s going to have to work on that. Tango lost his redstone box.

41:40 Time to find the redstone box! Chat tried to remind him he left it upstairs, but he was oblivious. He collects it and back downstairs! He talks about grate design with chat. He doesn’t like open grates, but both water and magma underneath have their virtues. They both look pretty cool.

45:00 Tango says he’s going to get started doing something. The “Oh my god!” horn plays. Gem must be nearby! Tango calls out for her, but she does not make an appearance. Tango begins laying out the first set of grate redstone. The horns have a radius large enough that Gem could be “oh my god”ing at someone else. But her timing was excellent.

47:00 Tango builds a redstone machine! It looks cool. He promises he will explain it when he is done. Chat asks if this is the new clank module. Tango says last night in bed he was thinking about the Decked Out 2 redstone and how much of it was still in his head. He misses it, and is getting a little itchy for a new redstone project. But there will be NO Decked Out 3 this season.

50:00 Chat asks “Decked Out 3 Season 11 confirmed?” Tango says it’s pretty much already been confirmed, but we’ll see. He goes up top to get buckets and flint and steal, realizes he’s going to need a lot of flint eventually. He checks on the factory minecarts, all is well. Tango loads up the new machine he has made, showing how it will alternately light or extinguish the fire to make randomized bursts of steam through the grate. He makes a much more comprehensive explanation that is beyond the ken of the recapper, but the upshot is that it works and is going to take a ton of flint and steel.

55:30 Chat attempts to help optimize the machine, possibly by replacing flint and steel with fire charges. Each flint will light the fire 64 times, each stack of fire charges will do the same. The big efficiency in this case is that fire charges can be stolen from Impulse, which is much more Tango-efficient than laying down a bunch of gravel and hitting it with a fortune shovel.

58:00 With the visual effect working, it’s time for the audio. Tango has some sound files that sound like hissing steam, so it’s time to add a note block to the machine as well. He attaches it to the side of the new steam machine and considers the best sort of head to pop on it. In game chat, Pearl makes a suggestion about the redstone clock that might extend the time between puffs. Tango is confused for a minute about the complexities of Pearlstone, but they get on the same page and talk more redstone. Chat is a big fan of Pearlstone. Tango decides to use pillager heads. Chat suggests that maybe Pearl will help build Decked Out 3. Tango agrees that at the rate she is picking up redstone, she well might!

1:02:00 Tango and Chat do redstone stuff. Lighting the fire with fire charges is just a bit different than lighting it with flint and steel, but he gets it sorted. He uploads the sound file he wants and puts it on a pillager head, then waits. Chat fondly remembers that time they Rickrolled Tango by getting ahead of him on sound file uploading.

1:05:40 The machine triggers successfully. Tango workshops the sound with chat, then goes to “acquire” some fire charges. Chat reminds him to turn off the factory before he leaves. Tango is definitely going to put in some chunk loaders so he doesn’t have to hang around his factory and not play the game he wants. Chat reminds him that a certain Chat who shall remain nameless may have mentioned chunk loaders quite awhile ago and been ignored. They suggest TNT dupers will be next. Tango is firm in his NOPE.

1:10:06 With the farm fully off, Tango is free to move about the server. Time to steal! He dips into the nether and heads for Impulse’s barter farm. He and Chat continue discussing chunk loaders. Chat asks which will get a roof first, Tango’s factory or Etho’s base. Tango is noncommittal. The barter farm is bursting at the seams with fire charges, so it’s Tango’s lucky day. He fills up his shulkers with stacks of fire charges and realizes he should’ve brought more shulkers. He’ll have to steal more later. Tango heads home.

1:13:20 Back at home, Tango attempts (unsuccessfully) to organize his inventory, then goes back downstairs. He loads his steam machine with fire charges. The machine catches on fire. That could be a problem. Chat notes that fire tick is off, and so the fire charge will not actually light the campfire, it will just set a fire on the hopper. Tango watches the machine for one more go-round, just to make sure. Scar, in Twitch Chat, suggests that they should turn fire tick on. Chat thinks this is a wonderful and horrible idea.

1:20:00 Tango rebuilds the machine, but it doesn’t work. In game chat, Pearl celebrates getting Timed Mode working on Wordle. The redstoners celebrate with her. Tango moves a bunch more stuff around on the machine and makes plans to unsteal the fire charges later.
1:22:00 Tango disassembles the machine and reassembles it into the original flint-and-steel-dispenser configuration, declaring all the previous “a huge waste of time.” Chat maintains that nothing is a waste of time when he’s with Chat. Also there was science. Now Tango needs a lot of flint and steel.

1:25:30 Tango goes back upstairs. He doesn’t have a fortune shovel, so he has to turn off the factory again and go shopping. Chat points out that Scar sells gravel, but Tango needs flint. Nobody sells flint. Tango is getting frustrated, but gets clobbered by a thousand dollar dono and a simultaneous Mythical Sausage raid. Chat is so excited.

1:29:50 Tango reads the very nice message from the dono, while Scar flies around in the background and sprinkles flint all over his factory floor. Tango’s day has really turned around! Scar says “Watch this” in chat, which is possibly the scariest possible thing Scar could say, then does not successfully do whatever he planned to do. He says “ppop” and leaves.

1:32:20 Tango is confused but thanks Scar for the flint. He welcomes the raiders properly, thanks Sausage for the raid and explains that they came at an awkward brain-breaky moment for him. He introduces himself and says he’s getting steamy today. Sausage’s raider tell Tango that Ollie died in 30 Day Hardcore, got creepered only three days in. Tango is sympathetic. Chat finds it hard to believe that Jimmy didn’t die first.

1:35:00 Scar’s gift of flint lets Tango load the machine, now it’s time to watch the grate from above and see what it looks like. While he is waiting, Chat tells him the tragic story of Ollie’s demise, killed by a creeper by building a house for himself and Jimmy. It was so sad. “Noooo!” Tango cries. He thinks Creepers have to be one of the major causes of death in Hardcore, next to lava and falling. The steam effect triggers. The steam goes much longer than the sound, so either more sound or less steam is needed. Longer steam sounds are a project for another day, but this is close enough. It took only ninety minutes to make one, time to make more!

1:37:00 Tango chooses the location for the next steam vent. He then goes back to messing with the first machine. A chatter asks if Tango is family friendly. He says he is. Chat converses among itself about whether all the hermits are family friendly while Tango watches the machine for his timing change. It looks better, he is happy. He assembles another machine.

1:40:00 Tango has lost his armor stands, which makes it hard to assemble the machine. Chat points out that they are in the redstone box. A chatter suggests making one machine play the Skizz Scream instead of the steam noise so the factory seems more dangerous. Assembly of the second machine goes considerably faster than the first. Chat, sensitized by Ollie’s death, keeps getting jumpscared by the hissing steam noises. A chatter asks about capes, a mere 20 days late to the party.

1:44:00 FalseSymmetry enters the server, Cleo “OMG Hiiiii!”s her in chat. Tango finishes the second machine and loads it with flint-steel and water. Chat is laughing because someone got autocorrected to “armpit stand” Tango adds his audio player and uploads the second steam noise. The second machine tests successfully, so it’s time for more!

1:48:00 The crowded substrate of Tango’s basement makes a challenging redstone environment, but he eventually picks out a space for the third machine. He’s getting into a groove now as far as building copies of the machine. He stumbles into a little passageway and is confused for a minute, but it’s nothing he’s using anymore. Chat strongly suspects that Tango’s third machine is going to do some things to the trapdoors it is next to, but they don’t want to spoil the surprise.
1:51:30 Tango finishes the redstone of Machine 3 and adds the finishing touches. He breaks his redstone box and doesn’t successfully pick it up at first, then proclaims that is how one loses a redstone box. He uploads the third steamy sound and puts it on Machine 3. He wants to build three more machines on the other side of the factory floor.

1:53:00 Tango wants to do something different with Machine 4. It is next to another, different redstone device and can be activated by that redstone signal instead. He plays with the positioning of the campfire and the restone signal. He collects up some magma blocks to decorate with and declares his music “very eighties.”

1:58:00 Tango solidifies the location for Machine 4. He assembles Machine 4 partway, then pauses, not sure if it will work with so much other redstone around. Deciding on a strategy of bold adventure, he does it anyway. The resulting trigger mechanism is made mostly of observers and optimism, but Tango is pleased. He does more redstone tinkering, including running some signal through a magma block.

2:03:30 Machine four is done! A chatter asks if Tango got help from Mumbo for this design. Tango confirms that Mumbo actually does all Tango’s redstone for him. He also talks to Mumbo all the time, definitely. Tango admits that he talks directly to Mumbo once or twice a year. They like each other, but their paths simply never cross. Chat would like to see Tango and Mumbo do a big project together.

2:05:00 Tango realizes that Machine 4 takes up a lot of real estate he was going to use for Machine 5, but he thinks he can make it work anyway. He does more redstone! Chat is concerned that he has disconnected a minecart trigger. Chat also wants Tango to visit Big Ron’s. Tango doesn’t know what Big Ron’s is. ((Big Ron’s is one of the pretend shops in Mumbo’s base. It has been temporarily taken over by Grian and Gem’s mischievous snails as a pop-up shop to sell the diamond ore they stole from Scar’s Ore Mountain.)) Chat tries to explain, but they are very confusing. Tango is not caught up on server storylines enough to understand snail adventures.

2:08:00 Redstone work continues. Tango realizes he can’t do the thing with the thing there because of that, which is a verbatim quote for once and not the recapper’s lack of comprehension. Tango mentions placing a torchy down, making Chat nostalgic for Secret Life Torchy. Tango agrees that for one episode, Torchy was a legend. He finesses the design of the machine to make it fit better , then installs the noteblock and Machine 5 is done.

2:11:00 Tango finds a location for the last steam machine. He begin assembling Machine 6 while Chat amuses itself with dispenser puns and by mocking Tango. The last machine gets built very quickly. Tango listens to the steam noteblock sound and comments that when he makes Plate Up in Minecraft, that will be the food burning sound. He confirms that he will be trying to create Plate Up in Minecraft, or something similar at least. Chat thinks this is very twag of him.

2:15:10 Cleo raids into the stream. Tango misses Cleo and says they are the best Cleo ever to Cleo. They need to hang out sometime. Cleo’s chat is full of OMG Hiiii energy. The OMG Hiiii horn starts playing, which means False is probably nearby. Tango is so confused. Chat says it was a False Alarm. Tango sighs but has to admit that was pretty good.

2:18:00 Tango goes upstairs and gets all the last odds and ends he needs to load the farms, including a whole lot of flint and steel and a bunch of water buckets. He loads up the machines and gets them working. Chat asks if the water kittens are asleep, Tango says that the water kittens are stupid. He loads water buckets into the machines, then creates a bunch of flint and steels to load in as well. Chat warns Tango about a impending water leak issue, but Tango is doing math. He finishes doing math and fixes the block three seconds before the bucket deploys. Everything’s fiiiiiine.

2:23:00 Tango continues loading the machines, temporarily foiling himself with a magma block but recovering and stuffing the machine with firestarters. There is room for more flint and steel in the machines, but for now the amount he’s putting in will do. A chatter wishes for magma slabs, Tango agrees that it would be nice if there were slabs for pretty much every block in the game. Chat suggests TNT slabs, then reminds itself that those are called Etho Slabs. ((An actual “canon” block, from a Minecraft April Fool’s joke.))

2:26:30 Time to go look at all the steam! The machines do successfully produce steam. Tango wants more steam! But the radius of the sound is all wrong and he can’t hear steam across the room. He goes back into the machine and fixes all the sound-producing heads so the radius is more sensible.

2:30:00 Steam observation time. Tango and the chat like the new steam effects. He watches the room for awhile to see if one is not smoking and to see how often they smoke. He’d actually like a little more steam, more often. Machines 4 and 2 are being stubborn. Chat points out again that Tango broke the minecart activator on Machine 4 ages ago. 2 is a mystery. Eventually 2 and 4 both do run, drawing a cheer from Tango. He is very happy with the aesthetic of his factory floor.

2:35:00 Tango talks about future plans for decorating the factory. He loves doing redstone décor and ambiance work. Chat also likes the ambiance, though opinions are somewhat divided over all the steam noise. A chatter sends a message talking about their soft robotics project, Tango is curious what that means. Chat has lots of theories.

2:37:50 Tango calls the project done for now, he is happy. Chat is surprised to see Mumbo join the game. Tango teases him about the sign at the gold shop. Mumbo despairs that he is out of stock AGAIN. Grian wants to know who needs that much gold. Tango needs gold for powered rails. Tango’s next episode will be opening the shroomlight shop and building Fun Gus the monster, or building the steampunk blimp that will be the shell around the copper farm. Then there will be factory-building work. The guts of the factory are done, but it needs its building and lots of cool sound art to bring it to life. The factory will be an amazing and noisy place.

2:41:50 Tango decides to wrap up the stream. He is happy with the steam system even if it took longer than planned. No Wordle today, but he has all week to play that. Chat is not allowed to spoil the word! Tango raids into Fwhip and ends his stream.

Chapter 13: Server Tour (GeminiTay), 6-13-2024

Chapter Text

1:55 Gem opens the stream and greets the chat. She’s inside her base, grabbing rockets because today is a special day! She’s streaming a Hermitcraft meeting, which is weird, but this meeting is actually a server tour where everyone will get a chance to see one anothers’ bases. The tour was Joe’s idea and some people will be streaming, some recording. Gem already recorded today, so here she is!

3:00 Gem joins in on the server tour voice group, where the Hermits are complimenting each others’ weird outfits. Ren is showing off his new skin, a Gigacorp space suit. Cleo tells him he no longer looks like a kid who dressed himself. Ren tells them that was the mission, to regain some semblance of dignity. Cleo would not go that far. Gem adjusts the sound levels to make everyone more audible, just as Cleo asks everyone who is streaming to mute for a moment. Apparently she has more to say about Ren’s outfit. Joe and Gem both confirm that they will not be deafening. Cleo tells Ren she will talk with him later about the thing she just noticed about his outfit. Ren doesn’t like the sound of this. Bdubs asks Ren where exactly the pink stripe is on his outfit. Ren, somewhat defensively, says it’s on his belt buckle. Cleo is still laughing. Joel crouches for a good look as Bdubs decides he knows everything he needs to know. Joel makes a comment about something peeking just a little bit. He could be talking about the microphones, sure. Gem scolds the Hermits, reminding them that Cleo wasn’t even going to say it! Cleo admits that wasn’t what she was going to mention. Ren admits that he’s just sen what the other Hermits are seeing, and he hates his life. He tells everyone he’ll see them next season and leaves the game.

5:20 Gem checks volume levels with Chat, just as Jono raids into the stream. Chat is real distracted by Ren’s outfit, but they attempt to participate in the volume check. In the background, Joe explains that he has four shulkers of lava to represent the lava pool from the start of the season, where they’d once intended to meet to kick off their world tour. The Hermits begin digging a new lava pool. Ren comes back and says this reminds him of 1.7, just flat grass and lava. Gem has missed Joe’s explanation of why they are digging the lava pool, but she has to resist the temptation to knock her friends into it. She punches Joel instead, who tries to shoot her with an arrow. Cleo really hopes that Hypno, whose yard the new pool is in, chose this exact spot to log out.

7:30 The question is raised, whose base to visit first? Xisuma is the obvious choice, being as how it is literally right there, but he claims to be “wildly unprepared.” Joe suggests that this will just make the other Hermits feel better about their own bases. They wait for everyone to join who is coming, while Ren appreciates the Eye of Sauron (Cub’s glass firework) staring down upon them all. While they are waiting, the group resumes teasing Ren. Cleo jokes that if Ren thinks eyes look like that, he should see an optician. Xisuma asks Ren how many fingers he’s holding up. (“One stump,” Ren answers accurately.) Gem comments on Ren’s brand new facial hair. Gigacorp Ren has been working hard and has had no time to shave.

9:20 Gem thanks subs and donos, then authorizes her mods to ban a chatter who is misbehaving. Ren wishes he could grow a nice beard IRL like Bdubs. Bdubs is of the opinion it is as much a burden as a blessing. He is clearly trying to make Ren feel better. Bdubs and Cleo debate whether Johnny Depp is still a sex symbol. The guys jump in on the side of Johnny Depp. Joel claims that his granddad is a sex symbol and he’s 80. Joe guesses that Joel’s grandfather is Mick Jagger. Cleo doesn’t want to hear about anybody’s grandfather being sexy. Gem is visibly rebooting on her facecam, trying to figure out what has happened to the conversation during her thirty seconds away. She demands to know what they are even talking about. Joel tells her nothing, it’s fine. She begins punching him in the direction of the lava. He sets her on fire. She scolds him for being violent. Chat says nobody should set Gem on fire during pride month.

10:50 Cleo demands to know if there’s actually a way to stop Gem from punching people. Joel says sure, just hit her back (with a fire aspect sword, apparently). Gem says that Joel can, with the heavy implication that she doesn’t believe Cleo has Joel’s skill in hitting back. Ren says this is all a very wholesome start to their evening of base tours. The Hermits gather around the lava pool and demand Xisuma jump in so things can be just like they were in Episode One. Xisuma welcomes everyone to the first mini world tour of the season and jumps in the lava. He catches on fire and is extinguished by the others. They all feel very nostalgic about it. Cleo asks if this means Demise is starting again. Joe says it’s time to go trap Bdubs. Bdubs is unenthusiastic. Gem punches Joel one more time to show she will not be intimidated, and then it is time to go!

11:50 Joe asks what inspired Xisuma’s base design, he says “Stuff I saw on Google.” It’s a loose interpretation of Aztec building design. The garden is the first stop, Gem loves it. They discuss his garden design, which makes use of cherry leaves to drop petals and the new tuff blocks. Cleo critiques the sinister aesthetic of X’s villager farm, but Gem is distracted by a palm tree made of diamond blocks. This was a payment from Keralis, who has too many diamonds. Joel is jealous and complains that nobody is buying his honey, still. He doesn’t have the honeycomb permit and nobody wants honey blocks. Cleo says that they will all buy honey from him now just to stop him complaining about it. Gem does not mind the complaining and heckles Joel about how much better honeycomb is than honey. Bdubs asks why anyone would ever need a whole stack of honey blocks and asks if Joel sells individual blocks. Joel says sure, but they’re six diamonds so you might as well buy the stack for the same price.

14:30 Gem wanders into the storage room and exclaims over the massive wall of brightly-colored shulker boxes. The group has broken up by now. Xisuma leads everyone into the storage room, where they agree with Gem’s initial impression of “_so many_ shulker boxes.”Xisuma explains that behind the extraordinary number of shulker boxes is an extraordinary amount of redstone. He has a shulker unloader and all the boxes are filters to sort into. He also has a shulker box mod that puts a picture of the item on each shulker box, rather than being an enormous blank wall of shulkers like it is to Gem and Chat. He explains a bit more how the system works while the Hermits make an enormous racket opening shulker boxes. Joe asks what a potion of strength is for and why Xisuma is making them. Xisuma has no answers for him.

16:20 Gem wanders away again, down a labyrinth of underground tunnels. Xisuma explains that he wanted to connect the two halves of his base, but he decided to make a twisted and turning tunnel rather than a straight shot. Bdubs appreciates how mazelike it feels. Gem slides down the up side of the honey elevator amd gets stuck, losing track of the others in the process. False and Doc are also stuck, so at least she has company in the claustrophobic space. They figure themselves out and rejoin the group, except for Joel who is stuck in a spiderweb and Doc, who is stuck in the elevator. Now that Gem has figured it out, she loves the honey elevator. Bdubs finds a horse named “Nametag.” Cleo gets stuck in the elevator and declares it broken. The other hermits gather on the roof while Xisuma coaxes Cleo out of the elevator. Gem punches Joe into the elevator shaft but he has figured it out and doesn’t even lodge a protest as he climbs out.

20:10 Xisuma gives up on Cleo and wishes them the best of luck before leading the group on the flying portion of the base tour. Someone, probably Joe, is flying with explosive rockets. Gem exclaims that she has never been to this part of the base before and it is way bigger than she thought it was. It is indeed very large. X says this part is not decorated yet, but it’s for all his autocrafting and tree farms. His combination tree farm/autocrafter can make every different type of wood block. Gem is on the other side of the large space, but the Hermits near the tree-farm area begin uh-ohing as Doc (proprietor of Big Wood) unsheathes his sword. X also shows off his bamboo autocrafting area where he makes mosaic blocks to Bdubs (holder of the bamboo permit) just so he can bother all his friends equally. Bdubs is not impressed, partly because he has a setup like that already and partly because nobody will buy mosaic blocks. Cleo, fresh out of the elevator, says she’s bought some, that she’s been trying to buy stuff off everyone. ((Cleo, the owner of the S-Tier enchanting books permit and the hay bales permit, is somewhere in the top 3 of richest Hermits.)) Bdubs thanks her graciously and says she’s doing a wonderful job. False suggests the reason Xisuma has a diamond block tree is because he doesn’t need to buy anything. Doc heaves a sigh.

22:10 Xisuma wants to make sure to mention that the permits are for selling materials, but if people just want to be given items for free, they can come over here and take what they need. Reactions to this are very mixed, mostly based on who is selling what commodities. Cleo is laughing pretty hard. Doc threatens a lawsuit, which of course segues back into the pig murder saga. Joel interrupts this by killing the horse that has been down in this hole for ages, much to Xisuma’s chagrin. Joel claims it was unavoidable because he got stuck in the water, but Joel’s penchant for horse-murder is well known. Doc tries to use this as proof to Cleo that killing nameless animals in people’s bases is totally normal for this server and they can’t be mad about it, Cleo tells him to come back and say it to their face, see how it goes. Doc decides not to press his luck and demurs, saying Judge Bdubs will decide. Joe has been preparing his arguments and is ready for court! Doc smugly tells Cleo that he’s lawyered up, what do they think about that? Cleo thinks that Doc’s lawyer is very punchable.

23:40 This seems like a good time to move on with the tour. Ren seems like the next closest for a base tour. Ren insists upon full immersion and makes everyone land at X’s base so they can go in through the back door. Cleo says “I don’t want-” and makes some kind of horrible strangled laughing noise even as Bdubs hisses “stop it!” at them. Gem insists that Cleo keep it together, and if they have to say it, they had doggone well better mute first. The whole group is clearly thinking the exact same joke, but nobody else was brave enough to voice it. Ren sighs. Cleo insists that anybody else in the group is allowed to sigh, but not Ren, presumably because this is all his fault and also usually he’d be the first one making the double entendre joke.

24:45 Ren leads the way into the immersive experience of his research base, which is best experienced on foot and with gas masks on, on account of the many extremely toxic gases in the air. Most of the Hermits ignore this warning but Xisuma, the only Hermit who literally has a space helmet as part of his skin, puts on a wolf mask for safety. Ren escorts everyone through the bioscanner that is supposed to detect hostile aliens. Doc plays at not being able to get through the scanner. Cleo suggests killing him and Gem helpfully throws a few punches in his direction. Doc notices Ren’s beard, which he grew during many sleepless nights of researching. Gem admires the many pickles being used in the terraforming, but Cleo points out that Ren will definitely have some kind of alien, non-pickle name to call them by.

25:40 Ren explains that the lore of his base is that it is a pop-up prefab dome placed on many planets and powered by liquid sulfur that is produced by the weird toxic plants that grow up around it. He leads them into the decontamination chamber and shows off the HC10 Lore Capsule, which is full of artifacts from the first stream weekend of the season. He describes his build palette and everyone is actually quiet long enough to listen, up until Gem notices her own heads mounted on the wall of the chamber. Ren is proud of his fighting prowess. Gem admits he is surprisingly good with a trident.

27:50 Ren leads the way to the hangar bay, which doubles as his storage room. Gem is surprised to notice how empty it is, and Ren admits he hasn’t got much stuff in it yet. She is disappointed and says she thought he was so organized. Bdubs points out that it’s easy to organize nothing. Ren shows off the nicely decorated command center and gets a little heckling for his stuffed mailbox. Joel would hate to see what Ren’s email inbox looks like, Ren doesn’t want to talk about it. Everyone admires the computer screens False worked out for Ren’s walls, made of rotated banners on armor stands. Ren apologizes that there is no way out of the hangar bay without flying, so Gem helpfully leaves a scaffold ladder on her way out.

29:50 Ren shows off the microbiomes within his big custom biome, including the fungus-treed Mytreelium Biome. He shows off the “liquid sulfur” lake made of honey blocks. Joel approves heartily and begs people to buy more honey. Gem gamely points out that she can see dirt beneath the honey blocks and it ruins the effect. A deeper lake of honey, maybe even several layers, would surely help. Xisuma finds a little honey-lined cave and jumps in to investigate before realizing he can’t get out. He warns the others not to jump down there. Gem instantly attempts to punch Joel into the honey. Ren points out his mud farm and his stonemasons. The Hermits are very upset about the living conditions for the stonemasons, who do not have gas masks. Ren admits that the civilians here do not have a very long life expectancy. He points out the outer wall and explains that it exists to contain the infection of alien biome on the outside world. “Please come and visit The Infection!” Cleo quips.

32:30 Ren’s favorite part of his base is the exploration truck, which has featured in many of his livestreams already. The Hemits really like the truck. Gem and Joel immediately hop into the cockpit and pretend to drive it, complete with engine noises. When they try to rejoin the tour and see the lounge, Ren scolds them for not driving. Getting out of the truck is harder than getting it, and Joel and Gem both plaster themselves against the door thanks to Doc fiddling with the lever. Everybody likes Ren’s base.

35:00 False is suggested as the next base for touring. She starts her tour at the bridge, where her own severed head is welcoming people. Joel says it’s creepy, she points out that it’s fairly tame compared to what was in Ren’s base. Skizz joins the tour a bit late and tags along. Gem appreciates the decorative melons. False remembers to ask Joel to please not kill her rabbit. She shows off her armor stand work, which Joel interprets as “a child who is also a blast furnace” but is actually a small robot interacting with a potter. Doc makes a reference to the movie Ghost that is enough of a reach that even the Hermits old enough to remember Ghost (1990) don’t get it until he explains it. This is going to be a market area with more armor stand work on the way, according to False.

37:10 It turns out False’s base is much bigger on the inside than it appeared, with multiple layers full of storage and farms. Gem is impressed by the size of the place, though False points out that it’s less impressive after seeing Xisuma’s monstrosity. False’s base does have the advantage of looking less like an enormous hole in the ground, though. Her farms are nicely organized and separated by catwalks. The Hermits are impressed. Doc tries to beg a torchflower off False, but she is firm that he should buy them at the flower shop. Bdubs, obviously familiar with the medium, asks False if she regrets using so much copper in the build. She admits she has had to call Xisuma a few times in a panic because she doesn’t have enough copper blocks for her roof. Bdubs understands completely, but also agrees copper is worth it because it is so beautiful. Joel falls off a catwalk with a scream, Gem is immediately inspired to try and punch Doc in as well. Gem just does, like, so much punching when she is in a group.

39:00 Gem adjusts the volume on Skizz, who is nearly inaudible in the continuing vocal scrum. Xisuma realizes that Skizz is wearing the arrow-through-the-head hat and is amused and impressed. False leads the way to her next building, with Joel and Bdubs passing judgment on her excessive use of copper trapdoors (a judgment clearly motivated by envy). False admits to transitioning to jungle wood for part of the build to save on copper, but it’s still a lot of copper. Joel sounds like he’s about ready to cry, imagining all the copper blocks sacrificed to make what is admittedly a very large amount of copper trapdoors. Chat is worried because they can’t hear Skizz, but Skizz is not talking and there’s nothing Gem can do about that. ((Skizz addressed this in his own stream later, saying he was mostly quiet during the base tour because he likes watching other people interact. He does the same thing at parties.))

40:30 Gem loves all the nooks and crannies in False’s base. False intends to add more paths and bridges, and that she hopes people will be able to get lost in her base. Joel says a lot of bases are like that this season, especially Ren’s once he expands that honey river (hint, hint.) False tells him to wait til he sees the new river she is going to install there. Chat is still hung up on the fact that Skizz’s voice chat icon keeps lighting up when he is not talking, and they are not taking “noise gate issue” for an answer. Gem begins punching him to try and get a verbal reaction from him. He fast-crouches at her instead, which is unhelpful. She asks him flat-out if he is talking and he says no, he’s just listening. Chat is appeased, for now.

42:10 Cleo’s base is next on the tour. Before they go, Xisuma asks Joe if today’s date for the tour is significant in any way, like the server being however many months old or something. Joe says no, it’s just a summer kickoff base tour to see progress. Watchers who have been busy with school exams or joining up for summer can see what’s going on. Cleo once again starts their tour on a bridge, but unlike Ren’s toxic air or False’s severed head, this one’s got a gun! The hermits want to know why Cleo’s got a gun, but Cleo says it’s very important to be prepared. The Hermits declare Cleo to be a doomsday prepper. Cleo leads the way down into their mine, a place Doc obviously associates with unpleasant memories. ((Doc and Cleo are embroiled in a court case over an incident where Doc killed Cleo’s special pig down in this mine.))

44:00 Xisuma asks if they’ve gone past the part where the big hole was. The group arrives at the big hole. Gem immediately punches Cleo into the big hole. Why is Gem like this? No one knows. Joel asks Cleo why she has a big hole. Cleo begins “Well, Joel…” and is immediately shouted down by the other Hermits. Why are any of them like this? No one knows. Cleo says there will eventually be a monster down at the bottom of the hole, when Sodium pulls itself together and fixes its glass lighting bugs. The monster will have huge glowing eyes. Joel asks why the guns on the bridge are pointed at Iskall, rather than down this hole. “Wouldn’t you point a gun at Iskall?” Cleo asks reasonably. Gem agrees that Iskall does seem more dangerous. The others agree. Joel is new, he will learn. Xisuma asks Cleo if they didn’t build a huge monster at the bottom of a hole back in Season II. Cleo’s answer amounts to “what are you, a cop?” but basically there is no connection. Bdubs theorizes that it speaks to something psychological. Cleo admits that big holes are their brand and have been for the past thirteen years.

45:15 Cleo gives everyone permission to leave their hole. Joe is still flying with explosive rockets, which seems painful. Joel sets Gem on fire again but does put her out with a bucket of water. Cleo advises anyone staying behind to watch out for wardens. Ren likes the mineshaft. Joel compliments the length of the shaft, then takes refuge in context. Chat is not fooled, but they are amused. Cleo leads the way into the Engineer’s House which is the heart of their base at the moment. Gem loves Cleo’s corkboard-backed workbench a lot. Bdubs wants to see it real bad, but he is still stuck in the mine. Skizz wanders off into a protected area and is hauled back, but he’s not streaming so no one sees anything.

46:50 Joel notices Cleo’s shop trophies and is impressed and appalled that anyone has made 750 diamonds from their shops. Cleo tell him she has made 2272 diamonds from her shops. Cleo has the S-Tier Books permit and the surprise hit Hay Bales permit and has been doing extremely well for herself. Joel remarks that this is 27 times the amount he has made from his shops. False asks if this means they are getting paid to go on this tour. Cleo asks if she wants some pity diamonds because she will give her pity diamonds. False will always accept pity diamonds. Cleo shows off the storage area. Ren spends a lot of time in here, both because he likes the way running on copper grate floor sounds and also just to steal stuff. Cleo’s armor stand work and decoration in the engineer’s house is on-point, as always. The other Hermits are visibly and audibly mining the house for ideas.

49:00 Bdubs wants to ask a question. He wants to know if Cleo does kitbashing stuff at home. Cleo does not know what kitbashing is, but agrees that it sounds right once it is explained. They lead the way to the wizard’s tower, where a demon may or may not be being summoned. Being Hermits, Gem and the others are unable to resist the lure of trapdoor floors and get stuck in the crawlspace for a moment, but are quickly distracted by the very unearthly-looking creature Cleo has put together in the demon-summoning circle. It is mostly made of skulk, with large flint-and-steel claws, and has a skulk sensor for a mouth. The skulk sensor’s fronds are still gently waving, which makes everything ten times more disturbing. The Hermits are full of delighted disgust for the creature and admiration for the twisted workings of Cleo’s mind. False is not visiting Cleo anymore. Someone asks what its name is, and a brief workshopping session yields “FredJeff.” Gem’s more reasonable suggestion of Jeffred is ignored. Everyone also likes the eyes and parts in jars on Cleo’s shelves. It’s really a very disturbing room. Skizz asks why the compass on the wall is going nuts (It is a recovery compass, labeled a “Magus Reality Compass”) and Cleo tells him it is a reality compass and reality is very thin here. Everyone mocks Skizz for not knowing what a magus reality compass is.

52:50 Gem sees people going onto the balcony and immediately punches Joel off it. They fight briefly and are distracted by the cake-juggling robot on Cleo’s roof. Joe injures himself with another explosive rocket. Gem runs back and forth along the rooflines until finally she sees someone standing close to an edge. She punches False off the roof and is momentarily satisfied. Ren is disturbed by a terrible noise, it is Joe drinking honey because flying with exploding rockets and recovering by drinking honey is all part of the Joe Hills Difference. Joe does specify that he bought the honey from Keralis, probably just to rub it in for Honey-Block Joel.

54:40 Skizz’s base is the next spot on the tour, so the group heads off to his ominous partial-pyramid and mouth-shaped base. Someone notes that it’s Pearl’s birthday. Ren asks if it wasn’t Pearl’s birthday yesterday? Gem explains that both things are true because Time Zones. The group agrees that if Pearl joins the group, they must sing to her. Joe immediately invites her to join the voice group. Pearl messages back that her inventory was a mess, but she is heading over. Skizz lands the grounp in his front yard and explains, somewhat wearily, that it has become a whole thing for him that he saves any gift he is given, including bizarre lawn art. He also has a wall of presents in item frames inside his base. Impulse gave him poop to put on the wall. Chat jokes that Gem is trying not to fangirl over the Eefo (Skizz’s guess-the-build Etho) statue on the lawn.

55:45 Most of Skizz’s efforts so far have been on the pyramid, trying to make a near-impossible maze to challenge their ability to survive. He invites anybody who wants to to strip naked and try to survive. Joel is interested, but intimdated. Skizz says he’s very forward on his dates. Chat has seen Pearl join the voice chat and is very excited to wish her happy birthday again. The other Hermits encourage Joel to strip down and get on with it. Joel asks if he’s going to die, Skizz tells him “Most definitely.” That’s okay, Cleo brought a bed along.

56:30 The next section of the tour is a radio play, with Gem wandering through the exterior of the maze and listening as Joel and Ren try to navigate the dangerous maze. Ren dies almost immediately. Joel lasts a bit longer, but they both die to the magma blocks. False didn’t enter the maze but still somehow falls in a hole and gets stuck. With both contestants dead, Skizz explains a little bit of the maze, how this layer is just about physical survival and getting to the next level. Gem finds Pearl and, of course, punches her. Everyone wishes Pearl Happy Birthday. There is a truly horrifying rendition of the birthday song from all the assembled Hermits as Pearl dodges more punches and probably reevaluates some life choices. Chat is amused and horrified all at once. Pearl gamely declares it beautiful.

59:50 Because it is her birthday, Pearl decides that the next activity is hitting the fish block. The other hermits join in except for Gem, who prefers to punch Pearl some more. Joel punches Gem and tells her that it’s Pearl’s birthday, let her slap the salmon. Gem thinks it sounds weird when you say it like that. Bdubs tells Skizz he should call the pyramid Decked Out 3. Everyone laughs as Skizz vehemently says he would never do that. He asks Pearl if everyone has seen Wordle. Joe points out that Pearl might well be the next stop on the server tour! Pearl demurs, saying she’s just waking up, and Bdubs tells her it’s her birthday so she doesn’t have to do a tour if she doesn’t want to. Gem sneaks away from the group and posts a sign saying “dECKED OUT 3” over the door to the pyramid.

1:00:40 Cleo points out that what Pearl seems to want to do is jump into fire and berry bushes, based on her current behavior. If no Pearl tour that means Gem is next, being Skizz’s next-door neighbor and all. ((It is not entirely clear whether Skizz started talking Wordle to avoid having to show off his massive and embarrassing chest monster next, but nonetheless it worked really well.)) Gem is glad to do her base tour before Joel’s. Joel asks why but she doesn’t want to have to pay him a compliment out loud so just says her base isn’t quite finished. She leads the group into the Collector’s House and talks about how her base is inspired by the video game Dredge.

1:01:20 Gem shows off her fighting arena, but admits she hasn’t fought anyone in awhile. Joel asks if she wants to fight and she says no. This is clearly a lie since at one hour into this stream her Hermits Punched count stands at 13, mostly Joel. “She’s hungry,” Pearl observes. “Back out,” Bdubs advises. The other Hermits back up rapidly into the viewing area, leaving Gem alone in the middle of the arena, laughing. False notices that Ren has not left the sands and is in fact standing there with no armor. “Ren’s volunteered!” she observes. Ren agrees, saying that he will fight Gem, but the weapon of choice will be fish. Gem is unsure about all this, but agrees to fight so long as Ren gets her a fish too. He dives into the water, presumably to collect some fish. Gem sets her spawn.

1:02:00 Ren comes back with fish and sets his spawn as well. Skizz asks if this is going to be a thirty minute battle, then? Joel insists Gem remove her armor. Armed with raw salmon, Gem and Ren engage in a fish-slap battle to the death, witnessed by a third of the server. Gem starts very strong but her usual tactics don’t work too well in a fight without critical hits or weapon damage and Ren defeats her after a protracted battle. It’s an upset, Chat and the watching Hermits are all stunned. Ren admits that the whole thing was a Mission Possible quest. He needed to fish slap someone to death. Ren offers to let Gem kill him and she does not hesitate to do so, plunking his head-trophy down onto the sand.

1:03:40 Gem decides it is time to move on with the tour. Chat is teasing her about being as washed up as Etho, but they are also pleased to have acquired a rare Gigacorp Ren head for the collection. She shows off the anglerfish-shaped fish market and the horsin’ tunnel. False and Cleo have a low-voiced conversation in the background over whether a fixture in the shop is a toilet or just a box. Gem admits she doesn’t have many of the spooky organic elements added to her build yet, those will come later, but Chat wants her to show off her pineapple farm. She leads the way to her decorative patch of “pineapples” that are all Tango heads with armor-stand ferns on them. The Hermits are impressed and creeped out. Bdubs admits he didn’t know pineapples grew out of the ground. Gem shows the group down to her storage room, then shows off her power lines. Pearl plays the “That’s amazing!” horn. Gem demands she put it away, Pearl absolutely refuses.

1:06:00 Gem shows off her new mangrove trees, along the path that will one day lead towards Etho’s base. She explains the strange red rune that will one day play a creepy heartbeat when approached (and explains that this is also not Decked Out 3), and then it is time to go see Joel’s base. Joel’s base is extremely impressive from the sky and the Hermits are exclaiming over it before they even land. Skizz mutters that it feels just great living right next to him. Joel has somehow never noticed the sign left over from the Permit Trials on the chest of his Joel statue, but he sees it now.

1:07:00 Joel stands under his front gate and welcomes everyone to his Japanese cyberpunk-inspired base. He’s terraformed “a bit” of the mountain to make it look better. The first thing everyone needs to see is definitely his little shrine to the Ocean Goddess and her consort, which is of course a statue of Ocean Queen Lizzie and King Joel of Mezalea from Season One of the Empires SMP. Joel’s internet is terrible but his armor stand work is excellent and the statue is quite impressive. Cleo tells him the statue is very cute, and he agrees and says it is because he is adorable. He leads the way up into the city, where a beautiful facade conceals a very utilitarian villager breeder. Gem begins flipping trapdoors. Joel’s city aesthetic is cute little buildings separated by very narrow alleys, so the place is soon full of disoriented Hermits wandering around and trying to find the group. Joel shows off highlights like his mailbox and a fishtank that doesn’t have any fish in it yet. In a little restaurant off the beaten path, Bdubs finds a horse head and gets very upset about Joel’s continuing history of horse murder. Joel says it wasn’t him.

1:10:00 Xisuma asks how many rooms are in this build, Joel can’t even begin to guess. He says probably quite a lot, which seems accurate. Ren wonders, of all the blocks in Minecraft, how many of them have already been incorporated into this city. Joel says he’s trying to use as many as possible to add color and life to the city. He shows off his axolotl tank and the office where he grows his glowberries. He tells the group that, for the benefit of whoever bought out all his glowberry stock, there is more available now. Skizz cheerfully admits he did it for a Mission Possible. Joel thinks that’s a great mission and tells him he should do it again. He has a squid tank and a cactus farm and a tiny little storage room that he is already outgrowing. Pearl doesn’t understand how he can stay organized in such a small storage room. Gem theorizes that he uses every block he acquires so he doesn’t have to store it. Joel admits that there are blocks stored everywhere in random decorative barrels, completely disorganized. Pearl groans in disappointment. Ren and Skizz have found the jacuzzi bath and jumped in for a soak, which is entirely against base tour etiquette. Joel tells them that the water in that tub hasn’t been changed since episode 3, so maybe they shouldn’t be bathing in it at this point.

1:12:00 Ren tries to eat a carrot and accidentally steals a plant from a pot. False yells at him about it. Gem flips a bunch more trapdoors, apparently because she likes the noise. Someone pushes a button and activates the doorbell that Cub made for Joel. Joel shows the way to his honey farm, musing aloud about how awesome honey is and how great it would be if the Hermits decided to buy a lot of it. Ren asks how Joel manages inventory without losing his mind, given his massive build palette. Joel cheerfully admits he loses his mind. Gem confirms this by finding the walls covered in signs reading “BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ.” Bdubs says it’s like A Beautiful Mind. Joel hates the bees, they are annoying, they produce honey and it doesn’t sell. More Hermits should buy honey. “Good job making a sucky product!” Bdubs tells him (or possibly the bees, it’s hard to say.) Chat points out that Xisuma has taken off the wolf mask and is now wearing Gem’s head.

1:13:30 Joel shows off a few more buildings, all of them empty, and admits that’s basically it. He is roundly mocked for that phrasing after showing off his massive and intricate build. He remembers one more thing he wants to show off and leads everyone to the bar. Bdubs asks if there are more horse heads down there and Joel says definitely not. The Hermits are very impressed by the bar, which includes lava walls covered by trapdoors that create glowing designs. Bdubs finds a horse head and starts yelling again. Joel says that’s not his. Pearl points out that Bdubs has murdered plenty of horses this season and Bdubs claims he would never murder a horse. Pearl demands to see his statistics. He says his are broken. Everyone agrees that the build is amazing. Pearl is glad Joel used purpur. Bdubs and Ren ask about the beacon beam, which is candy striped; Joel came up with the idea himself and it is made of stained glass.

1:16:10 It’s Pearl’s time to shine! Joel wants to get a look at Wordle. Pearl points out it’s not at her base, but they can visit it after. She leads the way to her base and starts everyone at her little truck, explaining the lore of her solarpunk base for the season. This truck in particular crafts a button every day and every night, letting her know how long her chunks have been loaded. Etho signs on. Chat is _very_ excited. Pearl leads the way over to her enchanting area while Gem hisses to Chat to stop being such fangirls. Chat will never stop. Pearl shows off the maps on the walls, Ren points out that the maps are not accurate to current time. Pearl explains that they are to show off the history of the neighborhood as it gets built up, and the other Hermits roundly heckle him for not getting that. Bdubs tells him to “Go back to your sulfur mines, you freak,” then apologizes for going too far. Pearl is stunned that everyone used her doors correctly for the first time. Abashed, Gem goes back and flips all the trapdoors.

1:18:30 Pearl shows off her farming, complete with solar-powered irrigation system. Nighttime is coming, so Bdubs deploys his bed, only to have Pearl mine it out from under him. He graciously forgives her because it’s her birthday, but someone else picked up his bed and he needs it back. Ren deploys the bed and sleeps on it, stealing the night while Bdubs sputters. Pearl next takes the group to her starter base and its horrifying doorbell. Pearl has been doing some armor stand work in here and is happy to show off to Cleo, who declares it adorable and cute. Pearl leads the way down to her storage room and its pillager-head-on-a-noteblock that quickly overwhelms everyone’s audio. Etho has joined up with the tour now and Chat is begging Gem to punch him. They believe he came late to avoid obsession allegations at Gem and Joel’s bases.

1:20:30 Cleo tells Pearl she’s going to steal the idea of leather helmets for stools because it is so good. Pearl shows the group her bedroom and Gem attacks the many available trapdoors. Bdubs likes the scale Pearl is using, with three block ceilings that make a more naturalistic environment for people used to nine foot ceilings IRL. Cleo agrees they would like it if there were less of them in there, because having so many Hermits in one bedroom is definitely turning the vibe from coziness to claustrophobia. Pearl shows off her stables and mailbox and some more farming stuff, Gem flips more trapdoors. Pearl acknowledges that she sees what Gem is doing. Pearl is building a solarium for her sniffers and allay, then takes everyone to the purpur farm. It’s very cool-looking and everyone is impressed. Pearl insists on stopping in the middle of the tour so she can collect up the arrows and replant the farm. Bdubs says that is very rude and Joe scolds him for it because it is Pearl’s birthday. Bdubs reluctantly agrees.

1:24:50 Pearl shows the furnace array/bamboo farm Tango helped her build. She points out that her farm makes bamboo planks to put in the furnaces, so she still buys her bamboo from Bdubs. Bdubs is quite pleased about this, but Etho scoffs and says that’s much too expensive, she might as well be burning her diamonds. Pearl also shows off her casual-flex chandeliers, which are made of beacons she bought at Ren’s shop. Etho asks if there is a discount for beacons bought solely for lighting, Ren says there is not. Doc, who has so many diamonds this season that he is using them for redstone building blocks, mocks Etho for being a cheapskate. Gem asks Pearl to show off the pickles in the trees and advertise her shops too. Pearl is pleased to show off her pickle-festooned trees. She has six or seven stacks of pickles spread through her trees for lighting purposes. Joe asks what the white rocket-shaped things are, Pearl explains they are wind generators for a solarpunk world. She also has a copper and cherry watermill generating more imaginary power. Bdubs mentions how much he likes the “apple trees”, custom trees built with berry bushes in them to simulate fruit trees. Joel mentions there are a ton of beacons in this base, and Ren must be really rich. Cleo laughs and suggests maybe Ren should buy honey. Joe says he also buys a ton of beacons, so Ren must be doing really well. Ren thanks him for his patronage but is noncommittal about buying honey.

1:29:30 The Hermits debate who to visit next. Etho is the closest, Gem celebrates this fact by punching him. Etho suggests Tango, but Tango is not participating in the server tour. Etho protests that he shouldn’t be asked to follow Pearl’s beautiful base. Nevertheless, he is next (Wordle has apparently been forgotten for the moment) and he insists everyone must walk up the path to his base instead of flying. He needs to stretch this out as much as he can because there’s not that much to look at. In that spirit, he narrates the whole walk along the path, including the broken guardian farm, the sheep farm, the trident farm, and a nice view of Pearl’s base. He asks Gem to demonstrate the trident farm. She does so, impressing the assembled Hermits who have no idea how Etho isolated trident drowned. Joel nearly dies to the farm while Gem harvests two tridents in less than a minute. Etho offers to show everyone how it actually works, but that’s a lot of hermits to stuff into the redstone of a farm. They move on instead.

1:31:50 Etho leads the way to the main house as Gem cheerfully asks him if he’s put the roof on yet. Cleo can see the sky through the windows, so probably not. Etho admits that the roof is not quite exactly finished yet. He disappears into the house, leaving the Hermits outside. Doc asks if he’s quickly building a roof before he lets everyone in. Cleo and Gem both admire the exterior decorations, full of pink glazed terracotta and potted plants. Gem tells him he’s so cottagecore and it’s really nice. Etho lets them into the house, still roofless. Cleo asks what all the books on the chiseled bookshelves are. He explains that he keeps every book he gets and puts them on the bookshelves. Gem flips a lot of trapdoors and finds a fox named Sly in the back garden. Etho shows off his high-tech storage system, which is wired to show more or fewer bookshelves based on what enchanting level is wanted. Pearl correctly susses out how the redstone is done and is congratulated by Cleo for being officially a redstoner.

1:33:53 Etho leads the way down into his storage system, which is accessed by a drop chute elevator built into the grassy ground. Bdubs says that Joel will be very pleased by the décor, which is chock full of honey blocks, but Joel bitterly complains that Etho didn’t actually buy any from his store. Etho protests that Joel _gave_ him those honey blocks, sent them to him in the mail and everything. Joel reluctantly admits he did do that, yes. It’s more than he sent, though. Etho quietly admits that he does have a honey farm. Pearl comments that Etho’s ceiling has a lot of items in it and he says yes, it’s part of his storage system. He pauses for a moment, obviously trying to decide if there is any way to explain even the basics of his complex but understated storage system to the assembled group, then tell them that it’s too much to explain right now. “Too complicated for us simple-minded people,” Joel translates. “Too complicated for a tour,” Etho offers diplomatically. He shows his dispensing stations for common items like rockets, then leads the way down a plain stone tunnel to his moss farm. The drop is a little more extreme than advertised and Ren dies from the fall. Fs in the chat for Ren. Ren asks “Why me” and is reminded that he’s not wearing armor and thus lacking useful thinks like feather falling.

1:35:40 Etho’s moss farm is a big operation. Bdubs insists they should all go down into the farm, it’s cool down in there. Bdubs is clearly missing his moss shop this season. Gem gets a quick look at the farm before going back to the viewing platform to help Joel collect Ren’s bits and pieces. Pearl complains that huge farms like this are the reason she is not selling any bone blocks or bonemeal this season. Etho asks Gem if she wants to see how fast he can get moss with this farm. She says no because it’ll just make her mad. Joe eagerly chimes in that he wants to see Gem get mad. Etho shows Gem where to stand to catch moss from the farm and pulls the lever to convert away from bonemeal collection. In less than a minute, Gem’s inventory has more than ten stacks of moss in it. She mutters “Oh my god” a bunch of times in despairing disbelief. Cleo tells her it’s okay to cry. Gem’s pockets overflow and she starts yelling at Etho to turn it off. She has two moss farms and neither of them work anything like this. Etho generously asks if anyone else needs moss, Gem yells that nobody needs his moss! Chat is fangirling hard again, as per usual. Several Hermits ignore Gem’s warning and go for the moss; she sets them on fire with her sword. Joe dies of it, though it is not clear whether he was actually trying to get moss or just an unfortunate bystander to a sweeping edge sword.

1:38:00 Joe respawns, apologizing for the mess and explaining that somebody stabbed him to death. Gem defends herself saying she said she would get mad. Joe sighs and agrees that was probably on him, Cleo protests that moss-collecting is not an appropriate motive for murder. Gem is glad that Joe is taking responsibility for his actions. Joe points out that he is the one who said he wanted to see Gem get mad. He got to see with more than his eyes, he saw with his own burning flesh and that’s on him. Chat feels sorry for Joe. Ren is trying to collect his lost bits and pieces, he collects a sword called “Friendship Blade” that is not his. Joe confirms that is his sword, a gift from Cleo. Cleo remembers giving Joe that blade because he was fighting monsters with an iron sword inappropriately late into the season, she is surprised he still carries it. Bdubs, Joe and Doc remain in the list of bases to tour. Joe arrives and collects his own scattered items.

1:40:00 Leaving the moss farm is almost as dangerous as entering it, since the only way in is “Rocket onto a ladder.” The Hermits manage the feat one by one and land on the grass outside. Gem asks Etho to work on that. Cleo asks what is wrong with him. Etho smugly claims that the best thing about his base is that it teaches one how to play Minecraft. Cleo insists that she doesn’t need to learn Minecraft, she does it professionally already. Etho suggests that if someone is unable to get up the ladder, it may be a skill issue. Cleo wants Etho to know that she hates him. Chat loves sassy Etho. The group heads for Bdubs’ base, aiming to land in front of the forest. While they go, they complain about the price of ender chests and everything in the shopping district. Everything is so expensive this season. Gem insists that pickles are cheap. It is unclear why Gem is shilling pickles so hard when she hates Pearl buying them so much. Joe still can’t find his pants. Gem approaches Bdubs’ forest and exclaims over how beautiful it is. She is not wrong.

1:41:40 The group lands in front of the bridge onto Bdubs’ base. Ren asks if they need to change render distances or other visual effects since Bdubs’ base, more than any other Hermit’s, is designed as a visual spectacle. Bdubs recommends setting render distance to 28, so it’s a good thing there are some powerful computers at work here. Brightness also needs to be down to get the real atmosphere. Bdubs leads the way into the forest as he explains he’s trying to focus on terraforming and atmosphere rather than only on buildings this season. Gem coos over a rustic picnic table made of trapdoors. Pearl plays the “That’s amazing!” horn. Gem punches her several times. Xisuma laughs over the fact that Bdubs’ trees are massive, bespoke pieces of art and the Hermits are still drawn to the picnic table first. Gem is so impressed by the picnic table that she doesn’t even flip the trapdoors.

1:43:00 The tour continues into an open space that Bdubs plans to fill with additional forest eventually. Gem tells Bdubs it’s very cottagecore, Bdubs decides he will allow it. He was fighting it at first, but finally he’s accepted it. Joe points out that the actual cottage he built pretty much sealed the deal. He takes the Hermits to his initial starter base, which he only uses for cooking anymore. Cleo finds a memorial marked February 16 and asks what that’s about; it is the date of Bdubs’ Demise death. He says “they” exploded him, Ren corrects him saying “technically you exploded you.” Bdubs has to admit that this is true. He shows the group the silos with his moss farm and bamboo farms. Doc asks if there’s a reason that Bdubs has the most uncomfortable pathways known to Minecraft. (Bdubs’ current paths are rudimentary at best, scattered path blocks and no slabs to soften height changes.) Cleo says it’s obviously for the aesthetics, Bdubs agrees it’s all form, no function. Everyone takes a quick look at the redstone farm inside the silo and then goes back outside to debate the aesthetics involved in putting wood blocks or dirt blocks under wooden path slabs. Gem says she gets yelled at for her slabs all the time, both in the comments and from her own mod team. The mods give themselves mod hearts in the chat.

1:45:40 Bdubs takes everyone into the silo and shows off his bamboo-item-creating machine. It is a structure made entirely of Bdubs’ Perfect Redstone, so while it does work as intended, it has no labels and is somewhat difficult to understand. The cottagecore cottage is actually Bdubs’ mailbox, and Gem declares it gorgeous. The terracotta production area is up next, immediately drawing a “Booooooo” from False and heckling from the others. ((Bdubs holds the plain terracotta permit and is part of the Short-T Alliance, working with Scar and his six terracotta permits to undermine and counter the activities of “Big T,” the Hermit consortium who control the other nine terracotta permits. False, Ren, Cleo and Xisuma are all members of Big T.)) Bdubs tells them to shut up and shows off his organic terracotta production facility where he turns dirt into mud and then dries it on dripstone into clay, then smelts it into terracotta. Even his enemies are impressed by the sheer amount of effort Bdubs is putting int when he could just be digging up terracotta. He explains that his autosmelter is powered by half-slabs generated by his bamboo farm. It’s very inefficient and he does not recommend it. The same could undoubtedly be said of the whole operation, but everyone is too polite to mention that.

1:48:50 Bdubs decides that’s everything he has available to show right now. Cleo loves how everyone is ending their tour with “And that’s just it, I guess!” Xisuma is impressed about the difference in tone and texture keeping brightness at 30 causes. He feels like he’s been missing out and wants to look at other builds in the dimness now. Etho says his build is five times bigger when viewed at brightness 30. Gem asks if it gets a roof as well. He says yes. Chat is going nuts because Bdubs didn’t show everyone his waterfall. Xisuma asks if keeping brightness at 30 makes caving difficult. Bdubs says no, because he doesn’t do that sort of scary thing. Gem gives in to the overwhelming will of Chat and asks Bdubs “Where’s your waterfall?” Bdubs leads the group back to the bridge while explaining about the glass waterfall he built while testing whether it was possible to simulate water textures without water. This waterfall is not meant to be viewed close up and should be looked at from the bridge. Doc, who is already standing on the bridge, claims to be the only Hermit who watches other peoples’ videos. The waterfall really is very striking when viewed from the bridge. The Hermits are very impressed. Chat is pleased. Etho hypes Bdubs up a bit by pointing out that the grass in the forest is not bonemealed, it was harvested and hand-placed by Bdubs while he was building. Cleo says yeah, but that’s because Bdubs is a nerd. Bdubs makes fun of the way Cleo pronounces “nerd” but does not deny it.

1:51:00 Now that Chat has seen the waterfall, the group is free to fly up and over the forest towards Joe’s base. Joe is easy to follow because he is still flying with exploding fireworks and has a big green eruption behind him every few seconds. He does have his blast protection pants back (Cleo had them) so he can survive the flight. They pass Mumbo’s witch farm on the right (or starboard, Joe adds, for people like Gem and Joel who prefer flying spacecraft) and begin to approach the base. It’s spawning in slowly for Gem, but it is clearly massive. Joe explains that what he is building is a 1:1 scale recreation of the Bell Laboratories Research and Development campus in Holmdell, New Jersey. As Joe explains some of the technical specifications of his very specific building plans, Gem and the other Hermits fly around and take in the enormous scope of the area Joe has dug out and is terraforming. Gem apologizes to chat for the Bobby Mod taking its sweet time; she has not been out to Joe’s base in quite awhile and it is very different now. Joe has a lot of beacons up (he tells Ren he’s welcome for the business) and has mined up over a million stone blocks to turn what was once a mountain range into a canvas for development. He has been learning a lot about geometry and also a lot about reading out loud, since he’s been reading Moby Dick on stream for the benefit of his chat while mining on stream most nights. Gem’s chat is impressed by the massive scope of the project unfolding. Joe explains that he doesn’t have any proper buildings yet, and for the moment his storage system consists of themed groupings of chests set up around each beacon. It is easy to find each beacon when he needs something, so long as he can remember what stuff is stored where. Gem lands for a moment and gets punched by Pearl. She punches Pearl back and they both start flying again.

1:52:50 Joe explains that his build is not nearly as detailed as many of the other Hermits’ builds, but it is very large and he hopes it will be useful as a canvas for other Hermits as well as himself. He’s noticed in previous seasons that as the season goes on and Hermits get locked into their base projects, there is less room for creative projects that do not fit within the scope of whatever they have decided to build. The Holmdell campus has plenty of room for Hermit projects of all different types and sizes. Cub has already marked out a place for a labyrinth that he’ll be starting work on soon. Joe also wants to hold workshops where Hermits can teach one another specific skills like creating vehicles or building facade techniques. He suggests that maybe Cleo will teach armor stand classes because she keeps saying she wants people not to have her build every armor stand on the server. Cleo points out that a lot of Hermits are already doing much better on that front this season. Joe agrees with that and says he is hoping his base area will be a community center in the mid to late season. Chat is very on board with Joe’s ideas and wants to subscribe to his newsletter.

1:55:20 By the end of Joe’s speech, most of the Hermits have settled onto various perches near one another, twenty or thirty blocks off the ground. Etho asks Joe if he regrets doing this project in a mountain biome, now that he’s dug it out. Joe says no, but only because he’s decided to not have regrets. Cleo cackles. Joe explains that this region was the closest area to spawn he could get at the size that he needed, and he will just continue doubling down on that decision until he has octupled down on it. Etho notices the froglights and says they look absolutely incredible. People should not be sleeping on froglights. (Etho, of course, holds the froglight permit.) Joel chimes in saying that all the water around here might turn into ice, but you know what doesn’t turn into ice? Honey. Joe agrees and says he surrounded the entire central lagoon with stairs so that it won’t freeze. Etho is impressed. Gem bets some pickles in there would help. Joe says he was kind of hoping a few Hermits might volunteer to do some terraforming around the lagoon, and that rather than being entirely an area for people to do solo projects, people might have fun working in groups or doing terraforming and landscape lessons. Etho listens patiently to all this and then asks “So you’re telling me that if I put a single block in this lagoon, the whole thing will turn to ice?”

1:57:00 Joe confirms that this is true, leading to laughter and calls for the pranking to begin. Joe goes on to point out that even removing or changing one of the source blocks in the lagoon could trigger an icecapade. Chat is terrified at all the potential here. “And you really don’t regret building here?” Gem asks again. Joe is cool with it. He’s living his best life out here, it’s just that his best life looks terrifying to a lot of people. Bdubs asked if Joe knew already that stairs would stop the freezing, or if he had to do the science on that. It seems like very obscure knowledge. Joe describes the rather arduous-sounding process of figuring out how to ice proof a lake, and is interrupted by Cleo asking if they put a block into the lake, how would the ice actually generate? Joe, in true best-life-Joe-Hills fashion, offers to show everyone how it looks. He and Etho both place blocks into the lagoon. Cleo is clearly very disappointed that the ice doesn’t appear and spread instantly, instead generating slowly from the place where the source blocks were disrupted. But eventually, if the blocks are left in place, the whole surface will freeze. Joe tells everyone that he hopes to have the campus open in a month or so, then admits he’s been saying that for the last couple of months. He justifies himself by pointing at a cluster of pumpkins floating high overhead and explaining those are where the surface of the mountain used to be. He’s had a lot to do.

1:59:40 Joe is finished with his tour, so he goes to pass the reins over to Doc. Bdubs interrupts by mentioning a visual glitch he is seeing where things far away are rendering strangely. Xisuma immediately wants to know more. Other Hermits report seeing the same thing, but Gem does not see it with her particular mod combination. As the sun sets, Joe invites the Hermits to take a look at the base from the sky, with the froglights illuminating all the roads. It’s a beautiful sight, looking a little bit like an airport at night and going a long way to highlight what an enormous project this is and just how much work Joe has been doing. Joe is also lucky that Etho has the froglight and stone permits, and has traded massive amounts of froglights for Joe’s massive amounts of stone.

2:02:00 The group head for Joe’s portal to make the long trek to Doc’s base. Joel mentions that the brightness of the froglights looks so much better at lower brightness and that he needs to start keeping his own brightness down. Bdubs agrees, but warns that his own brightness level is the result of years worth of acclimating his viewers to accept the dimness. Last season he was only at 50%, this season he has gone full mood lighting. Joel says he’s just going straight in, cold turkey. Gem points out that Joel does not have a history of being particularly nice to his chat, if one has watched his intros. It takes awhile to get everyone through the portal, due to too much pushing and shoving, but eventually they all make it through and follow Doc north through the nether. They arrive at Doc’s portal, which is surrounded by ominous-looking machines. “Why do I feel like you have a plan for vengeance right now?” Bdubs asks plaintively.

2:03:00 Doc insists her is not planning anything, this is just a bunch of random machines. Here is the honey farm, here is the cannon that shoots people to the world border, here is the warden transport system, etc. The other Hermits are giving the machines a very respectful distance. Doc’s portal is literally on fire so there is less pushy-shovey on this trip through. They emerge in the main area of Doc’s “home,” an open cobblestone platform high above a swamp biome. Xisuma warns everyone to watch their step. Gem immediately attempts to punch Joel off the platform. He punches her off the platform instead. She and the other Hermits begin flying around to investigate the area as Doc explains what is a massive cluster of superpowered farms and indecipherable redstone. He shows off his massive storage system, making Joe laugh at the idea that people need bulk piston storage for their five shulkers of pistons. Granted, given the farms around here, five shulkers of pistons seems like it might be an average afternoon out here in the swamp. Below the storage area is a supersmelter with 160 furnaces, and next to it is an autocrafter system designed to mimic a crafting table on an enormous scale and that will craft any item the user desires. The Hermits think this is very neat. Etho remembers that Doc did something similar to this in Sesaon 9, but Doc explains that having autocrafters in the game has made the whole business a whole lot easier.

2:05:30 Doc says that’s pretty much it as far as his base goes. It’s clear that his base is very large and incredibly complex, and that there’s enough to keep a tour busy for days, if only that tour group was made up entirely of high level redstoners who know better than to stick their fingers into every chest and punch one another into the complex machinery. Bdubs asks for a demonstration of Doc’s dark oak farm, which produces truly insane amounts of output when it’s up and running. Doc says sure and leads the way over to the massive redstone contraption that is his wood farm. Gem asks if there’s anything they shouldn’t touch. Cleo and False immediately and simultaneously say “everything.” Doc tells them to stand out of the way and don’t touch any levers, and that this machine will do 160k saplings per hour. He explains that there is a llama that is a critical part of the infrastructure that will allow him to place the saplings properly. Etho warns everyone not to place anything accidentally into the huge stacks of clay pots running along the sides of the farm. The Hermits are clearly intimidated but fascinated. Gem is happy to know that the farm is llama powered. Doc turns on the farm and TNT starts exploding. Dark oak is being created and pulverized at a phenomenal pace. Chat is awed.

2:08:00 Gem goes down to the staging area briefly, looks at the lever, then runs back to the safety of the upper platform. Doc is explaining that he hasn’t started any non-machine building yet, but that he does intend to eventually terraform this whole area, make a real exploding volcano, etc. There’s plenty of stuff to do, he just started with the machines. Etho asks how far Doc has gotten with actually doing the item filters in his storage room, the most tedious part of the process. Doc says he is about 80% through with it. It’s a multi-filter system, so while it will handle all the items in the game, some items will be filtered in groups and some with their own filters. And that is all there is, Doc tells them, they can all go home now. “Get out of here before you break something,” Gem translates easily. Everyone agrees that Doc’s redstone work is incredibly impressive. Chat doesn’t even understand what they’re seeing but they know it’s a lot. Ren says it’s like looking into the heart of a CPU. Made of diamond ore, Joel adds.

2:09:10 Doc shows them the way back to the portal and into the nether. Gem punches Joel in the back and then runs away when he chases her, insisting desperately “It was Cleo, it was Cleo, it was Cleo!” The Hermits do a short debriefing and decide when they should do another server tour. Joe thinks that 2-3 server tours per year would be good, let people see new stuff without the tour idea getting stale. While they talk, Gem runs around on the nether roof until Joel successfully potshots her for half her hearts. He gives her a distinctly “come at me” fast-crouch until she runs at him, then he punches her. They punch each other, then disengage as everyone heads back for the nether hub. As they fly they pass over Joe’s 1/8th scale map of his actual base, and even that is large enough that it took seventeen hours to place all the blocks on the nether roof. It’s a big base.

2:11:10 Gem and the others take the portal back to the shopping district. Joel suggests that this would be a perfect time for everyone to go buy some honey. Cleo asks how much honey he would need to sell in order to stop complaining about it. Joel says he wants to hit 100 diamonds in sales. The others are incredulous that he hasn’t even hit a hundred diamonds yet, which probably just makes it worse. Etho comments that’s a tall order for a smallish bean. “You just got called short by Etho,” Gem tells him. Doc says his armor trim shop should be open in the next week or so. Joel says everyone knows Etho is tiny. Joe remembers that Cleo promised everyone pity diamonds to buy honey with if they behaved themselves on the tour. Cleo confirms that pity diamonds are indeed on the table. “Sugar Daddy Cleo!” Gem cheers. She goes into the shop and finds the music button, then asks Joel if it works. He says it does but asks her to please not play it because it can’t be stopped. She protests that she hasn’t even heard it yet. She pushes the button and begins shrieking with laughter over the honey song. Chat is jamming along.

2:12:20 Cleo has 100 diamonds to pass out so that the Hermits can buy honey and make Joel stop whining. Gem gets enough to buy four stacks of honey that she will now need to figure out a use for. Doc asks if Joel is ever going to detail the back of this shop so it’s not just a brown cylinder on the side that faces the hourglass. Joel says he could, but he’s very poor and very busy just trying to make sales right now. Xisuma and False barely got any diamonds, Cleo does not know who took most of the diamonds and does not particularly care. Joe got 43 diamonds and passes a few out to the others. Bdubs suggests that some of these diamonds could also be used to purchase terracotta! Doc needs to get going, so they decide to head back to the new lava pool to end the tour.

2:14:00 The Hermits fly back to spawn, explaining the lava pool to Etho, who was not around for that part. He asks if they went ahead and moved the world spawn. Bdubs asks if anybody wants to sue anybody real quick while they’re all here. Ren asks about moving the world spawn and whether anyone would be cross if they moved it. Gem points out that this is a Hermitcraft Meeting topic and now they’re just streaming an actual meeting. A very confusing discussion ensues over where the spawn chunks actually are, where they will be after 1.21 drops, and whether they ought to be moved and why. Gem narrates for chat and says this is how an actual meeting always goes, with miscommunication being the first order of business. Apparently Xisuma believes the spawn chunks are not currently at 0,0, they are behind the courthouse where a bunch of farms are, but after 1.21 drops, they ought to be moved to an area just outside Ren’s base perimeter. Etho asks why, if spawn chunks are elsewhere, they always respawn by Hypno’s base when they die. Xisuma, obviously ready for an object lesson, tells him to take off his armor. Etho, resigned to being an object lesson, sets his spawn and breaks it, complaining all the while about how he’s going to have to hike back from Hypno’s house, which is about 40 blocks away.

2:16:00 While Etho is complaining and stripping down, Gem explains to Chat that this madness is how all of their meetings look and it’s a miracle they ever get anything done. Sometime during the process False gets bored of waiting and shoots Ren dead. As promised, Ren respawns next to the lava pool. Xisuma is obviously surprised by this. Bdubs is still calling for Etho’s head. Etho’s already naked and ready to go, so he suggests another test where they kill him in the hole. Chat is uncertain about this phrasing but False is more than happy to commit another murder act. Etho did not empty his inventory so his belongings fly everywhere, but Etho himself respawns next to the lava pool, same as Ren. Xisuma says he stands corrected, that the spawn chunks are indeed still at 0,0. Joel confirms that when one comes back through the nether portal for the first time or without a bed, they end up at the same place. The Hermits agree that this is why they never get anything done at meetings.

2:17:00 Xisuma circles back around to the original proposal: that when 1.20.6 comes out, to move the spawn chunks three chunks away from their current location to allow for development of the fairly prime real estate that the spawn chunks now occupy. Xisuma has a couple of proposals for locations but would like to hear from anyone else first. Nobody has any strong feelings and the general consensus is that Xisuma should put them where he wants. Pearl does suggest putting them near the post office, but it’s unclear if there’s any reason for that or if it’s the postal worker equivalent of “you should buy more honey.” Xisuma points out a small squarish island between his own base and Hypno’s and says that might be a decent space for the spawn chunks, or they could go the entire opposite direction and plunk it down in the middle of evveryone over in the direction of Magic Mountain. Space is very tight over that way though, so it might not be a net gain. Pearl reiterates the post office suggestion, in an empty area between the post office and Xisuma’s base. Everyone flies over for a look and Xisuma agrees it’s a great spot. Nobody else cares so long as the new spawn chunks contain a portal and an ender chest for all those wild nights when somebody inevitably winds up naked and wingless at spawn. Pearl offers to decorate it. Gem congratulates her for giving herself work on her birthday. Ren calls for a voice vote; the “yays” are unanimous and enthusiastic. Ren declares the order of business complete and Cleo adjourns the meeting. The Hermits’ grasp on Robert’s Rules of Order are about as complete as their grasp of jurisprudence, but the issue is solved and everyone is happy. Gem admits that they usually don’t even call for a voice vote and this was very official today. Chat is not sure that any Hermitcraft meeting is official without Impulse there to write things down, but mostly they are busy saying “yay.”

2:19:00 The normal procedure for reaching accord during meetings, Gem explains further, is that someone will ask a question, three people will say “yeah, I guess,” and everyone else has their mics muted because they are eating. Pearl is usually half asleep and trying her best, sometimes in bed and with the phone on speaker. The Hermits congratulate themselves on an excellent meeting and give themselves a round of applause. Chat has always wanted a streamed Hermitcraft meeting and now they have gotten one. Chat is pleased. Everyone wonders how they ever get anything done.

2:20:00 False suggests that they all go jump in on Impulse, since he’s online and not at the meeting. Impulse did not join the tour because he doesn’t want to spoil the huge minigame he’s currently working on. Xisuma moves the spawn chunks and tells Ren he’s free to use the old space now. Ren mutters darkly about how the sulfur will expand. Xisuma suggests a group photo. Etho is busy setting fires and Gem is punching Cleo, but everyone agrees a photo is a nice idea. They all gather together and gaze into the future, at the new spawn chunks. Joe demands to know how long he’s had a fish head on and why did nobody tell him. Cleo and Bdubs assure him he’s been wearing it the whole time. Screenshots are captured, Joel punches Gem again, and Bdubs laughs because his specially modded skin actually blinked during photo time. Everyone agrees that this was a good idea and they had fun on the tour. Now they are all going to go and look at their own bases at 30% brightness.

2:21:50 Gem says goodbye to everybody and heads back to her base, asking Chat how they liked that. Chat approves greatly, they had a great time. Gem will post the VOD soon. Gem’s base actually looks great at 30% brightness, this may be the vibe she goes for. It does make the palm trees a little dark. Gem promises she’s working on her next episode and that it will be full of new interiors. She’s going to bring lots of immersion into the base very soon. Everybody’s bases were so cool to see, and it was great to have a visit with so many Hermits! Gem has had a lot of IRL stuff, good and bad, going on lately, but she hopes things are evening out and she’ll be back to streaming soon. She thanks subs and donos as a group and decides to wrap things up. Chat really, really, really wants a Skizz raid. Gem raids into Skizz and ends her stream.

Chapter 14: TangoTek, 06-21-2024

Chapter Text

3:42 Tango opens the stream. He is in the storage area of his factory. He greets the chat with a long sigh and says it’s been a busy day. He has been at the gym with his son, and his gym time may affect his stream schedule for the next little while. He will let Chat know if anything is going to change. He thanks subs and donos, including a large dono from a chatter who is happy to have had a week with no migraines. Tango congratulates them. He has never had migranes, but he occasionally gets a bad headache after too much computer time. A chatter asks if the roasted meat is in the fridge, but it has been thrown out. Chatters complain about the awful heat all over. A chatter has a birthday.

6:20 The plan for today is materials gathering! Tango needs 500 mushroom stems and he is not looking forward to that. Chat tells him that Grian sells mushroom stem. Tango immediately takes off for that shop. Tango doesn’t believe Grian will have 500 mushroom stems, but it’ll be a start. A chatter has lost their home to a forest fire. Several chatters drops large gifts of subs. Tango thanks them, then greets Mrs. T, who is also fresh from the gym and so tired that she cannot open her own Gatorade. Tango is sympathetic. The whole Tango family is starting at the gym together and he is proud of all of them, including himself.

9:36 Tango finds his way to Grian’s shop, with a little Mrs. T critique along the way about his flying skills. Grian’s shop has no mushroom stem at all, which is funny because Grian complained very recently in a video that no one was buying any mushrooms. Chat is sad but suggest that Grian has a mushroom stem farm that could be very helpful. Mrs. T asks the chat if they’ve seen Tango’s materials list for the day and warns them they’re going to be bored. Tango assures her that he bores Chat every day. Tango and Mrs T argue over the pronunciation of a chatter’s name. Tango heads over to Magic Mountain, asserting that he’s still going to pay if he finds mushroom stem at Grian’s farm. Tango pokes around Grian’s base while Mrs. T cheerfully heckles his pronunciation of words like “Youse” and “cleric.”

13:00 Chat successfully directs Tango to the mushroom farm. Mrs T is thankful for Chat for teaching Tango so much about how to play the game. Tango agrees that without Chat, he’d never get anything done. He assesses the farm to figure out how it works, with some help from Chat. There is a brief discussion on whether fortune works on mushroom blocks, but it does not appear to. Mushrooms are unfortunate. Mrs. T gets bored of mushrooms and wanders away. Tango says he wants red mushroom tops, Chat tells him the farm is not for red mushrooms because red mushrooms have cup-shaped tops, not flat tops.

17:00 Tango goes back to his factory and assesses the mushroom supply. He has quite a few blocks of red mushroom top already, so doing brown for awhile to get the stems is fine. A piglin triggers the Skizz scream and makes Tango jump. A chatter makes a large donation to celebrate the YouTooz arriving finally. Tango needs to make a silk touch axe to get the mushroom stems he needs. He goes to give Cleo some more money while Chat teases him about his claim that he’s wearing a cap because his hair is mussed after the gym.

21:20 Tango gets to the shopping district. Chat tells him Cleo is lost in the nether and he should help. He does not know how to help with that. He goes to buy some books instead. Chat tells Tango that Hbomb has started a new series of Decked Out games. He is trying to get 50 tomes without dying, if the dungeon kills him he must restart. Tango admits that Hbomb is one of the few players who could do it, and suspects that if Hbomb really trained up, he could possibly be even better than Etho. That’s a huge compliment, but Hbomb is very skilled. Chat insists that no one is better than Pearl. Tango decides he should watch Hbomb’s VODs. He returns to the factory and scrounges up some levels to enchant with. His kelp farm is definitely no Bop ‘N Go, no matter what he claims. It gives him 24 levels. He asks if that will be enough and receives answers of “Yes,” “No,” “Maybe,” and “Eat the kelp.”

26:00 Tango decides to use a website that calculates optimal order of enchanting. Chat is excited about this website and wants the link really badly. It is https://iamcal.github.io/enchant-order . Tango successfully enchants the axe with the levels he has, though it must live without a name. Tango returns to the mushroom farm, reminding Chat that he will be paying Grian for the use of his farm and if he forgets, Chat needs to yell at him. Chat is more than ready to help by yelling. Tango examines the farm and thinks it’s very clever. He suspects Grian may have followed a tutorial.

29:20 Tango begins using the farm. There are a few false starts because he finds it difficult to cleanly cut the tops off the mushrooms and doesn’t believe Chat when they tell him he can just hold down the axe button. Eventually he starts getting the hang of it and the mushrooms begin flowing. Chat is enjoying the rhythmic movement of the farm and the noise mushrooms make, even if the overall farming is not exactly exciting. Tango asks Chat if they know then Stem-per-hour rate. Low, chat reports. Tango is not surprised, this is one of the hardest blocks in the game to get in quantity, despite the fact that it is a very nice block. Tango says he will probably be able to cheat and use less than the projected 500 because some are probably in obscured locations. A chatter talks up the mushroom farm made by ARocketEngineer, saying it’s great. Tango suspects it probably uses TNT duping, a technique he does not like to use. He likes this farm though.

37:00 Tango goes searching for the mushrooms he’s been creating as seed mushrooms for the farm. He realizes that most of the mushrooms are getting bonemealed, but he has enough for seed use now. He’s also messing up the system a little bit, so he goes back to using the silk touch axe. He continues debating with chat whether Fortune works on mushrooms and gets smacked in the face by a mushroom block. Chat informs him that The Cube will tell him when it is ready. A chatter warns him not to taunt Happy Fun Cube (a classic Saturday Night Live reference.) Tango laughs and tells the chatter they just aged themselves, but he loves it. Tango thinks this is a very good machine but could be optimized at scale by adding additional mushroom modules. Chat suggests maybe suing Grian for not having mushroom stem in his shop. “Yeah, that would turn out well for me,” Tango jokes.

41:30 Tango supposes that he did get hurt while using the farm when that mushroom block smacked him in the face. He could probably sue for that. Chat is enthusiastic and skeptical at the same time; they like suing people but suspect that the doctrine of contributory negligence would not weigh in Tango’s favor, and also that Grian might have him busted for trespassing. Every time Tango tries to read chat, he misses a mushroom block and has to stop the farm to go fix it. He is reading chat anyway, trying to decipher a wiki entry about mushroom fortune, when Scar suddenly plummets onto the machine, literally stopping Tango’s minecart in its tracks. “Hey, you’re messing up my bits!” Tango yells.

42:50 Tango sighs, calls Scar “jerky” in game chat, and supposes he’s lucky he didn’t get HotGuyed. “I’m working over here!” he calls to Scar, who doesn’t respond before flying off. The Cube has almost reached piston push limit but can go a bit longer, so Tango resets the machine to keep going. He goes back to work, but background noise indicates that Scar is still nearby, just out of sight. Chat calls Scar a chaos gremlin, though they are affectionate about it, and suggest that maybe Tango should sue him. A chatter also watching Cleo’s stream says that Cleo is now confused and wants jerky.

43:40 The minecart comes to a halt again, stopped by the power of Scar’s enormous hat on Scar’s immovable head. “Dang it, I give up,” Scar cries. He was going to make a portal and send Tango to the Nether Regions, but could not make it work. Tango tells him it was a good try and goes to fix the farm again. Chat asks about Friday Night Hermitcraft, but not this week. Once 1.21 lands, there will definitely be a special Friday stream for it. It might not be naked, but there will be trial chamber runs. Chat asks about naked end busting runs, but Tango explains that the death penalty for dying in the end is a stream-ruining endless hike back to the group, making a naked run difficult. And of course doing it with loser gear like weapons and armor is no fun at all. A chatter asks if Tango has ever thought about getting his own server. Tango has a Patreon server, Titancraft, but he plays on Hermitcraft, why would he have another server? Tango’s mods are very on point and all issue the command to plug the Patreon within a second of one another, causing some spam issues in chat. Tango talks up his Patreon community, which he is very proud of.

49:30 The Cube is Ready! Tango equips his silk touch axe and harvests the giant cube of mushroom stem he has created. He is very pleased, even though he is going to owe Grian so much money. A chatter asks if Tango has a Create server, he says no and he doesn’t want to talk about Create because he misses it terribly. The harvest nets Tango half of the mushroom stem he needs. Chat thinks Tango deserves a DIY discount on his mushroom blocks, but Tango’s not worried about it. Money well spent for avoiding farming the long way. Some discount might be in order, though. Tango goes back to work on the farm.

52:00 Tango is almost in the groove of working the farm now, aside from one more unfortunate mushroom-slap to the face. Chat comes up with more suggestions for ways to pay Grian, ranging from coupons to the redstone shop to a bill for the brown mushroom blocks Tango is creating. Some chatters say that Grian is hurting for iron and would probably like some of Tango’s. Other chatters point out that Grian can use Mumbo’s iron farm now, and Tango doesn’t have black ink to spare. Tango has a good pile of gunpowder but no good source, so that’s out too. Chat suggests a free Tango hug coupon, but Tango decides he can just pay Grian in actual diamonds. Chat thinks that is boring and offers dozens more ideas. Tango is amused. Chat is proud of Tango for reading and not crashing into the mushrooms. Fwhip raids into the stream, returning a raid from earlier in the week. Tango explains that today is materials day and they are in for some riveting mushroom-harvesting content.

56:40 Chat is impressed with Pearl’s redstone improvement this season. Tango is too, he is very happy that Pearl is not just following tutorials to get the results she wants, she is actually learning how redstone works and applying it to make farms and games of her own design. In chat, Cub asks if the powdered snow shop is gone. Chat confirms that it is, Skizz took it down and will be rebuilding it as a non-popup shop. Scar giggles in chat, Cub yells at him, and Cleo says “oh no.” Something is going on elsewhere in the world. A chatter asks about Tango’s hockey game, he enthusiastically tells Chat that they won, and although he did not score a goal, he also did not take a puck to the throat. He is rooting for Edmonton in the playoffs, even though he doesn’t think they will win. A chatter is going to the game tonight; Tango is very jealous. He confidently predicts a huge push from Florida tonight so they can win the cup in their home rink. Chat points out that tonight’s game is in Edmonton, the last one will be in Florida. Tango admits he doesn’t know how it works. He takes a moment to be depressed again about his beloved Coyotes moving to Utah.

1:01:30 Chat is starting to worry about Tango’s axe, he reassures Chat that it will ding before it breaks. The New Cube is nearly done, and once it is harvested, Tango should have enough stems for the Shroomlight Shop build. A Utahan in chat is rubbing the Coyote thing in. Tango admits he will root for Utah next season but Mrs. T and Brody are both done. Brody already had split loyalties with the Kraken and Mrs. T will likely jump to Colorado because she has a crush on one of the players. Tango may shift to Colorado too, he’s not sure yet. He gets slapped with another mushroom. Chat is happy to talk about hockey teams, most of which are apparently terrible and hard to root for. Mrs. T sticks her head in for a moment to talk hockey as well.

1:04:50 Time to harvest the New Cube! Tango’s axe makes the ding noise. Mrs T is going to have a Sunday morning coffee club stream this week, Chat is pleased. Tango has harvested about 550 mushroom stems, mushroom farm time is finished! Now it is time to pay. Tango decides to send his payment through the mail and heads back to the factory. Chat reassures themselves that Tango did turn the farm off. Tango begins organizing his inventory, Mrs T asks if he remembered to pay. He insists he’s working on it and tells her she’s worse than Chat.

1:07:30 “Street Value” of the mushroom stems is about 40 diamonds. Tango quizzes the chat about what sort of discount he should give himself. A chatter asks if there will be a stream tonight. Tango says probably not. Mrs. T says definitely not, because they have CPR class tonight. Tango keeps forgetting that and asks why he is doing that again. She insists it is in case she dies, he should know CPR. He points out that if she’s dead, him knowing CPR won’t help much. She says maybe he’d like to PREVENT her from dying. Tango is giggling now, but agrees that sounds more reasonable. Chat has a wide range of discount suggestions, but Tango decides that given how much time the farm saved him, he’s willing to pay 35 diamonds. Chat still wants to include the free hug coupon. Tango agrees to the hug coupon.

1:09:10 Tango makes up a hug coupon and puts it in a mail parcel with the 35 diamonds and an explanation of the farm use, written in a book after writing on a mushroom stem block doesn’t give him enough letters to use. Chat notices that Skizz is online and suggests that it would be fun to go bother him. Tango is busy. His final message reads “Dearest Grian, I took the liberty of utilizing your fantastic mushroom farm and harvested 500+ stems. 10/10 Would Farm Again. Please accept this payment. Neck Kisses, Tango” Chat approves the message, saying it has lots of Twag (Jimmy’s word for Tango Swag.) Chat is less sure about Tango’s use of two spaces after a period, but they will let it slide this time. Tango signs the book “Stem Love <3” and puts it in the parcel. He mails it off to Grian.

1:14:40 Item Number One on the materials list is complete! Now there are a million other things to get. Chat tells Tango to fix his silk touch axe. He throws it in a chest full of random armor and tool pieces and declares it fixed. Future Tango will surely never regret that.

1:15:00 The second item on the list is Red Mushroom Blocks. Tango only needs about fifty more of those, so that will be easy… except he needs a silk touch axe to harvest them. He sheepishly retrieves the axe from the chest and declares it is time to go fix his axe. Another visit to the kelp farm repairs his axe and other equipment. Chat complains some more about the loudness of the steam grate noises and continues suggesting that it would be fun to go bug Skizz. Tango protests that he has to collect materials, he needs to make an actual video one of these days!

1:17:00 Tango gathers up mushrooms, bonemeal, and the supplies to make a little mushroom-room, then goes to farm red mushrooms. He immediately realizes he doesn’t have podzol and flies back. No podzol at the factory. He asks Chat if there is a way to make Podzol, then ignores all the chatters telling him to plant and bonemeal a spruce sapling. Still no podzol in the chests. Tango knows there is red mushroom in stock at Grian’s shop and complains mightily about having to give Grian more money, all the while chat is begging him to just do the spruce thing. He goes to the shopping district instead and buys a couple stacks of red mushroom, no longer complaining when he sees they are much cheaper than mushroom stem. Chat is sulking, but also pleased that Grian finally sold some mushrooms.

1:19:30 Impulse sends Tango a text message, but Tango does not say what it was about. Next on the list is 249 warped nylium. Chat tells him a silk pick will do the trick. Tango tucks a totem of undying and a fire resist pot into his inventory, just in case, then heads to the nether. He finds a crimson forest and heads towards it, which confuses Chat since he said he needed warped nylium. Tango talks more about hockey. He harvests a few stacks, then notices Chat’s consternation. He tells them he said warped but meant crimson, but then corrects himself that he actually did mean warped, but he does need both warped and crimson nylium. Turns out he has already got all the crimson he needs, JUST LIKE HE PLANNED! Chat congratulates him on either his excellent planning or successful failure as he flies off to the warped forest. Harvesting nylium takes very little time, no matter what color it is, and Tango relaxes a moment to thank subs and donos. A chatter sends a Do-not-read-on-stream message with a very funny joke in it. Tango laughs, then immediately makes his full range of cartoon shrieking noises as he nearly spleefs himself into a lava lake.

1:25:00 Grian joins the game. Chat is busy talking about the near miss and how they all nearly soiled themselves. Tango gathers the rest of his nylium much more carefully. Next item on the list is Red Wool, which means a trip to the Wolves of Wool Street. Some friendly skompasses guide him back to the nether hub and he heads back to the factory. He consults his lists and realizes he forgot the weeping vines, which he refers to as “red hangy things.” He continues going down the materials list and gets jumpscared again by the Skizz Scream. Most of the materials are much easier to get than mushroom stem. Chat suggests that Tango acquire additional Skizz Screams to randomize the piglin noises. Tango agrees that’s a good idea and tells Chat to collect some authentic Skizz screaming noises for him. In the meantime, back to the shopping district!

1:32:20 Tango heads to Wool Street to buy the red wool he needs, while discussing good places to find Skizzleman Screams. The red wool is not in sufficient stock, but there is a wool farm in the Nether than can be investigated. Tango is not happy at the price of wool, especially given that he has to farm it himself, but he acknowledges that his own shop is not exactly selling at discount prices. A chatter tells him a joke. Tango heads for the Nether to find the sheep. A chatter asks if he is humming the Plate Up song on purpose; Tango did not notice he was humming. He finds the sheep farm and is appalled at the storage system, which appears to be a very long line of double chests with random stacks of wool tossed in without rhyme or reason. His soul is hurt and so is Chat’s, but he does acquire the four stacks of red wool he paid for in the shopping district. He heads back to the factory, but his frequent trips in and out of the Nether are starting to lag the game. He’s going to have to be smart with any additional trips.

1:36:00 Many of the items on the materials list are things Tango already has tucked away in his many storage chests. He loads several shulkers with the things he needs before getting hung up on white wool. Luckily white wool can be made from string, and string can be “acquired” from good buddy Impulse’s storage room without a trip through the Nether! Tango takes off towards Impulse’s base but detours at the last moment on a tip from Chat that Skizz has white wool. He lands in Skizz’s storage room, which has been heavily renovated and is actually organized. It looks very different! Tango oohs over the progress for a moment before finding Skizz himself wedged in a cubbyhole near the ceiling.

1:38:00 Skizz greets Tango, who cheerfully lies that he is just stopping by to see the new storage room even as he liberates some white wool from a newly-organized chest. The deception is unnecessary though because Skizz wants Tango and Impulse to take things from his chest to make him feel better about the many, many items he has stolen from their storage areas over the course of the season thus far. Tango sings a bar of “I Want You To Want Me.” Chat is very impressed with the new storage area that let Tango find something to steal so quickly. Tango admits that he came to steal wool and he found the wool right away, so good job! He confirms that Skizz is streaming and that none of this is spoilers, then points out that the room design is strikingly similar to Impulse’s storage room. Skizz says imitation is the highest form of flattery. Tango gives him a hard time about whether the decorative block should be on the right or left of the chest, just for the pleasure of riling Skizz up into yelling about storage systems. Chat asks if Skizz has an arrow in his head. (He does, it is a reward hat from Mission Possible.) Tango momentarily baffles Skizz with the question of “how do glowberries work.”

1:41:20 Tango must be off, he may come back and steal more things later. Skizz is glad to have made stealing easier for him. Tango smashes his head on a dripstone as he flies home, but he is pleased that Skizz is so gullible about Minecraft mechanics. He collects 69 netherrack, to predictable response from chat, and scolds them that it is time for them to go outside. He gets dirt and then goes searching for black concrete, right back to Skizz’s house. Skizz is making a whole maze out of black concrete, so he has plenty available. Tango can’t find the concrete until Skizz shows him, then he grabs some and runs. Chat teases him about his powers of observation.

1:44:00 Tango needs netherwart, good thing he has a netherwart farm! He mocks a chatter who has chosen to share this information in all caps and heads down to the farm. He collects the wart from his “super high-tech” farm (2015 vibes, says Chat). He talks with chat about his video intro music, saying he’s stuck because he loves his intro music but it feels like the modern trend is to not have intros. Chat says absolutely do not change the intro music, it is perfect. Tango crafts the netherwart into blocks, then realizes he has not left enough to replant the farm with. Fortunately he has some more planted already and can harvest that for replantable wart. Intros hurt retention, Tango explains, because the average YouTube viewer has an attention span of about four seconds. Etho does have an intro, Tango acknowledges, but he is Etho and can do basically whatever he wants. Chat points out that Zedaph and Doc have intros (Doc’s intro is 45 minutes long, jokes a chatter), and Bdubs has an intro for his singleplayer series. Tango replants the wart he dug up to get replantable wart, then forgets to replant the wart he originally wanted to replant because he is so impressed that his farm is exactly 64 blocks long. He catches himself and goes back to the farm to replant for real. He claims it was a test for Chat.

1:48:20 Skizz called Tango the other day to tell him they haven’t streamed together in awhile. Tango agreed that he was correct, and they will be finding a game to stream together. It will not be Plate Up, but it will be some game that gives them the opportunity to scream at each other. Chat offers several suggestions as Tango returns to the main storage area. Red Concrete is next. Tango opens his completely empty concrete chest and comments that he seems to be a little low on red concrete. He asks Chat if there is a shop and is directed to False’s jellyfish. Tango decides to risk the Nether for another trip to the shopping district. He finds the shop easily and it’s actually well-stocked. Tango is impressed. He snags one stack of red concrete and heads home.

1:52:20 Coming back from the Nether is really bad this time, a very lengthy freeze of the game. Tango blames the memory leak and gives Java a few moments to vomit all over itself, clean itself up, then probably crash. Chat suggests new computer. Tango says it’s not his computer, but it may have something to do with his memory allocation. The game is severely borked. Tango shuts it down and relaunches it. Somehow OBS and Tango’s game screen monitor begin showing different things, with OBS saving the world and the monitor showing the frozen game screen. Tango is amused by the weirdness. It takes several minutes, but Minecraft finally closes enough to be launched again. A chatter asks about Content Warning, Tango says they played it and it was fun, but did not have legs. Chained Together is on the list, Rotwood is possible.

1:56:22 Back on the server! Tango discusses more possible Skizz-games with chat and gathers more materials. He has most of what he needs, then realize he also needs to gather shroomlights for the shroomlights shop. He has four shroomlights. He was going to build the shop before he builds the farm, so decides he’ll just go find wild shroomlights in the nether. Copper trapdoors are an issue because they are so expensive. Chat suggests using jungle until the update, but Tango’s pretty low on jungle wood as well. He tries a jungle trapdoor and is unimpressed, but he’ll try it. He suspects he’ll probably regret it later. The rest of the materials list is mostly just bits and pieces for decorations.

2:04:00 Tango continues gathering things up, including actual red mushrooms harvested from his red mushroom blocks. His return on mushroom blocks is not very impressive. He gets jumpscared by another piglin Skizz Stream. He definitely needs another big trip to the Nether for his remaining supplies. He steals more glow lichen from Skizz. Skizz feels good to have enough stuff that people are actually stealing from him now. Tango returns to the factory and reads a terrible joke from a chatter aloud. (“Did you hear about the sasquatch who won the Nobel Peace Prize? It was no small feat!”). It is perfectly punctuated by another scream. Chat is amused.

2:11:40 Except for the Nether items, the gathering is done! Tango organizes his inventory, picks up some shears, a hoe and bonemeal and heads for the Nether. Chat wants him to put the potion on the hotbar. He heads into the warped forest and begins harvesting. He had a hard time finding shroomlights and mutters that somebody ought to make a farm for this or something. He spots a double strider in the lavs lake below; he and Chat are pleased. Doing all this harvesting might take longer than he thought. Chat suggests breaking out the bonemeal. He gets 22 lights before being ambushed by hoglins. Tango informs them that they do not belong in the warped forest, but they seem unimpressed by his arguments.

2:20:30 Tango finds a big patch of warped fungus to harvest and some more shroomlights. He gathers up enough to fill his materials needs, then heads to the crimson forest for the rest of his things. Fortunately, it is very close by! Tango prioritizes the red dangly bits and gets harvesting. He makes many funny cartoon noises as he tries to avoid falling down holes and into lava, and eventually decides he doesn’t _need_ need everything on this list, not when he can just bonemeal it later. He gets the heck out of the nether, realizing as he goes that he is very low on rockets.

2:26:10 Tango puts his last items in the shulker and declares his materials gathered! As for what it’s going to make, well, Chat will find that out when his next episode drops. He says it may be a polarizing build: when he showed it to his son his son laughed, when he showed it to his buddy the buddy said “That’s disturbing.” Chat insists that Tango must go see Skizz. Tango doesn’t want to see Skizz, Skizz is busy with other things, but Chat loves Skizz and wants to see Skizz.

2:27:20 Tango flies over to Skizz’s base and finds Skizz with the spinning propeller-beanie on his head, the Mission Possible reward that Skizz has been coveting since the game began. Tango is very excited for him. They celebrate together and Skizz assures him that the moment he got it was recorded and Tango will get to see it. The hat is animated, but it spins a little slowly to actually take flight. Skizz asks Tango if he’s done a Mission Possible. Tango has done one, but he lost the book and his mission was difficult, etc etc. He promises he will do it for next time. He makes fun of Skizz for getting easy missions. Skizz tells Tango that he gave a fake diamond to Grian as present and then, when Grian gave it right back, he hid it on the server. The hiding place he chose is in the plainest sight imaginable, but he bets it will still be there at the end of the server. Except that he did it in his episode, so that might give it away just a little bit. Tango is still thinking about fake diamonds and how they should start their own counterfeiting operation. Skizz could be a corrupt cop. Skizz says he could be and tells Tango he really needs to watch the new episode. Tango is full of nefarious plans already.

2:30:00 Skizz tells his story of police corruption, how he and Scar busted Xisuma for having a pop-up shop and when Xisuma asked what was wrong with it, destroyed part of it to make it “structurally unsound.” The Poe Poe don’t have far to go to achieve corruption. Tango tells Skizz he is wrapping up his stream after spending two hours gathering supplies. Skizz asks if gathering supplies is what they call “Stealing from Skizz” these days. Tango is about to justify himself when Scar comes crashing into the front stairway of the base while calling for help. He smashes hard but does not die. Scar is desperate for one block of packed ice. Skizz has packed ice and he even knows where it is, thanks to his organizing stream! He races off to get it, but Scar spots the single packed ice that was a gift from Stress, mounted in its place of honor on the wall. He grabs it and runs away. Skizz chases after him, yelling incoherently. They both take to the sky, Skizz swearing bloody HotGuy murder, and Tango follows just to spectate. Chat suggests a lawsuit.

2:32:00 The dueling pair land in front of the courthouse, where Scar has found a wandering trader selling packed ice mini-blocks. This was, apparently, the great packed-ice emergency. Skizz demands his gift back and offers Scar a regular packed ice block instead. Scar reveals he was just playing and the two trade ice blocks. Tango and Chat are somewhat disappointed by the peaceful resolution. Tango spots the countdown sand timer in front of Poe Poe HQ and wonders what it is. Scar tells him not to worry about that, only ultra-redstoners can understand it. He leads the way to the corner of the Poe Poe front lot, where he has mounted a “surveillance camera” made of a grindstone, an observer and a lightning rod. He pops the packed ice miniblock on the front and declares that it is now a better surveillance camera. It does look better now, but the literal-minded redstoner Tango is mystified by what Scar has done. Skizz is not much better. Skizz and Tango both want to look at the new Poe Poe HQ but they are both streaming. Scar tells Skizz he is not allowed to look, even though his video has already dropped. He does show them the door to the workings of the sand clock, which has a sign that reads “Ultra Redstoners Only.”

2:33:30 Scar goes down the hole into the redstone works, telling them he’s going to give them a sneak peak. A lot of pistons begin firing rapidly, but there is no visible change to the clock. Tango asks if it was supposed to do something. Scar insists yes, it is ultra-redstoner stuff! Tango puts his face in one hand. Chat suggests maybe it’s a noise machine. Scar explains that it’s supposed to be counting down, just like that old-fashioned clock that one Canadian made awhile back. Chat gets the reference to the Etho Hopper Clock much faster than Tango does. This is a modern 2024 version of that. Skizz and Tango race down into the redstone even as Scar chases them yelling “ultra-redstoners only!” and telling him this is spoilers! They reluctantly leave. Tango asks Scar “you’re not doing something with torch burnout, are you?” in a very disapproving way. Scar asks how you even burn out a torch. He would never. Scar and Skizz discuss Poe Poe business in the sort of coded way that suggests neither of them have any idea what they are talking about. Scar tells Tango that he can look at the Poe Poe building but Skizz cannot, because he wants to get Skizz’s reaction recorded for a video. Tango gets himself a good look and tells everyone to go watch Scar’s video. Scar mounts the other ice miniblock on the other camera and tries to rope Tango into making a garage door at Poe Poe HQ. Tango tells him to call Mumbo, the redstone door guy. Scar points out that the last time Mumbo made him a door, it broke on the second use. Tango agrees and says the same thing happened to him in Season 7. Even so, Mumbo is the guy. Doc could do it too, but Doc is probably in No Mood.

2:38:20 Skizz and Scar begin bickering over whether Skizz is actually looking at the Poe Poe HQ, and Tango takes off to have a look at the structure. He and chat are quite impressed. Scar calls himself a bad builder because he couldn’t make a copper roof look quite the way he wanted, to general scoffing from all present. Tango says it’s qutting time for him, but he does need to tell everyone that he won the hockey game. Skizz asks if he got in any fights, Tango says yeah, he killed three people. Skizz is thrilled, because his secret intention in asking the question had been to get Tango to lie to him and Tango is way ahead of the game. Skizz embellishes on the story in gory, zamboni-breaking fashion. Tango tells Skizz he should come play hockey but Skizz hastily demurs, saying that if he tries to play hockey, there actually will be blood. Tango bags a little on some of the guys on his team, saying Skizz could probably beat them after a couple hours of practice.

2:42:00 Tango asks Scar if his cam account has a Grian skin on these days. Scar laughs and says he needed a screenshot of Grian in the permit office many episodes ago and just never changed it. Before that it was something else weird, maybe Mumbo. Tango asks if the Poe Poe HQ has an interior. Scar uses his censor button. Skizz admits that he is responsible for the interior. Scar modifies that, saying he wants to do the lobby so he can put up an enormous portrait of Cub that reads “Model Citizen.” Scar and Skizz agree that they will film Skizz actually looking at the HQ soon. Tango tells them to do it now and takes off for home.

2:44:00 Tango heads back to the factory and prepares to wrap his stream, but is immediately derailed by an extremely violent visit by the Poe Poe. Scar and Skizz both try very hard to kill Tango as he runs around and makes cartoon noises. He is surprisingly good at dodging! In the end, although Tango and much of his factory are perforated by flaming arrows from HotGuy and FailGuy, it is Skizz who winds up dead at Scar’s hand. Neither Scar nor Tango know exactly how that happened. Tango takes refuge in the rafters of the factory, and it is only at that point he realizes he’s been muted the entire time. He lands and collects up Skizz’s bits and pieces for safekeeping. Chat encourages him to wear the beanie-copter hat. It looks good on him.

2:47:00 Skizz and Scar return to the factory. Skizz ended up respawning at world spawn. Tango tells Skizz that he just completed Mission Possible, and wouldn’t you know it, he got the hat! Skizz demands the return of his hat, but Tango is enjoying it too much. Skizz yells about it some before being distracted by collecting up the rest of his items. Tango gives him back the hat anyway and reveals that the secret to his dodging success is the speed conferred by his beacon. Scar suggests adding jump boost as well for even more exciting movement. Skizz announces that he has recovered his FailGuy bow. He doesn’t sound very enthusiastic about it. Scar reminds him that FailGuy is a member of an elite fraternity, there are only three -Guy bows in existence after all. HotGuy, CuteGuy, and FailGuy. “What does FailGuy do?” Tango asks. “Besides fail?” Skizz is mortally offended.

2:48:00 Skizz begins taking potshots at Scar with FailGuy, nearly hitting Tango in the process. Tango yelps and runs. He reveals that the extra-secret secret to his dodging success is “fart bubbles” (soul speed boots and soul sand under the flooring). Skizz grabs a stack of TNT from Tango’s storage and flies away with it. He apparently attempts to FailGuy Tango but is so far off that Tango doesn’t even see it. (Scar may also have stolen a stack of TNT but is more subtle about it.) Tango decides it is absolutely time to end stream for real this time and brings up the logout menu, only to be set on fire by Scar’s arrow. He exits the menu to deal with that before he dies, just in time for a piglin to trigger the Skizz Scream. Scar flies away and Tango is finally able wrap up his stream. He thanks Chat for being amazing, tells Scar he hasn’t got his packed ice, raids into Skizz and ends his stream.

Chapter 15: ZombieCleo, 06-23-2024

Chapter Text

0:00 Cleo opens the stream on the Hermitcraft server. She greets the False raiders and the chatters who were already here, even as she types to False in the game chat. She asks False if she is tired, False replies that she is boiling. Cleo suggests living in Scotland, where it is cool in both a literal and metaphorical sense. Cleo asks Chat if they are good. She herself thinks Chat is great because they are here. Cleo does not know if False shows appreciation for her chat enough, but promises that False does really appreciate them, probably. Chat appreciates False. Ren enters the server and gets an OMG HI from Cleo in chat. Cleo and Ren agree they need to play Plate Up again soon. Cleo will also drag False along on this Plate Up adventure, whether she wants to or not.

3:00 A chatter plays hydration check, so Cleo takes a drink and gives chat a bonus posture check as well. A chatter asks which is Cleo’s favorite punctuation mark. Cleo says it is the interrobang (‽) because it is great. The plan for today is to try and do some planning with Chat’s help, because Chat is smart and Cleo hasn’t got a plan. Cleo is also very concerned that Chat engage in self-care activities. They go full-screen vtuber to lead a mini stretching session and tell Chat they are important and loved.

5:10 The plan-planning process requires some signs. Cleo goes to get some while talking about how nice it is to live in Scotland where it’s not so hot. They thank subs and donos and try to make heart-hands after a nice message, but realize they have not put on their hand sensors. Maybe later for that. A chatter plays the Hotdogs On Your Face song. Mrs. Tango raids into the stream. Cleo goes full-screen again to welcome the raiders and give them the same niceness and self-care message. Cleo is feeling especially nurturing today and Chat is vibing with it.

8:20 Cleo stares at the sign she was about to place down and write the plan on, but she has forgotten it. She thanks subs and donos instead and remembers the plan. The plan is to plan out the city and mark places for Shrubberies, which must be pronounced in Knights that Say Ni fashion ((a reference to the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.)), and other important landmarks. NJCoffeeJunkie raids in, but Cleo’s not doing the nurturing thing a third time in ten minutes. A chatter plays sour jelly bean.

10:30 Cameron, Cleo’s lead mod and partner, raids in. Cleo gives in and gives the full-screen nurturing self-care speech again. Cleo finally writes “Granery Food Storage” on the sign, declaring that she is not a teacher anymore and doesn’t need to spell. She shares the plan for the granary building and says hi to Scar in game chat. More thanks to subs and donos. A chatter suggests Scar has a power beyond this world, Cleo wouldn’t go that far but does agree that Scar is pretty dangerous. ((In Season 9, Joe Hills made it a point to greet Scar whenever he logged on, because otherwise Scar had a tendency to drop by his build and murder him. This may have had a lasting effect on Hermit behavior patterns.)) Cleo has a video coming out tomorrow that also involves Skizz and Joel, and it’s going to be fun.

14:20 Cleo shows off how they have spawn-proofed their front lawn area, mostly using glow lichen, which they insist must be pronounced with a short I sound, as in “finger-lickin’” because otherwise it sounds stupid. A chatter announces they came out to their parents and shouts out the gays. Cleo shouts out the gays, lesbians and all other groups and wishes everyone happy pride. They trail off when they realize that Ren has made a stone… “upside-down T” in one of the marked-off building squares. Cleo takes down the definitely-only-an-upside-down-T and replaces it with a sign declaring it the medical tent/emergency room area. Chat is not sure it was just a T. Cleo marks another square for Delivery of Supplies, right in front of the mailbox.

17:00 Cleo makes a big square for the Tavern, which will also be the town meeting hall. When the drama happens (and she doesn’t mean Theatre Kid Ren), they can come in here and plan. Cleo thinks about what else is needed. A boat dock maybe. Chat agrees that if D&D has taught them anything, it is that a tavern is the best place to make plans. Cleo agrees. Chat also suggests an armory. During this time, Cleo also seems to perceive that it is evening and tries to sleep. It does not work. Eventually Cleo realizes it is still daytime and is a bit confused. Chat suggests that night is an illusion. Cleo thinks about the best place to put an armory without blocking the sight lines of the little town. Chat suggests a school as well, but a town on a war footing does not need a school. She sketches out an armory and puts up a sign for where the docks will be.

22:50 Cleo starts trying to sleep again. She taps the bed for about 25 seconds before finally being allowed to sleep. A kitchen tent might be good on the hill, so that gets sketched out as well. A retaining wall for the hill will probably show up at some point. A chatter asks what era the village is supposed to be, Cleo says it’s going to be Magipunk. There will be motorbikes and magic robots. There might be some ruins as well. A chatter asks about the pile of Ren and False heads in the middle of the build area, Cleo says that’s Ren and False being Ren and False. A chatter suggests adding a watchtower, but that would be on top of the hill and Cleo has other plans for that area.

28:30 A chatter says that Scar needs help. Cleo says that if Scar needs help, Scar can ask for help. It is not polite to go into other peoples’ streams and ask for help for other people. Chat suggests a junkyard or scrap heap, but Cleo thinks this community is very into recycling and mending because they haven’t got much stuff. There will be a bunch of barracks tents, those get squares. Cleo needs one more big building. Chat makes a lot of suggestions. Cleo has run out of yellow wool to make plan squares with. They head to the shopping district.

31:40 Cleo hits up Wool Street and buys four stacks of yellow wool, then goes home. Wool Street does not have an ender chest, a clear violation of the Cub Rule, but Cleo pays anyway. Chat is becoming extremely distracted by whatever is happening in Scar’s stream, to the point where Cleo’s mod bans the word “Scar” temporarily. If Scar needs help, Cleo reiterates, Scar can speak to her himself. ((If this were a video recap, there would be a smash cut here to Scar’s stream, where his profound audio issues are currently causing everything he says to turn into an unbearable auditory hellscape until he is reduced to pantomime and beatboxing just to interact with his Chat. But Cleo has no way of knowing this.))

34:10 Chat finally comes up with the good suggestion of a campfire area in the center of town. Cleo agrees with this and decides a longhouse to go with it will do the trick. They begin sketching it out when Scar puts “cLEO!” “where are yyou?” into the chat. Cleo tells him they are at their base. Chat is extremely riled up by now, telling Cleo to run, to escape, pain is coming, prepare your ears. Cameron has caught wind of what is actually happening and tells Cleo it’s not good. Cleo does not know why they should be expected to run from Scar.

35:30 Scar approaches on foot, wearing his Poe Poe skin and hat. He doesn’t say anything. Cleo says hi to him several times. He continues not to say anything. Cameron lets Cleo know that Scar’s mic is looping all desktop audio. Cleo tells Scar that he’s wonderful and she wants him to know that, but the whole no-sound thing is actually extra-creepy. She suggests that she could make things much worse by going and getting her horns.

36:30 Ren flies in, playing one of his own horns. He is clearly well-informed about the situation and intends to make it as terrible as possible. “Burning in my ears,” he sings, “the mic is echoing! It is absolutely pain, in the earholes!” Scar flies away. Cleo admits she can’t hear Scar at all, but the song has her laughing. Ren says that he and his stream are watching Scar’s stream and it is _wild._ Cleo’s Chat is in emoji-only time out right now because talking about other streams is both against the rules and all anybody wants to do. Scar flies back to the waiting pair and Ren immediately begins chanting the beginning of “My Name Is” but he doesn’t actually know the words and mostly improvises. Cleo congratulates Scar on getting her stream put into emote-only. Scar does not respond ((partly because everything Cleo says is being shredded into the nonsense avalanche of sound looping on Scar’s stream and partially because Scar also hasn’t figured out how to unmute his mic in his current OBS configuration)). Scar flies away again.

38:00 Ren and Cleo discuss the wildness of the current situation. Cameron knows what is wrong with Scar’s audio equipment, but there’s nothing they can actually do. It’s not as though they can reach through the computer and get into Scar’s audio equipment. Scar flies back, having successfully unmuted at least, and yells at them to help him. Cleo reiterates that they can’t, while Ren begins beatboxing. Cleo tells Scar he needs to reboot, but there is no way that is getting through overtop the terrible audio mess that Ren is creating. “If I say something I just echo!” Scar yells. “Echo, echo, echo!” Ren starts beatboxing again, because he is terrible. Scar flies away again. Cleo tells Ren he is mean. Funny, but mean. They are both laughing pretty hard.

40:10 In the spirit of attempting to actually be helpful, Cleo begins writing Cam’s suggestion about the problem into game chat, but is interrupted by Scar flying back while singing “Have you heard the take of Mr. Kirkland and his four-pound pie?” Ren adds backup vocals. Cleo is trying really hard to impart some actual information but it is totally buried under the audio barrage that is completely inaudible on this stream. Cleo tells Scar that he is the best, he has completely derailed everything. That isn’t bad, it’s just funny. Cleo spends a lot of streams just listening to Scar.

41:50 Ren apparently closes or mutes Scar’s stream and heaves a sigh, saying he really feels like he’s been somewhere else. Cleo bets Scar wishes he were somewhere else. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Cleo says the funniest part is when Scar unmutes suddenly to say something. Ren begins playing his guitar over his mic. “It’s getting WORSE!” Scar yells suddenly and flies away again. “You’re a mean, mean man,” Cleo tells Ren. The two of them agree that this is pretty satisfying karma for all the trolling Scar has ever done to them. Cleo shows off some of the planning they have been doing with all the wool squares. Ren looks at the 3x3 square marked off for a tent and suggests dubiously that it is a small space for a tent. Cleo assures him it’ll be fine, it’ll be made out of pants. It takes Ren a minute for figure out that the tent will be an armor stand sculpture, not a build. He thinks it’s cool.

44:30 Scar returns once more! Ren and Cleo sing to him. He flies away again. Ren turns on the stream and reports that the audio is definitely not fixed. He tells Cleo that when Scar comes back, they need to hit him with some Bohemian Rhapsody. Cleo agrees, so long as Ren handles the high parts. Ren wants to do the low parts. They practice. Cleo does have a little uncertainty on the high notes and neither of them are sure of the words, but they do a credible job. Chat is very enthusiastic about it.

46:00 Scar comes back again. His audio is still not fixed. Ren and Cleo sing to him. Chat speculates on how many horns could be made just from the shenanigans of the past thirty minutes. They forget the words and jump ahead to the “MAMAAAA” portion. Cleo decides to actually be helpful and tabs out to start sending information and screenshots from Cameron to Scar that might help fix his problem. While Cleo is tabbed out, there is no visual indicator like a menu screen but the game does freeze, leading to the strange phenomenon of Scar audibly being killed by a drowned, complete with hitting and screaming, while appearing completely fine and motionless onscreen. Chat is confused.

47:30 Cleo tabs back into the game to find the drowned attacking them now. They scold it for being on land and kill it, then survey the bits and piece Scar left scattered around as Ren tries in vain to describe the complete audio chaos that is Scar’s stream. Cleo spots Scar’s _enormous_ Poe Poe hat and starts laughing. Neither of them have any inventory space to pick up any of the scattered belongings. Ren makes a chest and does his best while thinking about other songs that he can loop into Scar’s audio purgatory. He asks Cleo if she knows a song that he describes completely as “Dadadadada, dadadadadada.” Cleo does know it enough to dadada along. ((Chat identifies the song as Sandstorm, by Darude.)) He collects up the Poe Poe hat and puts it on. The effect is striking, especially considering that his skin already has glasses. Cleo is impressed. She tells Ren she’s never said this to anyone before, but he should be a member of the Poe Poe.

49:50 Scar returns, naked but for his spare wings. He asks timorously if he can have his things. It seems possible for a moment that Scar’s audio issues are corrected, but no luck. Ren throws back all of Scar’s items, then absolutely engulfs him in the monstrous entity that is the Poe Poe hat. Cleo dissolves in laughter again. Ren starts in with Sandstorm. Cleo tells Scar that she doesn’t mind if he kills Scar. Scar says Ren might have his axe. Ren does, and throws it back while still “dadadadadada”-ing. Scar sets off several flight rockets, apparently just to add to the chaos Cleo cannot hear. Cleo tells Scar he is awesome, but whatever he is going through, she cannot relate. It is funny that Ren is being the menace right now, she says, because usually that’s Scar’s job. There’s a moment of silence, then Cleo asks Ren how long he thinks it’ll be before Scar mutes them. “Let’s keep complimenting me,” Scar suggests instead. “I like that part.” Ren starts playing guitar again. In chat, Cameron is clearly itching for a way to actually reach through the computer and fix Scar’s audio equipment.

51:50 Scar thinks he’s figured something out. He’s only getting one echo now, which is a big improvement from the four or five he’s been hearing. Cleo asks if Scar’s done the troubleshooting Cam suggested. Scar says he tried, but he’s not seeing any of the stuff Cam said he should see. Ren whispers to his Chat that he thinks they muted him. Cleo says they did not, they’re just ignoring him. Cleo reminds him that they are trying to be nice to Scar, which is quite difficult. Ren doesn’t know anything about that, he is trying to make loop tracks.

52:20 “Oh, like this is your Woodstock,” Cleo realizes. Ren agrees. “What about wood?” Scar asks. Cleo sighs and asks why Scar is like this, but Scar has clearly gotten an immediate dose of karma in the form of an innuendo that will not stop looping in his audio feed. He regrets everything. Cleo asks with some disbelief if he actually understands what he just said. Scar says he does because it won’t stop repeating in his ears. If he hears one more thing about wood he’ll go crazy! Cleo has had an epiphany. Could this be Scar’s conscience, a force that simply repeats the exact things he says back to him?

53:00 Cleo tries to help Scar disable desktop audio. This helps, but does not eliminate the problem. Cleo and Cam believe it is desktop audio and Scar is just not finding the correct source. Ren begins chanting the “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck” rhyme, because he is terrible. Scar gives up and leans into it, telling Ren to do the woodchuck thing again. Clearly those two are hearing a lot that Cleo is not hearing right now.

54:50 Scar is silent for a moment, then comes back and says he may have figured it out. “Oh?” Cleo asks. Scar asks if hypothetically, someone were to have three open sources of their own stream in the background on their desktop, could that cause this. Cleo answers “yes” in the carefully controlled voice of someone who wants to say so very, very much more. In the chat, Cameron has been reduced to ellipses. Cleo reminds Scar that the very first thing they asked him was if he had his stream open in the background. Scar admits he had three tabs of his stream open, but they were minimized so he didn’t see them. Apparently he had some trouble linking when he was trying to tweet out his stream start, and that eventually led to… all of this. Chat is melting down. Ren tells Scar “You are easily in my top ten favorite humans.” Scar cannot hear him because, on top of everything else, he is working with a broken pair of headphones old enough to be starting intermediate school in the fall. Ren types it into the game chat.

56:00 Scar adjusts Ren’s audio and tells him he has pumped him up so he can hear better. Cleo says Ren does not need pumping up, that Ren comes fully inflated at all times. Chat wants a clip of that immediately. Scar claims that nothing like this has ever happened to him before. Cleo says at least they know what the problem was now: ineptitude! Ren admits that he gave up on helping immediately and embraced the chaos. Cleo tries to say that they could help a little by passing along Cameron’s advice, but is interrupted by Scar audibly dropping his headset. Chat is just having the best time right now.

57:20 Cleo asks Scar if he’s going to get a new headset. He says “not yet” in the vocal tone of a talking dog who knows he is the one who ate all the ham. She asks why and he explains he hasn’t decided what he wants yet, and also he hates spending money. Exasperated, Cleo reminds him that this is his JOB. Scar snicker laughs and says he was thinking today that he probably does need to have a burial for this headset. He can bury it in the garage. She suggests “burying” it with a ten pound hammer. Scar says he gets sentimental and weird and very specific things: his sunglasses and this headset. He’s had the headset longer than he’s been on Hermitcraft! ((Scar joined Hermitcraft in Season 4, which started in early 2016, meaning that the headset is a minimum of eight years old and probably older.)) Cleo is appalled and insists that this proves the exact point she was trying to make. At some point the headset was good but now it is ancient and diseased and needs to be put out of its misery. Scar insists that it’s not diseased because he has replaced the ear cups several times. A brief discussion of the Headset of Theseus ensues before Cleo rejects the whole premise.

59:30 Cleo points out that if Scar’s headset is over ten years old, he is going to hear _so much_ better when it is replaces. Scar insists that it’s a good headset and gets very nostalgic about how many Hermitcraft meetings have come through that headset, but Cleo would rather not. Ren suggests that Scar needsto take the headset in a field and deal with it Office Space style. ((A famous scene in the movie Office Space involves smashing a printer to bits with a bat.)) This actually seems to appeal to Scar. The three also discuss the merits and risks of a viking funeral for the headphones. Scar likes the idea because it involves a flaming arrow. Apparently Scar did some archery when he was young and even got a couple bullseyes. His archery career was ended when his brother broke the windows on the shed with an arrow and got the bow taken away. Ren says he is scared of bow and arrows because of a time in boarding school where an older boy bullied the new kids by shooting an arrow straight into the air and making them run away from it.

1:02:00 Scar shoots an arrow into the air to illustrate the story. Ren says that brings back painful memories, yes. Scar tells them that this is the first arrow of the new HotGuy bow, because he fell into lava again yesterday and lost everything. Chat is still pretty hung up on Ren’s story. Cleo sighs that at some point they are going to just have to give Scar some kind of frequent flier discount at the bookshop. Scar clears his throat and says it’s nice that Cleo mentioned that because there is a situation where some snails stole all his diamonds… Cleo asks if he stole books from the shop. He insists that it wasn’t stealing because he is going to pay it back! He paid half at the time and the other half is on layaway, which in his mind apparently involves getting to take the items before you have finished paying for them. Cleo insists that they can’t get a new trophy with layaway diamonds!

1:02:40 Scar and Cleo find common ground over the fact that they are both currently the plaintiffs in server lawsuits. Scar is embroiled in a dispute with some snails and a man named Big Ron who may or may not be Mumbo, while Cleo is suing Doc for killing a pig they had a special emotional attachment to. Cleo’s suin’ papers have been delivered and Ren should expect a subpoena at any point. Ren says he’s not going to appear in court for less than a stack of diamonds, suggesting he is not super-familiar with the subpoena power in general and “things a witness should probably not say” in specific. Scar, confused, asks if Ren is Cleo’s lawyer. Cleo clarifies that Ren is a witness. Skizz is Cleo’s lawyer. Scar is sorry to hear that and offers his condolences to Cleo. Cleo says it’s fine because the other lawyer is Joe. She is also not going to say what she did to the judge. She clears her throat and moves on.

1:03:30 Ren reiterates the fact that if Cleo were to see her way clear to making a substantial amount of diamonds appear in Ren’s mailbox, he might just become a very enthusiastic and helpful witness. Cleo insists that all she really wants is for Doc to suffer. Ren says he just wants to make some profit off the situation. Cleo asks points out that Ren is supposed to be married to Doc. Scar agrees and says that it’s not right to get in the middle between family. He asks Cleo if this is about the pig. “Yeah, it’s about the pig,” Cleo admits, sounding a bit embarrassed about it at this point. Cleo is suing for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

1:04:10 Ren informs Scar that there was A MURDER. Scar knows about the murder, it’s tied into his investigation and he has zero leads and he doesn’t know what to do because Doc is expecting results! Cleo is confused until Scar clarifies that as a member of the Poe Poe, he is charged with investigating the diamond ore thefts that were the instigating incident for the pig murder but he has zero leads and he doesn’t know what to do. Ren immediately tells Scar he’s barking up the wrong tree because Ren of course knows absolutely nothing about the diamond snitcher and can be of no help whatsoever. Scar finds that immediate reaction very suspicious. Cleo doesn’t know from suspicions or diamond filchers, all they know is that there’s a diamond thief and it caused their pig to die. Ren admits that it is possible that his quick denial might have sounded a bit suspicious.

1:05:20 Ren admits that he was trying so hard to sound not-suspicious that he accidentally wrapped right back around to suspicious again. Scar laughs and tells him he “pulled an Impulse,” referencing Impulse’s frequent behavior from Friday Night Among Us streams. Scar decides that he has a new prime suspect. Cleo is not sure Doc will believe Ren took the diamonds. Ren says he couldn’t have thought of the prank and even if he had, he wouldn’t have the follow-through to actually do it. Cleo thinks about it and decides yeah, Ren probably doesn’t have the energy. Scar laughs and protests that he already used that as his excuse and nobody believes him!

1:06:20 Cleo says it can’t be her because she has no energy or patience to poke Doc and then have to listen to Doc rant on and on about how terrible the punishment raining down is going to be, only to have him never deliver. Ren wants to plead his case some more, but Scar is too busy laughing at Cleo’s declaration. He agrees that Doc did dole out some punishment last season, but that the threats are mostly bluster. He does a very terrible Doc impression. Cleo does another Doc impression that is also terrible but in a different way. Scar goes to sleep and Cleo points out that this area is mob proofed. Ren points out that Scar literally just died to a zombie. Cleo has to admit that’s true, but it was a water zombie. Scar points out that he died and they both just LET IT HAPPEN. Cleo protests that she was tabbed out. Ren says he was too busy looping.

1:07:40 Cleo offers Ren the opportunity to tell his story and prove his innocence. Ren goes back to the distant days of Season 8 when he and Doc were living in each others’ pockets, basically in voice chat all day long. Cleo offers condolences for that, but thinks it might make Ren more likely to want to commit a crime. Ren insists no, the opposite! He offers as character evidence the fact that False won Demise this year in part because Ren decided not to target her at the end of the game and in fact helped her although he had no reason to do so. Ren is very loyal to his particular people, and Doc is one of them, so therefore QED Ren cannot possibly be the ore snatcher.

1:08:50 “So you’re saying it’s False,” Scar summarizes. Cleo agrees that is what they got from the story as well. Ren insists that False is way too busy to be doing ore snatching with all the river building, etc. Cleo agrees that this is true, except that Ren just told them it was False. “Did I?” he asks, bewildered. Scar and Cleo both heard it. Scar says sometimes you just need to stop talking because you just keep digging, a subject he himself is well-versed in. Cleo says Ren is incapable of stopping talking. Ren suggests pulling footage of several Among Us streams to prove something about his character, but Cleo interrupts, saying that if they’re pulling footage, Cleo can just pull the bit showing Ren killing the pig. Cleo corrects herself a moment later to say Doc killing the pig, but Ren seizes on the slip as the reason innocent folks like himself get sent to jail. Chat is going to clip that and then everyone is going to think he’s the pig murderer. The soundbite where he says “I’m the pig murderer” in a low sinister voice probably will also not help his clip issues.

1:10:30 Scar moves the conversation along by suggesting more Hermits as potential suspects. This turns into an incredibly lengthy and wide-ranging conversation that is much more concisely summed up in the Reddit document devoted to it. Cub eventually joins in as well to defend himself from some accusations against himself and to throw out some of his own. Joe comes along as well a little later but is less interested in levying accusations and more interested in litigating the unfairness of the fact that he had the idea to mess with the diamond ore first but someone else ran with it and has caused a commotion that could have been his. The conversation lasts for nearly an hour.

2:06:00 The argument turns to whether or not a sophisticated redstoner would be required in order to snatch the ores out of Doc’s machine without breaking it. ((There was an early belief that Ore Snatch #2 did break the machine, but careful video analysis reveals that Doc simply did not notice the ore when it was first removed and that the machine remained unbroken until later on when Ren and Scar came over during Ren’s stream and Ren poked at it. That is actually how the armor stand deployed and the inventory shifted.)) Most of the Hermits present claim to have not even seen the redstone circuitry in question, so a field trip is obviously in order. They all fly over to the armor trim shop.

2:07:20 Scar plays the Poe Poe Siren horn as they fly to the shop, which probably makes this an official Poe Poe visit of some sort. They land outside the shop and Ren worries about spoilers, but most of the shop has been around for awhile. Scar gets distracted by a wandering trader while the rest of the group goes into the shop to look around. Ren points out one of the circuits where a replaced ore block is still visible, commenting that looking down into the circuitry is enough to make him feel panicky. Cleo looks at the armor stands instead and mostly feels offended. Joe points out that most of the redstone circuitry is inert while the machine is not active. As long as one doesn’t touch a block that is powered or, like, pseudopowered? He cannot remember the correct word ((possibly something to do with quasiconnectivity?)) but as long as someone wasn’t removing a block that powered something, they should be able to do it with no trouble.

2:08:20 Cleo abandons the redstone discussion to fiddle with the armor stands that are particularly offending her. One statue has the arm buried inside the chest and that is just unacceptable. She fixes the armor stand to give the statue a more natural posture. Joe says that surely it’s fine and Doc definitely will not get upset about people adjusting things in this room, of all places. Cleo scoffs and says Doc won’t know. The others begin discussing whether the shop is actually open for business, with Joe deliberately muddying the waters by pointing out that the shop must be open because it has no door or anything keeping people from walking inside. Cleo continues making small adjustments to the postures of the statues and is busy with a fish-headed model when suddenly the alarm goes off. It is impossible to tell from Cleo’s perspective who broke the block that triggered the alarm, but all the Hermits who entered the building are still on the main sales floor when she turns around to look. ((Ren’s POV on this is also useless as he was freecamming into the redstone, but Scar’s stream POV shows that Cub placed a magma block at the top of the front doorframe of the shop and broke it, which triggered the alarm. It’s not clear what Cub was doing, but “being a smartass about the is-the-shop-open question” is a fairly safe bet.))

2:09:10 Ren warns everyone to stay up top as the alarm system is dangerous. Scar immediately notices that there is now a Warden in the depths of the machine. Cleo laughs and reminds everyone to be quiet. All the Hermits mill around on the glass display floor to try and get a glimpse of the Warden. Scar asks why it’s not attacking them all. Cleo suggests that it might be distracted by the noise of the alarm itself. Ren says it’s just climbing the stairs and they’d better get going. The world turns black. The Hermits flee.

2:10:20 The Hermits regroup on the grassy lawn well outside Doc’s shop. Cleo is still laughing pretty hard. Ren says “So yeah, that’s the scene of the crime.” Cub wonders if the wandering trader will be killed by the warden. Scar is worried; that trader has gilded blackstone miniblocks and Scar wants him alive. The Warden does not appear to be making an appearance now that everyone has left, though. Cub, Joe and Scar head back towards the building to see what’s happening inside, but Cub and Scar turn back well before the door, driven back by the obnoxious noises of the alarm. Joe goes straight into the building. Ren speculates why someone would want to investigate now, if not to find better ways to get in later. Scar points out that with the alarm already tripped, it’s basically free game now until Doc resets it. Joe only stays inside for a few moments before coming back out. Scar shoots an arrow at him but doesn’t connect.

2:11:40 Somewhat belatedly, the group starts to wonder what triggered the alarm. Cleo suggests that surely someone must have gone down into the redstone. Ren suddenly wonders whether freecam possibly could’ve activated it. Cub pooh-poohs that idea but nobody else is sure. Ren says it’s not a very good alarm if it can trigger just from a customer entering the shop. ((Ren is acting like he doesn’t know what triggers the alarm, which is strange since he helped test it and should know full well that it is breaking blocks.)) Chat knows that the alarm trigger is breaking blocks. Cub admits he placed and broke some magma blocks. Cleo demands to know whether they can set off the alarm so easily, by just setting down a block and breaking it. They are going to annoy Doc _so much _ with this knowledge. Scar suddenly realizes that this means there is very little effective way to pay for items in the shop, since pulling a wallet from a shulker box, placing it down and picking it up again would trigger the alarm. It is not, they decide, a very good alarm system.

2:12:40 Cub decides he’s going in. The others stay outside and talk about whether or not they were scared of the warden, a bell curve that seems to have a lot to do with how much they played the lower levels of Decked Out 2. Cub types in chat that it’s fine, then flies back and tells them that he did get blasted. “Nice,” Cleo compliments. Cleo is of two minds whether they should all keep their mouths shut or leave some kind of sign at the door for Doc. Scar is worried about property damage, but the sonic shriek does not break blocks, only players. Cleo does like the idea of Doc thinking his alarm caught the culprit, then getting linked to the stream and realizing it is just a bunch of bumbling Hermits. They also think it is funny that now the Glitcher actually can do anything they want in the next few hours until the alarm is reset. Nobody else knows the name “The Glitcher,” or at least they are pretending not to. Cleo consults with Chat and passes along the knowledge that the name The Glitcher was provided to Doc on a sign after one of the ore thefts. Scar thinks that this new name sounds a lot like the work of one Cubfan and plays his Darth Vader breathing horn in an attempt to intimidate him into a confession. It does not work. In the background, Joe has left the group and gone back towards the shop, but drops out of sight at the base of the sand pile and eventually flies back around to rejoin the group without actually going inside.

2:15:10 Cub pushes the Grian and/or Scar theory again, but that’s been discussed before. Ren decides that after an hour and fifteen minutes, they are not even a tiny bit closer to figuring out whodunnit. But there is a warden in the shop now, so that’s something? Scar thinks that a warden has got to be bad for Doc’s business, right? Cleo doesn’t believe that Doc cares at all about the success of his business, mostly because he’s being paid in sand. Doc is just being dramatic. Cub circles back around to “The Glitcher” and the quotation marks around it are audible. He asks if it’s true there was a sign. He and Scar both want to see a screenshot from Chat. Chat thinks Cub is pretending a little too hard.

02:17:00 Cleo and Ren both suggest putting up signs purporting to be from the Glitcher, solely for the purpose of trolling Doc. Scar insists that they cannot do that, he is the investigator and he is supposed to be _helping._ Ren thinks it would be very funny to have a sign reading “Soz for tripping your alarm, -The Pincer” (Or Pincher, it’s hard to say.)) Cleo gives him a sign and tells him to have at it. Scar protests loudly again and says they can’t do that. Ren clearly considers it, but then says he cannot do it either, he is Doc’s husband. Cleo grabs the sign and runs for the shop.

2:18:40 Cleo braves the terrible noises of the shop to place a sign in the doorway reading “LOL, Failed Again!” Ren is right behind her and protests that she didn’t add the part about The Pincer. She agrees she did not, because that is LAME. Scar gets the screenshot he wanted from his Discord chat and suddenly remembers Doc talking about these signs. Apparently Doc saw that there was a misspelling on one of the signs and (in Scar’s words) decided to blame the dumbest guy in the crew. Cub also believes that a misspelled sign points in Scar’s direction. The new sign is not going to serve well as a piece of evidence, given that there is a lot of stream evidence about who placed it and why and when, but Cleo doesn’t care. Doc deserves to be wound up, he murdered Cleo’s pig.

2:19:50 Ren has to admit that even though Doc is his husband, he does have something to answer for when it comes to Pig Murder. Scar is paying attention to his chat for once, he tells the others to hang on because an investigation is taking place in his Discord. While Scar is so ostentatiously distracted, Cleo begins handing out a few judicious gifts of diamonds, though the stream lag inherent in a bunch of hermits together leaves a lot of room for them to steal from one another. Cleo becomes convinced that Joe has become the recipient of diamonds they intended to go elsewhere and begins beating him like a pinata in the hopes they will disgorge. In the background, Scar announces that his chat believes Big Salmon is behind the whole thing, but he has no idea what that means. Joe flies away. Scar swears he saw Grian walking around near Doc’s shop, but Cleo has no POV angle to confirm or deny that. Cameron informs Cleo that Ren got the diamonds and is lying about it. Cleo congratuates Grian on some excellent trolling. They go up to the shop, but do not find Grian. Cleo thinks that sneaking in under everyone’s noses for trolling is huge Grian energy.

2:22:20 Ren finds a sign on the sand store that was not there earlier. “Sorry about your alarm, Scar, Chief Investigator.” Scar swears he did not put it there, and indeed he would’ve had a very hard time doing so because he has been moving and talking with the group basically the entire time. Ren insists the sign is there, and it was even glow-inked. Cub says that must’ve been Grian, so Grian is a suspect too. Even as he says it, Joe throws a handful of glow inks out of his inventory and onto the ground. Scar notices it right away. Cleo points the finger at Joe. Joe says he said ten minutes ago that he was going to put up a sign on Scar’s behalf apologizing for the alarm, but nobody ever listens to him. Cleo laughs and says they love it when a plan comes together, they just wish it was theirs. The others are skeptical. Scar points out that Cleo is really pumping the ego of whoever did this and that’s a little suspicious. Cleo says that if they were the culprit, they would’ve told everyone. Joe points out that Cleo could’ve told everyone and it might not have changed anything. After all, Joe told everyone he was going to place the sign and nobody listened to that! Cleo points out that people actually listen to them.

2:24:30 Scar has a thought, forgets it immediately, then immediately remembers it again. He wants to know why his Chat is so insistent that it is Beef. ((Scar’s chat is very devoted to the Big Salmon Theory.)) Why would it be Beef? Cleo laughs and says every single one of them knows why it isn’t Beef right now, and that Beef is too busy to be getting up to any kind of shenanigans. The others agree and warn Scar not to say anything or else there will be real trouble. Scar suggests that Beef’s gonna have a beef with him, but he doesn’t offer any further hints. ((Cleo is obliquely referring to an announcement Beef will make the next day; he and his wife are expecting their first child and thus Beef has way bigger salmon to fry than moonlighting as the Ore Snatcher.)) Cub explains that Beef was part of the Big Salmon consortium that feuded with Doc and Big Wood at the start of the season, but that feud is pretty much over now. They all admire the Big Salmon floating in the Hourglass.

2:26:00 Scar reports that his Chat has turned around on the Beef question, they believe Cleo that it cannot be Beef. The group goes back to trying to decide who the Ore Snatcher actually is, aside from Joe who is still mad it isn’t him. They each go around the circle and give Scar a theory, but none of them seem better supported than the others. Scar says this is all useless, but he’s going to go get a search warrant to search everyone’s storage systems. Ren asks if Scar is going to search his own storage system, perchance? Scar says he’ll have Doc do it. Ren is satisfied by that. Cleo says that’ll definitely work, because nobody on this server except the culprit has deepslate diamond ore, surely.

2:29:00 Scar’s favorite theory is that it was Doc himself, causing drama by stealing his own diamonds. The others think that’s a funny theory. Joe says his favorite theory is that the Scicraft guys got in touch with Karin, Doc’s partner, and gave her detailed instructions on how to carry out the thefts in retribution for unspecified petty wrongs. Whenever Doc is out of the house with Doccy, she’s sneaking onto the server with his account and stealing the diamonds based on detailed tutorials. Scar loves this idea. Ren asks if that means Karin has to come to court. Nobody is sure if she even has a Minecraft account. She might have to make one to come to court.

2:30:40 Cleo laughs and suggests that this has all been a big ploy to jump-start Karin’s YouTube career. Joe is taken by this idea and suggests it would be an amazing spinoff series, Karin and Mrs. Tango and Lizzie Shadow-Beans, but they’re all thieves. Ren puts forth a suggestion from his chat that maybe it _is_ Lizzie, pranking Doc when Joel is out of the house. Cleo thinks Karin is a more likely suspect than Lizzie. Scar admits it’s unlikely, but hilarious. Cleo says that now it is imperative that some Hermit’s spouse begins pranking the server. Joe says that now that his fiance Badgerspanner has heard that, she’s going to demand to be able to do it. Cleo laughs and points out that Joe will get blamed for that. Joe cheerfully announces that he knows, and it’s just going to make more work for Cleo because she’s going to have to explain to him why, when everybody thought it was a funny idea during this stream. Scar suddenly chimes in with “Desperate Hermitwives” from his Chat.

2:32:50 Cleo wants to wrap up, but she stays long enough to hear one more Bdubs theory. Ren wants to know what better way there could be to get people into the court for lawsuits than by causing a bunch of trouble? Cub likes that idea, but Cleo and Scar argue about whether the court actually costs money. Cub is still accusing Scar though, saying that nobody has more to gain from crimes on the server than the Poe Poe. Scar protests, saying he and Bdubs are the Judicial system and devoted to stopping crime! Because the police are never corrupt, right? The argument continues for a moment until Scar finally says “I touched Doc’s boring machine, I blew it up, I banged it too hard, and I’m not interested in banging Doc’s redstone anymore.”

2:34:35 There is a moment of silence. Cleo announces she is leaving. It’s been a lovely stream, they should do this again sometime never. She flies away laughing and insisting that nobody should ever ask Scar why, because No. Cleo apologizes to Chat for getting nothing useful done, but Chat clearly does not care. Cleo goes back to full screen to thank subs and donos, then says that even though she didn’t plan a lot, she did technically plan the plan, which was the plan all along. So that’s something. Cleo raids into Rendog and (with a brief interruption from Joe and his train whistle) ends their stream.

Chapter 16: DocM77, 06-23-2024

Chapter Text

9:22 Doc brings his stream live with 52 seconds left on his 10 minute stream-start countdown clock. He is in his studio view and comments that the light appears to be getting pinker than ever. He doesn’t think it used to be quite this pink. Chat agrees that it is very pink. Doc thanks subs and donos from the countdown. Doc’s studio really is exceptionally pink. He makes an adjustment that might help a small amount. Chat is skeptical that anything changed. Doc is streaming on a Sunday today and that’s good, gives a chance to some viewers who might not be available on Saturday. He explains that he had thought the birthday party Doccy was invited to was today, but in fact it was yesterday. It was a good time except a kid almost broke Doc’s nose while playing on the playground with water. He got smacked in the face with a bucket. Chat is sympathetic but also laughing. Today Doccy is off visiting Grandma.

13:30 A chatter asks what happened to the rainbow beacon. Doc reveals that he eventually got tired of fixing it ((Something about the daily server reset was killing the beacon every day, Doc and Xisuma had been working on a way to fix it.)) and Bdubs eventually landscaped over it when he built the courthouse. The beacon is there in spirit, and may be rebuilt somewhere else later.

14:20 Doc brings up Hermitcraft, or tries to. It is a black screen. Things are working great in this professional stream environment, says Doc. He restarts Minecraft, saying this is a problem that happens occasionally. Today, he tells Chat, they get to share Doc’s daily experience of logging on and wondering if anything has been stolen. The alarm system is good, but not foolproof. The Ore Snatcher could use tools like chorus fruit and wool blocks in a risky ploy to steal another block. Doc’s paranoia has reached new heights, but he is also distracted because OBS is still not detecting Minecraft. He troubleshoots it.

17:10 Minecraft appears, but Doc has to fiddle with it some more before it will display properly with facecam and overlay. He logs on, telling Chat more about his daily fear. He logged out above the shop and cannot hear an alarm, so that’s good! He checks for a released warden and finds it in its place, then checks for newly missing blocks. Doc and Chat agree that there are no new missing blocks. Doc sings a smug song of satisfaction and dances on the grave of the Ore Snatcher. He is happy, but commenters have made him paranoid that maybe the Ore Snatcher hit the redstone in Big Wood. He will not feel okay until he checks.

21:00 Doc conducts a thorough survey of the Big Wood redstone. He has gotten a lot more sand paid into the shop and does not find any missing ore blocks, so is in a very good mood. He tells Chat that he has a new, lower sub goal that reflects the fact that the high rollers in Chat can’t keep making huge sub drops. As Doc returns to the trim shop, he responds to chat’s concerns that if the Ore Snatcher stops, nobody might ever know who it was. Doc tells Chat that he specifically designed the alarm system to be not-quite-impenetrable, that someone who is really dedicated… He trails off when the overlay does a strange thing, then takes a moment to thank more subs and his favorite of the Single Ladies. He picks up the thread and tells chat there are ways someone smart and dedicated (Cub, he is pretty sure) could get into the system. Doc is 60% sure at this point that it is Cub. Not many people could be so dedicated, careful and tricky just to piss Doc off, but Cub is just that kind of guy.

25:20 The Bdubs-shrieking phantoms are starting to come out now, so it is time to go inside. Doc switches back to studio view so Chat cannot see the Secrets of the Sand Pile. Chat is pretty on board with the Cub thing, they agree that Cub is the type to keep his pranks quiet and incredibly annoying. Doc disables the Warden alarm and enters into his redstone, only to discover that his secret door is not working. He does some yelling. He freecams around to see if that tricky Ore Snatcher has been at it again, but the cause is benign, a simple mistake probably caused by all the sleep Doc is losing lately. He breathes a sigh of relief but is still annoyed on principle. With the alarms disabled he can break the wall of his shop and access the bed he’s got hidden in the unfinished alcove back there.

27:50 Today Doc must, absolutely must, finish the interior decoration of the shop. He wants to have more armor pieces laying around like T-shirts set out for sale in a clothing shop, but he can’t figure out how to make it work. A chatter activates text-to-speech. Doc is pleased that it is working again. He tells Chat that next week he will be recording the Imp and Skizz podcast, something he’s really looking forward to. He tells Chat that Impulse has asked him what sorts of things he wants to talk about and asks for ideas. Chat thinks they should talk about who the Ore Snatcher is, and suggests that Doc should be as unhinged as possible. Doc asks if he’s allowed to swear, Chat says not much. They suggest no politics or talk about Elon Musk, so as to avoid a podcast that is a hundred hours of Doc ranting, and they want to hear Doc’s dad lore and stories about his basketball career. It could also be an opportunity for Doc to plug his interest in trying out the Life Series. Doc agrees that’s worth thinking about, then gets distracted talking about soccer/football with Chat.

31:20 Chat reminds Doc that his mic is hot. Doc says he likes the hot mic, but he turns it off so Chat will calm down about it. The shopping district is not exactly buzzing on a Sunday morning anyway. Doc points out that this is his area on the server and if people come near him they will hear him speak, just like in real life. This is apparently enough to convince himself and he turns the mic right back on again and goes back to talking sports. He once again declares victory over the Ore Snatcher, but says that the worst outcome would indeed be if the shenanigans stop and they never find out who did it. That would drive Doc and Chat extra crazy. Chat points out that if it is Cub, he has been known not to fess up to pranks for years.

33:20 Chat brings up the problem of shulker boxes to Doc. If a Hermit is using a wallet box and places it down to pay, how would they pick it up again without setting off the alarm. Doc is not worried because the alarm’s not going to be on all the time, and it’ll only be there for as long as the Ore Snatcher is active. So yes, basically anyone who tries to pay will set off the alarm. Doc is distracted by voice-to-text again, then decides what he really needs to do is talk to Xisuma. He searches up Xisuma’s coordinates and heads over there. Doc had ruled out Xisuma from the get-go because X is generally a peaceable guy, but now he has to investigate everyone. He flies down to land at X’s base, singing the “X gonna give it to you” song but replacing X with “Goat.”

34:50 Doc goes into the base and looks around. X is not visible but does tell Doc in chat that he made him jump with the singing. Doc continues searching and calling out, acknowledging that he can be really annoying when he wants to be. He finally spots Xisuma, on the path outside his base and begins a friendly and unsubtle interrogation. X says he has a great alibi, he hasn’t been on the server for the whole past week! Doc asks if he’s heard anybody talking about it, but X says only people in his chat speculating. Doc’s chat speculates that it could be Xisuma with the spelling errors, given that he could not remember how to spell “Field” during Wordle. Doc tells X about the alarm system, brags about his success, and worries that he’ll never learn the truth. Doc lays it on thick how much he trusts Xisuma and how he knows X would never-ever-ever do something like this because he’s such a nice and trustworthy guy. X agrees with this assessment and says it’s more likely that he would fix something he noticed off than break something, but does not come out and say that he is not the Ore Snatcher.

37:40 Doc agrees about X’s penchant for fixing things, but what about Evil X? Xisuma really can’t vouch for that guy, he’s liable to do anything. “But he’s not in the picture right now, right?” Doc asks. Xisuma is not sure, he doesn’t know what that guy gets up to while X is away, and he’s just mentioned being gone all week. Doc tells X that he’s pretty sure Ren is innocent. Ren is too busy; when he’s deep into the lore he can’t think about pranks. Scar is the police and the police can be corrupt, but Doc has interviewed him several times now and either Scar is innocent or Doc has vastly underestimated his skills as a smooth and plausible liar. Xisuma suggests maybe it could be someone who wants to earn Doc’s business… someone who has just built a courthouse and needs cases to be moving through it. Neither X nor Doc can really take Bdubs seriously as the Ore Snatcher. Doc points out that unlike some bored people (cough GRIAN cough), Bdubs is pretty much always grinding and building when he is online. But Grian is actually very busy right now and was on vacation, plus he is already involved in a whole snail-prank situation that neither he nor X are very familiar with. Doc says it sounds like money laundering to him.

40:00 X admits to Doc that he himself has been accused of some shady financial behavior in relation to his trophy scheme, where the Hermits sell things in their shop, earn diamonds, and then send their diamonds straight to Xisuma in exchange for a trophy saying how many diamonds they earned. Doc says that sounds like a Bitcoin scam to him. Chat is debating with itself about options like Grian, Gem and Etho for Ore Snatcher. X admits it may sound like NFTs, but the Hermits like it! Doc’s current suspicion list is Gem, Cub, and Joel, though Doc doesn’t really know him well enough for a real assessment yet. They had that interaction where Joel was clearly annoyed about having to shovel sand, and in Doc’s book that means motive. Honestly though, he has no real hints or clues to go on. He asks X to keep an ear out for the alarm in the shopping district and asks if there is a plug in they can add so Doc can get a cell phone ping if anyone comes near the shop. X reminds him that they try to do things the vanilla way on Hermitcraft. Doc walks off grumbling about “no sand duping, no phone monitoring, can’t do anything… this sucks.” Xisuma wishes him good luck.

42:00 Doc walks away and tells Chat that Xisuma is innocent and they all know it. Chat is batting around Jevin as a possible suspect. Doc insists he and Jevin are tight. He thanks subs and donos, then takes Chat over for a look at the new Poe Poe HQ that Scar just built. The new searchlight looks really cool at night. Doc still thinks it was almost certainly Cub. Chat suggests Impulse and Big Salmon, as well as Iskall, Joe Hills, Mumbo, Stress, Cleo, and the snails. Chat is not being super helpful at the moment, but they are full of enthusiasm and ideas. Doc says it’s not Beef and Chat will know why soon. ((This is one day before Beef makes the public announcement that he and his partner are expecting their first baby and he’s going to be very, very, very busy for the next little while!))

43:30 Doc forgets the inherent peril of every GoodTimesWithScar build and gets severely jumpscared by the creeper that sneaks up behind him. He’s not hurt but the front yard of Poe Poe HQ has lost some landscaping. Doc thinks that vandalizing Poe Poe HQ might not be the best move for a guy in his legal position, and it seems like the “SUE TODAY” banner on the courthouse might just be mocking him. He remembers that Scar’s building supplies chest monster hasn’t been picked up yet and goes to rummage through it for extra booshes. He finds some, but comes very, very, very close to blowing up Scar’s entire chest monster when another creeper pays a visit.

44:40 Doc uses freecam to show the now-underground broken rainbow beacon, buried under the road between the courthouse and the police station. The metaphor would be unbearably heavy-handed if it weren’t also obviously accidental. Doc replaces the destroyed bushes and takes a look at Poe Poe HQ by daylight, declaring it a really cool build. He laughs at the enormous POE sign and is confused by the sand countdown clock. Chat tells him it is counting down to the enforcement of the rule against popup shops in the shopping district. Doc wonders who made this, even as he finds a trapdoor with a sign reading “Ultra Redstoners Only.” Deciding he is definitely in that club, he enters without hesitation to check out the guts of the countdown machinery. He studies it for a moment and asks in complete befuddlement “Who _made_ this?” Hearing from Chat that it was Scar does explain a lot. Doc decides he had better leave before the redstone drives him insane.

46:40 Time to go back and work on interior design again. Doc does not want to do his interior design. He bemoans the fact that he got himself into a quarrel with Cleo, who would’ve been the perfect Hermit to tap for all the armor stand work he needs done but is now mad at him. He decides he should wander around and look for design ideas from other shops, because he is so uninspired. Chat suggests Joel has great interiors, so does Pearl. Doc admires Joel’s octopus but does not want one in his armor trim boutique. Chat thinks the octopus is amazing. Doc tells Chat they are useless. Chat doesn’t care; they want to go look at the Lizzie statue at Joel’s base. A chatter says they heard Doc was going to play Stardew Valley and is excited about it; Doc tells them he has played Stardew Valley through three times already. He’s exploited everything exploitable in that game and even made a tutorial for finding rare fish; Stardew Valley has nothing left for him.

49:00 Doc looks around in the honey shop for decoration ideas, but is disappointed to find no armor stand work to get inspired by. Chat wants to hear the song. Doc is unenthusiastic but plays the song. He goes on an entire facial journey as Chat grooves to the “Honey, Honey, Honey” song. “Jesus Christ,” Doc says. This puts Joel at the top of the suspect list as far as Doc is concerned. Anyone who could come up with that song is clearly capable of anything.

51:00 Further evidence of Joel’s potential villainy, putting his tree-trunk honey shop very close to the hourglass. Why would Joel put his wood thing next to Doc’s wood thing? Are they doing a wood comparison? Doc asserts that everyone knows Joel has small wood. Chat has a lot of feelings about this line of reasoning, most of which can only be expressed by emoji. Doc dismisses Joel’s wood shop as thicker, maybe, but stumpy, and then abandons all pretense and just mutters “smallishballs.” Chat is so upset.

52:10 Really though, at the end of the day Doc thinks it is Cub. And now it is time to hang up clothes in the armor trim shop. Chat reels momentarily from the quick change of topic, but gamely tries to help Doc decide what goes in a typical clothing shop. They suggest caps, a netherite chest plate, and a mapart of Karl Lagerfeld. Doc remembers he also wants to hang up his permit. He puts it up on his cash register and declares it good. Doc also has the dirt and rails permits he is not using just yet. One of the “single ladies” in chat demands shoes, Doc caters to the single ladies and adds a rack of shoes behind the counter.

57:00 Chat begins debating which types of shoes are best for the single ladies to wear. Doc places a pair of black boots, per chat request, and says he does not have a favorite type of shoe. Chat’s opinion on heels are divided, they don’t like how they feel but a short chatter points out that it is nice to be tall. Doc admits there are probably not any high heels available in his size, so he has never tried them. Chat could recommend him some places if he is interested. Chat says that for women, beauty is suffering. Doc agrees and says that is true for men as well! He recounts a time where he used waxing strips as part of a charity event; it has been four years and the hair has not fully regrown. He has to shave his legs now if he doesn’t want them to look patchy. Chat is sympathetic and also grateful that he specified legs. Doc says he was recently clocked as a waxer by another child’s mom at the swimming pool and could only defend himself with “It was for a good cause.”

1:00:00 Doc reads Chat and decides it is definitely time to stop talking about leg hair. He begins working on the armor stand boots again. He positions them on the rack and thanks subs again. Doc decides that the shoes will look better as high heels, but that requires quite a bit more manipulation. Chat provides advice and critique. They want red trim, so Doc pulls the boots off the armor stand and goes to the trim machine. Chat wants Dune trim in red, with red candles for heels. Doc wants to give Chat what they want, because it is important to make the ladies happy. Chat begins arguing amongst themselves over whether Hermitcraft-style Louboutins would have red candle heels or black candle heels. Doc wonders if there is a candle shop.

1:09:00 Chat finally starts trending in the black candle direction, so Doc heads for Papa Keralis’ shop. Doc likes that Keralis has the candle shop, he’d probably have one of those if he weren’t a YouTuber. He may look clueless but he is a very, very good businessman. Doc finds the disco at Keralis’ base and busts a few moves. He obliquely mentions some of the grooming controversies on YouTube lately and deflects any talk in that direction. A chatter says they would trust Doc with their drink. Doc and the rest of Chat agree that Doc would drink it. Doc cannot find the candle shop.

1:11:30 A chatter says they would pick Doc over the bear. This leads to a lengthy discussion with Chat over the man vs bear thought experiment. (“You are alone in the woods. Would you rather see a strange man or a bear?”) It is the sort of discussion that covers several controversial topics and is very difficult to recap accurately and with nuance by a recapper who is mostly interested in making funny jokes. For that reason (and because a detailed recap including Chat commentary might be triggering for some readers), it will not be covered here but can be viewed on the VOD.

1:19:00 Doc’s mod asks if Doc would still love them if they were a worm. Doc makes an unflattering “ehhhhhhhh” sound and then says he would still love their soul. He might also love them if they helped create good soil for the tomatoes. Doc remembers he was supposed to be finding the candle shop and making high heels for shoes. A chatter gives him directions to the candle shop. He is still distracted by his discussion, but purchases black candles and heads back to the armor trim shop.

1:25:00 Doc resumes work on the black and red high heels. He is not sure about the candle heel, it’s actually pretty big when he puts it on the armor stand, and not quite the same color. Chat reminds him that the stand can be made smaller, but the color is a tougher nut to crack. Doc wonders if a blackstone stair or a block of coal might do the job better. He might need to mine some blackstone.

1:30:00 A chatter asks if Doc is going to be collaborating with other streamers or Hermits to play other games on stream. Doc says Hermitcraft takes up all his time and energy, so probably not. He heads for the Nether and finds a patch of blackstone to mine. He comes back and makes some blackstone walls and tries on on the armor stand. It is not quite right either.

1:35:30 Doc tries a blackstone button instead, it seems better. Chat agrees that it seems good. A chatter comments on the ground that the conversation has covered today. Doc makes a joke about Brazilian Wax being the opposite of Big Bear. Chat misses the joke, but Doc knows he is funny. He has to get out his calculator to adjust the angles on the armor stand. Chat makes semi-helpful commentary on the angle of the shoe and the heel. The original chatter who requested the black high heels gifts two more subs and says they look great. Doc regrets his life choices in agreeing to make heels. They are not turning out the way he’d hoped. He swears a little and keeps manipulating the angle of the heel, then realizes he also doesn’t like the color. He blames the single moms.

1:43:10 A chatter asks if Doc would consider going to Twitchcon. Doc says the only good thing about cons like that is meeting the audience. He’s not interested in meeting other content creators except Hermits. He’s been to lots of events and mostly finds content creators loud and obnoxious. He tries an anvil, which is the wrong color. Chat suggests black glazed terracotta, end rods, coal blocks, and making the boots into Crocs instead of high heels. Doc tells them that if he tries the coal block and it works, then Chat is to blame for forty wasted minutes. He tries a piece of black dye and says it could be a beard, but not a heel. The question arises whether Chat would rather go to the woods with a spider or a bear. Doc is outraged when Chat continues to choose bear, though some savvy chatters are asking how big the spider is. It is an Australian spider, so probably pretty big.

1:46:50 Doc tries a blackstone block as a heel and continues regretting everything. He accidentally gives the armorstand his sword and destroys the thing in a fit of pique. He is about ready to give up on high heels. A chatter suggests it might be time to beg Cleo for forgiveness, but Doc will NEVER. A chatter suggests leaving the heels imaginary. A chatter suggests making the shoes roller skates.

1:49:20 Doc puts an Enderman head on the armor stand, then puts it in the stand’s hand. He can’t place it properly because of armor stand interference. He is doing a lot of under-the-breath muttering, but the only clear word is “stupid.” The heels are fine without actual heels on them. He remembers he has some mini diamond ore blocks and wants to put some around for decoration. Even this is much harder than anticipated because there are invisble armor stands everywhere. Doc has so many regrets. He does not seem to know the scroll-wheel trick for the armor stand mod. He successfully places the miniblock on a shelf.

1:53:40 Doc steps back and looks at the display. It looks all right. He decides to make some more leather armor and talks about how happy he’s going to be when he’s done with this interior. His next shop is going to be a hole in the ground. Chat suggests that maybe Cleo will feel bad for the heels and fix them. Doc doesn’t know if Cleo is a heel person or not. And he doesn’t know if he can trust Cleo in this shop, who knows what they might do! ((In Cleo’s stream a few hours later, they do notice and fix a number of armor stand problems, but not the heels in particular.)) Doc makes another hanging chestpiece to look like a shirt.

1:56:30 A chatter says the court case is going to be entertaining. Doc says it’s going to be crazy. He talks with a chatter about subs and donos. A chatter surprises Doc with voice-to-text. Doc talks about which chatters are “sugar daddy” or “sugar mama.” He does more hanging clothes along the back wall, using the copy-paste function on the armor stand mod. Several chatters make gifts of subs. Doc thanks them but reminds them that big donos are never required or expected, just appreciated. Doc notices one DCP chatter is not around anymore after the discussion earlier. A chatter tells him that the DCP are all busy drawing him waxing his legs.

2:02:00 A chatter asks what the DCP is, Doc explains it is the Doc Collaboration Project, the fanartists who originally came together to create the murals on the Perimeter but who also do a lot of Doc fanart and amplify and support one anothers’ art. He creates another hanging shirt.

2:05:30 Doc tells a story about Doccy learning to make rhymes in German. Doc told Doccy to take a bath, but Doccy would rather eat chocolate. Chat asks about the time when Doc used to have long hair. Doc says yes, it used to be over his shoulders in finger-thick dreadlocks. He has no pictures of this era, but his mother might. Back when Doc was young, people didn’t take pictures all the time like the kids these days. Doc has a picture of himself at a religious milestone ((He is not sure of the name in English, calls it communion but it sounds like it might be confirmation)) wearing tight leather pants and a blazer with enormous shoulder pads, plus steel-toed safety sole boots and dreadlocks. Eventually his beard started to grow in too, but only a soul patch. Chat is overwhelmed by this mental picture.

2:09:30 A chatter asks what the deal is in Germany with sparkling water. Doc doesn’t know, Europeans just love sparkling water. There’s lots of different kinds, and they prefer juice mixed with sparkling water to most soda. Doc likes apple juice and sparkling water. Chat is not sold on the merits of sparkling water and Doc can sympathize. A chatter mentions Twitter, Doc warns them not to mention anything about “Elmo” Musk, because that is worse than mentioning Disney to Scar. There will be ranting. A chatter talks about the Sodastream carbonation machine. Doc has one, he and Doccy both like it.

2:13:30 Doc starts organizing some of his strewn shulkers. He talks about his own drink, vitamin juice and sparkling water. Chat admires his glass. He puts diamond pants on the last armor stand, turns them into shorts and hangs them up. Doc and Chat talk about what kinds of fruit juices they like best. A chatter wants trims on the leather chestpieces, Doc doesn’t know about that. That wastes a lot of trims, but this is the trim shop.

2:17:00 Doc fancies up the hanging tunics. Chat provides suggestions for trims and materials. A chatter asks what will happen if the Ore Snatcher replaces the diamond ore miniblock with a deepslate miniblock. Doc tells Chat not to give the Ore Snatcher ideas. Chat and Doc both like the look of the trimmed outfits he is creating. Chainmail pants with redstone trim looks a lot like a neat skirt. A chatter suggests making the tops actually match the bottoms of the hanging outfits, but Doc is not very concerned about that.

2:24:00 Doc is getting into it now and begins trimming the outfits on the sculptures he created earlier. It’s something Louis Vuitton would do, he declares. He really likes the way trimmed chainmail looks. He makes a chainmail helmet and sets it on the shelf of the back wall.

2:29:20 The shop is good, but could use some paintings. Doc can’t remember how to make paintings. Chat reminds him of the recipe, but he has no wool. He has to go visit the Wolves of Wool Street. Chat awoos. Doc realizes that wool is sold by the four-stack and decides to go buy string instead. He only needs one wool block! Doc declares Bdubs’ 1 diamond per string stack a much superior deal to WoWS’s diamond block per four stacks of wool and hopes they don’t find out Bdubs is undercutting them.

2:32:00 A chatter asks if anyone is surprised that Doc hasn’t sworn yet. Doc asks what the fuck they are talking about, then covers his mouth. Chat is amused. A chatter does the math and points out that Bdubs is basically selling seven wool blocks worth of string for a diamond, making WoWS a consderably better deal. Doc manages to get the walking man painting in his shop and says it looks like it belongs in a clothes shop. He says Bdubs is still a better deal if you only want one block of wool. He hangs several more posters.

2:35:30 Doc declares that this is enough detail and the shop is finished. Chat agrees, this is enough. He notices two armor stands that still need clothes, but after that he is calling it done. But the shop should have some music, so it’s time to pick some! He starts testing songs. They are VERY LOUD. Doc and Chat bop along with the music. A chatter demands CBAT. A chatter suggests Soulside Eclipse. Doc finds a song called Top Ten (or Chop Ten?) and Chat agrees it is the best shopping vibe music yet. He goes out and comes into the store to see what it would be like to shop to this music, and immediately starts yelling at the imaginary shopkeeper to turn down the music, it’s way too loud and he just wants to buy some pants!

2:41:00 A chatter has a birthday. Doc sings an unintelligible version of Happy Birthday and tells them now they can feel like Pearl. He says he might hit Jono up for shop beats, or says anyone who wants to can hit him up on Twitter with some beats. Music is always a problem because there are lots of talented musicians and he’d like to feature more of them, but DMCA makes things really hard. Doc puts the music back on. It is still quite loud. The headphone chatters have feelings about it. Doc comes across a song that sounds like the guitar beginning to an early 2000s pop ballad and begins improvising words to it, seconds before a vocalist actually starts up with a not dissimilar theme. Doc is pleased to have been proven right; Chat thinks it’s hilarious.

2:45:00 Doc goes through more varieties of music, none of which are quite right. He tries “A Sitar Story” and likes it. Chat likes it too. Doc improvises an armor trim song to go with the music. It’s nice but very much in conflict with the visual theme of the shop. He tries a few more. A song with a strong beat comes on, he and chat all jam along. A lounge jazz song comes on, it is too sophisticated. Doc finds a song called Emotional Mess and calls it relatable, but not what they are looking for. “Classic 1985 Music Soundtrack” is aptly named, but also not quite the thing. Chat suggests using the permit office music. Doc insists that when they hear the song, they will all know.

2:50:00 More music browsing. The lead mod asks Chat to watch their boss, because they have to pee. Chat will not make any promises. Doc is currently telling an epic tale of a Goat in a swamp who crushed everyone to the tune of an epic prologue. He switches channels again and asks why everything is so lame or too pushy. Chat is starting to wonder if CBAT is actually the best option. Doc finds a song called Snowfall Butterflies and wonders if someone was trying to find the cutest words they knew for a name. He jams to another song, then keeps scrolling. Chat has given up and are just grooving along. Doc finds music that is perfect for a shop he would hate, where no one will tell you whether your pants fit.

2:54:30 Doc finds some music he likes and improvises armor trim-related lyrics for it. The mod comes back and asks if Doc was good. Chat doesn’t know. More music, more grooving. Doc finds a song he would enjoy if it were the early 80s and he liked cocaine. Especially if his name was Falco. The music becomes increasingly baffling to Doc’s sensibilities. He decides there is nothing good in the YouTube Audio Library and wonders if YouTube asked musicians especially for their shittiest songs. Chat suggests it’s copyright-free for a reason.

2:59:00 Doc has been streaming for hours and has just heard Doccy and Karin come home, which means it is time for him to return to the real world. He asks for an up-down vote on whether the shop is done. Chat says yes, it’s done. That means next week will be the grand opening! After that the dirt shop, then the rails shop. Also, Doc has found a loophole regarding concrete farms, but does not elaborate. A chatter reminds him to activate the alarm before he goes. Doc pops into studio view so chat can’t see the secret switch. He looks for someone to raid. Martyn IntheLittleWood is on, but Doc raided him last week and Martyn got very jealous over the whole Ren marriage thing. Doc saw it on Twitter! He decides to raid Martyn anyway, thanks subs and donos, reminds Chat to ask Martyn why he has little wood, and ends his stream.