What Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. For example, one partner may hide significant debts in a separate account while the other partner is unaware. Another common example is when one partner makes large discretionary expenditures without discussing the matter with their partner.
Key Takeaways
- Financial infidelity is when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money.
- Examples of financial infidelity can include hiding existing debts, excessive expenditures without notifying the other partner, and lying about the use of money.
- Financial infidelity can create tension and difficulty in relationships that may lead to the end of the relationship if not corrected.
- The best way to rectify financial infidelity is to come clean about it and perhaps discuss the issue with a counselor. Creating monthly budgets and being transparent about expenditures will also help.
- Excessive spending and lying about it may be symptoms of deeper issues that are worth exploring with a health professional.
Understanding Financial Infidelity
Money can be a big point of contention among couples, so it is important for each partner to be open about their financial situation, expenditures, and attitudes toward money. A good idea is to go over both partners' financial pictures before combining finances.
Also, setting up a mutually agreeable system for handling expenditures can help avoid many fights down the line. For instance, many couples set up an allowance system, which allows each partner to spend a set amount each month without havingto consult the other. This allows for partners to maintain part of their financial independence while still working toward mutual financial goals.
Signs of Financial Infidelity
It's pretty easyin this age of online bill pay and free-flowingcredit card offers to hide mounting debt. Every card issuer offers the option to have bills sent over email rather than thepostal service, so spouses won't see the monthly statements. From there, people who have trouble managing money can amass tens of thousands of dollars of debt without their partner ever knowing, at least for a time.
Excessive spending on gifts, trips, or gambling with unexplained withdrawals from joint accounts is a classic sign of financial infidelity. Larger than normal cash withdrawalsor checks made out to cash may be another sign.
Defensiveness or stonewalling when one partner raises the subject of money is common among couples struggling with financial infidelity. The list goes on, from hidden income to secret shopping and trips to casinos, to hiding bank statements and cutting a partner from joint accounts.
Money is a sensitive topic and can even be so amongst two individuals that are close. If both partners are not on the same page about money, financial issues can often lead to the couple splitting up or being extremely unhappy in the relationship.
For example, if one partner works hard to save money to buy a house while the other partner is spending hundreds of dollars a week on clothes, this can lead to significant tension. It's important to always be on the same page about your financial situation, especially when working towards a goal, such as buying a house.
What Can Be Done
If a partner has been lying about their finances, the best thing is to come clean, and counselors can helpfacilitate thathard conversation. Experts say it's important not to accuse, but to gather the facts and discuss priorities and what to do about them.
All accounts must be opened to both parties for scrutiny and discussion. Try to find shared goals that you'll both work toward. If there's a lot of debt, make a plan to pay it off and a plan to stop new debts from popping up. Also, consider making and sticking to a budgetthat both partners can agree on.A budget allows for a path to follow every month so that both partners can keep track of spending, especially for a partner that spends without thinking.
Excessive spending can also be a sign of mental health issues that are worth treating and getting to the core of to prevent the behavior in the future, which will lead to increased happiness in the relationship.
FAQs
Financial infidelity is withholding information about money from or lying about finances to your partner. It could look like many different things, including: Keeping a secret checking account. Having a credit card they don't know about.
What to do when your partner lies about money? ›
How to Overcome Financial Infidelity
- Communicate. Share everything. ...
- Get on the same page. You guys! ...
- Tell the truth always—even when you make a money mistake. There's nothing more gut-wrenching than the feeling when someone intentionally lied to you. ...
- Get on a budget and spend without guilt.
Financial infidelity is surprisingly common. But when one partner keeps money secrets or withholds financial information from the other partner, it might be a sign of abuse.
What counts as financial infidelity? ›
Financial infidelity is when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. Examples of financial infidelity can include hiding existing debts, excessive expenditures without notifying the other partner, and lying about the use of money.
Can a relationship survive financial infidelity? ›
Like sexual or emotional cheating, financial infidelity can sink a relationship. But if each partner is willing to put in the work, they can often heal—as well as resolve the underlying issues that paved the way for it in the first place.
Do narcissists lie about money? ›
Hiding money, lying about paychecks, stealing from others, and refusing to help someone in financial distress make the narcissist powerful and in charge.
How to prove financial infidelity? ›
SIGNS OF POSSIBLE FINANCIAL INFIDELITY
They can include things such as the following: Unexplained withdrawals from your shared bank accounts; Unexplained charges on shared credit card statements; Finding statements for bank accounts, loans or credit cards that you did not know about.
Is lying about money financial abuse? ›
Lying about spending
Saying your money is going one place when it's really going somewhere else is dishonest and can lead to debt and credit problems. There are many other actions that can be considered financial infidelity.
What are the red flags of financial infidelity? ›
It can be small money lies or big lies, there can be secret spending, secret bank accounts, spending amounts or purchasing items you know your partner wouldn't agree or approve of, or ignoring financial boundaries such as discussing purchases that cost more than an agreed upon amount such as $500 or $1,000.
Is financial infidelity worse than cheating? ›
A survey by www.bankrate.com found that 39% of adults who are married, in a civil partnership, or living together admit to having kept a financial secret from their partner. 52% of the respondents say financial cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. 12% say it's actually worse.
Suing a spouse for financial infidelity specifically is not a straightforward legal action under most family law frameworks. However, during divorce proceedings, a spouse can pursue legal remedies if financial infidelity has led to the dissipation or concealment of marital assets.
Should I divorce over financial infidelity? ›
While financial infidelity is not an official ground for divorce, deceitful behaviors can have legal implications in proceedings: Division of Property — Hiding assets or debts skews division. For example, if your spouse secretly amassed $100,000 in stock investments, you likely have a claim to half.
What does the Bible say about financial infidelity? ›
The gospel of Jesus Christ gives hope for a marriage damaged by financial infidelity. In the gospel, there is repentance, grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation. For such an act of betrayal, it will take time for a marriage to rebuild the damage that was done.
What is a toxic relationship with money? ›
It feels like your money is working against you. You're constantly worried about how much money you have and whether that money is going to disappear overnight. You feel embarrassed talking about your financial situation in public. Sometimes you're scared to even look at bank statement or open the bills.
Is it a crime to lie to someone for money? ›
Lying also becomes illegal when used to obtain money, property or services that causes damages or losses. Examples include falsifying documents to secure bank loans, government benefits, or insurance claims.
