One of the hardest things you will ever have to do in life is to look a friend or family member in the eye and say no.
It’s hard enough to do this when you’ve been asked to watch someone else’s kids, or attend some event. It’s even more difficult to tell a loved one no when he or she is asking for money.
However, you might not want to lend money to family and friends since relationships can be ruined. As awkward as it is to say no in these situations, the awkwardness can be even more intense when you have a loan (particularly an unpaid loan) between you.
If you don’t want to get involved with lending money to friends and family, here are 6 tips to help you say no:
1. Make it Your Policy
Make it your policy not to lend money to friends and family.
Once you decide that you just won’t do it, it is easier to say no. You don’t even have to use it as an excuse to say no (and you probably shouldn’t — just in case you change your mind later). In your mind, though, if you have already made it your policy, it’s easier to say no.
Eventually, friends and family will realize that younever lend money to any of them, and they’ll stop asking.
2. Be Direct and Brief
Don’t go into details about your finances, and don’t make long excuses justifying your decision. You don’t need to. Just be brief and direct.
Try the following:
- “I’m not really in a position to lend you money.”
- “I really don’t feel comfortable doing that.”
- “I’m sorry, but no.”
- “That’s really not feasible for me.”
These are direct statements that aren’t rude, but that don’t provide an opening for future requests down the line. When asked to expand, simply repeat one of the phrases. Remember: It’syour money. You don’t have to justify your use of it to anyone.
3. Ask for Time to Decide
In some cases, your friend or relative might be really laying on the pressure. If you feel trapped, ask for time to decide. This is a big deal, so they should understand. Tell him or her that you will have an answer within 24 hours. Go home fortify yourself, and then get back to the person.
I don’t think, if you have been subjected to undue pressure from the person making the request, that it is unreasonable to refuse over the phone or via email. Don’t put yourself in positions where it’s even harder to say no.
4. Offer to Help in Other Ways
As part of saying no, you can offer to help in other ways.
Offer to babysit the kids while your friend looks for a job, or goes car shopping. Invite your family member over to dinner and send him or her home with the leftovers so that he or she doesn’t need to spend the money on food. You can even offer to help go over finances with your friend or relative and suggest some actions that can be taken to improve the situation and get the money need on his or her own.
Be careful, though: Most of the time, people who want to borrow money from you don’t actually want your advice on succeeding.
If you’re feeling really adventurous, you can even consider co-signing on a loan.
5. Give Money as a Gift
You can help yourself feel better by resolving to give money as a gift.
If your friend or relative has a birthday on the way, or if there is a holiday coming up, you can give a money gift. Or you can give a gift card to a grocery store so that money is freed up in other areas. In either case, this is a more natural transaction that doesn’t result in the awkwardness associated with loans and the expectation of being paid back.
6. Don’t Disclose Financial Details
If you want to avoid pressure and requests for loans, your best bet is to avoid sharing financial details with your friends and family. Being vague by saying, “We’re doing alright” and “We have enough” can be enough to leave your situation ambiguous. If you go around letting people know that you have a $30,000 emergency fund and that you make more than them, they will feel more justified asking for a loan.
Finally
It’s awkward when friends and family ask to borrow money. But in the end it’s your money to give (or not to give). Be stern and explain why you can’t lend out the money. The tips above will help you keep your relationships intact.
What do you think? How do you say no to lending money to friends and family?
FAQs
Just say no, and stick to that one simple and final answer. DON'T EXPLAIN OR MAKE EXCUSES. When you say no, don't offer explanations or excuses. Doing so only opens the door to a discussion and prompts your friend or family member to try to overcome your objections.
How to politely say no to family asking for money? ›
Just say no, and stick to that one simple and final answer. DON'T EXPLAIN OR MAKE EXCUSES. When you say no, don't offer explanations or excuses. Doing so only opens the door to a discussion and prompts your friend or family member to try to overcome your objections.
How to politely say no when someone asks to borrow money? ›
Be clear about your 'no' e.g. “I'm sorry, my friend, but I can't lend you money.” You don't have to offer an excuse. Express your gratitude, e.g. “That you've asked for help with money does means a lot to me.”
How do you say no to friends when they ask for money? ›
If you're simply unwilling to lend the cash, Claytor said it's OK to just be totally honest. “Tell the person that you have a policy of not lending money to friends and family because you don't want any uncomfortable feelings between the two of you,” she said.
Am I obligated to lend money to friends and family? ›
The experts we spoke to agreed on this point: Don't lend money to people. If you have the funds and want to help out, give it to them as a gift instead. That way, you don't have to worry about the borrower paying you back or what to do if they don't. "As individuals, we are not in the business of lending money.
How do you tell a family member you can't lend them money? ›
Empathize with them about their situation and be understanding but explain how you can't give them money. You don't need to a huge explanation behind your reasoning, but you can also mention some resources or offer to help in other ways.
How do you politely say no to a family request? ›
I would suggest that you speak with this family member privately and in a kind way tell them you will not do whatever the request is. If you want to give them a reason, do so, but don't apologize for something you don't want to do. Don't over explain.
How do you tell someone you dont want them to borrow something? ›
You can say, "No, I can't let you borrow that. It's special to me, and I don't want it leaving this room," or, "That's my favorite shirt, and I know you'll be careful when you wear it, but I would be really upset if something happened to it or it got ruined. You can borrow another one, though!"
When someone keeps asking to borrow money? ›
Express empathy and understanding for their situation and assert your financial boundaries. Remember that refusing their request is not a personal attack on the person asking for help but rather a responsible decision for your own financial well-being.
What to say when relatives ask for money? ›
Be clear on how much money you're willing to gift or lend. If you're not comfortable being a revolving piggy bank, let your relative know you're willing to help them one time, then they need to find another option. Say, “I am willing to help you; however, I don't want this to happen regularly.
Here are some tips for crafting a polite request for money:
- Be transparent: Be open and honest about your financial situation and your need for money. ...
- Be specific: Be clear about the amount of money you need and the repayment terms. ...
- Show gratitude: ...
- Follow-up: ...
- Respectful:
Be calm and direct if you need to be paid immediately.
Try a calmer approach so your friend feels sympathetic to your situation. For example: "I'm sorry to ask, but I really need the $50 you owe me so I can pay my CC bill. It's due in a week..."
How do you say no when someone asks to borrow money? ›
👉 Explain Your Financial Situation Honestly and Calmly
Say, "I'd really love to help you, but I'm on a tight budget right now, just like you. Sorry, I can't afford to lend you money right now." Such a response doesn't give much detail but clearly states your point without hurting their feelings.
How do I deal with my friends borrowing money? ›
Be direct. Being direct applies to your communication before you loan the money and how you treat the repayment process. If a family member or friend asks you for a large lump sum of money, have an agreement in writing that details how and when the money will be repaid.
How to stop family members from asking for money? ›
3 Nice Ways to Stop Family or Friends from Asking for Money
- Limit how much financial information you share.
- Explain what you are having to sacrifice or compromise.
- Help borrowers find alternative ways to solve their own problem.
Be Firm and Empathetic
It can be uncomfortable when family members continuously ask to borrow money. To handle this situation, take a firm but empathetic approach. Start by setting clear boundaries and communicating your financial situation.
How to respond when family asks for money? ›
Be clear on how much money you're willing to gift or lend. If you're not comfortable being a revolving piggy bank, let your relative know you're willing to help them one time, then they need to find another option. Say, “I am willing to help you; however, I don't want this to happen regularly.
How to politely refuse money from someone? ›
Be honest - "it was nothing", "you don't owe me anything", "I did it because you're a friend", "I'm sure you would do the same for me", etc. If they insist, then you could simply suggest a minor alternative - "buy me a beer" or whatever is culturally appropriate.
How to politely decline due to budget? ›
Keep it simple and positive. Just say something along the lines of, “I'm so sorry to miss out on the fun, but X isn't in my budget right now. But I'm so happy for you, and I'd love to celebrate in another way!”
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