6 Ways to Jump-Start a Relationship (2024)

You may be in a committed romantic relationship that’s lasted for years or even decades, which, in general, seems to be going OK. However, there are times you wish there was more to it than just basic survival. Relationship researchers have puzzled over ways, empirically demonstrated, that can add back in some of the old pizzazz. The field of relationship science is replete with studies that attempt to infuse life back into a couple’s stable but perhaps boring existence, but the formula continues to remain elusive.

Perhaps you have your own ideas about what it would take to go from just OK to fulfilling in your relationship with your partner. You’ve tried “date nights” or just romantic evenings at home, but they only go so far, not enough to bring back the excitement of the old days. Moreover, even if these attempts have achieved temporary reprieve from the ongoing sameness, you still wonder whether being with your partner all this time has added to your personal growth.

Addressing the Problem of Relationship Flourishing

According to University of Queensland’s W. Kim Halford and colleagues (2023), there have been historic shifts in what’s considered a “satisfying” long-term relationship. In the past, it was enough for a couple to feel love for each other while also meeting each other’s psychological needs through satisfactory interactions. As social media and globalization have taken over in more recent years, couples in committed relationships are now becoming exposed to messages about the need to “self-actualize.” As Halford et al. note, “Increasing aspirations for relationship quality are evident in changing reasons for divorce” (p. 156). Feeling that they’re “growing apart” is now overtaking severe marital problems as a cause for breaking up.

The approach that the Australian authors regard as having the best potential to intervene prior to a relationship’s ending involves tackling these deeper, growth-related themes by enhancing a couple’s ability to flourish. By “flourishing,” the authors incorporate both elements of the “hedonic” or feelings of happiness and “eudemonic,” or those that are personal and growth-enhancing. In a flourishing relationship, partners experience “intimacy, growth, and resilience” (p. 156).

The question thus becomes how to revive a flatlined relationship by helping couples find a pathway to these two basic elements that can help them grow as individuals and as partners. Halford and collaborators have developed just such a method over the years, which this latest study seeks to validate.

The 6 Elements of Relationship Education

According to prior work by the U. Queensland authors, couples don’t need to spend years in therapy to get to that higher ground in relationship quality. Instead, their method of relationship education (RE) involves anywhere from 12 to 18 hours of following through a specific curriculum, one that couples can even do on their own, remotely, from home. One clear advantage of such a transportable method is that it can reach couples living in far-flung places, a distinct necessity in rural locations.

Prior work establishing the potential impact of RE has shown promise, but Halford and associates believed it was time to put it to the test with measures of flourishing, not simply relationship satisfaction. Additionally, given that RE is intended for use with couples who aren’t necessarily “distressed,” the authors wished to see if they could benefit those “doing-OK” couples.

Relationship education, as offered by the Australian research group, is called “CoupleCARE” (Couple Communication and Enrichment Program); it is not available to couples but instead must be delivered by a professionally trained educator. However, as described in a prior study (Halford et al., 2004), you can read its six educational components summarized here:

1. Relationship self-change: value of relationship goal-setting, commitment to relationship enhancement, why self-change is important to relationship growth.
2. Communication: effective communication in relationships, self-evaluation of communication.
3. Intimacy and caring: importance of expression of affection, social support, and positive shared activities, reviewing current affection, supporting the partner, and engaging in shared activities.
4. Managing differences: review of the positive effect of differences (cultural and otherwise), effective conflict management.
5. Sexuality: common myths about sexual expression, assessment of current sexual behavior in relationship.
6. Managing life changes: impact of life events on relationships, assessment of likely life changes for couple and what effects these might have, review of how to maintain a relationship focus in a busy life.

As you can see, these six elements involve both education and assessment of one’s own relationship. Additionally, steps two through six also include a self-change plan so that each partner can think about how they can contribute to the growth of the relationship as an individual.

The sample in the 2023 study consisted of 26 couples of women partnered with men; all had been married or living together for an average of eight years, and they averaged about 34 years in age. The research team assigned each couple to a CoupleCARE educator, gave them workbooks and an accompanying DVD, and provided them with online access to the study questionnaires used to evaluate the method’s effectiveness before and after the intervention. The three measures included a standard relationship satisfaction index and two measures of flourishing—one primarily hedonic and the other both hedonic and eudemonic.

Although there was no control group, the authors evaluated their pre-post intervention method through a rigorous statistical model. The findings clearly demonstrated favorable effects of the RE program on both measures of flourishing, an improvement not seen in the traditional relationship satisfaction index. Supporting previous work, then, RE seemed to have its intended effects of helping couples develop both personal and relationship growth.

Noting the limitations of a lack of a control group, the authors nevertheless maintain that, if replicated in controlled studies, their program had its effects due to the fact that it “uniquely explores the idea of relationship standards, which are beliefs about what behaviors are necessary to have a high-quality couple relationship." The self-change element also importantly figures into this program. Through this step, couples can “set, implement and evaluate their own goals for change."

Using RE to Help Your Relationship’s Flourishing

Given that this program is intended to be offered via an established relationship educator, it is still possible to derive some takeaways from this important study. You have now seen the six elements that the U. Queensland team has shown to help promote a flourishing relationship, both in terms of each individual and the relationship itself. Think about how you might approach your own relationship from these six perspectives.

A second lesson from the study is that the mere fact that you and your partner think about these issues together can be beneficial in and of itself. The authors note that their couples may have benefited from spending 12 hours doing nothing but working on their relationship. Imagine if you devoted even half that time to the six topic areas covered by their program.

Finally, the emphasis on self-change goals can help you develop a sense of personal responsibility for helping your relationship flourish. Thinking again about each of the six areas, how well are you doing, and what goals might you set for yourself?

To sum up, a relationship can flourish for many reasons. The six areas identified by Halford et al. can give you a valuable starting point for setting your own pathway to fulfillment.

Facebook image: Tijana Simic/Shutterstock

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