1. Am I conning myself out of time?
Urging someone to decide instantly is a classic trick of advertisers, scam artists, and toxic people alike: “Act now! This opportunity won’t last!” Why use the same technique on ourselves? Most of the time, in our everyday lives, we don’t need to make decisions immediately. According to psychologist Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winner in economic sciences, we have two different thought systems: one that’s fast and intuitive, and another that’s slow and analytical. The fast system is practical, and crucial in an emergency. But it also tends to be more prone to error. The slower thought system tends to produce better decisions. Evaluate what is and isn’t really urgent, then go the slow analytical route: Bounce it off trusted people, concept-map the various options. Think it through—if not at your leisure, then at a pace that allows you to think.
2. Who haven’t I thought of asking?
So, the maple tree in your yard is looking a little droopy. You know you’re supposed to ask a tree expert or at least google their YouTube advice. But it can also help to ask the unexpected people who might be affected by whatever decision you make, or who are, when you think about it, stakeholders themselves. Take a note from the trees themselves, and the way they share messages about both hazards and nutrition through their root. Who can you gather information from—the boss of your local community garden? Your neighbor who has lived on the block since the Carter administration? Your mom’s wacky friend who claims she can talk to plants? It’s worth a shot.
3. Am I too stressed to do my best thinking?
I know someone who, after going through a lot of life-altering choices—a job switch, a divorce, a move—had a total panic attack about what kind of mouse traps to buy at the hardware store, only to grab every single one off the shelf, pointlessly spending way too much. (Okay, fine; it was me.) This makes sense: Research has shown that decision-making is harder (and more stressful) when you‘re stressed.
“There’s a difference between anxious choices and thoughtful choices,” says Kathleen Smith, therapist and author of Everything Isn’t Terrible. She suggests distinguishing between the two by asking yourself, “Is this my best thinking, or is this just a way to calm things down as quickly as possible? So many of our choices are about relieving the anxiety of the moment, but they contradict our best thinking about what we value and who we want to be,” Smith says. “For example, am I ignoring a voicemail or an email because I’m setting good boundaries? Or am I doing it simply because that person makes me feel anxious?” If there’s a decision in front of you but you’re also deeply stressed about a million other things, consider that. And maybe refocus on the bigger priority.
4. Do I have enough information—or is this about the sparkles of possibility?
Sometimes, choices are about the facts. Which airline tickets are both convenient and inexpensive? Which school has the services your child needs? But sometimes, choices aren’t really about the facts. Will that new job actually feel more sparkly in your brain than your old job? Really hard to research that one! In these cases, you need to rely on your gut instinct. The good news? Researchers found that go-with-your-gut decisions about things like jobs or big life changes tend to work out well. An intuitive decision-making process often allows for a little more risk, which can reap big rewards.
5. Is this a one- or two-way street?
Decision fatigue is a well-documented phenomenon. If you’ve used all your decision-making energy comparing yogurt labels at lunch time, you’re not going to think as clearly when your partner wants to plan for vacation after dinner. But do we really need to agonize over every little choice? “I think it’s important to know that fewer decisions are as important as we may think,” notes Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life.
“I like thinking of decisions like streets. There are one-way and two-way streets. Most decisions are two-way streets; if things don’t go the way you expected. you can just turn around and go back. Some decisions, like having a child, are one-way streets. My advice is to spend more time really thinking through the one-way-street decisions and spend less time worrying about the small stuff.” When it comes to the smaller choices, like what to wear or what to eat, think about how much you can automate. Make like Steve Jobs and black turtleneck it. Use a set menu for dinner—what’s not to like about Taco Tuesdays? Then you’ll have cognitive energy left for more important things.
