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It’s finally happened; you’ve found the person that gives your life more meaning. You wake up every day excited because it’s another day that you get to spend with your person. Beautiful, loving relationships are the greatest things in the world, so they should be handled with care.
Once you’ve found yourself in that forever partnership, it’s important that you keep it vibrant and respect its magnitude in your life. There are many things that you can do to make your relationship strong and loving, but the list of things you shouldn’t do is more compact.
By avoiding just a handful of unacceptable behaviors in a relationship, you can be sure that the person who has opened up the door to such happiness in your life won’t close it on you abruptly. Avoiding the following unacceptable behaviors will keep that loving, meaningful relationship alive.
What is unacceptable behavior in a relationship?
Unacceptable behavior in a relationship can take many forms, but ultimately it is anything that violates the rights, dignity, or well-being of one or both partners. This can include physical abuse, emotional manipulation, verbal harassment, controlling behaviors, cheating, lying, disrespect, and any form of discrimination.
As a relationship & empowerment mentor, Dionne Eleanor shares:
A healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down. It inspires you to be better.
It is important for individuals in a relationship to set boundaries and communicate their needs and expectations clearly to their partner while also respecting the boundaries and needs of their partner. Any behavior that compromises these principles should not be tolerated.
What are some examples of unacceptable behavior in a relationship?
Unacceptable behavior in a relationship includes any action or behavior that violates the rights and boundaries of the other person, causes harm or distress, or undermines trust and respect in the relationship.
Unacceptable behavior examples can include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, manipulation, control, lying, cheating, disrespecting boundaries, ignoring or invalidating feelings, belittling or demeaning, and refusing to take responsibility for one’s actions. Any behavior that threatens the safety, well-being, or dignity of the other person is unacceptable in a relationship.
5 types of unacceptable behavior in a relationship
Let’s understand in detail what all behavior can be counted as unacceptable while in a relationship. Keep reading.
Keeping secrets
One of the foundations of a strong relationship is trust. You don’t need to read an article or watch Dr. Phil to know that. We all know and have felt both ends of the spectrum of trust.
When you believe in someone and trust them with everything, it’s an incredible feeling. You feel secure. You feel cared for. You feel at peace. The opposite end of the spectrum tells a different story.
We’ve all known someone—a friend, a family member, a coworker—that we couldn’t trust at all. When you don’t trust someone, you have to tread lightly as you interact with them. You know that at any given moment, they may pull the rug out from under you, leaving you hurt and exposed.
In order for your relationship to work, you need to commit to establishing a trustworthy atmosphere. If there are secrets that you’re keeping to yourself, you are playing a dangerous game.
Whether it’s a financial, relational, or personal secret you’re holding onto, you are just waiting for it to taint the quality of your relationship. If you hold onto it for too long, you’ll be consciously aware that you can’t be trusted, and you won’t be able to be your best in the relationship.
If your secret is revealed by accident, your trusting relationship with your partner will be broken. There’s no winning formula to the secret game.
Avoiding tough conversations
Maybe you didn’t want to share your secret with your spouse because it would be an incredibly uncomfortable conversation. Guess what? The more time you let that secret fester, the more uncomfortable that conversation will be. It’s best that you address those tough conversations up front.
Put your feelings out in the open and have a compassionate exchange with your partner about what needs to change to keep the love alive. If there’s something that’s bothering you, you need to take responsibility for that emotion and present it in a kind way.
I’m not suggesting that you bring an arsenal of attitude and discontent to the discussion; it’s only going to be productive if you frame your concern in a way that supports your relationship.
Unspoken resentment is just as toxic to your relationship as any secret you choose to keep. Be open and honest with each other sooner rather than later.
Having an affair: Physical or emotional
We all know that having a physical affair while in a committed relationship is no good. It’s rule #1 in the monogamy handbook. If you commit to spending your life with someone, with rings and a ceremony or not, it’s imperative that you protect that commitment with all that you have.
What is possibly more dangerous than a physical affair, however, is that of the emotional kind. Your “work wife” or your “boardroom boyfriend” may seem like innocent friendships, but be careful.
If you’re sharing more, caring more, and showing up more positively for the person that isn’t your wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend, you may be bringing a slow end to your relationship at home.
As you grow closer to the person you work with or that woman you see on the subway every day, you are creating more distance between you and your partner.
You’ll feel that distance, but more importantly, so will they. Once you drift too far apart, it will be extremely difficult to pull it back together. Be careful with your relationships outside of the one that is most important to you.
Keeping score
“I did the dishes, the laundry, and took the kids to school today. What have you done?”
Are you keeping a mental scoreboard in your head of all the things you do for your love? If you are, then you are derailing one of the best things you can have in your life.
When you start to see the daily things you do for your partner as transactions of “i’ve done” vs. “you’ve done”, it degrades the value of the tasks you complete. No longer are you acting out of love and kindness?
You’re acting out of one-upmanship. When your courtship turns into a competition, it’s going to be hard to keep both parties happy.
Holding grudges
This links back to having tough, productive conversations within your relationship. As stated above, these conversations are important because it allows for both parties’ voices to be heard and understood. What is equally important is to walk away from those conversations with closure on the subject.
If you were speaking to your partner about something they said that hurt your feelings, that exchange should be the last time it comes up. Use the conversation to air out how you’re feeling and make sure they understand your point of view.
Once you resolve the issue, you should move past it. If you keep it around for ammo in a future argument, you’re just as bad as your partner for the initial stinging remark. Not only that but holding that grudge is only going to increase your level of resentment toward the person you care about the most.
Have a tough conversation, resolve the issue, and move on. Letting the hurt and anger linger is going to spell disaster for the long-term health of the relationship.
These five behaviors need to be avoided at all costs if you want your relationship to last. You shouldn’t accept them from your partner, and I guarantee they won’t accept them from you.
More honesty, fewer secrets. More forgiveness, less resentment. Make them feel your love, don’t let them have to figure it out, it’s still there. Make your relationship the best it can be.
Related Reading: How Holding Grudges Affect Relationships and Ways to Let GoHere’s how you can beat the bitterness in life. Watch this video for thoughtful tips:
10 situations that are unacceptable in any relationship
What is unacceptable in a relationship?
In any relationship, there are certain situations that are unacceptable and can damage the bond between two people. These behaviors can range from emotional abuse to physical violence, and they can have serious consequences on the health and well-being of both partners.
Here are ten situations that are unacceptable in any relationship:
Physical abuse
Any act of physical violence, including hitting, slapping, punching, or kicking, is completely unacceptable and can cause serious injury and trauma.
Related Reading:
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is toxic relationship behavior. This can take many forms, including verbal attacks, manipulation, and gaslighting. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse and can cause long-lasting mental health issues.
Sexual abuse
This includes any unwanted sexual advances, coercion, or assault. It can cause physical and emotional trauma and is a serious violation of a person’s boundaries.
Control and manipulation
When one partner seeks to control the other’s behavior, thoughts, or emotions, an unacceptable relationship can lead to a toxic and unbalanced equation. Obsessive behavior in a relationship can lead to long-term emotional scars.
Infidelity
Cheating on a partner is a breach of trust and can cause significant emotional pain and damage to the relationship.
Disrespecting boundaries
Each person in a relationship has the right to set boundaries, and violating those boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment, mistrust, and harm.
Gaslighting
This is a form of emotional abuse where one partner denies the other’s reality, causing confusion, self-doubt, and isolation.
Related Reading: 15 Signs of Gaslighting in Relationships and How to Deal With ItBelittling or demeaning behavior
When one partner constantly puts the other down, insults them, or undermines their confidence, it can lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship.
Refusal to take responsibility
Unacceptable behavior from a husband or wife can take the form of a partner being unmoved over serious issues.
When one partner consistently refuses to take responsibility for their actions or blames the other person for their problems, it can create a toxic and unbalanced dynamic.
Ignoring or invalidating feelings
When one partner constantly dismisses or ignores the other’s emotions, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and resentment.
As Dionne Eleanor explains:
Respect, trust, and mutual understanding form the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, certain behaviors can erode this foundation and create toxicity within the partnership.
Related Reading: What is Emotional Validation and Why Is so Important for Couples in a RelationshipHow do you deal with unacceptable behavior in a relationship?
Dealing with unacceptable behavior in a relationship can be a challenging and emotional experience. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate clearly with your partner about what you are willing and unwilling to accept in the relationship. Here are some steps you can take:
- Take time to reflect on the specific behavior that are causing harm and be clear about what you will not tolerate.
- Express your feelings clearly and assertively without attacking or blaming your partner. Use “I” statements to communicate how the behavior makes you feel.
- Be clear about what behavior is unacceptable and set boundaries for yourself. This could involve taking a break from the relationship or seeking professional help.
- Speak to friends, family, or a professional for support and guidance.
- If the behavior continues despite your efforts, you may need to consider ending the relationship for your safety and well-being.
How do you tell your partner their behavior is not okay?
How do you tell your partner that their behavior is unacceptable?
When telling your partner their behavior is not okay, it’s important to approach the conversation calmly and respectfully. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior makes you feel, and be specific about how their behavior is causing you harm.
Avoid attacking or blaming your partner, and be open to listening to their perspective. Set clear boundaries and communicate what you need from them in order to move forward. Remember, communication is key in any relationship and open, honest dialogue is essential to resolving conflicts.
There’s no excuse for unacceptable behavior
Any of the situations that can come under unacceptable behavior in a relationship should be taken into immediate consideration. If needed, feel free to seek relationship counseling.
Both partners need to be aware of unhealthy behaviors and work together to create a healthy, supportive, and respectful relationship.
If you are experiencing an unhealthy relationship dynamic, it’s important to obtain some advice & help from a trusted friend or professional to get the support you need to heal and move forward.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to fix your partner’s behavior or to tolerate unacceptable behavior. You have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own safety and well-being in any relationship.
